“Need to go and get his hair cut…” I made a mental note as I run my fingers through his now obviously long hair.
“But why Mommy?”
“Oh no, I missed a question…” I inhale and look at him deeply. “Why what? Sorry I was just thinking you need a haircut soon.”
“But why you have to go back to work?”
Sigh…I tried to compose myself even as his messy hair is still between my fingers.
“Because I have to make a living so I can pay for your school. So you could do after school activities…” and so I can add you to a health insurance coverage (I added this bit in my head).
“Will you work out of town?”
“No, Pumpkin. I will find something here.”
“Ok…” he hugged me and I hugged him back tightly and told him I only ask that he study well in school and he behave well.
“You know I love you and I will always be there for you, right?”
“I love you Mommy…” and in the dimmed room I wiped my tears.
The memory of his teacher’s reactions when I told her last year that I will be moving to Bali to pursue a career flashed before me. Back then, she told me that my son’s behavior in school has improved so much ever since I quit working. She was worried.
And for the past few days I’ve been weighing all my options.
Working from home through my writing is sadly not enough to cover everything we need, my son and I. Being a single mother, I am the sole breadwinner, and I have realized for months now how behind I am on getting his needs met. New school uniforms…thanks to my parents, that and my son has a brand new sturdy backpack for school this year from them.
I was content working from home. I get to spend more time with my son; I am home when he gets home from school. We are happier. I didn’t have to get up around dawn to beat morning traffic. I am a happier single mother.
So, I have decided to put my contentment aside, dust up my resume and started sending them out today. Hoping my old field of career will have an opening somewhere, somehow. He will be fine, I keep telling myself. My son understands that I need to do this not just for the obvious financial reasons but also to help me feel better about being productive again.
How do you prepare your kid(s) when you go back to work full time? Any advice?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Maureen from Scoops of Joy in Indonesia.
Maureen
Founder of Single Moms Indonesia, community leader and builder. Deeply passionate about women empowerment.
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Ohh this is a hard one Maureen, my kids were all born into me working outside of the home and now I don’t and they do enjoy having me about. I suspect when I go back it might be easier as they will be older and understand financial pressures more. Good luck in your job hunt. Mich x
Thank you Michelle, it is so hard because part of me wants to be with him yet I know I must do the right thing first. Thank you for sharing your own story.
I can’t give you advice on this one.. But I can imagine how hard this must be for you. You love your son and you are sensitive to and aware of his needs. That makes me believe that it will be okay, you will find a way to make it work. xo
I was lucky enough to have my in-laws living about 80metres away so at least I didn’t need to leave my 2 boys with babysitters/non family. This did ease my conscience a bit about going back to full time work when my 2 boys were toddlers. Finding work in Greece is tough lately so for the last couple of years my kids spend lots of time with me every day-not exactly my decision as paying bills is getting harder monthly.
My boys blew me away with a comment last year; they told me they really liked it that I was at home when they got back from school. They confessed they missed me the years before when they had to wait till evening to see me Mon-Fri….I felt really bad about that as I hadn’t realised they felt this way. I thought they were fine with their father and grandparents! It seems moms can’t be replaced…
You have to judge yourself what feels right-and talk to your son before you decide anything!!!
Good luck!
🙂
There is no easy way Maureen. There is no right or wrong. Do what’s best for you and him. I was a working mom for almost ten years and I have been a stay at home mom by choice for how many years now? Oh right, two months. Both roles are excellent experiences. Both roles make me feel human, makes me feel alive. Many hugs for you and you can do it and Alex will be okay. Best of luck on finding the new job. Any company will be lucky to hire you.
Hey Maureen. I do wish you good luck in your job search and figuring out how to be truly happy with your decision. I think that’s key…finding happiness in it. Surely you thought it to be a good idea. Focus on all the reasons why, and as you have shared them with your son, keep focusing on them. Invite more goodness and success to yourself and your son and maybe the job that you will come across, will be one that allows you to spend more time with him than you thought. I am unsure of your son’s age, and I guess you know how that impacts everything, and what type of communication you can have with him when you’re gone.
My 13 yr old daughter just moved to her dad’s & I see her on weekends; a complete reversal of the past 2.5 years. I was worried about losing touch with her and then being overbearing by trying to be in touch too much. Luckily she has a phone & besides the occasional ‘motherly’ text, we also just send goofy messages. She told me I should download the SnapChat app so we can send impromptu photos & such. During school hours she is allowed to check her phone at lunch, provided she gets good grades & behaves well. I know this isn’t the same as your situation, but all I am saying is there is a light at the end of this tunnel 😉