by Ms. V. (South Korea) | Feb 3, 2015 | 2015, World Voice
A few months ago I was at the park with my 3-year old and my 4-month old baby. I was wearing the baby and she was breastfeeding when my son asked if I could push him on the swing. I told him I’d do it as soon as the baby was done. He sighed the heavy sigh of a firstborn who is now forced to share his mother’s attention and then entertained himself by laying his belly onto the swing seat and twisting round and round. A man from our neighborhood was walking by and offered to push him on the swing, which thrilled him, and within seconds my boy was blissfully swinging while I looked on in gratitude to the man whose name I do not know, but who I exchange greetings with on an almost daily basis.
Another mother at the park looked on this same scene with absolute horror. She couldn’t believe I was allowing this man to push my son on the swing. You see the man from our neighborhood does not have a home. He is a member of the transient population that gathers in and near the park closest to our house…
He has never been anything but kind to me and my children, has never been threatening in any way, and I have always assumed he had access to a nearby shelter at least some of the time because his person and his clothing are always quite clean. He seems to have trouble communicating verbally so we communicate through very exaggerated gestures. He’d offered to push my son through a series of such gestures that I easily understood and I gave consent both verbally and with a giant nod of my head and smile.
Photo Credit: Flickr
I was taken aback by the mother’s reaction to the situation and later I beat myself up that I hadn’t been more vocal in my own defense. I should have said more. I should have figured out a kind and non-shaming way to ask her if she would have thought me so irresponsible if I had asked her, a total stranger, to push my kid on the swing. Would she, by virtue of appearing to be a person with a permanent home, have been a more suitable swing-pusher? As it was, I almost apologetically explained that he was not a stranger to us and that I wasn’t concerned.
Like a lot of parents, I read with great interest about the parents here in the US who were under investigation for allowing their 6 and 10-year old children to walk about a mile home from the park. No matter your opinion about whether the parents were wrong or right, or whether the police either overreacted or didn’t do enough, or what you think about Free-Range Kids, I think we can all agree that there is a lot of fear surrounding our children.
Despite years of decline in violent crimes in the US, and pretty solid proof that our children are in fact growing up in a much safer world than we did, parents seem to be tending toward taking every precaution they can think of to keep their children safe. And to be clear, given the high rates of mental illness among the homeless, I do understand why a parent would be reticent to allow a homeless person to push their kid on the swing. I do not, however, think that being homeless and/or mentally ill should automatically disqualify a person from doing so.
I wonder, how is this culture of fear affecting the world-view of children, especially within the context of being of service to others?
Empathy, or the ability to understand and share the feelings of another, is the ideal motivating factor for service and social good. We do what we can to help others because we understand that it is often merely circumstances that separate us.
As far as I know, the only difference I have with the man in our neighborhood is that I have a home and an ability to communicate verbally. I could assume other things about the differences between us, but I have no other facts. Through interaction and observation and direct experience, I think that he, like me, is living his life with good intentions.
I have found that our willingness to do good for others rises in direct proportion to our belief that it could be us need of help. If we see the world as a place full of scary people out to get us, will we make that leap? If, in an effort to keep our kids safe, we give them the impression that people are not to be trusted, that they are not safe out in the world, how will they learn the critically important ability to stop seeing people as “other” and instead as fundamentally the same as they are?
Treating people as “other” objectifies them, distances them, and makes them and their pain easier to ignore. We cannot tell our children that the world is full of mostly good people with good hearts and good intentions – people just like us – and expect them to believe us if we behave as though this isn’t true, if we treat the homeless man on the street as fundamentally different, or all strangers as potential monsters.
One of the stated goals of the Free-Range Kids movement is to help children learn how to calculate risk. I think parents of my generation would do well to revisit our own abilities to calculate risk. I think we all want to raise kids who do good things in the world and serve others who are less fortunate, not because it makes them look good or because they intellectually know it’s the “right thing” to do, but because they feel and know that we are all more alike than we are different and one day it could very well be us who is less fortunate and in need of a helping hand.
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Ms. V in the USA.
Ms. V returned from a 3-year stint in Seoul, South Korea and is now living in the US in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her partner, their two kids, three ferocious felines, and a dog named Avon Barksdale. She grew up all over the US, mostly along the east coast, but lived in New York City longer than anywhere else, so considers NYC “home.” Her love of travel has taken her all over the world and to all but four of the 50 states.
Ms. V is contemplative and sacred activist, exploring the intersection of yoga, new monasticism, feminism and social change. She is the co-director and co-founder of Samdhana-Karana Yoga: A Healing Arts Center, a non-profit yoga studio and the spiritual director for Hab Community. While not marveling at her beautiful children, she enjoys reading, cooking, and has dreams of one day sleeping again.
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by Susie Newday (Israel) | Jan 28, 2013 | Israel, Parenting, Susie Newday, World Moms Blog, World Motherhood
Something changes with that first cry, that first breath of air, that first glimpse. Something changes with that first realization that things will never ever be the same now that you have bought a life into this world.
I was a young mother, only twenty years old when I gave birth to the first of my five children. Young, but certain I knew everything and certain that my answers and solutions were always correct. I was so right and I was so very wrong. Life was indeed never the same once I became a parent.
Nothing prepares you for the love, the challenges, the joys and the worries that parenthood brings you. As far as being certain that I know everything and have all the answers, the only thing I am now certain of is that I definitely do NOT have all the answers.
Time changes us. Experience changes us. Being a parent definitely changes us.
Today, my eldest son is leaving home. It shouldn’t come as such a shock to me. I have known for 22 years that this day would eventually come. Yet somehow, in what seems like the blink of an eye, the years have flown by and this goodbye has managed to sneak up on me. My son has been growing up for years, slowly changing while growing more self-reliant and responsible. He has made friends, learned things and risen to challenges. (more…)
Susie Newday is a happily-married American-born Israeli mother of five. She is an oncology nurse, blogger and avid amateur photographer.
Most importantly, Susie is a happily married mother of five amazing kids from age 8-24 and soon to be a mother in law. (Which also makes her a chef, maid, tutor, chauffeur, launderer...) Susie's blog, New Day, New Lesson, is her attempt to help others and herself view the lessons life hands all of us in a positive light. She will also be the first to admit that blogging is great free therapy as well. Susie's hope for the world? Increasing kindness, tolerance and love.
You can also follow her Facebook page New Day, New Lesson where she posts her unique photos with quotes as well as gift ideas.
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by Ms. V. (South Korea) | Aug 13, 2012 | Motherhood, Parenting, Single Mother, South Korea, World Motherhood
The month of May in Korea is “family month” and includes Children’s Day and Parents’ Day (as well as Teachers’ Day and Buddha’s birthday). It’s a celebratory time here, especially as it coincides with the mild temperatures and blossoms of spring. These last two years the month of May has also included a much quieter celebration – Single Mothers Day.
To be a single mother in Korea is no small thing. Women who find themselves pregnant out of wedlock are often pressured by their friends and family to have an abortion or to give up their child for adoption. 90% of children who are adopted from Korea are born to single mothers and, unlike in the West, the majority of unwed pregnant mothers in Korea are over the age of 25. The women who choose to keep their children and raise them as single parents are very few and the discrimination they face is astonishing to someone like me who is not from here.
The shame associated with unwed motherhood is not just the burden of the woman to bear. Her parents, her siblings, and her child are all subjected to it as well. It is often kept a secret for as long as possible since the repercussions of people knowing can be dire, including loss of job, home, and social status. Many of these women can no longer live with their families, as is the custom, the disgrace and shame is so great.
This is so interesting to me, coming from a country whose president was raised by a single mother. Single parenthood is by no means considered ideal in the West, but no person, politician or otherwise, would dream of speaking ill of mothers who are working hard to raise a family on their own without fear of immense (and well-deserved) backlash, the prevailing sentiment being: Don’t they have it hard enough? (more…)
Ms. V returned from a 3-year stint in Seoul, South Korea and is now living in the US in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her partner, their two kids, three ferocious felines, and a dog named Avon Barksdale. She grew up all over the US, mostly along the east coast, but lived in New York City longer than anywhere else, so considers NYC “home.” Her love of travel has taken her all over the world and to all but four of the 50 states.
Ms. V is contemplative and sacred activist, exploring the intersection of yoga, new monasticism, feminism and social change. She is the co-director and co-founder of Samdhana-Karana Yoga: A Healing Arts Center, a non-profit yoga studio and the spiritual director for Hab Community. While not marveling at her beautiful children, she enjoys reading, cooking, and has dreams of one day sleeping again.
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by Margie Webb (USA) | Jul 9, 2012 | Life Lesson, Motherhood, Older Children, World Moms Blog, World Motherhood
“I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.” ~~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Lately, I have been avoiding my Facebook feed and deleting people who I realize have views much different from mine. Yes, I am aware that we all have varying opinions on all issues, large and small. However, as the United States Presidential election moves closer, I am reminded of the enormity of the race factor in this country. Hence, I no longer wish to be bombarded on Facebook with hate based words and images.
Despite the fact that an overwhelming number of caucasians voted President Obama in to office, there are still large portions of the population that, without verbally admitting it, are uncomfortable that a black man is in charge of our country. And yes, he is considered black, not biracial, despite the current climate of political correctness. If he wasn’t considered a black man, I highly doubt that the legitimacy of his birth certificate would STILL be a topic of conversation.
Has he been a good President? I can’t say; history will make that distinction for me. Will he be re elected? I hope so, despite the fact that I do not vote. (Another topic, for another day) Has he proven that race should not be the defining characteristic of a person? Sadly, not yet but maybe when my children are grandparents, having a multicultural President will be the norm and not the exception. (more…)
Margie Webb is a forty-something, divorced mom of three biracial sons: Isaiah (25), Caleb (20), and Elijah (6/8/1997 - 7/2/1997) and two bonus sons: Malcolm (5/10/1992 - 10/9/2015) and Marcus (25). She lives in Lafayette,
Louisiana by way of Little Rock, Arkansas, and enjoys traveling, attending the theater, cooking calling the Hogs during Arkansas Razorback football season, spending time with family and friends, and is a crazy cat lady.
In addition to obtaining her Bachelors and Masters degree, she also has a Graduate Certificate in Online Writing Instruction and a National HR Certification through SHRM. She excels in her career as a Human Resources Management professional. Additionally, she has represented World Moms Network as a Digital Reporter at various conferences, including the United Nations Social Good Summit.
Her life has been one big adventure in twists, turns ,extreme lows, and highs. After recently embracing her new lease on life and her identity in the LGBTQ community, she is excited about what is yet to come. She can be found on Twitter@TheHunnyB
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by World Moms Blog | Apr 28, 2012 | Autism, Eva Fannon, Kids, Life Lesson, Motherhood, Salma, Saturday Sidebar, Tara B., World Motherhood
This week’s Saturday Sidebar Question comes from World Moms Blog writer Multitasking Mumma. She asked our writers,
“How do you explain disabilities and mental illness to your children?”
Check out what some of our World Moms had to say…
Meredith of Nigeria writes:
“I tell my children (ages 4 and 6) that God makes everyone differently with their own special gifts. They see lots of disabilities on the streets of Lagos. I tell them that not everyone can be made the same because the world would be SO boring. In that respect, they accept the people they see. So far, that has worked out pretty well. :)” (more…)
World Moms Blog is an award winning website which writes from over 30 countries on the topics of motherhood, culture, human rights and social good. Over 70 international contributors share their stories from around the globe, bonded by the common thread of motherhood and wanting a better world for their children.
World Moms Blog was listed by Forbes Woman as one of the "Best 100 Websites for Women 2012 & 2013" and also called a "must read" by the NY Times Motherlode in 2013. Our Senior Editor in India, Purnima Ramakrishnan, was awarded the BlogHer International Activist Award in 2013.
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