Last week I took my daughter to a local book store to spend a gift card she received for her birthday. My daughter loves books and had a hard time deciding what she wanted most, to purchase the final books in one of her existing collections or get something totally new.
While I was in a different section, my daughter engaged the children’s department manager in a book discussion. Evidently sharing with the woman all of her latest good-reads, which included much of the Percy Jackson series by Rick Riordan, all of the Harry Potters, and several non-fictions like I Am Malala and A Long Walk to Water.
When I arrived back on the scene, the woman commended me for raising such a voracious reader and said she was amazed that my daughter went to public school, being convinced that only private schools could produce such a 3rd grade equivalent.
I didn’t know if I should be flattered or offended.
The woman, who was in her late 50’s, was a retired educator herself and clearly had a deep passion for books and strong opinions about appropriate reading levels. She impressed upon me that many of my daughter’s book choices were advanced for her age and encouraged me to consider steering her away from further indulgences.
This sentiment concerned me because, until recently, I had kept close tabs on what my children were reading and most of the advanced books were ones we read together. But lately, my daughter had been zooming ahead of me, finding pockets of reading time at school and also before lights out at night.
Admitedly, I hadn’t read any of the Percy Jackson books. Knowing that the books had been made in to PG-13 movies did have me somewhat concerned about content but was I really hearing this book specialist right? Was she really trying to stymie my child’s enthusiasm for reading by directing her choices?
The woman was trying to point out that my daughter is only a third grader once and there were plenty of sweet, age-appropriate books out there for her to indulge in. Didn’t I want to save these 6th, 7th and 8th grade books for later?
I really had to think about this.
After all aren’t I always trying to slow my daughter’s maturity? Aren’t I the same mother that won’t let her watch teen television shows because they’re too sassy and full of content ahead of her age? Could books be presenting the same issue?
I’ve grappled with this for the better part of 7 days now. What are the demigods in Percy Jackson doing up there at Camp Half Blood? Aside from the reality of Malala Yousafzai getting shot point blank by the Taliban, what fictional characters might be playing out scandalous scenes in my daughter’s young mind from The Secret Benedict Society?
Does it make me a less engaged parent if I don’t keep my finger on the pulse of my childrens’ literary lives? Do I need to give up my own sacred reading time to be sure I’m on topic with my kids?
A writer friend of mine told me once that the difference between books and movies was that movies spoon feed us all of the images and visuals in a story whereas books let our imaginations fill in the scenery.
When kids read books with ideas or content beyond their experience levels, their minds fill in the pictures age appropriately.
I saw this first hand when My daughter read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone in first grade without having bad dreams but when she saw the movie in second grade, she had nightmares about the final images of Voldemort for months.
I love my daughter passion for reading and I’m proud of her advanced and eclectic book selections but now there’s a little nagging voice whispering in my ear every time she picks up a new and unfamiliar novel.
And in the end, instead of helping us find a few new, good books, I think the well-intentioned saleswoman may have done more harm than good.
Where do you stand with letting your children read ahead of their age level? Do you think this saleswoman had a point?
This is an original post for World Moms Blog from our senior editor and mom to two, Kyla P’an.
The image used in this post is credited to the author.
Kyla P'an (Portugal)
Kyla was born in suburban Philadelphia but spent most of her time growing up in New England. She took her first big, solo-trip at age 14, when she traveled to visit a friend on a small Greek island. Since then, travels have included: three months on the European rails, three years studying and working in Japan, and nine months taking the slow route back from Japan to the US when she was done. In addition to her work as Managing Editor of World Moms Network, Kyla is a freelance writer, copy editor, recovering triathlete and occasional blogger. Until recently, she and her husband resided outside of Boston, Massachusetts, where they were raising two spunky kids, two frisky cats, a snail, a fish and a snake. They now live outside of Lisbon, Portugal with two spunky teens and three frisky cats. You can read more about Kyla’s outlook on the world and parenting on her personal blogs, Growing Muses And Muses Where We Go
Follow Me:
Kyla, NO! The saleswoman is wrong!! Keep doing what you’re doing, and trust your daughter to pick and read whatever book she wants to!!!
I started reading when I was 5. Books were my best friends, and my only solace when my family emigrated from Italy to South Africa, where I didn’t know anyone (or even speak the language) when I was 8.
My parents were not involved in my book choices at all … in fact I learnt English by reading Louis L’Amour’s westerns and Mills & Boon Romances (because those were the books my parents had in the house) from age 8!! Your friend is 100% correct! “When kids read books with ideas or content beyond their experience levels, their minds fill in the pictures age appropriately.” I re-read a couple of those books as an adult and was amazed at how different the stories were from what I thought / remembered them to be!
I also worked as a Librarian in a Primary School – trust me, there’s no such thing as “age appropriate”, because children’s maturity levels differ greatly in Primary School! You have every right to be proud of your daughter and to allow her to read whatever she wants!!
I think you should let your voracious reader keep on reading! I’ve encountered the same thing with my oldest. Like you, I found myself not being able to keep up with her. What I do now is that after she finishes a book, I have her tell me about it. It gives us a chance to connect, and also for her to ask questions about any of the content in the book if there is something she doesn’t understand or has questions about.
You are a step ahead of me, Kyla! I am approaching this same space with my oldest. Also, has your daughter read the Little House on the Prairie books?
Really interesting point about the kids creating the characters in their head, making the Harry Potter Books less scary than the movies.
Here’s my question…do you still read to your daughter, too?
Jen 🙂
As the mother of two voracious readers (boys) and as a former voracious child reader, whose mother gave up patrolling her book choices because I read too many, too fast, I’d say my experience says: both. I don’t think that “advanced” books will hurt anyone (my 10 year old read Salem’s Lot because he insisted “he would be fine” … a few sleepless nights after that one convinced him that waiting on more horror stories would be a good idea. I don’t think me telling him “that book is too old for you” would’ve worked) … but I also think there is a lot of pleasure to be gained from the “age appropriate” stories, too, and the classics will offer a LOT of food for thought (that’s why they’re still around…) So Little Women, for instance, isn’t as sassy as Harry Potter, but who among us doesn’t remember weeping at Beth’s death (sorry, spoiler alert); the pleasure of Anne of Green Gables and her extraordinary imagination; the daily adventures of All of a Kind Family on New York’s Lower East Side at the turn of the century; or the enduring friendships of Betsy-Tacy-Tib? I think that well-meaning adults who want kids to stay confined within the “appropriate” lists aren’t necessarily seeing the whole child in context — Doesn’t mean I’m going to let my 14 year old peruse 50 shades of Gray, but it does mean that I’m going to let him roll around in some “adult” books in part to facilitate the kinds of discussions that can be otherwise difficult to start… What a great question! Thank you!