It was the horrific news of sexual abuse at the Jakarta International School in Indonesia that spread the nation like a wild fire.
It was every parent’s nightmare.
It raised safety issues in school.
My son’s school is installing security cameras outside of the children’s toilets and carrying out special program called “Personal Body Safety” to teach children as early as first grade about it. And most importantly, it opened up discussions between parents and their children and that’s what happened between my son and me.
It was the news that made me read as much information as I could about child sexual abuse. By reading some really helpful articles, I realized it was time to start introducing the ‘real words’ for body parts with my son.
Yes, I had read that one is supposed to use the correct biological terms when you teach your children about their body part but I guess my own personal upbringing prevented me from doing this before. When I grew up, I did not even know what my private parts were called. My parents and their parents’ parents never openly discussed this. Sexuality was a taboo discussion back then, and sadly it carries on into today’s generations, here, in Indonesia.
At first I was uncomfortable in teaching my son to say “penis” now instead of “pee-pee”, but once I realized how this was NOT about me and my uncomfortableness, but something more important, made it easier. This is about me teaching him the right words. We talked about private body parts and how no one should touch them other than doctors IF he is sick and his private parts needs to be examined. We talked about the PANTS and how he needs to avoid being in a situation where adults are getting too close to his private parts.
Such a fine line between educating them and not scaring our children but it is very important to teach them about the boundaries and about protecting themselves. The statistics are so disturbing that your daughter has a 1 in 4 chance and your son has a 1 in 6 chance of being molested before the age of 18. Other than teaching them about private body parts I think it is also important to teach our children to listen to their guts and trust their instincts. I pray hard that my boy and all the children of the world will never have to experience such a traumatic thing but I realize knowledge and awareness are power. So we sit and watched this short movie together, my boy and I.
He asked me questions and I answered them the best that I could. Discussions went on. Yet, I realized we will have to talk about this often to instill in him about the safety parts not to scare him.
How do you talk to your children about sexual abuse?
Here is a very helpful link from the NSPCC site.
This is an original post by our World Mom, Maureen of “Scoops of Joy” in Indonesia for World Moms Blog.
Photo credit to the author.
Maureen
Founder of Single Moms Indonesia, community leader and builder. Deeply passionate about women empowerment.
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Maureen, what ages do they suggest having this PANTS conversation? Mine are 3 and 5. I just did it but stressed the secrets that upset them are always ok to tell mommy and I will never ever ever be upset over anything they tell me. I told them their bodies belong to them and nobody should ever touch them when they say NO it means no. Any now I am somewhat shaking from it…..the world is scary
Hi Sarah, the NSPCC doesn’t really gives out how old we should start the PANTS conversation but from their website it seems like we need to start early without scaring our children. I think you did great! I watched some guided videos about it with my son too and emphasizes that I will never get angry if he tells me anything. Fortunately, my son really doesn’t like being touch by strangers so I feel a little better but the thoughts that our children can be in dangers while in school is just so scary. It is a crazy world indeed and I wish all our children will be safe.
Oh I forgot to add this link: http://www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/help_and_advice_hub_wdh71748.html
Sadly most abuse happens not at the hands of strangers but at the hands of trusted family members, friends or caregivers! 🙁
It is most important to keep reminding children that WE are their “safe space”, they can tell us anything, we will NEVER stop loving them and they can trust US to keep any and all secrets.
Of course it’s uncomfortable to talk about these topics, but it is probably the only way we can protect them. My son is now 21 and my daughter 18. They often rolled their eyes at me when I repeated all of the above and all I had to do was start “the talk” and I’d get “moo-om, we kno-ow”! Now they understand and appreciate what I did to keep them safe, despite my own discomfort. 🙂 Keep it up, ladies, you’re doing great!!
Maureen,
THANK YOU for writing this post. I will work on getting the video in there today!
Jen 🙂
Maureen, I just want to thank you again for writing this. This video has been really helpful, and I will continue to share it!!
Jen 🙂