It was the final leg of our most recent trip. It should have been a 5 ½ hour direct flight, but due to weather delays, it ended up being 8 hours inside a plane. My husband and I were traveling with our sons, ages 8 and 4, and we were seated on opposite sides of the same row. I was seated with my 4 year old and an older woman. In front of us was a family: mom, dad, 4 year old boy, and a girl approximately 15 months old on the mom’s lap. It was an evening flight, and the kids in front of me were in pj’s, clearly indicating the parents’ hope that they would fall asleep upon take off. Things couldn’t have gone more differently.
For the entire 8 hours in the plane, one of the children in front of me was crying. As soon as the parents got brother calmed down, sister would blow her top. Clearly overtired, they just couldn’t settle down. The only thing that caused people to roll their eyes more than the captain’s announcements explaining delays were the antics of these children.
I felt very sorry for the mom and dad. They were working so hard. They read, they sang, they bounced, and they bribed. When a woman in front of them turned to give a dirty look, the mom explained, “I’m trying!” I was about to offer to buy them cocktails when I saw they already ordered beer from the flight attendant.
When we finally made it to our destination and prepared to de-plane, the woman next to me quietly complimented my children on how well they behaved. Then a man behind us chimed in with what a great job I did with my kids. I politely accepted their compliments because, truth be told, my kids did a phenomenal job. However, part of me couldn’t help but feel that the reason they were outwardly praising me was because they couldn’t tell the mom in front of me what they thought of her children. My kids looked like angels compared to those demons in row 30. I heard these folks murmur all flight. I knew they were not happy with the kids melting down. And who would be?
Let’s face it. Hearing kids cry for hours is awful. We all want to lean back and have a peaceful flight. But the people for whom that flight was hardest was that family. I’ve been in their shoes. You make the best plans you can, and sometimes things just go horribly wrong.
It’s not that my parenting was spot on during this flight or that my kids were faultless. We just got lucky on the roulette wheel of kid travel. Kids have bad days. Adults have bad days. We each, at one time or another, have been the person at whom strangers rolled their eyes. The best we can do is cut each other some slack, utilize the ear plugs or headphones we should have brought on the flight as responsible travelers, and keep our grimaces to ourselves.
But why make little kids travel? Why put them and everyone else through it? Because sometimes you need to get from A to B in life even when it isn’t ideal. There could be a sick family member, a newborn cousin, or a returning service-person on the other end of that flight. This visit might be life-changing for everyone involved. As for this particular family, I overheard that “Auntie Rose” was the intended recipient of continual kid hugs.
I was reminded of a flight I took with both of my boys when my youngest was 13 months old. Traveling alone with them was not easy. At that age, you cannot reason why one needs to stay put while the fasten seat belt sign is on. However, at our destination, my baby got to play with his 90 year old great-grandmother before she fell into decline with dementia. The subsequent visits with her were never the same, and she soon after passed away. I have video of them playing together, which I can show him in the years to come to remind him of his Babci, whom he won’t remember meeting but with whom he did get to bond. So yes, that difficult flight was totally worth it.
As we got off the plane, the mother in front of me apologized. I told her she didn’t have to. She launched into explanations on how well her kids can sleep at home, and I politely cut her off. I let her know that I understand and have been there. Any mom who travels with kids has been there. She won’t get any judgment from me. I hope she had a great visit with her family and will travel to see them again soon.
What have been your experiences when traveling with children? How have you managed when things don’t go as planned?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Tara B. of Washington (State), USA.
Photo credit to Mitchio. This photo has a Creative Commons attribute license.
Thank you for being an ambassador for Non-judgemental mothers! 🙂
The very first time my daughter flew with us from Cape Town to Durban (roughly 2 hours) to see her grandparents for Christmas, she was 2 years old. We were seated close to the wings and (from the moment the plane started taxiing down the runway) she became distressed by the noise of the engines! I must be honest, I thought I’d covered every possible contingency with my on-board luggage …extra clothes, pacifier, bottle, toys, books, games, snacks etc (remember this is for a 2 hour flight only!) but it had never occurred to me that it would be TOO LOUD for my child!! I asked the stewardess if she had ear-plugs or cotton-wool on board but she didn’t. Luckily 2 hours isn’t that long, but I felt as if I’d let both my child and my fellow passengers down by not being “properly” prepared! For the flight back home I had both ear-plugs and cotton-wool with me! My daughter didn’t like the way the ear-plugs felt, but the cotton-wool was “just right’! 🙂
Btw, she’s now 18 years old and has flown many times without any problem … she hasn’t found planes “too loud” since that one flight! 🙂
Thanks for your comments, Simona! You make a great point on how the noise can be very overwhelming. In fact, the whole process offers sensory overload! My older son is particularly sensitive, and we spent a lot of time going over each step of the process. There is a great kids book by Bryon Barton call “Airport” that simply walks through what happens right up to take off. Even now, when the rumble of take off starts, he still braces himself. Knowing what to expect and how things might feel definitely helped, though, along with all of the fun distraction tactics. 😉
Oh yes, I’ve been there and how!
The return flight with our adopted daughter from Ethiopia was plain horror. For one, we couldn’t reason with her because we didn’t speak the same language. We had only spent 6 days with her in Ethiopia before traveling home, so obviously she didn’t feel comfortable with us yet. She was devastated when we tried to buckle her up (they used to tie her up to a chair a lot in the orphanage), she was very confused about what was going on, and all the ‘help’ from the Ethiopian travellers to try and ease her (which was very well meant, I know) only made it worse. She had sleeping issues (which lasted well over a year) which made her afraid to fall asleep when we were present. Of course, it was a night flight… We had thought that would be easiest, but of course it only made us stress out even more about the screaming and crying.
But it could have been worse, I guess. Our son, then 5yo, was travelling with us as well, and he did his veryvery best to behave perfectly. He must have known we couldn’t handle more. And we didn’t really get dirty looks. Most of the travellers were Ethiopian, and they tried to be supportive. But still, it makes me doubt to ever airtravel with kids again. They can’t even sit still on a 1 hour train trip!
Thank you for this post! It makes me hope there were other moms like you on this flight 🙂
What an amazing journey! And way to make it happen to bring your daughter home. Flying with little ones is tough, and I think if you go into with that mindset, you are more often than not pleasantly surprised.
There was a woman across the way on our flight who was trying to help the mom out. She took the baby and bounced her for awhile.
And I have had some wonderfully supportive seatmates over the years. The flight I referenced above to see my Gram – my older son sat by the window, I saw in the middle with my 13 month old on my lap, and we had a very kind firefighter sitting in the aisle seat next to me. He talked to the boys and let them see his helmet that he carried on. I also once had a flight when my oldest son was still a toddler and was kicking the seat of a senior gentleman in front of him. My husband offered to swap seats with the man since my son was so little and probably would continue to kick. The man was incredibly gracious and said he was a seasoned grandpa and it would be fine no matter what my son pulled. He kept his seat and never complained once. Cheers to these folks who also recognize it’s all temporary and do their best for their fellow families.
I enjoyed reading your post Tara. I too have had my share of bad and good flights with kids in tow. I agree – cheers to those who recognize the situation is temporary (and sometimes even try to help a mother out!)
There are not enough praise and free airline snacks for the kind souls who embrace noisy kids on flights! 🙂
Bravo. Extremely well said.
We’ve had compliments and we’ve had dirty looks (I assume – I don’t much notice the dirty looks because I’m usually too busy when I’m getting them).
On our most recent family holiday we had one bus trip where our 6yo asked me to read aloud from a pop science book an educated professional friend described as “heavy going”, stopping me occasionally to politely ask intelligent questions that had the people near us boggling. Then we had… the other bus trip. Which I won’t talk about again. It’s a roll of the dice and you wouldn’t have believed you were describing the same group of people.
I’m really glad you got a chance to reassure that woman that sometimes stuff just happens.
Thanks! I’ve had the trip we don’t discuss anymore too. Let’s just say it involved being stuck overnight in Chicago without our luggage while my toddlers had an ear infection and was vomiting. It took us some time to consider travel again after that one 😉
I’ve been the mom with the horrid children, and also the one who gets compliments meant to snide another. And on different legs of the same trip! Traveling is hard. Traveling with kids is exponentially harder.
Good point! Each leg of the trip can be very different. Thanks for chiming in, Melanie 🙂
This is a post that should be handed out to everyone on the “Mickey flights”, to and from Orlando 🙂 But seriously, it doesn’t matter why anyone is traveling, for fun or for family tragedy. Traveling with kids is part of life.
I am understanding of the kids (I’ve been there, too) and I sometimes wish I could convey that to the parents who sometimes make some harsh choices as they desperately try to quiet their children. This past weekend, I felt so sorry for the kids as they parents threatened them and yelled at them more and more- probably because they were embarrassed at what people were thinking about the crying. I’d rather listen to a child crying and being comforted than a child crying and being constantly and loudly scolded.
I am 100% with you, Cindy! There were definitely moments on the flight where the mom was going into that harsh zone because of the other passengers. My heart sank. Of course the kids couldn’t and didn’t respond positively to it, and things escalated.
As for Disney, maybe I’ll pitch my post on our next visit to the Magic Kingdom 😉
I have done everything in my power to make sure my kids were chewing and swallowing on the ascents and the descents of flights, but still, I can remember a time to Florida where my littlest one had a bad flight as a baby.
I apologized at the end to the people behind, to which they proudly told me that they understood and they were on their way to see their grandchildren. And, at the end of the vacation, we got on our return flight, and would you know it, those same grandparents were sat behind us again??!! Luckily, that return flight went really well and my kids didn’t cry!!
Here’s my latest flight tip — you know those rolls of diaper bags they sell? Well, we’re out of the diaper phase, but I still carry a roll of those bags on flights. It’s so handy to have a garbage bag with kids on flights.
Also, now that my kids are 7 and 3 years old, we give them lollipops on the ascent and descent. It seems to help!
Jen 🙂
Lollipops! Great idea. My older son usually chews gum, but my younger isn’t phased by take off/landing. It’s funny too how different kids can react in their own ways to the experience. As for bags and supplies, I try to take less and less as my kids get older, but I am still lugging a huge backpack with extra clothes just in case of spills and back up books. At least my boys can carry their own packs on now too and share the load 🙂
I completely understand tat poor family’s dilemma with a child who wouldn’t be quiet. I remember one flight fromNgieria back home in particular when my daughter had a cold and I was having a hard time keeping her happy. it was an overnight flight and I had already given her tylenol…she was about 23 months old. I was so embarrassed because I knew people around me were trying to sleep and I couldn’t do much to help my daughter calm down. A won am behind e tapped e hard on my shoulder and told me, “give her what she wants!!!!!! Give her what she wants!!!!” I wanted to scream from the top of my lungs ,” Don’t you think I would give her what she wanted if I knew what it was!!!!??” The man in front of me slammed his seat back hard back into my lap hitting my daughter in the back and she screamed. By that point, I got up and went back to the galley with her to calm her down ( thank goodness my son was asleep in the seat next to me) The flight attendant was so great. She found me a seat a few rows up so I could lay my daughter down and she went to sleep. i was so relieved and I was so thankful that she understood. Kudos to you for letting the other mom know you knew how she felt…that’s all we really want from other moms…just to know that we are understood!!:)
Wow….I am so surprised how openly rude those passengers were to you! I understand feeling frustrated, but that’s no reason to make matters worse. How great that the flight staff helped you out. It is a huge deal to allow a mom to walk around and a little one to stretch out. I appreciate you sharing your story!
Wow! Well, you handled yourself beautifully and I SO feel you on how thankful you were for having been dealt the ‘your children will have a good, quiet evening on this flight tonight’ card! Like you said, you never know how they will be, and that could be from moment to moment.
As adults many of us seem to forget what it was like to be a little human being: learning all these new things, making discoveries, trying to understand things, having to make changes in what we’re comfortable with after having just learned to deal with the same thing. It’s SO much! I wish we would remember more of it and maybe it would help us not be tolerant (because that’s a wrong word for this), but be understanding and happy about these children as well.
If they are crying, they are not really bothering us. We are bothering us with their cries. There are people who can shut that out and be happy focusing on other things.
My oldest only flew a couple of times before age 2, and she did ok on both flights. I just gave her a bottle on ascent & descent. My toddler has handled flights pretty well, but in other enclosed situations now she isn’t easily pacified. As an infant we could go to the movies or plays with her, and no one would know she was there. She’d be breastfeeding and napping, under a cover. Now, she wants to talk and walk, get phones from people, and she is very strong-willed, vocal & sociable (when she wants). I wonder how the next flight will go & if my phone and food will be enough of a distraction from the distress that those loud airplane engines can bring.
In reference to what you said: The best we can do is cut each other some slack, etc…etc… AND remember we are on a metal tube that flies in the sky & we don’t have to go across the country on a carriage pulled by horses, and don’t have to cross the sea by a ship that’ll take a month, and most likely will have smells you have to endure on most parts of the ship.
LOL
You offer such good perspective, Sophia. Thank you! Yes, flying is the fastest way from A to B, and we should remember that our time confined together is short. It will all be over soon, and then we can go on our separate ways.
Thank you, Tara! That’s a great point! We have a short amount of time with family and with strangers we meet….the few we may sit next to, out of the billions that live 🙂
Have a great weekend!