As a child, I’ve always loved being around younger children. I’d take care of them and moms in my family where always happy to leave their children with me to babysit.
As I studied to become a speech and language therapist, my love for children continued. I had this great empathy for them and I wanted to specialize in pediatrics in order to work closely with them, and so I did.
As I had my three children, the love just increased, but also the stress that comes with it. The stress that you don’t feel with other children when you have a stress-free young life. The stress that you manage to control when you work with other children at work, but it can easily appear the moment you enter your home.
This is the dangerous part of parenthood. It is when you are too stressed that you tend to take it out on the little ones, the most vulnerable ones, the children.
I admit I lost my temper hundreds of times, I failed them another hundreds of times, I wasn’t the pleasant mom always. I would go to bed at night feeling guilty for whatever happened on different occasions and for whatever went wrong.
Life teaches us, and as we strive to be better people, we also tend to accept that we are allowed to make mistakes, even as adults. I didn’t realize that, as a mom initially. I believed I have to be perfect. I couldn’t understand how you can be so good and competent with other children, while you keep losing yourself with your own children.
Things do change with learning.
I learned to stop blaming myself, and realized that it is fine to make mistakes. I believe that the more I remember myself within my hectic life, the more I become a better person and hence a better mom. It can only be possible by managing myself well. It can be through realizing that, as mothers when we do tend to lose ourselves into our daily routine we forget who we are, what makes us happy and what cheers us up. We lose our hobbies, we forget to indulge ourselves in what brings us joy. We stop reading, going out with friends, going to the gym, laughing, getting a pretty haircut, having a cup of hot chocolate while thinking of nothing.
That time spent for me as a person, lets me to resume my mom role happier, more content and I can give more and more. Life is about giving and receiving.
We do not eat our hearts for what we did, but we learn to forgive ourselves, work on improving ourselves and giving ourselves some quality time in order to be able to give to others part of our beautiful self.
This is an original post from our #WorldMom, Ibtisam from Oman for World Moms Blog.
Picture Credit to the author.
You can find more of her wonderful perspective on her blog: ibtisammusings.com.
Ibtisam Alwardi
Ibtisam (at Ibtisam's musings) is an Omani Mom of three, living in the capital city of Oman ,Muscat. After working for ten years as a speech and language therapist in a public hospital, she finally had the courage to resign and start her own business. She had a dream of owning a place where she can integrate fun, play and 'books', thus the iPlay Smart centre (@iplaysmart) was born. Currently she is focusing on raising awareness through social media about parenting, childhood, language acquisition. She started raising awareness on (the importance of reading) and (sexual harassment) targeting school-aged children. Ibtisam enjoys writing, both in Arabic and English, reading and working closely with children. She plans to write children books (in Arabic) one day. Contact Ibtisam at ibtisamblogging(at)gmail.com.
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I so agree with you, Ibtisam. Our entire life is about giving and receiving! First we give, and then we receive. At times, we are so focused on receiving that we forget the giving part… and all of a sudden motherhood happens, and we realize the ‘giving’ part all over again.
And by the way, a big fan of Rumi here!! We have a lot more to connect about, than just motherhood 🙂
Dear Purnima,
I apologize for my late reply, you know the problem I had with losing my password.
Yes, we lose it and focus on giving till it is too tiring or stressful that we have to start and make some changes.
I am happy to know that you are a fan of Rumi, I can’t seem to have enough of his wisdom and thoughts :).
Thanks Purnima x
Exactly!
Thank you 🙂
I think this is currently my biggest struggle, that I feel guilt when I lose my temper, when I’m impatient or upset with my child. It’s hard for me to reconcile with this, especially when I have more patience with any other child. It’s a huge struggle because I waited so long for my child, I feel I should be a better mum.
Thank you for your comment and sorry for my late reply.
I still remember it with my first child, the guilt I had. You wonder how impatient you can be with him/her and have the patience of the world for another children/people.
Don’t worry, you will pass through that with a better understanding and better ways of coping with it.
We are all here to support each other, and we are all the same 🙂
The worst part for me was watching my 4 year old develop a temper, and realizing she was mirroring what she saw in me when I got frustrated with her! We are working on it together… 🙂
Yes, you are absolutely right,, My first and second child developed bad temper at some point, and they wouldn’t stop fighting with each other. At one point I saw my girl standing and pointing at her little cousin the exact same way I do when I am angry and saying the same words I say (without realizing it):D. I thought this is horrible lol.
Sorry for my late reply and thanks for sharing 🙂
Very well said. A very honest thought that resonates with me. A person I met, once upon a time, noticed how it is easier for us to be nicer to strangers than we are to our own families. Additionally, I think that although we know our children cannot fully understand our requests or what is happening around them, when we are overly stressed we tend to want them to ‘get it’, to understand us and make things easier for us.
Often I look at what and who I have become since becoming a mother of 3, and I some times am afraid of having allowed myself to lose my….self.
Thanks for this post & I am happy for you as a mom and as a woman AnD as a person, that you have understood we aren’t supposed to be perfect.
Sophia,
I love what you say, so deep and inspiring. Every mom should read your words of wisdom here. Thanks and apologies for being late in replying.
I love when I read a World moms Blog post about motherhood and think, it really is universal, all mothers feel these same things at some points, and that is comforting! Thanks for your words of wisdom.
Yes, it is reassuring to know that it is really ok to pass through this because many have encountered it too :). Thanks Elizabeth and apologies for my late reply 🙂
Great post Ibtisam!! And welcome to WMB!! 🙂
Thank you :)..
I am still finding my way in the wonderful WMB 😀
Welcome .. and LOVE your words xxxx
Thank you dear :).. I appreciate it 🙂
Hi Ibtisam,
Your post speaks to me, too! When I make a mistake, I can’t get too hard on myself, but use it to learn from to make me a better parent. Now that my youngest is 4, I’m ready to start taking care of myself better. It has taken this long, but it is time!!
Welcome to World Moms Blog!
Jen 🙂
Yes it takes so long with little ones we do forget sometimes how it feels to receive and not just give :)..
Thank you for letting me be part of WMB x:)
We are so happy to have you aboard, Ibtisam!
Jen 🙂
Thanks Jen,, it’s my pleasure to be with you ?