I breastfeed my daughter. There, I said it. My little girl turned 1 and I feel embarrassed to admit that I am still feeding her 3 times a day.
In San Francisco it is the norm to exclusively breastfeed your child for the first 6 months. If you are a stay-at-home mom, like myself, most of us will breastfeed the first 12 months. And at one-year old, it is over!
With my first daughter, I don’t recall weaning being a big deal. I do remember 2 – 3 nights of a little complaining when I offered her a bottle of warm milk instead of the boob. Our second is a different story…
Little girl, M, has a strong personality, and we see it in everything she does. She is not letting go of her special mommy time without a fight. I have successfully got M down to 3 feedings a day.
I always swore that I wouldn’t be the type of mom who offered my child my boob every time she crawled up and gave me a snuggle. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I have just been strict and feel that there is a time and place to breastfeed one’s child – for us that is first thing in the morning, mid-day (usually before her afternoon nap), and before bedtime.
When my children were infants, I felt different about when and where I would breastfeed. It was usually anywhere and everywhere because as an infant, when you are hungry, you are really, really hungry. And, infants don’t know how to wait long.
Now that M is 12 months old, I tried to drop the mid-day feeding, recently. She cried before falling asleep for her nap, as I expected, but it was no big deal. She slept fine. But, when she woke, she fussed and fussed and fussed. My husband looked at me and asked me what was wrong with her.
Could it be that she wanted “mommy milk” (as we now call it to distinguish from cow’s milk)? Once I fed her she was fine and went about her busy self. It has been a few weeks, and I am not sure if I am ready to try to give up the mid-day feed again.
Some moms talk about weaning like it is no big deal. Drop a feed here, drop a feed there. Some moms I know are still working on it. I always said that when my child can lift up my shirt or verbalize that she wants milk from me, then she is too old. But, is she? That is the question I am now pondering as I snuggle with my baby each time and see (literally) tears streaming down her little face as I feed her.
At our 1 year well-baby check-up, I got my pediatrician’s point of view. My pediatrician is no-nonsense and tells me how it is – that is what I like about her. Her comment: “I’m ok with you doing that” when I told her that I was still breastfeeding M. She indicated that at this age it is emotional and not nutritional.
“What about antibodies?”, I asked. Her response: “negligible”, meaning that M wasn’t getting many more than she already has. She then reiterated that she needs to be drinking cow’s milk – which she doesn’t – but that is a whole other post!
So, I double-checked to see what the American Academy of Pediatrics had to say. They stated, “Babies should continue to breastfeed for a year and for as long as is mutually desired by the mother and baby.” (http://www.aap.org/breastfeeding/faqsBreastfeeding.html)
Hmmm…I then checked in with the La Leche League – but their site made my head spin with too much information, so I shut it down fast.
As for those antibodies, I do brag that my children do not get ear infections. Big girl has had 1 that I know of, and we opted not to treat it with antibiotics. And, little girl has not had one yet (hope I didn’t jinx myself). So there must be something to it, right?
So, what am I going to do? Being that it is cold and flu season, I think I am going to use the antibodies excuse and keep feeding M a little bit longer.
I am shortening the duration of the feeds, which although she is not happy about it, it is helping me be less strapped to her. My new rule is that when I hear her stop swallowing (meaning that she is now just suckling and not drinking milk), it is time to unlatch. I do this at night by singing her a bedtime lullaby (Braham’s lullaby to be exact) and then count backwards from five. At nap time, I simply count backwards when I am done in order to let her know it is coming.
The mornings are tough. That has always been our cuddle time, where I let her nurse as long as she wants. Why? More advice from the pediatrician – and this was from her personal experience not clinical – “let baby nurse once a day for as long as she would like, and she won’t use a pacifier or suck her thumb.” It has worked with both my girls! So, letting go of that morning feed is going to be the hardest.
Maybe one day I will simply wean her cold turkey. I told my husband that I want to leave for the weekend and let her forget about it. But not now, maybe in the spring when it stops raining here in Northern California. In the meantime, I am going to enjoy cuddling with little girl M because before I know it, she is going to be a big girl, too.
Did you breastfeed your child? If so, how long did you breastfeed for? And, do you have any advice for A. Roselyn?
This is an original World Moms Blog post by A. Roselyn of San Francisco, USA.
Photo credit to http://www.flickr.com/photos/28332173@N03/3315953152/. This photo has a creative commons attribution license.
A. Roselyn,
Breastfeeding can be tough for many moms, so congratulations for being able to continue! I don’t think you should feel one bit ashamed for continuing past one year. It sounds like you are doing what you feel comfortable with and going with your instinct!
I made it to 11 months with my daughter. My daughter began to lose interest at that time, so I just went with it. I had read some anthropology books about other cultures where the mothers continue to breastfeed past two years old into the 3’s, which kept me motivated to continue past the normal 6 months here.
Do you know any moms who have breastfed or are currently breastfeeding past one year? They may be able to provide some good info and motivation for you!
Great post!
Veronica Samuels 🙂
A. Roselyn,
I nursed my daughter through 17 mo and ended up stopping via the don’t offer/don’t refuse method, which worked great for us. My son is now 17 1/2 mo and we have stopped all daytime nursing (around 15 mo), but there is no way he is giving up his before bed and first thing in the morning feedings. He’d prefer to nurse 5xs a day, if I would let him. He also did fine when we went away for 3 days and was only on sippy cups, but wanted it right back again when I got home.
Great post. I believe in doing what is right for you and your family and also know that you’re not alone.
Mara
Thank you for all of the supporting comments.
@ Veronica – thank you for sharing with me your knowledge of other cultures. I have always wondered what mothers do around the world and that was one of my reasons to share my story.
@ Mara – I read about the don’t offer/don’t refuse method and plan on trying on giving it a try. It was interesting to hear that you were away from your child for 3 days and then picked up where you left off. I was hoping that would be our solution 🙂
I know that when the time is right, M will simply become uninterested and wean herself. Until then, we are enjoying the closeness we share during those quiet times in our day.
I don’t think nursing past one year is all that unusual. I probably would have if I could have but I had some nursing issues with both of my children. I think the answer is that you have to do what you feel is right for you and your child.
Great post on a great topic! I breastfed our son until his first birthday. I stopped mostly because I was ready to try to get pregnant again. Weaning was, mercifully, pretty easy for us. I think, though, that had I not wanted to try for baby #2 I would have stopped at one year anyway. I felt some amorphous pressure (not from anyone in particular) to stop at one year. I wonder if sometimes we put too much pressure on ourselves to stop at a “socially accepted” time. I don’t see anything wrong with continuing to nurse, if you feel its right for you and your child.
With my son, I had to pump my breast milk and give it to him in a bottle. I did that for 5 months. I wanted to go longer than that, but for various reasons, it didn’t work out. With my daughter, I breastfed her for 2 years. The WHO suggests at least 2 years and I was comfortable with that and able to do it. Weening my daughter was tough, but to be honest, I don’t have much advice. It’s all a bit of a blur and I was exhausted! Good luck!
Thank you for all of your thoughts and comments. It is great to hear other moms experiences outside of my network of friends.
I breastfed my first one until a couple of months after her 2nd birthday, by slowly dropping feeds as she drank more cow’s milk or formula. I fed my second until I was a couple of days overdue with baby 3, and only weaned him because I had a breast infection and my doctor told me to. He was 17 months old, and breastfeeding twice a day at that point. He didn’t seem to mind at all, just took a bottle instead. I had about 4 days before I then had to breast-feed my newborn! She breastfed until 21 months, and she decided when to stop (which had been my aim with all of them). One day she just didn’t want it any more – she had gone down to one morning feed in any case.
If you enjoy breastfeeding, and she still wants to (as it seems she does!), I would just go on with it. Once you stop, that intimate part of your life is over – don’t rush. I know mothers who have breastfed children up to the age of 4, which I wouldn’t want to do but each to their own. I don’t see any harm in it at all, for anyone.
Best of luck!
I was only able to breasfeed my boy for 3 months – at that point I had had enough of the breastfeeding, bottlefeeding, then pumping to stimulate more milk, and then drinking herbal tea aswell. I was exhausted, and when I stopped I only felt relief and could actually start to enjoy being a mother rather than feeling guilty all the time for not being able to feed him properly. I have learned that you should just do what feels right for you, as a happy mummy is the best thing for your baby!
During these mothergood quandries I like to remember that we are a product of the time and place in which we live and recall the centuries of women who came before us. For so long, women breastfed their young ones for as long as possible without a second thought. And if they couldn’t, they found someone who could. Not to say we aren’t blessed with more information, a variety of nutritional options, better medical support, and most importantly, choice. But don’t beat yourself up if you want to breastfeed your daughter long-term. Do what feels right to you. Because even though it is wonderful to have as much information as we do to base these decisions on, there is something to be said for good old mother’s intuition. Little M will be just fine either way because she has a self aware, well informed, caring Mom loooking out for her best interests.
A. Roselyn ~
I think it is wonderful that you breastfeed (are breastfeeding) your child. From my experience with it, I thought it created such a strong bond between my girls and me.
I breastfeed my oldest until she was 15 months. My 2nd daughter weaned herself at 13 months. I definitely would have kept doing it longer had she wanted to. I always enjoyed breastfeeding. It was quiet and calm time in my day. With my older daughter, I stopped at the 15th mark because my milk supply was getting low.
I found this on the internet today for you:
“Cross-cultural data shows that it is only in the West that infants are weaned before one year of age. For 99 percent of human history, breast milk was the primary or sole food until two years of age, and nursing continued for several more years (Small 1998).”
I wish you luck in what ever decision you make.
Both of my boys self-weaned. As soon as they sprouted teeth they wanted nothing to do with the boob.
I think you are doing great. Breastfeed for as long as you’re comfortable with – the time will come when you’ll know it’s the right time to stop. Don’t let societal expectations dictate the schedule for you.
Good luck!
Kirsten
I had a micropreemie who weighed a little over a pound at birth. I was told by the neonatal doctors to please try and go till 2 yrs. I did it, she was still little and it was totally not weird. Anything I could do for my child that struggled for life for so long. It ended up I went into the hospital for 3 days and my parents had her with them. One night was hard for them and they gave her the bottle. When I got out of the hospital, the weaning was done. This girl did not even want it when I offered it in a midnight half asleep state. Lol. Anyway my point is it def is beneficial to go longer then a year. It was told to me by the top doctors from the best childrens hosp in the world 🙂 Now when I see shows on tv where a mom has a grown child nursing…ugh it makes me ill. Relax and enjoy your baby <3
I just wanted to circle back on this post. Little girl is now 1 1/2 and weaned. It happened very naturally sometime around 14 months. She simply stopped requesting to be feed so I stopped offering. And there you have it! Another local mom and I often talk about topics/issues we stress about at the time and then become no big deal – to the point that we can barely recall them except that we talked a lot about it. This was, thankfully, one of those issues 🙂
Good to know A – a light at the end of the tunnel! My little one will be a year soon and here I am in the same boat you were in last December 🙂