I have heard and read lots of discussions and debates about gender roles, and in a book called “First-time Parents“, by Dr. Miriam Stoppard (I have been using this as reference book these last 10 months), there is a section about the differences in behaviour and development between boys and girls and how we should help the baby develop the skills that do not come as naturally.
I read about this when I was pregnant, and to be honest, I hadn’t really thought that much about it since. I was just taking it for granted that, as a parent, I would want my wee lad to be a balanced person who would get the opportunity to play with whatever he wanted to play with.
My little boy, who is now 10 months old, Â seems to be a very happy little boy. Â He is happy to play with most of his toys, and his favourite activity at the moment is to “walk” around the house pushing a kitchen chair in front of him. He has lots of toys, both cuddly toys and cars.
The other day we had a play date where a girl, who is also 10 months old, came to play with my little lad.  They didn’t play that much together, but they crawled after each other a bit.  And, they crawled over each other if one was in the way.  But, it was fun to see them interact a little bit. I was ever so proud when my little lad gave the little girl one of his toy cars! (It just so happens he was playing with a car, and I am sure it doesn’t really have an impact on the story I am trying to tell here, or does it?) Anyway, he likes the car, but it is nice and red, and the tires seem to taste very nice, as he has them in his mouth most of the time.
The interesting thing is (I am finally getting to my point) that the little girl was really interested in the teddy bears we have. I have just thought that my boy wasn’t old enough for teddy bears, as he has never shown any interest in them. Almost since he was born, I have put a teddy bear in his cot when he sleeps so that he wouldn’t feel alone, and there is always a teddy bear on the floor where he plays and in his toy-box (believe me, there are teddy bears everywhere, probably because I love them!).
But, he never pays any attention to them . Â He just crawls straight past them, or sometimes he picks one up and then throws it away. But, this girl crawled straight over to one of the teddy bears, picked it up and cuddled it! (All very natural, but why doesn’t my little boy do that?)
Now I am wondering if this is just my little lad? Is he a “typical” boy? (and what is a “typical” boy?)
I was talking about this with my father, as I seem to remember that I used to play with cars and trains when I was a child. What apparently used to happen was that my father would buy toy cars for me, but after a couple of minutes I would go back to playing with my dolls and other “girly” toys.  So, how much impact do I, as a mother, have on his development when he, at such a young age, seems to be (and I hate to use the word) a stereotypical boy? And does it really matter? I can’t force him to play with cuddly toys if he doesn’t want to.
So, what if your son likes dolls, or what if your daughter likes to play with cars? And, is it more accepted in society that the girl can play with what we think of as masculine toys, but not the other way around? What do you do if your little boy decides that he would like to wear pink shoes to kindergarten? (A little note: in Norway the term kindergarten is the equivalent to nursery or daycare.)
I have a feeling that would be easier for me to accept than for my husband, but to be honest, I am not sure how thrilled I would be.  I am normally a very open-minded person (or am I?), so why do I feel uncomfortable with the thought of using pink clothes/shoes on my little boy?
Readers, what do you think?
This is an original World Moms Blog post by Asta Burrows in Oslo, Norway. Â She can be found on her Facebook Page or on Twitter @AstaBurrows.
Photo credit to http://www.flickr.com/photos/starckting/243592533/.  This photo has a creative commons attribution license.
It’s interesting, isn’t it? I have three children, two girls and a boy. My younger girl LOVES dolls, especially baby dolls, but her big sister wasn’t and isn’t really into them. The boy LOVES fire-engines. They all love lego and toy cell-phones. They all have access to the same toys, and they do play together.
I gently distracted my boy when he asked me to make him a pretty dress (with fire-engines on it), but I would have made him one if he had repeated the request. He’s three. If he wants to play princess, that’s fine with me. (I made him pyjamas out of that fabric instead, he sometimes wears the top as a shirt to daycare).
Hi Kate, thanks for your comment, yes, I find it very interesting. Love that your son wanted a fire-engine dress! 🙂
Asta
Hi Kate, thanks for your comment, yes, I find it very interesting. Love that your son wanted a fire-engine dress! 🙂
Asta
My boys didn’t show any special interest in dolls in the beginning, but started showing a bit of interest when they started nursery. The “doll-corner” at the nursery has been very popular with both of them. Both boys have been watching me put on makeup and asked if they can do the same, I answered: “This is something girls do…”. Then they said: “But I want to….”. And then I responded: “You can do this when you are older”! 😉
I wonder what you will say when they are teenagers and then ask for your mascara! 🙂
Seeing the evolution of my boys’ playing preferences has been very interesting. I have always tried to provide them with a variety of toys/books/teddy bears etc. and then let them figure out what it is they like. George shows a preference for Lego and any construction-related stuff. James lives, sleeps and breathes cars and trains. Both of them have gone in the direction of typical “boy” activities without much prompting from me. However, I do know of several boys who have gone through phases of doing more typical “girl” stuff – my own kids may go through those phases someday themselves. Those boys have turned out just fine.
This is a great post.
Kirsten
Hi runningforautism, thanks for reading the article – very interesting how boys like lego and cars – I would be interested in hearing if little girls are too
Asta
Seeing the evolution of my boys’ playing preferences has been very interesting. I have always tried to provide them with a variety of toys/books/teddy bears etc. and then let them figure out what it is they like. George shows a preference for Lego and any construction-related stuff. James lives, sleeps and breathes cars and trains. Both of them have gone in the direction of typical “boy” activities without much prompting from me. However, I do know of several boys who have gone through phases of doing more typical “girl” stuff – my own kids may go through those phases someday themselves. Those boys have turned out just fine.
This is a great post.
Kirsten
Hi runningforautism, thanks for reading the article – very interesting how boys like lego and cars – I would be interested in hearing if little girls are too
Asta
Thanks for sharing your story Asta. We have always been amazed how our big girl gravitated to girly toys like baby dolls, ballet, and princesses without any influence from us. She has friends with similar interest and friends who love cars and dirt. Even when playing with her friends who love cars, she finds a princess to play with. It will be interesting to see if her little sister does the same.
Hi A Roselyn, thanks for the comment, I do fint it quite amazing how little girls and little boys are often so different! Asta
Thanks for sharing your story Asta. We have always been amazed how our big girl gravitated to girly toys like baby dolls, ballet, and princesses without any influence from us. She has friends with similar interest and friends who love cars and dirt. Even when playing with her friends who love cars, she finds a princess to play with. It will be interesting to see if her little sister does the same.
Hi A Roselyn, thanks for the comment, I do fint it quite amazing how little girls and little boys are often so different! Asta
Just another note, my mother-in-law just emailed me that she bought little girl a blue boy-like jacket for Christmas. Although she loved the pattern, she then got concerned that people would think she is a boy and did I want her to quickly exchange it. I told her that little girl can wear the jacket and a bow 🙂
🙂
Just another note, my mother-in-law just emailed me that she bought little girl a blue boy-like jacket for Christmas. Although she loved the pattern, she then got concerned that people would think she is a boy and did I want her to quickly exchange it. I told her that little girl can wear the jacket and a bow 🙂
🙂
Asta,
My daughter LOVES dinosaurs. And, she loves playing with the boys because they like them, too. Her girlfriends definitely have much more of an interest in dolls than she has. She has began to show an interest in baby dolls recently at 3 years old, just a slight one, because she is expecting her little sister in March. But, no sooner will she drop it and get into a long winded conversation among her little toy frogs next! I think she just loves animals so much!! (Her birthday cake had a pink T-Rex on it!)
I haven’t pushed a lot of girly stuff on her. I wanted to try to figure out what she would flock to most. She likes playing with teddy bears at school. She has attached herself to a cuddly elephant from 6 mos. old. There’s just something about animals that makes her happy!! I loved animals, too, but I bet my older sisters played a part in my liking dolls so much. She’s had her own clear slate to pick what she likes best, and animals seems to be her thing! Even the scary ones!
How do I feel about it? I guess I’ve never been a super girly-girl either, so it doesn’t bother me. And, I also grew up loving animals. If I was different from her, then maybe I would think differently. But, I just don’t know!
Thanks for bringing up such an interesting topic!
Veronica Samuels 🙂
Hi Veronica – wow – dinosaurs – that’s impressive! And a pink t-rex! 🙂 I don’t know why I am still amazed that children are so different, I guess they are just people like the rest of us 🙂 Interesting as well what you mention about older siblings and they also have a lot to say.
Another question thought – after the article was finished I found that my little boy now likes to “walk” (holding both of our hands) and kick any balls lying on the floor, he thinks this is hilariuos, and considering that he can’t walk, the fact that he is already trying to play football (soccer) is quite funny – do girls to this aswell? – Or maybe now I am just over analysing 🙂
Asta
Hi Asta – interesting to read your post and people’s responses.
We always bought gender neutral toys (wood toys with primary colors) for my oldest girl (now 4 yrs old) and she has always quite happy pulling a train along, hammering away on the pounding bench, and doing puzzles. She LOVES art – drawing and painting are her favorite thing to do. And while she is not super crazy about dolls, she does also love stuffed animals (or snuggle buddies as she calls them). I will admit that over the last year she has started to show an increased interest in princesses since she sees her friends have them when she goes on play dates and friends will talk about them at school. Oh, and how stereotypical is this…her favorite colors are pink and purple 🙂
My 8 month old isn’t showing a specific interest in any type of gender specific toy yet. She just grabs what ever is in front of her to check it out…and if it’s something her older sister is holding, she will try even harder to get it.
Both my girls go to a childcare that uses a DAP (developmentally appropriate curriculum). This year and last my oldest has been in one of the pre-school classrooms. They have different “areas” – an art area, a storybook area, a blocks area, a dramatic play area, etc. I’ve seen the boys congregate to the blocks area, but I also see girls (mine included) mingling there and zooming cars along. On the flip side, I have also sometimes arrived at pick-up time to find boys in the dramatic play area wearing a princess gown and crown. While this may seem a little peculiar or alarming to some people, I think it’s great that the children are able to play, try out or pretend (what ever you want to call it) things that may not be “stereotypical” for their gender in a comfortable, nurturing, and safe environment.
Hi Asta – interesting to read your post and people’s responses.
We always bought gender neutral toys (wood toys with primary colors) for my oldest girl (now 4 yrs old) and she has always quite happy pulling a train along, hammering away on the pounding bench, and doing puzzles. She LOVES art – drawing and painting are her favorite thing to do. And while she is not super crazy about dolls, she does also love stuffed animals (or snuggle buddies as she calls them). I will admit that over the last year she has started to show an increased interest in princesses since she sees her friends have them when she goes on play dates and friends will talk about them at school. Oh, and how stereotypical is this…her favorite colors are pink and purple 🙂
My 8 month old isn’t showing a specific interest in any type of gender specific toy yet. She just grabs what ever is in front of her to check it out…and if it’s something her older sister is holding, she will try even harder to get it.
Both my girls go to a childcare that uses a DAP (developmentally appropriate curriculum). This year and last my oldest has been in one of the pre-school classrooms. They have different “areas” – an art area, a storybook area, a blocks area, a dramatic play area, etc. I’ve seen the boys congregate to the blocks area, but I also see girls (mine included) mingling there and zooming cars along. On the flip side, I have also sometimes arrived at pick-up time to find boys in the dramatic play area wearing a princess gown and crown. While this may seem a little peculiar or alarming to some people, I think it’s great that the children are able to play, try out or pretend (what ever you want to call it) things that may not be “stereotypical” for their gender in a comfortable, nurturing, and safe environment.
Hi Eva,
I do like the wood toys with primary colors (I guess I seem to like all the “proper” toys that I had growing up 🙂 ). I think it is good that your kids get “exposure” to all sorts of toys, and also interesting to hear how kids get influenced by other children. My boy isn’t quite old enough for that so I haven’t experienced that yet. The thought of the little boys dressing up as princesses made me smile, and like you say, I also think it is great that children are allowed to play and pretend (in therory atleast, time will tell how I feel when my little lad starts doing that!).
Asta
Hi Eva,
I do like the wood toys with primary colors (I guess I seem to like all the “proper” toys that I had growing up 🙂 ). I think it is good that your kids get “exposure” to all sorts of toys, and also interesting to hear how kids get influenced by other children. My boy isn’t quite old enough for that so I haven’t experienced that yet. The thought of the little boys dressing up as princesses made me smile, and like you say, I also think it is great that children are allowed to play and pretend (in therory atleast, time will tell how I feel when my little lad starts doing that!).
Asta