My extended family on my dad’s side is huge. My dad had a bunch of sisters and a brother, and they’ve all gotten married and had babies and all of their babies are getting married and having babies. My oldest cousin is in her 40s; the youngest is in her early 20s. The oldest of the cousin’s children is 17 and the youngest is…just a couple weeks old.
Growing up, one set of cousins lived particularly close to where we lived. J is almost exactly 10 years older than me, and his sister V is 8 years older. They both used to babysit my siblings and I, but I mostly just remember V. She would take us on the bus when we left the house. She was a cheerleader, and when I got a little older she was my cheer coach.
In all honesty, she was basically my big sister. I looked up to her in a way I wished my little sister would look up to me. I still do.
Recently I had a mini breakdown at a family event and I ended up closing myself in a bedroom for a while to have a good cry. I just needed to get it out to be done with it and move on. It was the only way I could deal with all of the emotions I had been feeling.
V came to me to talk. It was a little bit of a relief when she admitted to me that she doesn’t have everything together. She made me realize that it’s all right for me to not have it all together at 30. People have been telling me this, but V saying it–for some reason–really made it click. I have looked up to her for so much of my life, and what I could see always looked like she really knew what she was doing. For her to admit even the smallest imperfection meant a lot to me.
Not because I feel better that she’s imperfect, but because she made it okay for me to be imperfect. She made it okay for me, and I’m here to tell you that it’s okay for you. It’s okay if you don’t have it all together. Nobody does. We’re all just doing the best we can with what we’ve got. And what more could we ask for?
Do you ever feel like you don’t quite have it “all together”? How have you dealt with the emotions you have felt?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Roxanne of Nevada, USA. You can find Roxanne at her editorial website, RoxannePiskel.com, and her personal blog, Unintentionally Brilliant.
Photo credit to Lina Hayes. This photo has a creative commons attribute license.
Roxanne (USA)
Roxanne is a single mother to a 9-year-old superhero (who was born 7 weeks premature), living in the biggest little city and blogging all about her journey at Unintentionally Brilliant. She works as a Program Coordinator for the NevadaTeach program at the University of Nevada, Reno. Roxanne has a B.A. in English from Sierra Nevada College. She has about 5 novels in progress and dreams about completing one before her son goes to high school.
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Great post.. We all do try to be perfect..however, It’s a relief to know that it is ok to be imperfect sometimes..
Yup. Aha. For sure.
So good to have this kind of post on the page, Roxanne.
It seems it’s personal struggle and imperfectness week!
My post of last Monday (http://www.worldmomsblog.com/2014/05/12/belgium-bleak-reflections/ ) dealt with some of the same feelings. That I don’t have it all together, not as an individual, not as a mother. But that not being perfect shouldn’t be a problem. It can be an advantage!
Thanks for sharing, Roxanne! I feel a whole lot more normal again, this week!
I agree with what all the other moms have said, Roxanne, trust me, NOBODY is perfect! 🙂
There are 2 “sayings” that make sense to me and that I often repeat to myself when I feel everyone else is better than me. The first, is one my dear departed granddad taught me. (It was in Italian so this is my rough translation) “If we all walked with our pain and struggles written on our foreheads, we would pity many of those we now envy!”
I’m not sure who first came up with this second one, but it makes sense to me – “don’t compare everyone else’s Show Reel with your Behind-the-Scenes”! think about it, all we ever know about anybody else’s life is what they WANT us to know, and most people don’t “air their dirty laundry” in public! You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors in anyone else’s house, only in your own! Here’s an extreme example – an extremely intelligent, well-off, attractive business woman seemed to “have it all” until she had a “breakdown” and people discovered that she was a Hoarder. Everyone was shocked at the disgusting living conditions she had been in for roughly a decade, and NONE of her family, friends or co-workers had any idea of the hell that was her “home”!
Just as it’s important not to compare our children with one another’s, we shouldn’t compare each other either. We all have our own journey through life, which is different to anyone else’s. What a wonderful world this would be if (instead of trying to be “better than”) we just concentrated on being the best “US” we can be! 🙂
Made me feel normal!hey all women out there! It’s ok to not be ok all the time!
Ummmm…YES!!! All the time, Rox! I am so glad that you have V in your life. That is really special.
I can’t say that there is one person who would be that V for me. I find her in many people. Thanks for getting me thinking.
And remember. If we always had it all together, life would be boring!! We need things to strive for!
Jen 🙂
We can’t be perfect moms, but we can definitely be better moms for our kids. But all the striving can be tiring and better can never be enough too. So let’s just give it our best 🙂
Thank you for sharing this. It’s awesome and amazing how someone can say something in such a way that makes all the difference in your world, even if you have heard it before. I am sure hearing it from particular people makes even a bigger difference. I am happy for you that you had that experience!!! 🙂 Yay for imperfections!
The other day, I just lost it. I had one of those, “I can’t do anything right” deal. But I was going to meet friends, and really, that makes everything better. I told them what was happening, and they knew exactly what I was talking about. I think when someone coined that term, “Misery loves company,” they didn’t mean what everyone THINKS they meant. They meant sometimes when you feel terrible, you need other people to make you feel better.