by Ms. V. (South Korea) | Mar 15, 2016 | 2016, Breastfeeding, North America, World Moms Blog, World Voice
Photo Credit: Anton Nossik / Creative Commons
Finally! Something I can get behind! The woman has reportedly received death threats and incredible amounts of vitriolic hate since the photo when viral, but also an incredible outpouring of love and support, even from Bernie Sanders and his wife. The campaign, of course, used it as an opportunity to support and encourage breastfeeding mothers everywhere, no doubt clinching many votes and hearts in the process.
I was pleased to see the picture, pleased to see the Sanders’ response, and pleased to see the hashtag. My hope, though, is that it will spark a conversation much longer and larger than breastfeeding in public. Supporting mothers for breastfeeding in public, which in many places in the US is a radical act, is very important. But so too is supporting all parents of all genders who feed their babies in any way for the incredible amounts of work and dedication it takes to raise a child and the insistence on not doing the work of child-rearing behind closed doors or divorced from a full and integrated life.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about why policies in the US – a country big on “family values” – are so unfriendly, particularly to mothers, but generally to parents and caretakers.
There is never one answer to such a complex problem, but one thought I’ve had is that it is related to the way we do parenting here in the US. Compared to other cultures I’ve lived in and experienced, raising a child in the US is very compartmentalized from the rest of life. I know a lot of parents who do not live or parent that way, myself included, but the overarching message from American culture seems to be that children and parenting fall into a very specific category and time in our lives and it all centers around our homes, schools, and parks.
So, when a mother is seen breastfeeding her child at a political rally, or toddlers are at a nice restaurant, or parents find a way to have their children present with them at work, there is a reaction. Often, not a kind one; one that implies that there is a time and a place for children to exist and have their needs met and it is not the same space where adults interact and have their needs met.
This compartmentalization of parenting, then, marginalizes primary caregivers who have to make a choice about whether or not to engage in the world in a full way while they care for children. Because most primary caregivers are women, this affects women disproportionately, specifically minority women who are already marginalized by many other factors. Parenting shouldn’t be about choosing between taking care of children OR having a well-balanced and meaningful life. Children can and should be a part of our work lives, our spiritual lives, our community lives, our political lives – all of it!
So, I say let’s make this #boobsforbernie hashtag into a call to parent in public!
This is an original post written by Mrs. V for World Moms Blog.
Do you agree that we need to more openly parent in public?
Ms. V returned from a 3-year stint in Seoul, South Korea and is now living in the US in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her partner, their two kids, three ferocious felines, and a dog named Avon Barksdale. She grew up all over the US, mostly along the east coast, but lived in New York City longer than anywhere else, so considers NYC “home.” Her love of travel has taken her all over the world and to all but four of the 50 states.
Ms. V is contemplative and sacred activist, exploring the intersection of yoga, new monasticism, feminism and social change. She is the co-director and co-founder of Samdhana-Karana Yoga: A Healing Arts Center, a non-profit yoga studio and the spiritual director for Hab Community. While not marveling at her beautiful children, she enjoys reading, cooking, and has dreams of one day sleeping again.
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by Ms. V. (South Korea) | Jan 5, 2016 | 2016, International, UN, Uncategorized, Womanhood, Women's Rights, World Moms Blog, World Voice
The UN recently sent a delegation of human rights experts to the US to report on this country’s overall treatment of women. The result? This is how the preliminary report concluded:
“The United States, which is a leading state in formulating international human rights standards, is allowing its women to lag behind international human rights standards. Although there is a wide diversity in state law and practice, which makes it impossible to give a comprehensive report, we could discern an overall picture of women’s missing rights. While all women are the victims of these missing rights, women who are poor, belong to Native American, Afro-American and Hispanic ethnic minorities, migrant women, LBTQ women, women with disabilities and older women are disparately vulnerable.”
The report touches on these “missing rights” in the realms of reproductive health, wages, politics, and violence- particularly gun violence- against women.
One of the delegates, Frances Raday, told reporters “The lack of accommodation in the workplace to women’s pregnancy, birth and post-natal needs is shocking. Unthinkable in any society, and certainly one of the richest societies in the world.”
As I read their conclusions, which will be further developed in a more comprehensive report in 2016, I felt a familiar sick feeling overcome my being. It’s the same sick feeling I’ve gotten used to since moving back to the US, every time there is yet another mass or accidental shooting. The two questions that come with this feeling are when and why? When will enough be enough? Why not yet?
As a woman and a mother – both to a male child and a female child – the urgency of full and true equality for women and girls is plain as day, not just for me and my daughter, but for the well-being of my son and all boys and men. Everyone is harmed by inequality, and I agree with Ms. Raday, that it is unthinkable in the context of this nation.
After I sit with when and why, I have to move to what. What can be done? What can I do, each and every day in my life, to make a difference? I’ll admit to feeling totally overwhelmed by that question at times, but I’ve found that it can all be boiled down to two things: stand up and speak out. Stand up for what is just and speak out about what needs to change. Or, as Susan B. Anthony said: Organize, agitate, educate.
At times I’ve let my fear of being perceived by others as a downer keep me from standing up and speaking out, but at this point in my life, the stakes are too high to be afraid. The stakes are too high for me and my family and for the millions of families who are affected by the situation of women in this country. So instead I choose to organize (build community) agitate (speak out) and educate (stand up).
I imagine my grandmother at the time of my birth thinking about what a different world I was being born into than the one she had known, and yet she never lived to witness true equality. The dream of full equality has been shared by several generations of women now. Do I dare hope that it will be achieved by the time my daughter comes of age? Will I meet my granddaughter and welcome her into a world where she has no “missing rights”?
Were you surprised to hear the findings of this delegation?
This is an original post written for World Moms Blog by Ms. V.
Image Credit: “We Can Do It!” by J. Howard Miller, artist employed by Westinghouse, poster used by the War Production Co-ordinating Committee – From scan of copy belonging to the National Museum of American History, Smithsonian Institution, retrieved from the website of the Virginia Historical Society.. Licensed under Public Domain via Commons
Ms. V returned from a 3-year stint in Seoul, South Korea and is now living in the US in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her partner, their two kids, three ferocious felines, and a dog named Avon Barksdale. She grew up all over the US, mostly along the east coast, but lived in New York City longer than anywhere else, so considers NYC “home.” Her love of travel has taken her all over the world and to all but four of the 50 states.
Ms. V is contemplative and sacred activist, exploring the intersection of yoga, new monasticism, feminism and social change. She is the co-director and co-founder of Samdhana-Karana Yoga: A Healing Arts Center, a non-profit yoga studio and the spiritual director for Hab Community. While not marveling at her beautiful children, she enjoys reading, cooking, and has dreams of one day sleeping again.
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by Ms. V. (South Korea) | May 6, 2015 | 2015, Awareness, Celebrations, Inspirational, Motherhood, South Korea, Spirituality, Uncategorized, USA
The state of the world came sharply into focus after the birth of my first child. I saw it all–good, bad, and ugly–not just as my own habitat, but as the place where I would hand off my son and his generation. This realization lit a fire of motivation in me to do everything possible to ensure that I leave this planet better than I found it.
That’s a tall order to be sure, but I believe that small things eventually add up to big things. I believe that change can, does, and will happen with directed energy and focus. I also believe that mothers are uniquely positioned to effect and create opportunities for change.
Years ago, on my first Mother’s Day as a mother, I was delighted to discover the origins of the holiday are more substantial than the greeting card industry would have us believe. Julia Ward Howe issued this Mother’s Day proclamation back in 1870:
Arise, then, women of this day!
Arise all women who have hearts,
Whether your baptism be that of water or of tears
Say firmly:
“We will not have great questions decided by irrelevant agencies,
Our husbands shall not come to us reeking of carnage,
For caresses and applause.
Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn
All that we have been able to teach them of
charity, mercy and patience.
We women of one country
Will be too tender of those of another country
To allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs.”
From the bosom of the devastated earth a voice goes up with
Our own. It says, “Disarm, Disarm!”
The sword of murder is not the balance of justice!
Blood does not wipe out dishonor
Nor violence indicate possession.
As men have of ten forsaken the plow and the anvil at the summons of war.
Let women now leave all that may be left of home
For a great and earnest day of counsel.
Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.
Let them then solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means
Whereby the great human family can live in peace,
Each bearing after his own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar,
But of God.
In the name of womanhood and humanity, I earnestly ask
That a general congress of women without limit of nationality
May be appointed and held at some place deemed most convenient
And at the earliest period consistent with its objects
To promote the alliance of the different nationalities,
The amicable settlement of international questions.
The great and general interests of peace.
Her proclamation is just as relevant today as it was 145 years ago. We, as mothers, weep with the mothers all over the world who are losing their children to war, poverty, police brutality, and other injustices.
Sitting with all of this anguish, with the pain of these broken-hearted mothers in our hearts, a dear friend and I decided to start a new Mother’s Day tradition in our community. We’ve invited all of the mothers in our area to join together for 30 minutes on Mother’s Day morning–before the brunches, before the (precious and beloved) handmade cards, before the massages–in an inter-spiritual and inter-generational gathering of solidarity with mothers everywhere and to meditate and pray for peace.
We will meet in the park, we will read the original Mother’s Day Proclamation, we will meditate and pray together, and we will commit to doing everything within our power to create a more just and peaceful world.
When I decided that this gathering was something I needed to create, I reached out to Mirabai Starr, who is a mother, author, and poet. I asked her if she would write something for us to read together before we parted ways on Mother’s Day. She directed me to something she’d already written:
“Mother of Mercy, the cries of the world keep me awake at night. I rise from my bed, but I cannot locate the source of the wailing. It is everywhere, Mother coming from all directions, and my heart is shattered by the sheer intensity of suffering.
You of boundless compassion, expand my heart so that I can contain the pain. Focus my mind so that I can arrive at viable solutions, and energize my body so that I can engage in effective action. Give me the courage to follow the crumbs of heartbreak all the way home to the place where I can be of real service. Let me dip my fingers into the dew of your compassion and scatter it now over the fevered brow of this world.”
It is my fervent hope that by gathering together, by joining forces and intentions, we can “arrive at viable solutions,” energized in body, mind, and spirit to courageously go forth as agents of Peace and Justice, not only for our own children, but for the children of mothers the world over.
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Ms. V.
Image Credit: Google Images
Ms. V returned from a 3-year stint in Seoul, South Korea and is now living in the US in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her partner, their two kids, three ferocious felines, and a dog named Avon Barksdale. She grew up all over the US, mostly along the east coast, but lived in New York City longer than anywhere else, so considers NYC “home.” Her love of travel has taken her all over the world and to all but four of the 50 states.
Ms. V is contemplative and sacred activist, exploring the intersection of yoga, new monasticism, feminism and social change. She is the co-director and co-founder of Samdhana-Karana Yoga: A Healing Arts Center, a non-profit yoga studio and the spiritual director for Hab Community. While not marveling at her beautiful children, she enjoys reading, cooking, and has dreams of one day sleeping again.
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by Ms. V. (South Korea) | Feb 3, 2015 | 2015, World Voice
A few months ago I was at the park with my 3-year old and my 4-month old baby. I was wearing the baby and she was breastfeeding when my son asked if I could push him on the swing. I told him I’d do it as soon as the baby was done. He sighed the heavy sigh of a firstborn who is now forced to share his mother’s attention and then entertained himself by laying his belly onto the swing seat and twisting round and round. A man from our neighborhood was walking by and offered to push him on the swing, which thrilled him, and within seconds my boy was blissfully swinging while I looked on in gratitude to the man whose name I do not know, but who I exchange greetings with on an almost daily basis.
Another mother at the park looked on this same scene with absolute horror. She couldn’t believe I was allowing this man to push my son on the swing. You see the man from our neighborhood does not have a home. He is a member of the transient population that gathers in and near the park closest to our house…
He has never been anything but kind to me and my children, has never been threatening in any way, and I have always assumed he had access to a nearby shelter at least some of the time because his person and his clothing are always quite clean. He seems to have trouble communicating verbally so we communicate through very exaggerated gestures. He’d offered to push my son through a series of such gestures that I easily understood and I gave consent both verbally and with a giant nod of my head and smile.
Photo Credit: Flickr
I was taken aback by the mother’s reaction to the situation and later I beat myself up that I hadn’t been more vocal in my own defense. I should have said more. I should have figured out a kind and non-shaming way to ask her if she would have thought me so irresponsible if I had asked her, a total stranger, to push my kid on the swing. Would she, by virtue of appearing to be a person with a permanent home, have been a more suitable swing-pusher? As it was, I almost apologetically explained that he was not a stranger to us and that I wasn’t concerned.
Like a lot of parents, I read with great interest about the parents here in the US who were under investigation for allowing their 6 and 10-year old children to walk about a mile home from the park. No matter your opinion about whether the parents were wrong or right, or whether the police either overreacted or didn’t do enough, or what you think about Free-Range Kids, I think we can all agree that there is a lot of fear surrounding our children.
Despite years of decline in violent crimes in the US, and pretty solid proof that our children are in fact growing up in a much safer world than we did, parents seem to be tending toward taking every precaution they can think of to keep their children safe. And to be clear, given the high rates of mental illness among the homeless, I do understand why a parent would be reticent to allow a homeless person to push their kid on the swing. I do not, however, think that being homeless and/or mentally ill should automatically disqualify a person from doing so.
I wonder, how is this culture of fear affecting the world-view of children, especially within the context of being of service to others?
Empathy, or the ability to understand and share the feelings of another, is the ideal motivating factor for service and social good. We do what we can to help others because we understand that it is often merely circumstances that separate us.
As far as I know, the only difference I have with the man in our neighborhood is that I have a home and an ability to communicate verbally. I could assume other things about the differences between us, but I have no other facts. Through interaction and observation and direct experience, I think that he, like me, is living his life with good intentions.
I have found that our willingness to do good for others rises in direct proportion to our belief that it could be us need of help. If we see the world as a place full of scary people out to get us, will we make that leap? If, in an effort to keep our kids safe, we give them the impression that people are not to be trusted, that they are not safe out in the world, how will they learn the critically important ability to stop seeing people as “other” and instead as fundamentally the same as they are?
Treating people as “other” objectifies them, distances them, and makes them and their pain easier to ignore. We cannot tell our children that the world is full of mostly good people with good hearts and good intentions – people just like us – and expect them to believe us if we behave as though this isn’t true, if we treat the homeless man on the street as fundamentally different, or all strangers as potential monsters.
One of the stated goals of the Free-Range Kids movement is to help children learn how to calculate risk. I think parents of my generation would do well to revisit our own abilities to calculate risk. I think we all want to raise kids who do good things in the world and serve others who are less fortunate, not because it makes them look good or because they intellectually know it’s the “right thing” to do, but because they feel and know that we are all more alike than we are different and one day it could very well be us who is less fortunate and in need of a helping hand.
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Ms. V in the USA.
Ms. V returned from a 3-year stint in Seoul, South Korea and is now living in the US in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her partner, their two kids, three ferocious felines, and a dog named Avon Barksdale. She grew up all over the US, mostly along the east coast, but lived in New York City longer than anywhere else, so considers NYC “home.” Her love of travel has taken her all over the world and to all but four of the 50 states.
Ms. V is contemplative and sacred activist, exploring the intersection of yoga, new monasticism, feminism and social change. She is the co-director and co-founder of Samdhana-Karana Yoga: A Healing Arts Center, a non-profit yoga studio and the spiritual director for Hab Community. While not marveling at her beautiful children, she enjoys reading, cooking, and has dreams of one day sleeping again.
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by Ms. V. (South Korea) | Oct 21, 2014 | 2014, World Moms Blog, World Voice
We spend a lot of time talking about love in our house. When you are trying to teach a three-year-old about acceptable and unacceptable behavior, it comes up a lot. Some behaviors are loving; others are not. And why? Why, why, why? I spend all day coming up for the answer to that never-ending question.
My son is at an age where he expects that if something is required of him, it must be required of everybody. As much as possible, we make sure that is true within our home. But, obviously, we cannot expect everyone in the world to behave the way we are trying to teach our son to behave. And, as we all know all too well, not everybody chooses loving behavior.
One of my favorite quotes is by Dr. Cornel West. He said, “Never forget that justice is what love looks like in public”. I’ve been thinking of this a lot in reference to the situation in Ferguson, especially in light of this week of protests happening right now. People are demanding justice, not only for Michael Brown, but for all victims of police brutality.
Coming back to the US after years abroad, I found myself a bit taken aback by how militarized police forces have become. I’m sure it was happening before I left, but after spending time in a country where police don’t carry anything more than a club, the difference is glaring. And terrifying.
My son is growing up as a middle class white male and the facts seem to indicate that his chance of being killed by a police officer are far less than his black male peers. I cannot, however, take comfort in this fact. Knowing my son will likely be spared the fate of Michael Brown and so many others like him only serves to remind me of how unjust our society can be and how far we have to go.
Watching people gather to demand change is very heartening. My son is a bit young to have any meaningful conversations with him about what is happening, but I am trying to talk about it in a very simple way that he can understand – loving behaviors vs. unloving behaviors. I pray that what we are witnessing will be seen as a tipping point when we look back on it years from now, and that this rising up to demand justice can be seen for what it truly is – a demand for love.
This is an original post written by Ms. V for World Moms Blog.
Photo Credit: By Elizabeth Ann Colette (Flickr) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
Ms. V returned from a 3-year stint in Seoul, South Korea and is now living in the US in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her partner, their two kids, three ferocious felines, and a dog named Avon Barksdale. She grew up all over the US, mostly along the east coast, but lived in New York City longer than anywhere else, so considers NYC “home.” Her love of travel has taken her all over the world and to all but four of the 50 states.
Ms. V is contemplative and sacred activist, exploring the intersection of yoga, new monasticism, feminism and social change. She is the co-director and co-founder of Samdhana-Karana Yoga: A Healing Arts Center, a non-profit yoga studio and the spiritual director for Hab Community. While not marveling at her beautiful children, she enjoys reading, cooking, and has dreams of one day sleeping again.
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