My first job after graduating college was being a member of the prestigious Management Development program for the MBNA Corporation. I was one of twenty-three newly graduated college students going through the program.
During our first week of work, we took one of those professional personality tests. The test categorizes your personality in one of four categories: a panther, owl, dolphin or peacock.
A panther is known for being a goal setter and go getter. They are all business. An owl is concerned with only the facts. They are very pragmatic and analytical. A dolphin is a bridge builder. The dolphin is family oriented. It is hard to separate the dolphin from family or friends. They are extremely dedicated. The peacock person is a networker and is very social. They are bubbly and love to be around people.
The results of the test were very interesting. Twenty-one of my co-workers personalities either fell into the panther or owl category. One of my co-worker’s personality was that of a peacock, and then there was me. I was the lone dolphin in the group. When our administrator read the results everyone just stared at me and the peacock.
The administrator informed our group that most Management Development participants are either a panther or owl, very rare are the dolphins and peacocks. She went on to say that the dolphins and peacocks should be cherished, for those are the personalities that bring about balance and positive energy.
So, I am a dolphin… I mean, I was a dolphin when I was twenty-two. I wonder if I would still be a dolphin now, at the age of thirty-five filling out that questionnaire. What does this mean about my mothering style? I realize that all mothers are different, but does this make me extremely different compared to my fellow panther and owl mothers?
There is a lot of buzz around the book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother written by Amy Chua. The book focuses on the author’s belief that Chinese mothering is superior to that of Western culture. I have not personally read the book yet, I have it on hold at our local library. I’ve read the article “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior“. In the article, Chua discusses and defends her parenting methods.
The tiger, the living symbol of strength and power, generally inspires fear and respect. Chua equates her parenting methods to that of a “tiger.” She believes that children should not attend a sleepover, not have any play-dates, watch TV or play computer games, get any grade less than an A and so on.
In the United States many mothers refer to themselves as a “mother bear.” The “mother bear” fiercely protects her child. I can relate to that. Since becoming a parent, I feel as though I am not just a dolphin anymore. I think maybe I am a bit of all of the animal personalities combined: dolphin, owl, panther, peacock, mother bear and even a bit of a tiger, too. Motherhood has changed me.
In the United States we use the idiom, “keeping up with the Joneses,” which refers to comparing your status to that of your neighbors. I hypothesize that too many of us mothers feel the pressure to try to keep up with what other mothers are doing. My generation, in particular, is notorious for enrolling our children in every activity under the sun, for fear that they’ll fall behind if we didn’t.
Children grow up in the blink of an eye. We are their role models, whether we are a dolphin, panther, owl, peacock, tiger or some other kind of animal. Find the good qualities in your personality and nurture them. Be proud of who you are. Oscar Wilde once said, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
What animal can you relate your parenting style to? Do you ever feel the pressures from other mothers or parents or feel like you are being judged?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Courtney Cappallo of Massachusetts, USA. Courtney can be found homeschooling on her blog, Table of Four.
Photo credit to Courtney Cappallo.
Hi Courtney,
I posted about this (rushing about doing activities) thing a few days ago. I’ve called it the Academic Panic, and it’s generated some great comments.
As to the animals: I agree, motherhood has me being all of those animals and probably an octopus as well – usually each and every day…
It has taken us a while to find our dominant parenting style and really settle on what we want for our children, but we’re there and it feels great. Great post.
kloppenmum ~ Thanks for taking the time to read my article. I read your article on Academic Panic. Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed your article and am glad I read it. I found it a nice reminder that our children are just that, children! I think our generation of parents puts so much pressure on doing it bigger, better and so forth. The big picture is passing us by… in the blink of an eye!
Great post! I found my self feeling like I had to have an activity everyday — which I did as a stay-at-home mom because we would go nuts otherwise. Now that I work I give myself a whole day to see just what happens. Eventually we’ll go for a walk or visit a neighbor. The planning and planning that mom’s do these days would make me so stressed. I’m not a panther — at all. Probably a peacock/dolphin these days.
Heather ~ a walk is one of my favorite activities to do with my girls. There is always so much to explore, every single walk! Oh and it’s free, gets them fresh air and stimulates their brains!! Bonus, bonus, bonus!
Courtney – I LOVE that picture – absolutely adorable!!
And what you say is so true about the mother bear – I feel like that kicked in right after I gave birth to my first child! From what you describe, I guess I am a mixed up bear/panther/dolphin/peacock.
As for Amy Chua’s book…I have not read it yet either (also on hold at our local library – I am 568 on the list, so I don’t expect to read for a few months!) but from what I have heard, and in talking to a friend from China, one leg up I think you have on her is the creativity aspect. You school your girls, but let them use their own creativity and let it play out in their work.. That is so valuable. While I think some regimen/routine is good, it’s also very valuable to help children think outside the box. That will serve them so well in life.
Eva ~ thank you for your nice comment about the lobster photo. The pic was for my oldest daughter’s first Halloween. We live on Cape Cod, so it was quite fitting! It’s one of my all time favorites!
I can relate to each animal you mentioned that you align with. I was thinking that I am probably not an owl…
You know what’s funny about letting my girls create… the other day I left out materials for my 5-year-old daughter to make her own umbrella, because ‘U’ is the letter of the week in our house. When she showed me what she created I was very impressed. She didn’t want to make a “wet” umbrella, which is what I intended for her to make. Instead, she made a parasol or a “hot umbrella” as she referred to it! ha! I told my husband that I was so glad she went outside the box on that craft.
Great post, Courtney. Everyone in the Bay Area (as we refer to the area north, south, east of San Francisco) is talking about Amy Chua. Like yourself, I have read the Wall Street Journal article and have her book reserved at my local library. She spoke recently at one of our local book stores. Below is a link to the event video. After watching hearing/watching her, I am not sure what I think of her. What I do believe is that at the end of the day, she is an author that wants to sell a lot of books 🙂 As for myself, I think I am still finding my parenting style. I love my girls but I also want to teach them respect. I want them to mind me, especially if they are putting themselves in danger. I believe them, I trust them, I hear them, I love them. But I don’t want to be a push over 🙂 And as they grow and change, I am learning to adapt, too.
http://livestre.am/zZqe
A. Roselyn ~ I am looking forward to watching the video, thank you for sharing! I don’t think I could have said it better myself about trying to achieve with my own parenting style. I feel like every day a battle with my 5-year-old pops up where she is testing me to see if I’ll follow through with punishing her. It pains me when she tries to get in that last word. For example, today she hid her little sisters pants from her. Might not sound like a big deal but these pants are youngest daughter’s favorite thing to carry around. Who knew, pants?!
Anyway, when I told my 5-year-old daughter not to do that again, she said “OK… unless.” That darn last sassy word… this is where my daughter struggles. She is trying to assert her independence but, like you said, I want her to mind me. Respecting people is a major point of issue with me. So, she went in time out and lost a privilege.
I don’t want to be a push over either and when she throws in that last word of sass, trust me I won’t be! ha!!
Great post! You are so self aware and articulate, and you raise many good points to think on. I am a little if each animal, but motherhood has thrust my inner dolphin to the forefront, for sure. I also saw sn interview with Chua where she talked about the backlash she was receiving. She said the book is a memoir and has many self deprecating parts. She added that while she still is a tiger mom, she learned she had to back off a bit b/c no one solution fits every situation. I suppose all of our inner animals are ever-evolving. Also – my husband is from outside Boston, and my mother-in-law sent us that same lobster costume for our 2nd son’s 1st Halloween 😉
Oops! Just saw 2 typos in my comment. Typing on my phone here….please excuse.
Tara ~thank you for your kind words. I agree that we are ever-evolving. My husband said since he met me, I’ve changed several times. All in goods ways (thank goodness!)
So cute that your son was a lobster, too!
Courtney,
From your post: “A panther is known for being a goal setter and go getter. They are all business. An owl is concerned with only the facts. They are very pragmatic and analytical. A dolphin is a bridge builder. The dolphin is family oriented. It is hard to separate the dolphin from family or friends. They are extremely dedicated. The peacock person is a networker and is very social. They are bubbly and love to be around people.”
I think I am am a panther in a peacock costume!! I really like setting goals and getting stuff done, but I am laid back — I’m not really into perfection. But, I LOVE people!
Some might say I have my daughter over involved in activities. But, I think it is being around people that motivates us to get out and experience things. I get bored easily. And, she gets bored as a kid easily, so doing lots of different things, like French class, keeps us both motivated. That’s just how we roll! 🙂
Do I feel pressures from other moms? No. As long as people are nice to me, I like hearing about and respect their opinions. But, I’m really not one to compare. I think I’m just in my own little world! I know, strange!!!!
Veronica Samuels 🙂
Veronica ~ I agree, you definitely have peacock and panther in you. I think you are the perfect balance of each!!
Hi Courtney! This was one of the best posts I have seen about the Tiger Mom debacle. When i first started reading, I immediately tried to foresee which animal I would be. But I found myself in all of the descriptions. I think *that’s* what makes us so powerful as Moms: We’re not afraid to have balance and pick and choose the best traits for ourselves when it comes to affecting our children. Truly, well done post you dolphin, you! 🙂
Galitbreen ~ thank you for taking the time to read my article. Your nice comment turned my day around!! Thank you!!
Courtney – I just wanted to circle back as I just finished reading the Amy Chua book. In the end, I still believe that she is an author who wants to sell books. But I could also see how writing this book for her was an outlet/memoir for herself and family. What I learned from the book: 13 is going to be harder than 3; each child is different so what works for big girl may not work for little girl; and teaching love and respect is going to be a balancing act. Have you read the book yet? Have your thoughts changed?
A. Roselyn ~ sorry it has taken me so long to reply to your comment! I did have a chance to read Amy Chua’s book. I really enjoyed it. I actually laughed out loud a few times while reading it.
I give Chua much credit for writing the book. She revealed some of her worst parenting traits (in my opinion) in the book. It’s takes a lot of courage to show the world that you aren’t perfect and that you’ve made mistakes.
Her parenting style is something that I know I would have rebelled against, like her daughter Lulu… perhaps because I am the youngest child, too.
What I find so sad is that SO much time was spent on forcing the children to practice their instruments, and in the end the youngest daughter refused to pursue that path. All of that fighting, pain and agony… for what? Yes they are smart girls, yes the can play instruments well, but from what I interpreted, Chua torched the relationship with her youngest child. Lulu will never forget the horribly painful words her mother spoke to her.
I speak from my own experience with my mother, we did not get along well when I was high school. I remember her saying to me at my college orientation, at the very end of my college celebrating us freshman… she turned to me and said, “Don’t screw this up.” I was devastated. Did she say that to my older brother and sister too when they went college? I looked around and saw all of my fellow freshman hugging their parents, while their parents patted them on the back. I walked away in tears back to my new dorm.
My point in telling you that is that I’ll never forget that is what she said to me. Chua said some very nasty things to her children that you can never take back that will live with them forever.