MADAGASCAR: Affected by addiction and raising children

Addiction

I’m the mommy of two boys. I’d love to have a girl, but I’m a bit afraid to give it a try because I’m not sure how to raise a girl. Malagasy women and girls face many challenges, and I’m not sure I’m equipped to teach a girl what to do in order to succeed, or just to survive.

I’m a woman now, but have been a girl too and I know that it’s not easy. I learned this at a very young age while I observed what happened at home. My father (may his soul rest in peace now) had a serious addiction to alcohol, and he used to beat my mother – a lot. My younger brother and I witnessed many fights and abuse. These scenes are printed in my mind forever, though I pretend I’ve forgotten them.

My father drank because he was not happy with his life. He was a skilled musician – he played classical guitar and traverse flute like a god – but he never shined as a recognized virtuoso. He didn’t make much money, and Mom had to work very hard to support our household. I think Dad didn’t like this. He felt emasculated. He felt miserable. Instead of trying to overcome his problems, he drank in order to forget them and took out his anger on my mom.

Violence is such a mystery to me. I was 10 when my parents divorced, and I already knew many things children shouldn’t have to know. My dad died two years after that. He most likely died while drunk. Someone got him to hospital where, because he was unconscious, he couldn’t tell the doctors that he was diabetic. They used inadequate medicines and he died. We only found out the day after. I went to see him at the hospital and when I stared into the empty bed where he was supposed to be, the nurse just told me “The guy who was there died this morning,” without any other comment. Well, okay… Something broke inside of me.

I will not share more details, because I want to spare my mom and my brother. But I will say that the three of us are all survivors of addiction – a silent war millions of people suffer around the world, every day. We all found different ways to overcome it. For me it is hard work and activism, with a particular focus on promoting and defending women’s rights. Adversity shapes our personality in ways we don’t expect. All we have to do is to find enough strength in our hardship in order to rise again.

Now, back to my boys. I would like to find a way to teach them how to respect girls and to grow up to be gentlemen, but I’m not sure I am getting it right. My mind is full of doubt. I’m not self-confident. Motherhood is an amazing, yet terrifying, adventure. Am I a good model for them? Should I tell them this horrible story of growing up affected by addiction, so that they can understand what I mean? How do we raise good boys and girls? I don’t have the answers but expect some from you, fellow mothers….

It feels good to share my story, sad though it may be. Writing is like therapy for me. Girls deserve better and everyone must do their part in order to improve the situation. Silence is not a solution. We have to stand against injustice at every opportunity. Whatever your fight is, and whoever you are, I m standing with you to say RESIST, HOLD ON, better days are ahead!

This is an original post for World Moms Blog by Ketakandriana Rafitoson, our new contributor from Madagascar.

Photo courtesy of David Goehring / Flickr.

GUEST POST: UNITED KINGDOM: “Raising Girls”

Best FriendsRecently, I attended a book launch in Bristol, England for, the book, “Raising Girls” by Steve Biddulph.  Steve Biddulph is a child psychologist and family therapist who has spent the last 30 years publicly speaking to over 130,000 parents about boys.  His books are in 4 million homes and have been translated into 31 languages.  Steve believed the subject of boys to be his life’s work and that girls were going “great guns,” but several years ago began to notice that girlhood has literally become a nightmare.

Steve believes that young women are in the middle of a mental health crisis with eating disorders, cutting, bullying, anxiety and depression affecting one in five girls. In addition, La Trobe University, which carries out a study of adolescent sexuality every six years, has shown that in 2008 the percentage of 17 year olds that had slept with three or more partners had doubled in six years.  Over 30 years, this group had grown from about four per cent to twenty per cent of all girls and shows no sign of slowing down.

Girls have lost four years of their childhood.   The pressures we dealt with at 18, they are now battling with at 14.  The trouble being that 14 year old girls are not equipped with the emotional tools to deal with these types of problems. Girls are trying to look together, but really they are struggling. (more…)

World Moms Blog

World Moms Blog is an award winning website which writes from over 30 countries on the topics of motherhood, culture, human rights and social good. Over 70 international contributors share their stories from around the globe, bonded by the common thread of motherhood and wanting a better world for their children. World Moms Blog was listed by Forbes Woman as one of the "Best 100 Websites for Women 2012 & 2013" and also called a "must read" by the NY Times Motherlode in 2013. Our Senior Editor in India, Purnima Ramakrishnan, was awarded the BlogHer International Activist Award in 2013.

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PENNSYLVANIA, USA: Addiction: With Love, Mom.

While growing up, I never knew I was “different.”  OK, I knew that my household wasn’t exactly the Brady Brunch, but I had no idea how “different” I truly was.

As a little girl, I was certain about only a handful of things: 1) my father was always present, my mother was not.  2) My father easily forgave us, my mother did not. 3) My father always remembered the things I needed, my mother did not.

My mother was an alcoholic. Ahhh yes, I said it. No shame … no embarrassment … at age “thirty-something,” it is just a fact. (more…)

Twinmom112 (USA)

Born on the West Coast, my parents quickly came back to their roots on the East Coast, and so the “Jersey Girl” stigma was put upon me. I spent the first part of my childhood in Northern New Jersey – but eventually settled in Central Jersey, where I will live for the next 25 years! Even branching out to attend college at West Virginia University – I still found myself surrounded by “Jersey” – some things you just can’t get away from!

I was married at 27, and my husband and I transitioned from New Jersey to Pennsylvania. After building our house and getting acclimated to our “new home,” starting a family was definitely our next step. Unfortunately, we never anticipated the journey we would embark on. For the next 3 years, our introduction to the world of infertility was something that we never expected! Growing-up, I just assumed that when I was “ready” to be a mother … I would. Something greater than me had other plans!

After an intense time of highs and lows – we got the greatest news ever! On May 24th, 2005 it was confirmed – parenting twins would be the next stage of our lives. And so it began…I never imaged, for one second, I would be the mother to twin daughters! Today, like most parents, “juggling” is a word I use often! I attempt to “juggle” my full-time job as the Sales and Marketing Director for a catering venue with my job as a mother.

Together with my husband and our families – we make it work! I am so proud to be a part of World Moms Blog. I believe that the lessons I can learn from other mothers are invaluable. I couldn’t be happier to be a part of such a wonderful community of mothers!

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