I thought I had been lucky enough to avoid them, I thought we would breeze through, I thought it didn’t run in the family, after all, my older son never had a tantrum. Oh boy, was I wrong. In the past few weeks my 2 year old, Joshua, has revealed a side of him I had never experienced before. The terrible two year old has unleashed and this inexperienced mama is in trouble! Don’t get me wrong, Joshua is still the sweet little guy he’s always been but when something doesn’t go his way, he is prompt to express his discontent. The repertoire includes high-pitched screams, kicks, a few encounters with the floor and a bite here and there.
I keep saying to myself that this attitude is product of our current transition. We recently left Indonesia and are slowly making our way back to Virginia where we will settle down for a while. Everything that Josh knows, his home, his friends, his school, his nanny are no longer here and I sometimes feel guilty for making them go thru this. We are having a wonderful time visiting friends and family however as familiar as grandparents and close friends are, I think Josh is still getting acquainted to his surroundings and feeling a bit disoriented.
I get it, if I was a two-year old with a repertoire of but a few words to express myself I would probably rely on physical manifestations to show my feelings. The part I don’t quite get is how to deal with it sometimes. Since I didn’t get any expertise with my now four year old, Evan, I am a bit clueless as to what to do every time he freaks out sometimes.
I’ve done my research and I’ve found all kids of tips and strategies, ignore the tantrum, distract him, engage him in conversation, hug him, give him a time out, etc. But what I’ve found works best is just to look at him in the eyes with the biggest smile and ask him to use his words and express what is bothering him. The result is a mix of English, Spanish and Bahasa Indonesia that somehow ends up overpowering the cries and anguish this little two year old feels and I get my Joshie back.
To be completely honest, I don’t particularly like this stage; it is frustrating and exhausting and sometimes outright exasperating. But then when I see my energetic two year old run around and make the best of his day, I realize how blessed I am to have such an amazing little man in my life and I choose to make the best of my day and savor every single second of this season in Joshua’s life.
For this family, the world terrible will be banned and even those “terrible” moments will be terrific learning experiences for both him and me. Here’s to savoring the last few moths of Joshua’s terrific twos and to being grateful every day for God’s endless blessings.
Did your kids go thru the “terrible twos”? How did they manifest it? Did all your kids go through them?
This is an original post written for World Moms Blog by Ana Gaby. You can find Ana Gaby blogging at Stumble Abroad.
Photo credit to the author.
That’s just perfect, Ana, well done! 🙂
In my case it was easier cos I had SUCH a hard time with my first-born son, that I had no trouble at all with my daughter. I do think it’s harder when things are the other way round, though! As you’ve discovered, there’s no “strategy” or parenting “trick” that works with every child because, in the same way that we are all individuals, so are our children and what works for one won’t necessarily work for another one.
Thanks, Simona. I love reading about your teenagers. I’m definitely learning what works with each one of them and playing it by ear. 😀
I love it!!! Terrific instead of terrible! It’s a good thing the meaning of the word terrific has changed to a positive, because it’s such a fitting word! lol 🙂
I feel for you completely! My 20 month old has been strong-willed and opinionated (first without any words) since she was a couple of weeks old. I am curious to see what happens when she is 2. Getting upset, mad, raising my voice….these things do NOT work at all! She’s not that person.
My 12 year old had her first tantrum at age 5, I nipped that in the bud and she didn’t have one again. Her pre-teens are at times….exasperating (as are my 20 month old’s antics some times 🙂 ) but I suppose I have nothing to complain about since she was super chilled out until now. 🙂 Maybe it was held in, so maybe it’s better when they go through their terrific twos and threes?
Good luck & keep on with the big smiles and kind/gentle reminders. I think those work best overall for all of us (mom, baby & society)
Hi Sophia. Josh sounds just like your 20 month old. He has always been very vocal and will be heard. I wonder what the boys will be like as teenagers but for now I will just enjoy them as much as I can, tantrums and all.
I love the strategy, I wish I knew about it when my first daughter was going through this (although I am not sure she knew enough vocabulary to describe what she’s going through). I don’t agree with the terrible/terrific. I think there are good moments and bad moments, and the bad ones don’t make the good ones any worse, but the good moments don’t make the bad ones any better. I mean, terrible is still terrible even if you call it something else. I would say the 2s are both terrific and terrible at the same time!
Hi Olga. You are right that the bad times are bad no matter what. Josh has been learning to use his words and let me know what’s upsetting him but it has definitely been a long road.
Dear Ana.
I wish I had a two year old again to practice on, but mine are all grown up and even their children are past the TT’s.
I am looking back with rose tinted glasses a little but i still remember the tantrum in the supermarket, or getting into the car seat, or at the airport or just at home ..
I love the way we try all these ways of drawing some sense out of the situation and well done for all your efforts, – one day, not for a while- but one day you will look back and miss the raw passion of this little fellow..
love and blessings
linda