Back to school is not just about kids getting a new backpack, and a box of crayons. On back to school day, everybody in the family is going “back” to something. A norm, a rhythm, a routine.
This year, for me, a big page is turning. My little girl is starting school. For the first time in over ten years, I won’t have a child with me for a full six hour stretch. That’s it! No more babies to attend to!
I can FINALLY step in the shower without needing to purchase my half empty bottle of shampoo for one hundred and six twenty twelve dollars from a little troll. I can decide to go to the supermarket without buying fifty dollars worth of candies of doubtful colors just so I can come out of the shop before sundown.
For once, the words, “I’ll jump in my car and be there in a minute” will actually mean just that, not, “Give me an hour and I might make it to yours, with vomit on my shirt and somebody crying, or in need of a diaper change. If I ever make it, that is…”
I don’t need to explain why I want to drink coffee, why I am choosing these clothes, why my phone is ringing, why my hair is blond. Nope. Now I can just be…for a full six hours…and I am dreading it!
Why? Because for one, this is a sharp reminder that I am growing old(er). Say what you want, kids might be demanding, and at times, really consuming all your energy. But they keep you young!
Plus, now I am bathing in guilt, wondering why I have been craving some level of freedom all these years. What was I chasing? Why did I feel the need to achieve things above and beyond being with my kids? I knew today was coming, so why didn’t I put everything on hold and spend every waking minute – and there were a lot of them on a sometimes twenty hour a day schedule! – enjoying my children, instead of hoping for five seconds of peace here and there?
Thankfully, my normally pessimistic self has found a silver lining in my little back to school motherhood crisis: my kids need me now more than ever. In the years ahead, where they are growing into tweens, and teens, they need sound advice, love, guidance and parents who will listen to them. I might not be caring for babies anymore, but my job is far from done. I just need to tune my mom ears a little to adapt to being a big(ger) kids mom. And it’s gonna go something like this:
Pre-big kids, I used to enjoy winding my boys up, asking them about girlfriends and watch them go green with disgust at the thought of catching girl cooties. Now I will be the one who won’t want to hear about girlfriends. No, no, no, no, no, let’s not joke about such serious matters, you guys are waaaaaaay too young!
Pre-big kids, I used to have to repeat everything five times and still, I am not sure all of them heard me. Now, oh, well no change there!
Pre-big kids, I never managed to sleep past 6:45 AM. Not one single morning…unless I was so sick I could not get out of bed. But that barely qualifies as quality sleep. Now, I CANNOT wait to wake up the whole house playing the trumpet at 8 AM on the weekend. And YES! I will learn to play the trumpet, just so I can do that.
Pre-big kids, most of my blogs would be about liquid coming out of sick kids, the pain of stepping on a Lego and the fear of finding little people climbing on a chair balanced on the counter top to reach my secret chocolate stash. Well, that might not change too much given that today, I overheard an interesting conversation about how if you throw a pizza slice at the TV, it sticks better if it’s pepperoni. So don’t worry, I am far from writing posts that make sense!
But the hardest change of all, is that I need to adjust to less and less hugs and kisses. I am not ready for that one yet. Thankfully, my little girl still wants to marry me, so if I play my cards right, I shall manage to get a fair share this year.
Are you experiencing transitions as your kids are growing up? How are you adjusting to it?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Nadege Nicoll. She was born in France but now lives permanently in New Jersey with her family. Nadege also writes a daily blog for moms who need to smile at everyday life. She can be found on Twitter, Facebook and her website www.nadegenicoll.com.
Photo credit to the author.
Dear Nadege, it all goes by way too fast doesn’t it? As the wise Karyn is fond of saying; “Parenting is made up of long days and short years.” 🙂 I can attest to how true that statement is. My “baby” is about to graduate High School (in South Africa the school year starts mid January and ends beginning December). Soon I will no longer have a child in school at all! My 21 year old son has already “left the nest” (he has gone to study in Germany) and my 18 year old daughter is planning to study at an Art and Design Academy far enough away from home that we’ll be lucky if she comes to visit us on weekends!
There are positives and negatives to every stage of life. I’m SO glad that very soon I’ll no longer have to deal with school politics, PTA, fundraising and ridiculous projects requiring expensive materials that WE need to buy. On the other hand, it is a little sad to no longer have children! I mean, yes they are my children … but they’re both considered “young adults” now! Is it crazy that I’m already looking forward to becoming a granny and having little ones around again?
Simona, “Long days, short years”, how accurate!! I am actually pleased to see my kids developing into who they are going to be. And although we think they need us most when they are little and feel an irrational attraction to electric plugs, as they grow older, I can see how my presence and everyday guidance are so important to them. It is probably sad as a parent to see them study away and not have them physically with you. But on the other hand, you must be so proud of yourself for raising independent kids, able to make choices and decisions for themselves.
The less kisses line made me tear up. I am NOT ready for that. I am in the same place that you are: kids are in school all day for the first time. I find myself looking wistfully at the moms with one left at home. I agree that they’ll continue to need us for quite some time but there is a mourning for the baby phase. Don’t get me wrong, I think in many ways I am better suited to the elementary years than I was for what came before. But no mistaking it, time is passing quickly and now that I am not so harried by toddler-dom, I want to enjoy these golden days. Thanks for your post!
Awww, you are making me tear up too! Kids are a sharp reminder that time goes by…
Thanks for the post Nadege. The less kisses got me too. You’ve made me stop and reflect a bit more. We had extra snuggles last night (even though it was past bedtime) and held hands this morning as walked to the bus stop. Gotta enjoy these moments.
Hope you enjoy your new “me” time. Think of it as a way to recharge and be ready for when they get home in the afternoon and throw pepperoni pizza at the TV 😉
Puts things into perspective: I am LOVING that I still have a kid whose favorite game is to stuff play dough inside legos…
Nadege,
I love your humorous take on the every day! LOVE it!!! I am wishing you luck in your new role as mom of bigger kids!!
Jen 🙂
Ha! A new phase of blogging life is opening up! Oh the possibilities…
My first year as a mom with “big kids” in school all day was bittersweet.:) I really missed having my little girl at home…afterall..for seven years of my life…I had a little one at home with me each day…I am not great with change and I wasn’t sure how the transition would go. But, since I can’t stop time…I had no choice but to go on ahead with it, and I am finding that it isn’t so bad.:) Although I do long for the times when my children were tiny, I am really liking that they can both go and take a shower by themselves.:) They can blow their own noses and tie their shoes.:) It did hurt when my 9 year old son didn’t give me a kiss good bye once the car door opens, but he still wants huge hugs and kisses from me when he gets home.:) My six year old daughter doesn’t want me to kiss her awake in the morning anymore since she has her own alarm clock, but she comes and hugs me right away in the morning when she wakes up. It is so true that kids still need you as they get older..it will be in different ways and right now I am navigating my way through some unchartered territory for me…but I am making it through.. Thanks for your post!:)
Thank you for your comment! It helps to know that we are all going through the same changes. And at the end, it will be all right, we will find a way, our way.