“Beware, I will be a teenager in just 5 years!”
We were both shocked to hear this. He said it in a very light vein, and laughed aloud at his own joke. But it struck us like a bolt. He was leaving us clues all around. But I had been ignoring them all the while.
But that statement, one day as a warning to his father to stop teasing him for something silly, really stilled us.
My 8 year old son would be a teenager in just 5 years.
There were these times, when I used to beg him to go and have a shower all by himself, because I was either too tired or just wanted peace for those 2 minutes. But now he refuses to let me help him even with the clothes.
He used to drive me crazy with all his questions! It didn’t matter about what. There was always these – why, what, how! I used to give up and say, ‘I don’t know’ just for a minute’s silence. And then one day in sheer desperation I taught him to get his own answers from an Encyclopedia and then eventually taught him how to do a Google search. So, now I just help him with choosing appropriate links and guiding him with his quest for answers.
But I know when the house is quiet, I have nothing to fear, because he is just ‘working’ or ‘reading.’
There were those times, when he used to come running with math and subtraction and spellings. Now he says I will ask your help when I have doubts and even those instances are becoming few and infrequent.
He bravely bid me goodbye when I went away to Brazil for more than a fortnight. He was still only 8 years old. He called me every night with due consideration for the time difference and made sure it was always during the night when I was back in my hotel. All that time I had hoped that he and his father were thinking about me all the time. But later I came to find out, he had not asked much about me at all, except for casual occurrences. A sign that he wants to show he was growing up and speaking to mom was no big deal.
There were those first steps, first teeth, first boo-boo, first days of kindergarten, and grade school. There were a lot of those cherished firsts—some of which I remember, some I have to refer back to my diaries. However, now there are a lot of fresh new things happening at my place.
There have always been these milestones which we try to capture and remember. And then there are these times, when without your knowledge, your kids are starting to be all grown up and acting ready to leave the nest! And it comes as a shock, because you are still reveling in those milestones, imagining them to have happened just yesterday.
When he was one, I wished, he would grow up and get potty trained soon. At two, I wished he would grow up, so that he could start kindergarten. At three, I wished he would grow up sooner and start school. And I wished and wished. But now he is all grown up at 8 years old and I know he will be a teenager before I know it and have his life starting up.
I liked the time when he was still a baby and cuddled. And I liked it when he was silly and a toddler. I liked kindergarten and alphabets and numbers and sticking out the fingers and counting. Now I also like his new found discovery of finding out that he is all grown up too.
I just have to accept that some day he will be assisting me with things. He will be all grown up. And will have a life of his own. He is a individual with a mind and heart of his own. And no longer an entity of myself. Some day, he will go out college and then to work and start a family.
It is all bittersweet. Sometimes I get lost. I do not know if I have my baby or a big kid. Sometimes he gives me reassurances that I would always be his amma, and then it strikes me that he does not want me to feel lost about his growing up. It is cute, at the same time, it is a moment of revelation.
It is a sign that, time happens!
Time happens, way too fast and it is a rush to just be in the moment and enjoy and revel in it. But I am trying because my son—who was born just yesterday—will be a teenager in just 5 years!
How old are your ‘babies?’ How are you handling their growing up and how are they realizing it?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Purnima, our Indian mother writing from Chennai, India. Her contributions to the World Moms Blog can be found here. She also rambles at The Alchemist’s Blog.
Photo credit to the author.
Purnima, I hear you!
My eldest is less than 6 months off 13 and my youngest just turned 5.
Long days and short years….
Definitely, short years … !! :-/
You’re lucky your son reminded you early, Purnima! 🙂
My first-born has turned 21 years old already and has left the country we live in to go and study in Germany. My “baby” is 18 years old and has almost finished her final year of High School. Next year she’ll be attending College roughly one hour’s drive away from our home. We’ll be lucky if we get to see her on weekends! “Empty Nest” is WAY too close for me!
To be honest, though, I’m SO proud of the awesome people they have grown into. I feel REALLY blessed that both of them still confide in me and ask me for advice. My daughter in particular, is very mature but is also very fun loving. I guess what I’ll miss her most is hearing her laughter and singing around the house. 🙂
I read you, Simona. I am happy that your daughter’s college would be just an hour away. I am sure you can plan on seeing her on weekends. But when I think about you missing both your kids during the day, it feels kind of sad.
There was this constant chatter at my place. He used to talk and talk and talk about so many things or keep singing all his rhymes which he learnt at school, nowadays he is relatively so silent. I so understand about you going to miss her songs.
Good luck to your daughter in her college 🙂
Purnima, this is totally a glass-half-empty post. We need to embrace these final pre-teen years! Yes, he’s 5 years away from being a teenager but that’s FIVE YEARS! Let’s not spend them counting down but rather holding on.
Incidentally, my daughter is also 8 and I just penned a post about this very same thing. It must be the phase of parenting we’re in. To make matters even more confusing, I find myself saying on a daily basis: “You’re 8, you should be able to do (such and such) on your own; you’re capable!” AND “You’re only 8!, Stop trying to act or sound like you’re a teenager or adult!” Poor thing, her crazy mother is sending her antithetical messages…ugh. Carry on.
Yes, totally agree, we need to also look at the glass-half-full!
It is more confusing to me as a parent I am sure, than to him as a child – I send these contradictory vibes too at times… And he is like – “decide for yourself, am I grown up or not?” lol
I hear you! My oldest son is 8. When his dad is home for bedtime, they will read and talk about the games they play (Magic, D&D, etc.). But when Dad isn’t around, he declines the opportunity for me to read with him. He knows I am not as well versed in the game manuals, and he politely tells me he will read on his own but that I should come in at bedtime to tuck him in and turn out the light.
It’s infrequent, but when he does come and want to sit on my lap our curl up on the couch….all elbows and knees barely fitting….I welcome it because it’s fleeting. All those days of needing to cuddle him at every wake up and before every bedtime have passed. I know he loves and needs me, but the how and why has changed, and I am trying to embrace the change with grace.
Luckily, I still have a 4 year old who very much needs mommy at every turn 😉
They are growing up physically too. When you say he barely fits in your lap, I remember that my son almost reaches my shoulders.
Cherish your time with your 4 y.o. 🙂
I think his growing up reflects what a great job you and your husband have done in raising him Purnima!
I do grab my girls every once in a while and try to hold them like I did when they were babies (this is especially hard with my oldest), and I tell them that no matter how what or how big they get, they will always be my babies 🙂
Oh, I do that all too often. And I have a feeling he wants me to be happy but tolerates, but when I try to snatch him a hug when I drop him at school, it is definitely a complete No. lol How they grow up soon … !