Ever since my son started school I always have these odd feelings when it comes to socializing with the other moms.
It was my mental block.
Being a single mom, I used to fear about what the other parents will think of me and my boy. The school has been nothing but supportive and treat my boy no differently than his other friends who comes from a whole unit family.
Yes, my boy has his challenges in school.
My beautiful boy, who is a sensitive child, whose mom is quite outgoing, turns out to be shy. He sometimes has difficulty in social settings. It took him awhile to warms up to new situations and surroundings.
Maybe it was growing up alone. I raised him alone with his father without any family help or nanny until he was almost 2 years old. He had no friends around his age to play with until he started school. There were a lot of factors, yet, we are working on this together as a family. Maybe it was being an only grandson for years and having a dotting loving grandma who defends him like he’s a little king?
Yet I know he’s a loving sweet boy with a gentle soul.
When he was in per-Kindergarten and Kindergarten I did not socialize at all with the other parents from his school. Yes, I’d smile and say hi when we met at school’s events or functions but other than that I kept to myself.
I was afraid I would be judged for being a single mom.
I stood awkwardly alone in every single school events while the other kids had both their parents around. Sometimes I felt like I was wearing a big sign on my back that screamed out my status. I hate using the “I’m-a-single-mom” card unless it’s absolutely necessary. The school knew my status from day one, but not many of the other parents have known. They might eventually figure it out.
Now that my son is in the first grade, things are changing.
I have been a single mom for close to 4 years now, and I no longer feel ashamed of being one. I began to relax a bit and not really care about what other people thinks of being a divorcee.
Although I couldn’t be actively involved in school as much as I’d like to due to being a full time working mom, I am so grateful for these awesome homeroom moms.
For special moms who volunteer in school.
Here’s an ode to you lovely homeroom moms:
- Thank you for being our ‘representative’ while we working mom have to work long hours.
- Thank you for being our ‘voices’ to the homeroom teacher, assistant, and even the principal.
- Thank you for passing on to us information that sometimes was missed from the school’s communication book.
- Thank you for coordinating the costumes for our children’s school play.
- Thank you for helping individual kids who sometimes struggle alone and would be missed by the teacher or assistant because they are shy – just like my little boy.
- Thank you for the solidarity in watching and keep an eye on all our children there.
- Thank you for snapping pictures of school events and sharing them with us moms who couldn’t be there.
- Thank you for arranging a car pool.
- Thank you for devoting your time for our children.
- Thank you for being the wonderful ladies that you are.
This year, I am so grateful for these beautiful soul moms who have welcomed me warmly into the group.
Are you a homeroom mom? Are you actively involved in your children’s school?
This is an original post for World Moms Blog by Maureen of Scoops of Joy.
Photo credit to the author.
Welcome to “World Tour” where we feature a guest post from around the world, here, at World Moms Blog. Today, we’re in the USA and talking gender roles with father, Scott, from the blog, Three Five Zero.
There was a time in America when the color of your skin determined which schools you could go to, where you sat on a city bus and what careers you could choose, among many other things. That time long ago passed.
There was a time in America when your gender determined whether or not you could vote, among other things. That time long ago passed.
There is still a large part of our population that believes that only certain genders of parents can do certain things, and that some genders can’t do some things at all. Only Dads can be little league coaches. Only Moms can go bra and panty shopping. Dads can’t soothe babies. Moms can’t do their own home improvements. I really want this time to pass.
I happen to be a single dad, and because I am a single dad, I learned to do things I never imagined I would need to do. Bras and panties, for example. I’m an expert, and I don’t really care who dislikes my presence in those departments in the clothing stores. My kid needs them.
I used to be very self conscious in those situations. Not anymore… I go get what I need, and I don’t even pay attention to who else is there, or whether or not they notice me. Just like picking up a gallon of milk.
I know lots of single moms, too. Want to meet guys? Go to your favorite home improvement store. Men are likely to offer you help whether you need it or not. I’m happy to help anyone who asks for help. I won’t offer help based on any assumptions about what tasks your gender makes you capable, or incapable, of. I’ll assume you know what milk you’re buying, too, whether you’re male or female. If you don’t ask for my help, I’ll assume you’re able to paint your kid’s bedroom all by yourself.
This list of examples could go on and on and on. In fact, I hope you’ll leave comments regarding your (least?) favorite story about something another parent assumed you couldn’t do just because you were Mom or Dad. I’ll chuckle along with you, and if the story is topped with enough sexism, I’ll get just as annoyed as you were when it happened.
When my kids are grown, I hope that all of these archaic stereotypes have long passed. I hope that they raise kids in a family unit of some sort, but if either of them ends up raising kids on their own, Grandpa Scott will be there to hack away at those gender biases and stereotypes, along with any that might still exist about what grandparents can or can’t do!
Family comes in all shapes and sizes. Do kids need both male and female influences? I absolutely believe they do. If you’re a good parent, you’ll make good choices about who those influences will be, and it will all work out just fine in the end. It doesn’t matter whether you’re Dad or Mom. Good parents do whatever their kids need them to. Period.
Help me out? The next time you see a single mom or a single dad, look at them differently. Think about any assumptions you had about him or her the moment you saw them. Then erase those assumptions from your thought process forever. Look at him or her as a parent, and only a parent, and assume he or she is a very good one unless you know otherwise.
Do you have a favorite story about something another parent assumed you couldn’t do just because you were Mom or Dad?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog. Scott is a single dad. He didn’t plan it that way, but he did rise to the occasion. You can find Scott blogging at www.ThreeFiveZero.com
Photo credit to the author.
My children, both boys, are 16 and 10 years old and for their entire lives, I have been a single mother. (I don’t count my first disastrous marriage that lasted all of six months.) There was a point in my early 30’s where I believed that single motherhood was just as good as it was going to get for me. And I was fine with that.
Seriously, it was easier to be single and my children had extended family that stepped in for their absent father. Sure, money was always tight and there was never enough to make ends meet. However, we were just fine, the 3 of us had each other and that was enough. Our little family was complete.
I was lying to myself. There was nothing fine about my children only having the love of one parent. No matter how much their Nanny or Papa stepped in, it was not the same as having a father figure in their lives.
My children are biracial so I dealt with a double-edged sword; not only could I not teach them to be men, but I certainly could not teach them to be strong black men. They deserved much more than I was able to give them, and I will live with regret for some of my decisions for the rest of my life. (more…)
How I’m handling my baby leaving the nest…
I have exactly a month from today before I take my oldest baby, ok my 18 year old *insert mommy face*, to New York for his first year of college. Yes, 3000 miles from home! He was accepted to the New York Conservatory for the Dramatic Arts (NYCDA), a college known for its hard auditions.
Thousands audition from across the world, and only 180 are accepted per semester. It’s a huge deal, and I am so proud of him. He has wanted to sing and act since he was 4 years old and has wanted to attend NYCDA since his sophomore year in high school. He now gets to live out his dreams.
Needless to say, this will be a transition for the both of us, actually for the three of us; it has always been him, his brother and me. We have been the “three amigos” (as they’ve named us) for 13 years. (more…)