They say that the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Well here’s my confession: my children watch WAY too much television. I admit it. It’s bad. It’s embarrassing. But it’s the truth.
When my daughter was born, I was given those Baby Einstein videos. You know, the ones that make you believe that you’re doing a GOOD thing by putting your infant in front of a television that was showing random images while playing classical music in the background. Disney claimed that these videos were educational, and I fell for it. Plus, it seemed to calm my baby down, so I thought I was killing two birds with one stone. Needless to say, my daughter was introduced to the wonders of televised media very early on.
She was nine-months-old when I returned to work. I didn’t want to put her in daycare because I was afraid that she would be sick all of the time. I was also worried about how she would be treated by the staff, and I wondered if all of her needs would be met. She was too young to tell me how her day went, and I was too paranoid to not obsess over it, so daycare wasn’t an option for us.
When my mother agreed to be her caretaker, I felt like the luckiest person in the world. There was nobody I could trust better to take care of my child (even my husband was a close second.) I knew that with my mother, my daughter would always be supervised. She would have the healthiest meals. And she would be held and loved as though I was with her. This made my transition back to work much easier.
The only downside to this arrangement was that my mother allowed my daughter to watch even more television that I did. She would feed my daughter in front of the television to make the process easier for her. The television was basically on all day long, regardless of whether or not my daughter was watching it. What was I to do? I felt like I couldn’t ask my mother to keep the television off because she was doing me such a huge favor. To me, this was the price I had to pay for the assurance of knowing that my daughter was in a safe place.
Going back to work was a lot harder than I had anticipated. I decided that I would not have another child until my husband and I were financially able to live on one salary so I could stay at home to raise the kids. When that time came, I swore I would not allow my second child to watch any television and he didn’t. Seven months after he was born, Disney recalled those Baby Einstein videos. Interest groups pressured the company to offer parents a refund on the premise that time in front of a TV screen was bad for babies. I knew those videos were a bad idea!
I stuck to my guns and never put the television on for my son. However, shortly after his first birthday he started showing an interest in what his sister was watching. Damn it! She was now four-years-old, going to school for three hours a day, and watching a lot less television but it was still on. It was frustrating to see my son looking at that screen, but I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal for him to watch a little television from time to time, as long as it didn’t become a problem.
This brings me to today. It has become a problem. I use the television to keep my son occupied while I cook or leave the room to do some other task (like use the bathroom.) He is 22-months-old and cannot be left alone for a minute without putting himself in a dangerous predicament. I have discovered that if I put the TV on, he will sit quietly and watch, without trying to destroy the home or himself. I know this is bad. I know it’s not the right thing to do. But I don’t think I have any other choice.
I am hoping that my son’s television time will diminish once I can trust that horrible things won’t happen when I leave the room. My daughter’s television watching is down to about two to three hours a day. This is actually quite an improvement, so don’t judge me! She watches a little in the morning while she’s getting ready for school. She watches again after school, and a little more TV before bed.
I know I am the one who determines how much television my children watch. I know that I’m in control. But I don’t know if I’m ready to let the television go just yet. I must admit, I like the freedom that TV affords me to do what I need to get done in the house without having to worry about the safety of my children.
Now that my dirty little secret is out in the open, where do I go from here?
This is an original post for World Moms Blog by Kally Mocho, our Basque Heritage Queen, of New Jersey, USA.
Photo credit to http://i730.photobucket.com/albums/ww306/carmelitaforero/IMG_0047.jpg. This photo has been used within the terms of photobucket.
Kally ~ I can totally relate to your 22-month-old getting into everything. I have a 2-year-old daughter, whom we affectionately refer to as “destructor!” She gets into everything!
I am a stay-at-home mother and am homeschooling my 5-year-old for Kindergarten. I made a commitment when I got pregnant to never have the television on in our house during the day. We have only one TV in our house; I am on the bit of the extreme side of my kids not watching TV. I only allow them to watch it if I DVRed an Andre Rieu special or something of that nature. We do allow them to watch movies on occasion, like if we are going on a long road trip, they watch them in the car. I also allow them to watch holiday theme movies, like the Polar Express, but I always fast-forward it from the time the girls looses her ticket until when they sing “When Christmas Comes to Town.” I absolutely love the book, but cannot stand the homeless man in the movie. I find him scary and completely unnecessary to the story, so I always fast-forward him right out.
The reason I am extreme in not exposing my children to television is that I loathe commercials. I was a Director of Marketing for three major malls in Massachusetts prior to having children. I was exposed to the behind the scenes of marketing and it really disgusted me. I cannot stand being “sold” to. If you ever ride in the car with me and I have the radio on, whether my girls are in the car or not, I always, always, always turn the volume down and so as to not listen to commercials. I refuse to expose myself to corporate brainwashing. I know it sounds extreme, believe me, when people ask my girls who Big Bird is or Elmo, they just cock their heads to the side and put on a perplexed expression. I get judgments from people all the time about NOT exposing my kids to TV, but I frankly I don’t care. I am comfortable with what works for us and right now little to no television and commercials are a great fit!
Don’t feel bad for letting your kids watch television, as long as you are comfortable with the programming they are being exposed to then set your mind at ease. Your kids are loved and happy, that is all that truly matters!
I forgot to put that my girls love the Tinkerbell series movies. We do have a movie night at least once a month and the Tinkerbell movies since September have been on the top of their list. I also bought them the Little Pim Spanish DVDs for Christmas. I just wanted to share that, because they absolutely do love watching the Tinkerbell movies when we do watch them. I know I can’t keep them in non-television-bubble forever, but I am trying my best to do what I can so that I can control what images they are being exposed to.
I think you may have tried to post a comment that didn’t appear because it seems as though this one picked up where another may have left off. Am I right about this?
I see your first post now! Thanks for the info. How do you get things done at home (cook, use the bathroom, clean, etc…) without your two-year-old putting herself at risk? Do you have any tips for me?
Kally,
There is a great book I read:
Golinkoff, R. & Hirsh-Pasek, K. (1999) How babies talk:The magic and mystery of language acquisition. New York: Dutton/Penguin
The book talked about how television programming for children has changed and has become more interactive, which can lead to language acquisition. However, there is an importance of trying to find the right type of programming. It is a bit outdated, but some of the ones they mention are Sesame Street (who apparently does the most research on these types of these things according to the book at the time), Dora and Blues Clues — these are all still around.
My daughter is a big fan of “Dinosaur Train” on PBS station in the U.S. and “Dino Dan” on the Nickelodeon channel, both in English. These aren’t so interactive, but she’s learned a lot about dinosaurs and she uses it in her pretend play. She would watch television all day if she could, so I have to set limits. Also, there are games she can play online at PBS Kids about dinosaur train that are interactive.
Here’s another way I feel less guilty about TV…I bought a bunch of DVDs in another language, so watching them becomes more challenging for her, and she can acquire some foreign language as a supplement to speaking and reading the language at home.
I think each mom has to do what feels best for them. If you are feeling guilty about the amount of TV time, then make the times where they’re not watching extra specially engaging! But, like you said, safety comes first!
Great post! Thanks for sharing your feelings!!
Veronica 🙂
Kally, great post and thanks for your honesty; there must be something in the air because, right after Thanksgiving, I also blogged about the ill-effects of kids and TV (http://growingmuses.wordpress.com/2010/11/27/tv-and-kids-the-great-power-off-switc/).
I have kids the same age as yours (4+ and 22mo) and like Courtney, I went to GREAT lengths to keep the TV off for the first two years of my eldest child’s life. I have been to a number of lectures on the topic of kids and TV and all experts and educators seem unanimous about the fact that TV watching before age 2 has a more negative impact on children than it does after age 2.
That being said, my preschooler is now allowed to watch between 30-60 minutes of TV 4-5 days a week (typically while I’m making dinner) and naturally, my 22 mos old watches too. It’s nearly unavoidable. I suppose it’s the slippery slope of birth order. The one peace-of-mind I do have about it is that I only allow PBS, which is commercial free (not sponsor free, but no commercials at least). There are some terrific shows to chooses from (Curious George, Dinosaur Train, Word World, Between the Lions). Though we do not have cable, I did discover a great cable network at my in-laws (which I am sure more TV savvy moms are well-familiarized with), Noggin/Nick, Jr, which is also commercial-free. It seems that commercialism, more than programming, is the real damaging factor on young kids.
Also, I recently had a conversation about the Tag Reader (http://www.leapfrog.com/tag/) with a friend of mine and we concluded that they are GREAT segue to the book world for overstimulated kids (the TV set). Since having one would render all Barefoot Books (http://www.browsingbarefoot.com) obsolete in my household, we’ll likely never get one but it might be something to keep in mind for a future gift. Good luck and please keep us posted!
My kids do watch the PBS and Nick Jr shows, but just a little too much of them. I will have to look into the Tag Reader for my daughter. She loves books, so I bet she would be into that. Thanks for the advice!
Thanks for the tips Veronica. My daughter is also a big fan of Dino Dan and my son loves Sesame Street. I do have foreign languageg DVDs but my DVD player won’t play them because they’re formatted differently. Do you have a special DVD player or are your foreign language DVDs from the U.S.?
Yes, I found a multi-region dvd player on Amazon for under $100. We can play the world now! 🙂
Veronica
Thanks Veronica! Maybe I’ll get one of those as a Christmas present to myself.
Thank you for your post, Kally, you are not alone in this challenge. Our first daughter was exposed to Dora and Elmo DVDs by her caregiver as I was working when she was 6 months old to 1 year. Once I starting staying home with her we went cold turkey. We no longer have a working tv in the house but she understands the power of the internet and computer. So we now stream 1 episode of Dora for her once a day – usually in the morning. That’s it. It was a rough transition for both of us and we compared it to a addict quitting smoking. But now we are all in a better place and we understand the and stick to the limits set. But please do what is best to keep your family safe. 22 months is a tough age but hopefully you will turn a corner soon. Good luck!
I love the comparison to quitting smoking. I think it will be harder for me than for the kids because then I actually have to plan ways of keeping them occupied while I get my work done. My son will literally hold onto my legs as I walk around the house. It makes cooking a little dangerous. I’m hoping he turns that corner soon! Thanks for your post.
mine watch too much now I think.
They are all older. (14,15,17).
When my middle was a toddler-preschooler (as soon as he could crawl basically) he was a DANGER CHILD (still kinda is…..)
I had to take him with me when I went to the bathroom or shower. I had to always be in the same room as him. good thing our house was only about 900 sq feet.
Those overly hyper/active/leap-from-tall-buildings kids can be trying on our nerves…. hang in there!
(I’m visiting you via the Picket Fence community. I just joined today)
Thanks for reading Kimberly! Glad to know that there are other moms out there who have lived with the anxiety of having that “DANGER CHILD.” I love the little guy to death. I just don’t know how many more near heart attacks I can manage. Here’s to safer days!
Phew – glad to know I’m not the only one that lets my child watch TV while I get dinner ready 🙂 My husband doesn’t get home until dinnertime, so with the baby in the highchair accompanying me in the kitchen, this is the only way to get dinner prepared. My 4 year old daughter’s TV time is probably about an hour total per day. We purposefully don’t have cable TV, so she only watches DVDs that have gotten mommy and daddy’s stamp of approval. Is it bad to say that I think it also gives her some time to unwind by herself after being at pre-school all day, where she has had constant interaction with friends and teachers?
I love your honesty because we are a house full of tv watchers, always have been, probably always will be. As I type this, my other half and I are both clicking away on our laptops as the Lakers/Bulls game plays on the living room tv. My youngest is in our room watching Kid vs Kat at ear splitting levels. If my oldest were home, I am sure he would be in his room watching Locked Up Abroad (his fav show). Ugh, there’s my dirty little secret. There is ALWAYS a tv on in my house. However, my boys are 14 and 9 and they do lots of other activities too. I figure it all evens out in the wash.