by To-Wen Tseng | Feb 12, 2016 | 2016, Family, Kids, North America, To-Wen Tseng, USA, Work, Working Mother, World Motherhood, Younger Children
A Chinese publisher is hiring me to write a biography for a well-known Chinese American doctor and politician. They wanted 300,000 words by the end of this year. I made it clear that it’s not possible. Considering the long-term contracts I already have, my family situation and my daily schedule, the earliest time I can finish the big book will be next May.
They offered me a $3,000 bonus if I could finish the writing the book on their timeline. Wow, $3,000!
I told them, “I’ll think about it.”
That night for some reason my little one was unusually fussy and insisted to sleep with his mommy. I squeezed myself into his toddler bed and accompanied him. After two bed time stories he fell asleep peacefully. I lay there, staring at the ceiling.
Once again I strongly felt how children can slow a mother down on her career progress. If it was three years ago, before we had a kid, producing 300,000 words within ten months would not be a problem for me at all. I am not boasting it, but hey, they didn’t call me “kuài shǒu” (the fast writer) for nothing!
But now, with a little child, if I want to finish 300,000 words in a year, either I’ll be drained or my child will be ignored.
Women certainly have a different work-life balance than men. Several years ago there was a white paper on the Position of Women in Science in Spain that concluded a man with children is four times more likely to become a full professor than a woman with children is.
The white paper emphasized that women who have children are discriminated against simply because they are mothers and not because their job performance is actually different.
Based on my own experience, I believe that is true. I was harassed by my supervisor for pumping at work. Still, there is a lot we can do to fight back when facing discrimination. We can advocate for equal working rights, we can urge our law makers to pass bills that end discrimination against working mothers, we can file law suits against our discriminating employers. I, for one example, took my previous company to court and was happy about the result.
But we cannot fight nature. The nature rule is that women have to spend more time on their children. Mothers have greater childcare responsibilities than fathers. It’s the mother, not the father, that carries the baby for months, is in labor for hours and breastfeeds for months, or even years. And while some may hope for a different division of labor some day, these work-life realities do contribute to the reason why women who are mothers are on slower career tracks than men.
In this case, if I can’t earn that $3,000 bonus, that’s simply because I need to spend time on my child, not at all because I am discriminated against.
I tossed and turned all night long. It’s not that I want the $3,000, but I really want to speed up my career progression, which has been slow ever since I had my child. But do I want to be drained? More than that, do I want to ignore my child for one whole year? Weighing these things in the balance, that $3,000 didn’t seem so important.
In the morning my little one opened his eyes and saw his mommy was still laying by his side. He giggled and touched my face. I made up my mind.
Working mothers probably will never have the perfect answer to work-life balance. It’s our paradox of choice. I just want to try to live more and regret less.
Have you struggled with juggling your career path and your role as a mother? How do you find a balance between work and home life?
This has been an exclusive post for World Moms Blog by To-wen Tseng. She can be found writing at her blog “I’d rather be breastfeeding” and on Facebook and Twitter.
Photo credit to the author.
by World Moms Blog | Feb 2, 2013 | Eva Fannon, Polish Mom Photographer, Saturday Sidebar, Susie Newday, Third Eye Mom, World Moms Blog
This week’s Saturday Sidebar Question comes from World Moms Blog Fan. She asked our writers,
“What are your best tips for balancing family life and career life? How do you make it work where you live?”
Check out what some of our World Moms had to say…
A working woman
Momma Expat of France writes:
“ When I was in the US, working full-time outside of the home, my husband always pitched in to help around the house and three
days a week made dinner. This allowed me to fulfill my work requirements and feel supported. Now that I’m working from home part-time, my husband is STILL continuing to support me by freeing me up to run in the morning while he takes my son to school. Since my sister-in-law is also here with me, she said, “Also making sure mom gets a full night of sleep! So important to face the next day! And lastly choosing to let certain things go and focusing on what’s more important. Lastly, parents should make time for one another. Both of us would pick one day a month and leave our kids in school or daycare to go out for lunch. Spending time for one another is really important!” (more…)
World Moms Blog is an award winning website which writes from over 30 countries on the topics of motherhood, culture, human rights and social good. Over 70 international contributors share their stories from around the globe, bonded by the common thread of motherhood and wanting a better world for their children.
World Moms Blog was listed by Forbes Woman as one of the "Best 100 Websites for Women 2012 & 2013" and also called a "must read" by the NY Times Motherlode in 2013. Our Senior Editor in India, Purnima Ramakrishnan, was awarded the BlogHer International Activist Award in 2013.
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by Ruth | Nov 28, 2012 | Inspirational, Motherhood, Ruth Wong, Singapore, Uncategorized, Working Mother, World Motherhood, Writing
I have a dream. I believe all writers share this same dream – which is to someday publish their own book (all the better if it turns into a bestseller!).
But never in my imagination had I thought that this dream would materialize any time soon, at least not this year, not in the way it had happened.
It all started with a conversation with my friend. I can’t recall what we were talking about, but I casually mentioned to her that I hope to write a book on mompreneurship, a subject I’m passionate about.
To my surprise, she shared that a publisher had approached her to write about work life balance but given her commitments she didn’t feel she could take it up at that point (she’s founder of Mums@Work, a social enterprise in Singapore that helps moms find better balance between being moms and workers through flexi-work or starting their own business). Through my sharing, she saw the possibility of us working together and shortly after, an appointment with the publisher was set up. Things went well at the first meeting and soon we found ourselves signing an agreement with the publisher to work on the book. (more…)
Ruth lives in Singapore, a tiny island 137 kilometres north of the equator. After graduating from university, she worked as a medical social worker for a few years before making a switch to HR and worked in various industries such as retail, banking and manufacturing. In spite of the invaluable skills and experiences she had gained during those years, she never felt truly happy or satisfied. It was only when she embarked on a journey to rediscover her strengths and passion that this part of her life was transformed. Today, Ruth is living her dreams as a writer. Ironically, she loves what she does so much that at one point, she even thought that becoming a mom would hinder her career. Thanks to her husband’s gentle persuasions, she now realises what joy she would have missed out had she not changed her mind. She is now a happy WAHM. Ruth launched MomME Circle, a resource site to support and inspire moms to create a life and business they love. She has a personal blog Mommy Café where she writes about her son's growing up and shares her interests such as food and photography.
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by Patricia Cuyugan (Philippines) | Jun 21, 2012 | Being Thankful, Child Care, Life Balance, Motherhood, Parenting, Philippines, Working Mother, World Motherhood
To say that my life has changed significantly is an understatement. I’ve given up life as I knew it and moved on to greater, yet completely unfamiliar things. Was it the right thing to do? Yes, a million times over. How did I know it was time to make the move? I just knew.
One day I woke up, and I was a Work At Home Mom. There were no meetings on my to-do list for the day, nowhere to go, no phone calls to be made or emails to be sent out. Instead, I had a 6am appointment with myself in the kitchen to prepare a packed lunch for my husband to take to work.
This was followed by breakfast with my son at 8, then play time, lunch at noon, bath time after lunch, and more play time afterwards. Oh, and I remembered to throw in some writing exercises, and a bit of cleaning up in between. (more…)
Patricia Cuyugan is a wife, mom, cat momma, and a hands-on homemaker from Manila, whose greatest achievement is her pork adobo. She has been writing about parenting for about as long as she’s been a parent, which is just a little over a decade. When she’s not writing, you can usually find her reading a book, binge-watching a K-drama series, or folding laundry. She really should be writing, though! Follow her homemaking adventures on Instagram at @patriciacuyugs.
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by Patricia Cuyugan (Philippines) | Jun 21, 2012 | Being Thankful, Child Care, Life Balance, Motherhood, Parenting, Philippines, Working Mother, World Motherhood
To say that my life has changed significantly is an understatement. I’ve given up life as I knew it and moved on to greater, yet completely unfamiliar things. Was it the right thing to do? Yes, a million times over. How did I know it was time to make the move? I just knew.
One day I woke up, and I was a Work At Home Mom. There were no meetings on my to-do list for the day, nowhere to go, no phone calls to be made or emails to be sent out. Instead, I had a 6am appointment with myself in the kitchen to prepare a packed lunch for my husband to take to work.
This was followed by breakfast with my son at 8, then play time, lunch at noon, bath time after lunch, and more play time afterwards. Oh, and I remembered to throw in some writing exercises, and a bit of cleaning up in between. (more…)
Patricia Cuyugan is a wife, mom, cat momma, and a hands-on homemaker from Manila, whose greatest achievement is her pork adobo. She has been writing about parenting for about as long as she’s been a parent, which is just a little over a decade. When she’s not writing, you can usually find her reading a book, binge-watching a K-drama series, or folding laundry. She really should be writing, though! Follow her homemaking adventures on Instagram at @patriciacuyugs.
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