It’s been a while since I’ve written a post here on World Moms Blog, and I’m honored to be back with another open letter. This was inspired by a very recent event in my own life — when I felt that I had failed as a mother, particularly as a homeschooling mom to my eldest child. I hope this “letter” brings you encouragement somehow, dear fellow mama!
Dear Mom Who Feels Like A Failure,
First of all, let me give you a virtual hug. I know what it’s like to feel that you’ve failed your child/ren. Believe me, I’ve been there too many times to count. *Hug*
Just this week, I’ve wrestled with thoughts of how I’ve been failing my own offspring… of how I haven’t been a good mom to them… of how I haven’t been teaching them “well” and “enough” (I believe every mom is their child’s “teacher,” whether or not you homeschool.)… of how I’ve been too busy working at home, maybe even to the point of “neglecting” my children — the very reason why I chose to be a work-at-home mom (WAHM)… and so on and so forth.
I bet you’ve been dealing with similar doubts and “downer thoughts” too, lately, haven’t you?
Well, can I just invite you to join me in saying, “Stop!”? Let’s just stop. Stop thinking such thoughts. Stop doubting ourselves. Stop “downing” ourselves.
Because Lord knows we’re all just doing the best we can.
We are our children’s mothers for a reason. We love them, care for them, fight for them, teach them, pour our lives into them for a purpose.
No one else can mother your child like you do, and believe it or not, you can do it. You can raise a loving, obedient, respectful child — a child who will one day “change the world” — although it may not seem so right now. (And please don’t forget that being a “world-changer” can mean so many things, on so many different levels… which are all good, of course.)
So if you find yourself feeling like a failure today, allow me to encourage you, as another fellow homeschooling WAHM encouraged me recently: Remember the greater purpose behind what you’re doing.
In the midst of the seemingly endless diaper changes, sibling squabbles, “mommy wars,” cooking and cleaning duties, and everything else mommy-related, please, I beg you, know that you are enough. Know that everything you do will bear fruit one day.
Most of all, know that you are loved. Know that you are not alone on this rollercoaster ride that is motherhood. You’ve got me and the other World Moms on your side, cheering you on, sending you lots of virtual hugs and high-5’s, positive thoughts and prayers, even.
So, mother on, my friend. Let’s just keep calm and mother on!
Have you been feeling like a “mommy failure” lately? I hope this post lifts your spirits somehow! Or maybe you have some words of encouragement for our fellow moms out there who’ve been doubting themselves as moms — do share them in the comments!
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by contributor, Tina Santiago- Rodriguez of the Philippines.
I am reading this and crying! Not because I am feeling sad, but because it’s such a beautiful letter. You touched the core of a mom’s heart. Very well said, virtual hug to you too!
Hello, Nadege! Sorry for the late reply… I haven’t been feeling well lately! Anyway, thanks SO much for your warm comments. 🙂 I thank God for the chance to reach out to other moms through posts like these — virtual hugs all around! 🙂
Go Tina!!!! Sending your virtual hugs and a big thank you for this!!
Hugs to you too, Sarah! 🙂
I want to do it all!!! That is the thing that gets me down!!
Thank you for writing this, Tina!
Oh Jen dear, I think we all kind of want to do it all at some point or another! 🙂 Hugs and THANKS again for being such a rock star editor/leader!
Wonderful post, Tina! Thank you! *BIIIG HUGG* 🙂
I truly was that mom … the one who read hundreds of books and even studied child psychology before giving birth to my first baby. I was the “Supersitter” that could soothe any baby and entertain any toddler … BEFORE I had my first baby. Then everything went *wrong* … from the emergency c – section (which went totally against my plan of a natural birth) to my son’s projectile vomiting and colic, to my post-partum depression … suddenly I felt I could do *nothing* right. 🙁
That baby whom I felt I had scarred for life is now 21 years old. He turned out to be a totally awesome young man, who has been in a committed relationship for 3 years, and is currently attending University in Germany. He doesn’t drink, smoke or do drugs, and is amazingly patient with his girlfriend’s 5 year old daughter (from a previous relationship).
My daughter is now 18 years old and in her final year of High School. Just yesterday she was given an award as the top Design student in her year, over and above many other academic, sporting and leadership achievements. Her only real fault is that she is *way* too hard on herself!
The reason I’m sharing this is because we went through many very difficult times when they were growing up, including me having to spend a month in a Psychiatric Hospital. Despite that, both of them are amazing, mature, well-adjusted young people!
No need to worry World Moms, your kids will be just fine! 🙂
Thank you, Simona, for being so open and honest with all of us! 🙂 I needed to read your comment (again!) because I, too, feel that my kids might be “scarred for life” because of my imperfect mothering/parenting! So thank YOU for assuring us that they will turn out fine! Hugs!
First, may I just thank Simona for sharing her story in the comments. That was truly inspirational.
Mama Tina, this post made me tear up. It’s so easy for us to tell other moms that they’re doing okay, but it feels so different when someone else tells it to you. Thank you for telling this to me.
“We are our children’s mothers for a reason.” Yes, we are. God knew what our children need. God knew what we are capable of giving.
We are our children’s mothers for a reason. I will hold on to that.
Oh, Blessie dear! Thank YOU for reminding me about everything I ended up writing in this post! And AMEN to God knowing what we are capable of giving! You’re ALWAYS in my prayers, you know that! 🙂 Hugs!
Beautiful Tina! Truly we’ve all been there. Such a wonderful way to encourage other moms like me. Mother on, indeed! <3
Aw, May, praise God for using imperfect me in this way! To Him be all the glory! 🙂 Thanks for dropping by! Hugs!
Tina! Thank you so much for that letter, just like the others, i cried while reading this. It’s such a great reminder for all moms going through difficult times. God bless you & your family always
This post could not have come at a better time for me. Thank you!
You’re most welcome! 🙂 Hugs!
But what if the hardships are never ending? -_- Been struggling so hard to keep up, then another difficulty comes along, pulling even further down. Then another, and another… Until all that’s left to hold on to was a single thin strand of the rope and it’s also near breaking point… A voice is saying don’t let go, but an even stronger voice is insisting the opposite. :'( :'( :'(
Dear Jenny,
I feel your pain. Please don’t give up; don’t let go. There is ALWAYS hope. If you are in the Philippines and want to talk to someone about your concerns, there are many counseling hotlines that you can contact. Here’s one: http://kerygmafamily.com/modules/counseling/. You are in my prayers!
I think we need to hear that we moms are doing okay. I don’t know about you, but with social media, parenting can sometimes feel like a competition to see who’s the most domesticated mum, the mum who has it all together. But in reality, we struggle and sometimes get by and we have to remember that it’s okay and there’s no shame. Thanks for sharing this Tina.
Yes to this! –> “But in reality, we struggle and sometimes get by and we have to remember that it’s okay and there’s no shame.” This is exactly why I wrote this post! I’m tired of all the “competition”/”mummy wars”!
No doubt, you’re a great mom Tina.. Thanks for reminding us 🙂