Grandmothers are the glue of a family. They always have the warmest hugs and are so happy to see you no matter what. In the 80’s they were built in nannies for most. At least I know mine was. I was there daily even when I became old enough for school. I was for sure a grandma’s girl. In fact that’s what she called me. Her gal.
I can remember every detail of my grandma’s house. I can remember the house before and after the remodel to expand the kitchen. We spent most of our time together in the kitchen.
She always said, “ One day when you have your own family you have to make sure you keep your hands good and clean! A mother will touch every bit of the food that goes into her family’s mouths.”
When I was very small she would sit me on top of the washing machine so I could help stir. We’d make cakes, pies, cookies, rolls, and all sort of goodies. Churches and family members from all around knew grandma was the best baker.
It wasn’t the desserts that I loved. I loved her savory meals: roast and potatoes, mustard greens and corn bread made into hoecakes especially for me. But my favorite was hamburgers. I can recall other kids being fascinated with popular drive-thru burger places, but not me. I only ate my grandma’s or my mom’s homemade hand patty burgers.
Growing up a farmer’s daughter, grandma learned to stretch meals to accommodate a large family. She was the eldest daughter of thirteen children with one older brother. In our home it was just my brother and me, so I wondered why she wanted to teach me to stretch meals.
“Add a cup or two of broth to that soup,” she’d say. “The pastor might come by this evening round supper time.”
Always making more out of what little she had.
On Fridays we had fish! It was tradition. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I learned that eating fish on Fridays was a tradition based in the Catholic faith. Humph? We aren’t Catholic.
Like clockwork the fish man would show up on a weekday. My brother and cousin would holler, “The fish man is here!!”
Grandma and I would turn down any pots and pans to a low fire or off. Picking the perfect fish took time. Nine-year-old me would stand there bashfully, hanging on to her apron. I must have worn a hole in that thing. I was painfully timid and reserved.
“You got any of them nice fat ones?” she asked.
Laughing, he’d say, “ Nobody want them but you.”
I’d wonder why people didn’t want the big fish. My mama and daddy always kept the big ones. After picking her bucket full she’d pay him from the pocket on that apron and we’d rush back to get supper on the table.
“We got some work to do this evening. You gonna help me?”
I’d smile and nod still holding her apron as if I’d get lost between the front porch and the end of the driveway.
“That’s my gal,” she whispered.
That night, along with cutting up the catfish into fillets and buffalo fish ribs, we’d also grind the beef we got from Madea’s out on the farm. I was old enough to work the grinder now!
We wrapped the kitchen bench good with plastic and some butcher paper we’d pulled from the pantry. I didn’t mind handling the raw beef meat like I did chicken. I even liked the way it smelled. Once we’d filled my large yellow Tupperware bowl with sections of beef I’d drag it over to the bench. PLOP! In goes the first hunk of meat.
“Don’t forget we gotta pass it through two times” she’d say.
“Yes, Ma’am.”
While I ground the first pass, grandma started prepping the fish. I was glad to be helping her. I didn’t care that the other cousins were off playing. Grandma would usually sing a church hymn while we worked away. Sometimes she’d even turn on the old crackling radio in the kitchen window or put on a record from my uncles collection. But I liked when she just sang, slapping her thigh occasionally to get the right soulful rhythm going. We didn’t sing lively songs like that in our church. All the while she’d be making sure I wasn’t chopping off my fingers or dropping a big piece of meat that was too heavy for my small hands. Strange how she could do so many things at one time.
“I’ll do the second pass,” Grandma said.
“No, let me finish it,” I begged.
She agreed reluctantly. She inspected my work from the end of the grinder shoot. Still singing and smiling as before. She added filler (fat) back into the meat. This was to make it stretch and for flavor. I tried to take in all she did in the kitchen. She handed me my yellow bowl back, but this time it seemed to smell different and was covered with cheesecloth.
When I removed the cheesecloth the beef not only smelled different, it had some bubbly looking things in it! Grandma had a smirk as if she knew I’d react how I did. A smirk, not her usual full toothy beautifully gapped smile.
“EEEWWWW, what is that!” I screamed.
She said, “Child that is roe. Roe from the fat catfish.”
I apparently looked puzzled.
“Caviar! Fish eggs,” she said. “You’ve eaten it all your life.”
I was in shock. I sat there silently, wondering how long had I eaten fish egg hamburgers. The last thing I remember from that day is feeling sick. The next day grandma squeezed me close to her while she had her morning coffee wearing her big fuzzy pink robe.
“One day you’ll be able to tell your children you used to eat caviar. I won’t make you eat that ever again.”
Mama Simona has been a World Moms Contributor for more than a decade and has written many posts for us over the years. She first started contributing from South Africa but left that world behind in 2021 when she moved to Spain with her husband. You may know her from her posts or be one of the many World Mom friends she’s made over the years. For this month’s Meet A World Mom, WMN sat down with Simona, in Spain, to to find out what makes her a World Mom.
What country do you live in?
It used to be South Africa but I moved to Spain in 2021
What country are you from?
I was born in Italy but lived in South Africa from the age of eight until last year.
What language(s) do you speak?
I speak English, Italian and Afrikaans fluently and am currently studying Spanish, German and French
How many children do you have and what are their ages?
I have a son and a daughter. My son turned 29 in January and my daughter will be 26 in May
How did you connect with World Moms Network?
I responded to a request for mom writers who didn’t live in the USA back when our founder, Jen Burden, first started this group as World Moms Blog
How long have you been a part of World Moms Network?
Almost from the beginning, which was in 2011.
How has your life changed since you joined World Moms Network?
Honestly, most of my life I felt like the Ugly Duckling did. I didn’t have any true friends and just didn’t “fit in.” Since joining WMN, I have found many kindred spirits and the true friends I always longed to have. I was very fortunate to meet up, in-person with Senior Editor, Kirsten Doyle, when she visited South Africa, and I have had a one-on-one video chat with Chief Strategist, Purnima.
Now that I’m in Europe I hope to be able to meet more World Moms (as soon as COVID lets up enough to make getting around the EU easier). Even though I haven’t met anyone else in person, I consider my other friendships just as real. Jennifer Burden also went above and beyond to help out my daughter when she got sick in the USA and I was unable to help from South Africa. That’s the definition of true friendship in my book.
How do you spend your days? (work, life, etc.)
Before emigrating to Spain, I completed a Level 5 TEFL (Teach English as a Foreign Language) course, as well as How to Teach Business English and Teaching One-on-One and Online. I work as a freelance ESL teacher. I don’t have a lot of students yet, but luckily my husband’s income is sufficient for us to live comfortably here. Since I don’t work every day, I usually take care of household chores in the morning then spend my afternoons studying Spanish, German and French.
What are the top 5 places on your travel wish list?
I would definitely love to visit the USA to meet up with a lot of my online friends. Disney World and Disneyland are also on my US wish-list, because it’s never too late to have a happy childhood. And I want to go back to Italy because it has so many beautiful things that I haven’t had the chance to see yet. I also hope to get the chance to explore the rest of Europe and the world once COVID restrictions lighten up.
Is there a book, movie or show you recommend?
One Day at the Time (series on Netflix) – A very clever comedy similar to Jane the Virgin (which isn’t what you’d expect and is also a very good comedy on Netflix).
What is your favorite memory with your children?
Hard to pick just one! Strangely enough, the first thing that came to mind were the middle of the night/early morning feeds. There was something very special about that intimate time when the world was sleeping and I was able to give my baby my undivided attention, free from the inevitable daytime distractions.
What is your best motherhood advice?
Never forget that every child is an individual and what works for one child won’t necessarily work for the next one. Comparing children is the most counterproductive thing that you could possibly do. Also, forget about being the “perfect” mom, because nobody is that. Trust me, some of the parenting mistakes I used to beat myself up for, my kids (now in their 20s) don’t even remember! Take advice as well-meant, but then trust your own instincts / knowledge when it comes to your children.
What is your favorite place you have traveled to?
Thanda Safari Game Reserve in South Africa. It’s smaller than the Kruger National Park, and as a result the odds of you being able to spot most (if not all) of the “Big 5” is much greater.
What is your favorite family travel destination?
Warner Brothers Theme Park near Madrid in Spain. It’s open from noon to midnight. Despite having to wear masks at all times, my family and I thoroughly enjoyed our day there – although one day only isn’t enough to take in the entire park.
What is one random thing that most people would be surprised to know about you?
I am unable to strike a match or use a “flint type” lighter. I have suffered from pyrophobia since I was a little girl, even though I love a fire in a fireplace or BBQ (just as long as I am far enough away from the actual flames myself). Ironically I allowed my children to use matches and lighters from a very early age, because I didn’t want to pass on my fear to them. I only revealed to them, when they were adults, that the reason I allowed them to light their own birthday candles was because I couldn’t do it myself!
How did you get through quarantine/lockdown (2020/21)?
I know lockdown was hard for many people, but I didn’t suffer at all—except for the inconvenience caused by the shortages of some goods. I was very fortunate because in South Africa (where we still lived in 2020), I lived in a large house with a large garden and was able to work from home. My husband and I were perfectly happy on our own. Our children had already moved overseas prior to 2020, so video calling was nothing new for us. We miss the garden now that we live in a flat in Spain, but here we’re in a very small town and (apart from having to wear masks) we can do whatever we want. I am extremely grateful every day for my life.
What brings you joy?
Hearing a child laugh – there’s nothing better in the world than that.
If you had the power to change one thing about the world, what would it be?
I would love to be able to make EVERYONE understand that the health and welfare of every creature in the world is more important than money. There would be enough resources for everyone if they were equitably distributed. John Lennon said it so well in his song IMAGINE (you can fid the lyrics here: LyricFind)
What UN sustainable development goal are you most passionate about?
Although all the goals are important and worthy, as someone who lives with several auto-immune disorders, number 3 – Good Health and Well-Being – is the one I’m most passionate about. My grandfather was a doctor and he always used to say that good health is “the one (1) that gives value to all the zeros (0) of the world” – In other words if you have education but no health you have 0, but if you are educated and healthy then you have 10. If you’re educated and wealthy you have 00 but if you’re educated, wealthy and healthy you have 100 etc.
The fact that your income determines whether you can access the medicine you need, just so pharmaceutical companies can make exorbitant profits is abhorrent to me. It’s the same all over the world, even places where “free” medical care is provided (because the “free” care isn’t of the same calibre as private care).
SDG 3: Health & Well-being
In South Africa, my aunt’s domestic worker (I’ll call her Miss X) was ill. My aunt took her to the free, government hospital. They kept Miss X overnight and discharged her the next morning with some paracetamol. My aunt then took her to her own (private) physician (whom my aunt had to pay) and he discovered that Miss X was HIV positive and had an active case of Tuberculosis!
Armed with these results (which had to be paid for) my aunt took Miss X back to the hospital and refused to leave until she ensured that this time Miss X was going to be treated appropriately. This time they gave her antiretrovirals and other medicines but they didn’t take the time to explain what the medication was for and when to take them! My aunt took her home and not only explained everything to her, but also used a pill divider so that Miss X would remember which pill to take when. If it wasn’t for my Aunt’s involvement, Miss X would have died years ago instead of having an undetectable viral load and be fully recovered from TB. Lack of money should never be the reason for someone’s death!
World Moms Network is an award winning website whose mission statement is "Connecting mothers; empowering women around the globe." With over 70 contributors who write from over 30 countries, the site covered the topics of motherhood, culture, human rights and social good.
Most recently, our Senior Editor in India, Purnima Ramakrishnan was awarded "Best Reporting on the UN" form the UNCA. The site has also been named a "Top Website for Women" by FORBES Woman and recommended by the NY Times Motherlode and the Times of India. Follow our hashtags: #worldmom and #worldmoms
Formerly, our site was known as World Moms Blog.
A recent post on Instagram had me chuckling and sighing at the same time. Someone had shared about the expatriate experience and said it was a cycle of unpacking, attempting to settle in, and packing up again. Then repeat. This resonated powerfully with me because it hits the bulls-eye when it comes to describing expatriate life accurately.
Once again, I’m at the beginning of this cycle. I’m currently sitting in my new dining room in Brunei, contemplating how we’ve been affected by our latest move from Singapore two months ago. I’m trying to think of some deeper insight to share. But I’m mostly wondering about the location of our container of belongings and crossing my fingers that it has arrived at port after weeks of being held up.
Physical Transitions From the Move
Delays in shipment should come as no surprise to me. After all, this is our third overseas posting in 14 years and our sixth international move. It’s discernible that the difficulty of transitioning increases with each move. It is in some part superficially related to the physical belongings that we have amassed over time, with furniture and keepsakes from different countries.
It is just physically tedious. But it has also gotten more challenging as our family has grown and our daughter has gotten older. (She is currently eight and already behaving like a pre-teen.) And this time around, there are many more added considerations and issues from moving during a pandemic. Besides the actual physical move, the mental and emotional upheaval can take a long time to accept and deal with.
Brunei Restrictions
There are several restrictions to entering Brunei. Firstly, it is currently not open to tourists and visitors, and one can only enter for essential travel. As with many other countries, there is also a quarantine period at a hotel facility along with several PCR tests at different points. Upon arriving in December, we quickly adapted to the local rules and restrictions. The first time we were invited out to dinner, we were excited to make new acquaintances.
I was having a lovely conversation with an Australian lady who had also just arrived, and we were happily exchanging notes when someone suddenly exclaimed, “It’s 9.15 pm!” and a bustle ensued to thank our hosts, make an elegant but hasty exit, and drive home quickly. You see, there was a nightly curfew set between 10 pm and 4 am, and no one in the country is allowed out of their homes during this period. Since then, the curfew has been relaxed to a later time of midnight, but like Cinderella, one has to always watch the clock on evenings out.
Pandemic Life
The author’s daughter on her way to Brunei to begin their family’s next expat adventure.
While my husband jumped straight into the job after our isolation period was over, my daughter and I have been at home for most of these two months. The junior kids at her school are currently waiting for their vaccinations. Until then, they are required to have online lessons from home. We’re five weeks into home-based learning (more than we had ever done in Singapore!), and we do not know when the supplies will arrive and the kids can get their jabs.
So, we are being patient and will get that done as soon as the vaccination drive begins. In the meantime, she’s getting to know her teacher and classmates over Google Meet. And also attempting to fall in sync with her different subjects and pace of lessons. The reality of this is that it has been tough, particularly in the past week. I sit next to her and try to guide her, and she generally gets on easily.
Emotional Transitions
But there are days when it is all too much; we get on each other’s nerves and we need a time-out from work and each other. While we try to do fun things like play badminton together, the lack of daily interaction with children her own age is hard. There is probably a lot of physical and emotional energy being built up. We are still in the process of finding a balance and coping with being with each other 24/7.
But there are days when it is all too much; we get on each other’s nerves and we need a time-out from work and each other.
I’ll be honest and tell you that I know my patience needs a lot of work. Often, I drive her with the demands of a teacher rather than encourage her as a supportive parent. I need to know when to take a step back and acknowledge how overwhelming it can be for an 8-year-old. I just let her know that it’s alright. With online schooling possibly lasting for another few months, I foresee that there will be some days when I will be telling her teacher that she will not be completing the work. She needs a break for her physical and mental well-being (or for mine!). And we all need to be ok with it.
Transitioning Roles
In these two months, I have realised that I am at an important stage of transitioning in my own roles. Since the pandemic began, I met its challenges by dealing with work and adjusted to a blended mode of teaching my students in school. After years of being a stay-at-home mum, I had gradually re-established my role and identity outside of my family and home. Presently, however, my full-on and most immediate roles have circled back to focusing solely on my daughter and husband. The term trailing spouse is often used in expatriate life, though I prefer seeing myself as the supportive spouse.
Still, there is no denying that my role as a spouse has brought me here right now, and it is where I start again as we rebuild our family life together. As a mother, I am a guide, encouraging cheer-leader, cajoler of spirits, and master-briber. I am one of my daughter’s constants as she finds her way in this place and time with new friends, interests, and future plans.
I don’t see this as losing a part of my identity just because I have to give more of myself right now as a mother or wife. Rather, I want to see this as a pursuit of establishing myself in other meaningful ways and thriving with my many different identities. It will take time and I may struggle with some parts of it, but I’d say I’m always up for a challenge!
This is an original post by World Mom Karen Williams in Brunei.
Karen is a Singaporean with an 8 year-old daughter who’s a little fire-cracker version of herself. She’s spent the last 15 years in her various roles of supportive trailing spouse, mother, home-maker and educator. Having experienced six international moves alternating between overseas postings and her home country of Singapore, Karen considers herself a lover of diverse foods and culture, and reckons she qualifies as a semi-professional packer. She is deeply interested in intercultural and third-culture issues, and has grown immensely from her interactions with other World Mums.
Karen is currently living in Brunei with her family.
Dear reader, thank you for coming by again. If you’d like to read the first part to this post, please read Identity: A Geographical Perspective.
Sophia in the United States of America
My first home away from home was Santa Monica, California. It was beautiful. I would walk everywhere. Once I saw Keanu Reeves casually walking to an apartment three doors down from me, like he wasn’t Neo from the Matrix. Hahaha!
A lot of people looked at me. It is only recently that I noticed that people usually look at me, and I figure it’s because I’m tall. That is where the Brazilian and Moroccan guesses started rolling in: in Los Angeles County. That’s when I started wondering about my identity on a whole new level, slowly but surely.
My identity crisis culminated eighteen years into my life in the U.S. This is when it became something I had to seriously look at, and decide what kind of action to take. In the early 2000s, I noticed some girls look at me in a strange way (strange to me), when they knew I was with a Black guy. I brushed it off as me seeing things, and it might have been so. I never got the same looks when I dated a White guy or one with my skin color.
In the early 2010s I went to the bank in a predominantly White neighborhood, and was helped by a really nice White man banker. I came back two times later with my husband, who’s Black mixed with Black. I noticed my husband’s whole posture and energy change. He was making himself smaller. He is 6’5″ or so, but it wasn’t just his height he was minimizing. He was making himself non-threatening.
I looked at him curiously, but when I sat with him across from the same White man who had helped me so nicely twice before, I began to understand. The whole thing infuriated me on a level where I couldn’t even say anything. The banker talked to us like we weren’t account holders, like we didn’t belong, like he didn’t have time, and like he forgot how to be as nice as he was earlier that week. It was completely new to me. I couldn’t understand it. Apparently it was the way my husband’s world worked, and I (being …Other and a woman) had never been exposed to it first-hand.
I decided then to open myself up to understanding this world my husband was living in, and that our children might come to live in as well.
The United States Through The Eyes Of A Foreigner
As a foreigner living in the U.S. I feel like an outsider looking in on a very personal family situation. There is so much love, and fear-based hate, and fear-based actions all around. The love should not be ignored, but lately I notice that it is becoming an aspect of the Black/White relationship that isn’t being talked about as much. There is a whole other thing too: I, as a woman with African identity and mixed ethnic heritage, find it super strange when Black women here see me as a disappointment or as a threat. Let me explain. It has taken me SO long to come to face this possibility, and I only bring it up because it has nothing to do with me, I believe, but with an idea.
I have had the pleasure and blessing to be around a lot of people from different cultures and backgrounds. Here in the United States I have been around Black women who have either come to, or are working on coming to a place of self-appreciation and self-worth, and a place where they feel freer to express their African identity and cultures. I don’t seem to get along with the majority of these Black queens. At least not for long-lasting relationships. There has been a small group of them, but by and large, I have remained this Other girl who says she is from Africa but doesn’t look like the African stereotype.
I was MC of this Afrofuturistic event in Columbia, South Carolina once, because this Black King saw my worth before I could even see it. His name is THE Dubber. He’s a rather dope human and musician.
Most people at the event didn’t know who I was, but if you know me, you know I will come say hi with a smile on my face (and in my heart). I will introduce myself and ask you about yourself. I walked into the main room and one of the evening’s artists was there, sitting in a row of chairs. She was a Black girl who was evidently on her journey of finding her magic. I think that’s awesome! Low natural haircut, beautifully moisturized skin, funky outfit, African jewelry, coffee-brown skin. It fit the image of Africa that many people in the United States have. My husband was in front of me so he walked into the room first. She got up, smiled big at him, greeted him and shook his hand, and sat back down. I was right next to him by this point, getting ready to look up again from my planner at the right time, and greet her when she was done greeting my husband, but I guess she didn’t see me. She didn’t even make eye contact with me.
Did you say I could have cut her out of the evening’s schedule? Oh my! You’re such a naughty reader! Haha!
At least she behaved like that to my face, which I appreciate.
I do not pretend to understand the distress of the descendants of enslaved Africans in America. Distress, injustice, disgust, hurt, pain, frustration, trauma, etc…
Yet, I would like to share a perspective from outside the box, and I thank you for lending me your ear.
Power
Power comes with responsibility. A part of that responsibility is to ask what kind of world one wants to live in and what they can do to make it become a reality (if it isn’t already so). With the power that Black people and Brown people, and BIPOC and all marginalized people are sloo-o-o-o-wly gaining, we must ask ourselves this question: what kind of world do we want to live in, and what are we doing about it? I have heard Black friends say they hate White people. Some have said they would never date a White person (some for the sole fact that they would be White, not to do with culture and understanding), some say they won’t teach their kids about anything other than Black excellence and identity. I want to ask…. isn’t that the same kind of biased reality that we are working to get away from? If we start teaching our kids only a part of history, isn’t that history as skewed, but from another viewpoint?
Please consider this: would it be possible for us minorities to not only empower ourselves, but also be empowered by others (if they choose to do so) AND also not disempower others? I understand that if those without power gain it, those with it would have had to relinquish it. That’s fine. But do we have to exclude them entirely like they have done?
If that’s the case, do we know when and how to stop so that we don’t tilt the scales all the way to the other side and miss the point of balance?
We Just Want To Be Understood
I know you don’t know me and can’t verify my intention in saying any of this. I am truly coming from a place of mind and heart in which you and me are the same thing. Whether you believe in a Biblical Adam and Eve, or a scientifically founded story of a set of Eves, or whether you subscribe to the Big Bang theory, or evolution with a different beginning… I don’t know. What I believe is that, scientifically, we are all the outcome of the death of a star, a supernova. The only difference between you, and I, and that tree over there, is how energy and matter is collected (collected: has changed through time to become what it currently is). In truth, we are one.
I also believe we are spiritually connected. So when I ask these questions it is not because I am for any group or identity in particular. It is because I am for all people as one group. One group with varying stories to tell, cultures and traditions to live and share. We will likely always war and fight. We will have defeats and triumphs. In this seemingly pivotal moment in which history is swiftly changing through the use of newer and newer technology, can we decide that we all want to operate based on love? Can we empower ourselves to love ourselves fully? Then we can empower others to love themselves fully.
Can we at least attempt to tell history as factually as it occurred? So that all children of the world know about world history from all viewpoints? The good and the bad, and the understanding that sometimes the (good and bad) sides change. Personally, I am (learning to be) done with proving I belong. I don’t want to assimilate to become American or Black or anything else. I would like to be me. I am African. I have an African nose, and African hair, and African skin. Anything I do is African. LOL. I can’t prove it, you see? It’s kind of a ridiculous notion, now that I think about it after doing that for 22 years of living in the U.S.!
This is a scary post to write, but God knows my intention is to unite people – not take away anyone’s culture or identity – and to make progress without creating an unintended monster on the other side. I hope you understand.
Do you grapple with your identity living in a foreign country? Is this something you are concerned about for your children?
I am a mom amongst some other titles life has fortunately given me. I love photography & the reward of someone being really happy about a photo I took of her/him. I work, I study, I try to pay attention to life. I like writing. I don't understand many things...especially why humans treat each other & other living & inanimate things so vilely sometimes. I like to be an idealist, but when most fails, I do my best to not be a pessimist: Life itself is entirely too beautiful, amazing & inspiring to forget that it is!
If there is one skill that most of the people on this planet have been compelled to nurture, since March 2020, it is arguably RESILIENCE amidst change. True – there may be many different shades of color to this skill. While some of us have bid goodbye to loved ones, others have said a farewell to their old jobs and searched for newer avenues of work. If some have learned to push back at the panic of dwindling finances, others have welcomed new arrivals in their families – masks, vaccine shots and sanitizer in place. We’ve given up old habits and acquired new friends, stopped old routines and begun new hobbies, questioned old priorities and acquired guilt-free joy in the little pleasures of life! Amidst all these changes, we’ve learned to bend our knees and balance on the “surf-board” of life. Sometimes gracefully, and sometimes reluctantly. But there has been no escape from the learning!
While reflecting on my own journey of learning, I realized that there was a convergence of “A-ha” moments, drawn from several roles that I play – that of a daughter, a mother, a wife, and also that of a professional, an educator, a life-coach and a teacher-trainer. If the year 2021 could speak, what would it tell me? So, here’s a little list of what 2021 “spoke” – maybe you might find resonance with some of them? ????
Identify your “Circle of control” versus “Circle of influence” versus “Circle of no influence, no control”. The first refers to everything that is in your hands – your efforts, choices, emotions, thoughts, etc. The second refers to all those things that you can try and impact, but cannot fully control. This includes the actions and choices of your loved ones, workplace colleagues, friends etc. The third refers to the national or global events that impact you, but which are not controlled by you. These can be many!
Train your mind to consciously link your emotions to only those things which are in the first circle. Learn to gradually de-link your emotions from the second and third circles. This is tough! But possible…
When unpleasant and unexpected things happen, respond to them ethically, with the best of your efforts, without wasting time and energy in asking “Why me?”.
In any situation, ask, “What is the best I can do in the given circumstances?” Then do it!
Surrender the final outcomes to the universe.
Let prayer and humility mark your efforts.
Understand that not all efforts bring immediate outcomes – but every effort definitely brings the commensurate outcome at some time, in some way. Therefore, drop the stress.
Instead of getting distracted by people and situations, ask yourself “How do I give value to those around me?” Then proceed to do that.
Make your peace with all the things you do NOT control and cannot predict! This is truly difficult. Yet, logic tells us that there is no alternative to this, if you want your mind to be calm. Then, that calm mind can generate creative solutions for any problem.
Remind yourself of these regularly, as intellectual understanding doesn’t easily translate into emotional acceptance. The mind is like a little child that has to be coaxed into learning. ????
Track your growth and see how the uncertainties and challenges of your life have made you a stronger, wiser, more compassionate person!
Breathe deep, smile at yourself in the mirror and pat yourself for every step of the journey you have walked on – only YOU know your battles, and you deserve to be appreciated for your endeavors.
May all of us learn the art of bringing the smiles back to our faces and our hearts, via the beautiful skill of resilience!
