by Ms. V. (South Korea) | Feb 11, 2014 | 2014, Korea, Moving, Pregnancy, World Moms Blog, World Motherhood, World Voice
After several very happy years here in Seoul, we are returning stateside. As I reflect on our time here and the coming transitions ahead I am feeling a bit anxious, a bit sad, and quite sentimental. I’m digging deep, hoping to find some excitement in there too, but so far no luck.
The day we left Seattle and moved to Asia we showed up at the airport with four large bags, three cats, and one golden retriever. I’m sure adding the 32-week pregnant weepy lady to the mix and the concerned husband trying to keep us all together, we were quite a sight to behold.
This time, we’ll be showing up with some more large bags, three cats, one toddler, and yet again, a weepy pregnant lady, this time 28 weeks pregnant.
Apparently I am destined to only move to the other side of the world while very pregnant.
Like everywhere else in the world, there is a lot to love about Korea as well as a lot of room for improvement, but it will always hold a special spot in my heart as it is where my husband and I first became parents. Being so far away from our families and friends as we made that huge transition was both challenging, and freeing. It was hard, but we had lots of space to make mistakes and figure out who we were, and who we wanted to be in those roles with no outside, though well-meaning, pressure or advice. That was and is priceless.
Seoul is an incredibly comfortable place to live. It’s a massive city with every amenity you could ever imagine and many that you couldn’t. (Cat café, anyone?) There is abundant, affordable, and efficient public transit, the streets are clean and safe, and you could never run out of things to do and see.
The things I will miss most:
Accommodation of and attitudes towards children. Probably partially due to the low birth rate and partially to the deeply emphasized culture of family, children are valued here in a way that I have never witnessed elsewhere. Thoughtful amenities for mothers and small children abound. There are public nursery spaces in department stores, train stations, bus stations, and elsewhere that offer clean and comfortable places to change a diaper, feed a hungry baby, or lay one down for a nap. Beyond this there is a general attitude of celebration and excitement surrounding babies, even if they are cranky and loud. I’ve never gotten anything other than sympathy and supportive offers of help when I’ve been out and about with a crying baby. Children have their own holiday here, Children’s Day, and it is a very big deal. The phrase “it takes a village” to raise a child is one that seems to be taken to heart here.
The greater good is more important than individual. This one can be a double-edged sword, obviously, but it is, in my humble opinion, the secret to the rapid economic growth and progress that Korea has seen in the last 50 years. Koreans take a great deal of pride in their “all for one and one for all” attitude and they have a lot to show for it: a 97% literacy rate; some of the highest test scores in the world in reading, math, and the sciences; a low unemployment rate; and national health insurance. This means Koreans have access to health care, quality education, and work at greater rates than many other developed countries. The value of this cannot be underestimated. Again, there are two sides to every coin, but for someone like me, coming from a country that focuses more on the rights of the individual this has been an interesting thing to observe. It reminds me of how my grandparents used to describe the American spirit during and immediately after WWII.
The food. Oh how I could go on and on about the food. Korean food is just amazing. It is simple, mostly healthful, colorful, and delicious. I will miss it terribly.
The things I’m looking forward to:
Friends and family. While it has been nice to have our space as we became parents, we’ve also deeply missed our loved ones. To have them closer, to be able to visit more frequently, will be a very welcome change. Especially with a new baby on the way! I have no idea what it’s like to have a new baby and have friends and family at the ready to offer help, food, shoulders to cry on, and ears for listening.
The food. Ok, so I love Korean food but I’m also going to love having easy access to all the old familiar and favorite ingredients. I’ve learned to do without in the years we’ve been here, but I’m pretty darn excited about easily getting my hands on pretty much anything I want.
Green, green, green. Speaking of double-edged swords, the rain in the Pacific Northwest may be a particular challenge to my constitution, but the luscious green it brings with it cannot be ignored. I love Seoul and I love big cities in general, but I am looking forward to that crisp mountain air, the beauty and peacefulness of Puget Sound, and all those evergreens.
As we slowly pack our things and make preparations for our departure, I feel so very grateful to have experienced this culture, which is so completely different to the one I was born into. The thing I have learned first and foremost is the abiding truth that humans are all much more alike than they are different.
Korean culture is valuable on it’s own, of course, but seen more generally in contrast to Western culture, it has given me an opportunity to observe a very different way of approaching society and the world in general. The way societies choose to organize themselves offers deep insights into what they value most. As with everything, these values are constantly changing and I look forward to being a keen observer of both Eastern and Western values as I age. Both have much to learn from each other and a balance between the two seems to me to be ideal. I’d like to see a deep and abiding commitment to the family structure without preset ideas of who and what makes a valid family; an emphasis on the common good that also allows for free expression and individuality; a high value placed on education and literacy that does not put undue pressure on students to seek perfection. I could go on but I will end here by saying that I look forward to incorporating the best of both cultures into my life and family, as a start.
I’ll be writing again from our new home in Washington State, once we get settled. In the meantime, be well!
This is an original post to World Moms Blog.
Have you ever lived abroad? What are the things you miss about where you were or home?
Ms. V returned from a 3-year stint in Seoul, South Korea and is now living in the US in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her partner, their two kids, three ferocious felines, and a dog named Avon Barksdale. She grew up all over the US, mostly along the east coast, but lived in New York City longer than anywhere else, so considers NYC “home.” Her love of travel has taken her all over the world and to all but four of the 50 states.
Ms. V is contemplative and sacred activist, exploring the intersection of yoga, new monasticism, feminism and social change. She is the co-director and co-founder of Samdhana-Karana Yoga: A Healing Arts Center, a non-profit yoga studio and the spiritual director for Hab Community. While not marveling at her beautiful children, she enjoys reading, cooking, and has dreams of one day sleeping again.
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by Ms. V. (South Korea) | Aug 27, 2013 | 2013, Human Rights, N. Korea, South Korea, Uncategorized, World Voice
Photo by Ms. V
The third week of August here in Seoul brought some extreme heat, some sun after weeks of monsoon rain, and the first ever United Nations Commission of Inquiry into human rights abuses by North Korea.
The hearings were held at a local university and while the accounts were harrowing – beatings, killings, starvation – they were nothing we haven’t heard before. For some, the fact that the UN was officially holding these hearings was a hopeful sign that the international community is poised to act on behalf of the millions of North Koreans living under that repressive regime. For others, these hearings carry little, if any, weight at all. After all, what will more talking about abuses that have been going on for three generations of the Kim family rule do to stop them?
What I found most surprising about the hearings was the almost complete lack of interest in them here in Seoul. They were very sparsely attended, journalists being the bulk of those in attendance. As an outsider, it is very challenging to understand the complicated relationship that Koreans from the south have with Koreans from the north.
In the period immediately after the war, and for a few decades after, defectors were hailed as heroes and national treasures and were taken care of by the South Korean state. Somewhere along the road, though, attitudes began to shift. As more and more defectors made their way to South Korea, the government changed its policies for handling these North Koreans and South Korean citizens began to see them, not as heroes, but at best a nuisance and at worst a problem.
One must understand the vast differences that exist between these two countries occupying the same peninsula. North Korean defectors are shorter, less healthy, and far less educated, if at all.
Their language and speech patterns are different and they struggle to assimilate into the very fast-paced and highly technology-dependent life in the South. It is not uncommon for South Koreans to believe that North Koreans are lazy drunks and to feel embarrassed by their very existence.
The framework of Confucianism almost always provides some clarity to the cultural nuances that I don’t understand. In this case, the Confucian preoccupation with the “right way” creates an environment where differences, rather than being celebrated, are focused on and seen as inherently bad. There does not appear to be any room in the South Korean culture for an appreciation of the difference in language or mannerisms of the North Korean escapees.
Source: Wikimedia Commons
This focus on uniformity and a belief that there is one right way to do everything is apparent throughout Korean culture, and while I have observed it many times and in various situations, its application to the situation with the North Korean defectors is hard for me to wrap my brain around.
As an outsider and a guest in this country – which I must say has been mostly warm and welcoming to me and my family and a very comfortable place for us to live – my perspective is admittedly limited. Bur from where I stand, I see the heartbreaking reality that those who are courageous enough to do what is necessary to flee North Korea and make it to the south have a largely uphill battle.
South Koreans cannot undo what has been done to those in the north. They cannot erase the trauma or the long-term effects of malnutrition and suppression. What they can do is put an end to the discrimination.
Differences are often threatening at first glance, especially when they are a result of something as terrible as war. Yet, all differences are opportunities for enrichment and growth. It is a shame that the current generation of Koreans is paying for the choices of previous generations and the problem of managing the current flow of defectors, not to mention what would happen were the two Koreas to unite, is beyond overwhelming.
This we know – the North Korean regime is guilty of human rights abuses. The North Koreans who make it to the south have suffered enough and defecting is only the beginning of their very hard road in life. Hopefully the South Korean government and people can create policies that help and cultivate attitudes that heal.
This is an original post to World Moms Blog written by our South Korean contributor Ms. V.
Did you follow the news of the hearings this past week?
For more information about the challenges faced by North Korean defectors, you may want to read this report compiled by CrisisGroup.org
Ms. V returned from a 3-year stint in Seoul, South Korea and is now living in the US in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her partner, their two kids, three ferocious felines, and a dog named Avon Barksdale. She grew up all over the US, mostly along the east coast, but lived in New York City longer than anywhere else, so considers NYC “home.” Her love of travel has taken her all over the world and to all but four of the 50 states.
Ms. V is contemplative and sacred activist, exploring the intersection of yoga, new monasticism, feminism and social change. She is the co-director and co-founder of Samdhana-Karana Yoga: A Healing Arts Center, a non-profit yoga studio and the spiritual director for Hab Community. While not marveling at her beautiful children, she enjoys reading, cooking, and has dreams of one day sleeping again.
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by Ms. V. (South Korea) | May 21, 2013 | 2013, Human Rights, Humanity, International, Korea, N. Korea, South Korea, World Moms Blog, World Voice
As the world watches and wonders what, if anything, is going to transpire as a result of North Korea’s recent threats against South Korea and the US, we sit here in Seoul going about life as usual. Indeed if it weren’t for the international news coverage, I could have easily remained blissfully unaware of what our neighbor to the north has been up to these past few weeks.
Perhaps because they are used to it, or perhaps because stopping everything is simply not an option, South Koreans continue on with life. I suspect it’s a combination of the two. If there is a great deal of fear about the threats, it is not apparent. There seems to be more of a sense of annoyance that we have to play out this charade once again. It is incredibly frustrating that North Korea can set a whole region of the world on edge with these oft-repeated promises of obliteration. (more…)
Ms. V returned from a 3-year stint in Seoul, South Korea and is now living in the US in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her partner, their two kids, three ferocious felines, and a dog named Avon Barksdale. She grew up all over the US, mostly along the east coast, but lived in New York City longer than anywhere else, so considers NYC “home.” Her love of travel has taken her all over the world and to all but four of the 50 states.
Ms. V is contemplative and sacred activist, exploring the intersection of yoga, new monasticism, feminism and social change. She is the co-director and co-founder of Samdhana-Karana Yoga: A Healing Arts Center, a non-profit yoga studio and the spiritual director for Hab Community. While not marveling at her beautiful children, she enjoys reading, cooking, and has dreams of one day sleeping again.
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