by Aisha Yesufu | Nov 24, 2016 | 2016, Africa, Africa and Middle East, Nigeria, World Motherhood
Child grooming is a term that describes the befriending of and establishing an emotional connection with a child, and sometimes the family, to lower the child’s inhibitions for child sexual abuse. Many young girls have been married off to older men or have been lured into predatory relationships through this tactic. Some of these girls are said to give their consent, but what does a child know? It’s our duty as parents and society to protect our children. Child grooming is unacceptable and people should be prosecuted for it. In my youth, I experienced child grooming by a man old enough to be my father. I probably would have been married at the age of 14 with loads of children and a truncated life had he not been stopped.
The child grooming started when I was about 14. There was a man about my father’s age who lived in our neighborhood. As is our cultural tradition, I treated him like a father. I would greet him whenever I see him and I never thought anything about his smiling to talk to me and ask me how I was faring. I was just 14 and reading novels was more on my mind than marriage.
Since my school was far from our home and I didn’t have enough money for transport, I had to leave home early to get to school on time. At some point, the man started to meet me on my way to school. I would greet him at the bus stop as we were all brought up to do, and he would pay my bus fare. After the first few times I grew wary. I hate anything free in my life – I still do. Sometimes I would sit in front seat and pay before he got the chance to pay for me. This went on for months and in the the process he started chatting me up and offering me money, which I would always refuse.
I became desperate to avoid him, but he would always be hanging around waiting for me. Of course, I couldn’t insult him or walk away from him, because respect for one’s elders is a critical part of our culture. This old man was a cloth merchant, and was incredibly wealthy by our standards. His children were always well fed and clothed. He would offer me money, more money than I had ever seen in my young life, money that was supposed to tempt a hungry child who had nothing. I would always refuese. One day, he forced the money into my hand and I let it fall to the ground.
I became desperate to escape that old man, but I could not. I switched to a bus stop further from my house, yet he found out and started following me there. I was hunted for over a year by this man and I didn’t tell anyone. Who was there to tell? I didn’t even think it was in my place to tell anyone. We didn’t have that closeness we have with our children today and I pray our children have more with their own children. After a while he started talking about marriage and how he would make my life enjoyable and also he would take me on trips abroad.
The old man even started giving food and money to my parents. Imagine what it was like for a starving family to get such assistance. He was adored in our house. This was classic groomer behaviour: buy the child, then try to buy the parents. Sometimes I try to imagine what would have become of me if I had not been so strong-willed at age 14. Would I have decided I wanted to marry him?
The harassment lasted for a long time, but eventually he left me alone when he realised I was not interested in his thoughts of marriage. When I was 15, he married an even younger girl of maybe 13 years. She was taken out of school to marry him. They had a daughter together, and years later they divorced. All this happened before I even got married at 24.
The old man has since passed away and is no longer a threat to me or any other owman. I cry when I think about this story, knowing how an old man had tried to trap me, and how he eventually trapped another young girl. I know what it was like to live with this harassment and fear. I know child groomers when I see them. When I hear about dirty old men saying a 14 year old decided to marry them, I see a child groomer who should be in jail for putting such thoughts in her head in the first place. Grooming a child with money, promises, love and hope should be made illegal. Many lives have been destroyed by it.
God protect our teenage daughters. They are an endangered species.
This is an original post for World Moms Network by Aisha Yesufu of Nigeria.
Photo courtesy of Phil Warren / Flickr.
by Ketakandriana Rafitoson | Nov 10, 2016 | 2016, Africa, Africa and Middle East, Awareness, Gender, Girls, Madagascar, Sustainable Development Goals
Did you know that each year, there are 16 days dedicated to the fight against gender-based violence? Starting from November 25 (International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women) to December 10 (Human Rights Day), millions of activists around the world join this campaign, plan actions and speak up to break the curse of violence in their societies.
First launched in 1991 by the first Women’s Global Leadership Institute, the “16 Days Campaign”, as it is usually called, is coordinated by the Center for Women’s Global Leadership, in partnership with Rutgers University. The event is supported by UN Women and other international institutions aiming at the fulfilment of the Sustainable Development Goal (SDGs) #5: Achieve gender equality and empower all women and girls. The fact is that there can’t be any form of empowerment if girls and women still face violence. Women must first be freed from the heavy burden of violence, which impedes all attempts of (r)evolution.
What is gender-based violence? According to the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW), Gender-based violence is “violence that is directed against a woman because she is a woman or that affects women disproportionately” (CEDAW GR 19, Article 3 Istanbul Convention). And in its Declaration on the Elimination of Violence Against Women (A/RES/48/104, article 2), the UN General Assembly identifies various forms of violence, as per the following:
“(a) Physical, sexual and psychological violence occurring in the family; including battering, sexual abuse of female children in the household, dowry-related violence, marital rape, female genital mutilation and other traditional practices harmful to women, non-spousal violence and violence related to exploitation.
(b) Physical, sexual and psychological violence occurring within the general community, including rape, sexual abuse, sexual harassment and intimidation at work, in educational institutions and elsewhere, trafficking in women and forced prostitution;
(c) Physical, sexual and psychological violence perpetrated or condoned by the State, wherever it occurs”
This list has certainly evolved since 1993, especially with the advent of social media and new communications technologies which open the door to new forms of harassment. Strategies developed to tackle this curse must evolve along the same lines.
In Madagascar, domestic violence is one of the most widespread types of gender-based violence and is considered a social taboo. Traditionally, each bride-to-be is advised by her mother or grandmother to remain silent, whatever might happen in her marriage. Women are told that what happens in the bedroom and at home must remain there. My own grandmother, whom I love and cherish, told me that “Marriage means sacrifice. Your husband may do things to you (we never name the evil in Madagascar), but just bite your tongue and everything will be fine.” Thankfully, my husband is not that kind of man, but I still feel it is my duty to stand against this curse and to help the unspeakable to be spoken.
Our first project with the 16 days campaign dates back to 2013. We wrote and produced a short film called “Lettre Femme” (a French pun meaning at the same time letter from/to a woman, the female being, or simply a woman). We shot the film at my mom’s house, featuring my friends, who generously volunteered to participate. Last year, we launched the Malagasy Women’s Manifesto Against all Sorts of Violence through a petition. This year, we plan to organize a variety of trainings about nonviolence.
It is a tragic fact that many Malagasy women are convinced that they deserve some kind of violence from their partner. “If he beats me, it’s because I’ve done something wrong. It’s my own fault.” Even worse, women (mothers mainly) are the ones who help perpetuate this violence – by silencing their girls and normalizing the belief that violence is part of marriage. Our whole society needs to be educated in order to eradicate violence, and this struggle must start in every household. Teach your boys to respect women – this is the message we have to spread to all parents.
If you are interested in joining this year’s official 16 Days Campaign, please click here. You’ll find all the information related to the event, a Toolkit for Action as well as the communications templates that you can use. Register your event and share it with the world so that we can show the world that women are united against violence. Remember, Unity matters! We shall overcome!
This is an original post for World Moms Blog by Ketakandriana Rafitoson, our contributor from Madagascar.
Photo credit to the author.
by Adwoa Gyimah | Oct 27, 2016 | 2016, Africa, Africa and Middle East, Body Image, Ghana, Health, World Motherhood
Earlier this year, the Ghanaian Food and Drugs Authority announced that it would enforce a ban on the importation of skin bleaching creams that contain the harmful ingredient known as hydroquinone. The news was received with much anticipation, and has since been talked about on many news platforms all around the world. Hydroquinone is noted to cause damage to the skin and can cause severe skin dermatitis. According to research quoted by the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics, hydroquinone may even act as a carcinogen or cancer-causing chemical.
A campaign dubbed “Love Your Natural Skintone” was launched in Ghana by actress Ama Abebrese, with the support of other female celebrities, to encourage people to love the skin they are in. It spurred a lot of interest amongst the young and the old as the outspoken actress took to radio and television to talk about the cause. The Ama K Abebrese Foundation has erected billboards to create awareness of the campaign throughout Ghana. The campaign “Love Your Natural Skintone” has since engaged students through debates and forums on the subject of self care.
Some months have passed, and we still see the sale and use of skin bleaching creams in the country. Although the ban was reported to officially take effect from August 2016, according to the Ghana Standards Authority, very little has been seen to have happened regarding this subject. I’ve spoken with with shop owners who still sell such products, and they tell me that skin bleaching creams sell, so they keep them on the shelves. Entrepreneurs say that, despite the ban, they will always find a way to bring skin lightening creams into the market for their customers, since the demand is so high.
In my opinion, it will take more than a ban to prevent people who are currently using creams with hydroquinone to whiten their skin. Proper education must be done at both the grassroots and national levels to show firsthand the health implications such creams have on consumers. We must all join together in the campaign to say no to this menace.
Are skin lightening creams popular where you live? What efforts have been made to encourage people to love the skin they’re in?
This is an original post written by Adowa Gyimah of Ghana for World Moms Network.
Photo courtesy of The Ama K Abebrese Foundation, Ghana.
by Mamma Simona (South Africa) | Oct 13, 2016 | 2016, Africa, Africa and Middle East, Blogging, Health, Inspirational, Priorities, South Africa, Time, World Motherhood, Writing
On my way to work this morning, the song “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield played on the radio. I’ve heard the song many times before. This morning, I really paid attention to the lyrics for the first time, and reflected upon my own goals.
Many of us feel trapped in the routine of our daily life. We’ve all said at some point that we don’t have enough time. I’ve been using this excuse for two important goals in my life: decluttering my home, and writing my novel. These are things that I know will make me feel happy and proud of having accomplished them. The truth is that none of us “have” time, we “make” time to do what we really want to do. So I must ask myself the question, “Why have I not made time for the two goals that I’d most like to accomplish?”
The clutter in my home is complicated, as much of it was inherited from my husband’s family. For that reason, I feel that my husband must make the decision regarding what to keep and what to sell. Of course, there is no excuse for me not to get rid of my own clutter!
I know that my almost pathological fear of giving things away stems from my childhood. My parents were terrible at managing our family finances, and in our house, it was feast or famine. When my parents had money, they’d literally buy champagne and caviar. When they had none, we had to make do with “mystery” tins (we had a box of tins without labels). I guess it’s the fear of being without that holds me back from doing what I should in this regard. The ultimate irony is that I usually can’t find what I need, when I need it, anyway!
This brings me to my unwritten novel, which I have dreamt of writing for as long as I can remember. A couple of years ago, I signed up to NaNoWriMo, and started to work on my goal in earnest. Then I was diagnosed with lupus and psoriasis – two severe autoimmune diseases that have since wrecked havoc on my life. I was unable to type due to numbness and pain in my arms and hands. Since then, I have abandoned my goal of writing my novel. While my health challenges are certainly a handicap, I suspect that the real obstacle isn’t lack of time or my health, it’s fear. As long as my novel remains unwritten, it can’t be rejected. I can hold on to my dream of being an author “one day”, whereas if I write it and it’s not good enough, I would have to give up on the dream.
You would think that, given the above insights, I’d be able to overcome my psychological hurdles and get on with it. I’m happy to be able to confirm that I’ve started taking baby steps in the right direction. I have given away two large bags full of clothes I no longer wear, and I’ve started writing for World Moms Network again.
To paraphrase Unwritten: each day we get a brand new chance to “begin our book.” No one else can do or say what we are meant to do and say. We’re all unique, and therefore uniquely qualified for whatever it is that we’re meant to accomplish in our lifetimes.
What goals do you have, but “don’t have time” for? If you have already published a book, do you have any advice for us aspirant authors?
This is an original post for World Moms Blog by Mama Simona from Cape Town, South Africa.
Photo credit: Caleb Roenigk / Flickr.
Mamma Simona was born in Rome (Italy) but has lived in Cape Town (South Africa) since she was 8 years old. She studied French at school but says she’s forgotten most of it! She speaks Italian, English and Afrikaans. Even though Italian is the first language she learned, she considers English her "home" language as it's the language she's most comfortable in. She is happily married and the proud mother of 2 terrific teenagers! She also shares her home with 2 cats and 2 dogs ... all rescues.
Mamma Simona has worked in such diverse fields as Childcare, Tourism, Library Services, Optometry, Sales and Admin! (With stints of SAHM in-between). She’s really looking forward to the day she can give up her current Admin job and devote herself entirely to blogging and (eventually) being a full-time grandmother!
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by World Moms Blog | Oct 5, 2016 | 2016, Africa and Middle East, Birthing, Health, Kenya, Maternal Health, Mission Motherhood, Pregnancy
Jennifer Burden, Founder & CEO of World Moms Network
As part of World Moms Blog’s collaboration with BabyCenter’s Mission Motherhood®, our World Moms are writing posts on maternal health around the world. In today’s post, Jennifer Burden writes about Jacaranda Health’s impact on maternal health in Kenya.
“Whether you are thinking about getting pregnant, currently pregnant, or a seasoned birther, there is one thing that we can all agree about avoiding. Lines in the maternity ward!! Big ones. HUGE. Because, hey, when a mother’s gotta birth, a mother’s gotta birth, right? Get out of our way, we’re coming through!!!
Long lines are the reality for moms who seek to give birth in public clinics in Kenya. Add lack of good procedures to prevent infection, being disrespected by health workers, rushed care, and overlooked emergencies to the mix; and Kenyan women report having bad experiences at public clinics. Giving birth can be frightening and dangerous for moms here. The Kenyan government is committed to help; however, there is little oversight or training to make the improvements needed…”
Read the full post, Maternal health worth traveling miles for in Kenya, over at BabyCenter’s Mission Motherhood®!
World Moms Blog is an award winning website which writes from over 30 countries on the topics of motherhood, culture, human rights and social good. Over 70 international contributors share their stories from around the globe, bonded by the common thread of motherhood and wanting a better world for their children.
World Moms Blog was listed by Forbes Woman as one of the "Best 100 Websites for Women 2012 & 2013" and also called a "must read" by the NY Times Motherlode in 2013. Our Senior Editor in India, Purnima Ramakrishnan, was awarded the BlogHer International Activist Award in 2013.
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by Aisha Yesufu | Oct 4, 2016 | Equality, Human Rights, Nigeria, Social Equality, World Voice
6th September 2016 is the day that President Buhari of Nigeria decided to get his dictator skin back on by sending police to stop #BringBackOurGirls peaceful procession. This same President who during the elections campaigns had said, “so before you is a former military ruler and a converted democrat who is ready to operate under democratic norms and is subjecting himself to the rigors of democratic elections for the fourth time”.
The most annoying part of it is that sending police against #BringBackOurGirls movement instead of rescuing #ChibokGirls was the failing script left by the former administration of President Jonathan and to think that President Muhammadu Buhari would adopt that strategy is simply unbelievable.
#ChibokGirls were abducted from their school where they were writing their final exams on the 14th of April 2014. On the 23rd of April the hashtag #BringBackOurGirls started and 30th of April 2014 the physical demands for the rescue of #ChibokGirls started. Instead of the then government to respect the rights of citizens to make demands decided to attack and malign the #BringBackOurGirls movement. We continued with our demands undeterred knowing fully well that the rescue of #ChibokGirls is the responsibility of government and it’s the right of #ChibokGirls as enshrined in the Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. We continued with demands for our #ChibokGirls inspite of threats to our lives.
On May 29th exactly 410 days after abduction of #ChibokGirls a new government was sworn in after the incumbent government was defeated in the elections.
#BringBackOurGirls movement is administration neutral and does not demand rescue of #ChibokGirls from the President or administration but from the Nigerian government irrespective of who is President. We continued with our demands for #ChibokGirls still in captivity.
We have continued to demand for rescue of our #ChibokGirls who unfortunately sadly and painfully are approaching 900 days in captivity.
For the government of the day to begin to attack on our movement even to the extent of using armed police against us is quite sad.
The President needs to understand that it’s not bullets that brought him to power but ballots and the people that cast those ballots are the bosses. Seeing police coming out to stop us as we march peacefully to make demands for our #ChibokGirls was pathetically funny. Couldn’t they at least learn from the failing script left by former Commissioner of Police Mbu who tried to ban us from marching? Mbu tried stopping us where is Mbu today? Former President Jonathan government that hired thugs to stop us how successful were they? That President Muhammadu Buhari decided to go that route is sad day for democracy.
Hundreds of police men and women were sent out to stop us. One of the officers said to us that there was directive to stops us from moving from the Unity Fountain a place were we meet daily for Sit Out to make demands for our #ChibokGirls and that we should stay at Unity Fountain. When the Officer was asked directive “from whom” he refused to say. Police cannot infringe on our constitutional rights to peaceful protest. We cannot ask police for permission to protest. That would be disastrous. What the law asks is that the Police be given 48 hours notice of any planned peaceful protest and that we always comply with. The police we have in Nigeria unfortunately has allegiance to the President and ruling party rather than to Nigeria and Nigerians.
We embarked on our march and the only weapons we had were pictures of our #ChibokGirls. We surged on and when we got to where we were normally stopped when going to villa we met hirelings that carried Anti BBOG placards. I do hope they get their proper dues with all this talk of recession in Nigeria. Police that said it had banned all form of protest obviously forgot to add except when they have Presidential approval. The police looked sheepish when we asked them what explanation do they have for those who were there protesting?
We had no business with anyone coming to protest for or against anything. It’s a democracy and all are free to come and protest. We went directly to the business that brought us to the Presidential villa which was to paste the pictures of our #ChibokGirls on the wall of the entrance to villa. We went straight to work and did what took us there. When one comes with well coordinated thought out strategic plan one gets to work and doesn’t have time for distraction.
This I hope President Buhari would please take note of.
We did what we set out to do because we know our fundamental human rights.
I have a note for President Buhari:
The same way you kept coming back again and again asking for votes is the same way we would keep going again and again to demand #BringBackOurGirls and we would not stop Not Until Our Girls Are Back And Alive #NotWithoutOurDaughters.
The easiest way to get us to stop demanding is by rescue of our #Chibokgirls
#BringBackOurGirls NOW & ALIVE
