CANADA: What Kind Of Mother Am I?

CANADA: What Kind Of Mother Am I?

A few years ago, I went on a retreat for moms of kids with disabilities. I remember being a little skeptical when I signed up: the word “retreat” conjured up mental images of doing yoga, eating nothing but root vegetables, and spending great swathes of time alone in the great outdoors (which is not bad in itself, but it was winter and freezing cold, and the retreat was on the shores of a lake).

The reality turned out to be very different. About twenty of us spent the weekend doing journaling exercises and talking about our lives and the things that were making us feel overwhelmed.

Our stories were all very different, but a common theme ran through all of our narratives: all of us were fantastic at taking care of our families, but we were hopeless at taking care of ourselves.

We were all so caught up in our roles as special needs parents that we never had the time to just be.

A few days ago, while I was frantically scrabbling for the notes I needed to meet a deadline for a client, I came across my scribbled notes from that weekend. The notes included a journal exercise, in which we were asked to write as many sentences as we could that started with the phrase, “I am the kind of mother that…”

It was quite an insightful exercise, and it was quite cathartic. It helped me identify those little gold nuggets that make parenting truly special, as well as the more difficult aspects that needed to be acknowledged and, where possible, changed. Here are the sentences that I came up with, many of which are still true today.

I am the kind of mother that…

…feels guilty about all of the hours she spends working instead of being with her children.

…yells in frustration when things get overwhelming.

…does most of the chores around the house, just so they get done, even though it is exhausting.

…goes to sleep too late and wakes up too early.

…snaps at strangers who stare and say rude things.

…tries to see the positive in even the worst situations.

…takes care of everyone before herself, even though she has her own needs that go unmet.

…blames herself when things go wrong.

…hugs the kids anytime they want, day or night.

…never sends the kids to bed when there is anger or sadness.

…tries hard to be an advocate for her kids in the school system.

…worries about whether her kids are eating healthily enough.

…pretends she needs to pee, just to get a couple of minutes alone.

…sometimes longs for the kids’ bedtime.

…sometimes cleans up the kids’ messes because it’s easier than trying to make them do it themselves.

How would you finish that sentence? What are some of the things that shape your life as a mother?

This is an original post to World Moms Network by Kirsten Doyle. Photo credit to the author.

Kirsten Doyle (Canada)

Kirsten Doyle was born in South Africa. After completing university, she drifted for a while and finally washed up in Canada in 2000. She is Mom to two boys who have reached the stage of eating everything in sight (but still remaining skinny). Kirsten was a computer programmer for a while before migrating into I.T. project management. Eventually she tossed in the corporate life entirely in order to be a self-employed writer and editor. She is now living her best life writing about mental health and addictions, and posting videos to two YouTube channels. When Kirsten is not wrestling with her kids or writing up a storm, she can be seen on Toronto's streets putting many miles onto her running shoes. Every year, she runs a half-marathon to benefit children with autism, inspired by her older son who lives life on the autism spectrum. Final piece of information: Kirsten is lucky enough to be married to the funniest guy in the world. Connect with her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Be sure to check out her YouTube channels at My Gen X Life and Word Salad With Coffee!

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World Moms Blog Hosts Editor Retreat

World Moms Blog Hosts Editor Retreat

Path Less Followed By

This weekend World Moms Blog editors met in person and on Skype to work on our organization’s strategic plan.  Senior Editor, Elizabeth Atalay of Documama, hosted Kyla P’an of Growing Muses and myself in Rhode Island, USA, where we had a packed agenda full of brainstorming, organizing, meetings and calls with our international counterparts around the world.

Before we had even put the pedal to the metal and got started, we received news from India that our site had been featured in the Times of India on Mother’s Day and topped the list of online resources for mothers. That was the perfect morning rally we needed going into a full day of strategic planing and global meetings!

First, Kudos to Senior Editor, Kyla P’an, who made us peg down a weekend for the planning session. Kyla joined World Moms Blog as an editor in 2011 when I went on “maternity leave” with my, now, 3-year old.  Like Senior Editors, Eva Fannon, Kirsten Doyle and Purnima Ramakrishnan, she’s been editing weekly with us ever since. To have such a rock solid, committed team behind our site has been critical for our survival…and our sanity. 🙂

We started off our retreat on Friday night with a bonding dinner at an amazing vegetarian restaurant in Providence Rhode Island, The Grange, and toasted to our well-planned agenda for the next day!

In the morning, we got an exciting, motivational phone call in to fellow editor, Nicole Melancon in Minnesota, USA.  And then, Elizabeth and her beautiful golden lab, led us on a hike in the woods. After our blood was flowing, we headed back (ok, rushed to make our 10 o’clock!) to Elizabeth’s house for the first of our planned meetings and vision boarding.

World Moms Skype!

Coming out of the weekend with clear objectives seemed to unleash a whole new upper level of excitement we have for running this organization.  And being able to share our ideas with the editing team and getting all the contributors involved in our planning felt very democratic, a reminder of how much of a global movement World Moms Blog is.

In the late afternoon, we took a break in between calls for an inspiring walk near the Atlantic and then out for an early dinner. Then back to work on our evening calls with our editors in Asia, who had already begun their Sunday morning.  The energy that all of the women around the world have brought to this strategic planning effort has humbled me. If things couldn’t get even more global, Kyla, Elizabeth and I ended the evening by watching “Baraka”, a wordless documentary on culture around the world from the 1990s.

Before we parted ways on Sunday morning, we glued the final pieces on our vision board and had an in-person meeting with Meg Wirth from Maternova, a company that helps get the products mothers need to increase maternal health worldwide. Online, we know Meg well from her support of our 8 month #Moms4MDGs campaign, and it was great to be able to sit down with her over a cup of coffee and hear more about her life, her passion and how Maternova came to be. Did you know they’ve made an impact in the lives of over 115,000 mothers in over 35 countries? (Interview with Meg to come!)

World Moms Editor Retreat

Alas, I boarded my train back to New Jersey with our vision board in tow. Now that we’ve set our goals and objectives, we certainly have our work cut out for us.  And, without revealing any specific, amazing plans until they’re ready to be unveiled to the world, there will be some exciting changes and projects in the pipelines, so do keep up to date with World Moms Blog!

Want to stay up to date with World Moms Blog? Head over to our right sidebar to fill out the form for our newsletter — you may even win a World Moms Blog tote bag during our next mailing!   

This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Founder, Jennifer Burden of New Jersey, USA. 

Photo credits to World Moms Blog. 

Jennifer Burden

Jennifer Burden is the Founder and CEO of World Moms Network, an award winning website on global motherhood, culture, human rights and social good. World Moms Network writes from over 30 countries, has over 70 contributors and was listed by Forbes as one of the “Best 100 Websites for Women”, named a “must read” by The New York Times, and was recommended by The Times of India. She was also invited to Uganda to view UNICEF’s family health programs with Shot@Life and was previously named a “Global Influencer Fellow” and “Social Media Fellow” by the UN Foundation. Jennifer was invited to the White House twice, including as a nominated "Changemaker" for the State of the World Women Summit. She also participated in the One Campaign’s first AYA Summit on the topic of women and girl empowerment and organized and spoke on an international panel at the World Bank in Washington, DC on the importance of a universal education for all girls. Her writing has been featured by Baby Center, Huffington Post, ONE.org, the UN Foundation’s Shot@Life, and The Gates Foundation’s “Impatient Optimists.” She is currently a candidate in Columbia University's School of International and Public Affairs in the Executive Masters of Public Affairs program, where she hopes to further her study of global policies affecting women and girls. Jennifer can be found on Twitter @JenniferBurden.

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SOUTH KOREA: The Zen Mama Warrior

SOUTH KOREA: The Zen Mama Warrior

zenHere in Korea, there is a wonderful program that allows outsiders to experience life in many of the hundreds of Buddhist temples all over the country. Some programs are only for one or two nights, but some are for weeks or months or even up to a year. During your time there, you follow the exact schedule of the monks and nuns who live there, you wear clothing that is issued to you upon arrival, and you strictly observe all of the customs of the temple.

I recently enjoyed two days and one night at Golgul Temple, just outside the town of Gyeongju, which is about 2.5 hours from Seoul via high speed train. There are many options for Templestays, as they are called, much closer to home, but I wanted to go to Golgulsa when I learned that it is the home of sunmudo, a zen martial art. Yes, you read that right. Zen martial arts. I’d heard that it was a combination of Yoga, Qi Gong, and Tai Chi and that was basically all I needed to hear to be motivated to go have a look myself. Mostly I was curious about unwrapping this seeming contradiction – how could martial arts be Zen or Buddhist?

The land where Golgulsa sits has been a site of Buddhist worship since the 6th century A.D. There is a 1,500 year old stone Buddha carving in the limestone cliffs of Mount Hamwol. The main temple shrine sits just below this carving and the rest of the temple buildings are scattered alongside the steep path to the carving. The setting is beautiful and peaceful and the air was intoxicatingly crisp and clean, especially compared to the air in Seoul. (more…)

Ms. V. (South Korea)

Ms. V returned from a 3-year stint in Seoul, South Korea and is now living in the US in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her partner, their two kids, three ferocious felines, and a dog named Avon Barksdale. She grew up all over the US, mostly along the east coast, but lived in New York City longer than anywhere else, so considers NYC “home.” Her love of travel has taken her all over the world and to all but four of the 50 states. Ms. V is contemplative and sacred activist, exploring the intersection of yoga, new monasticism, feminism and social change. She is the co-director and co-founder of Samdhana-Karana Yoga: A Healing Arts Center, a non-profit yoga studio and the spiritual director for Hab Community. While not marveling at her beautiful children, she enjoys reading, cooking, and has dreams of one day sleeping again.

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