I’ve been a mother for almost 23 years and a nana for just 4 short months and I thought I’d heard it all. Maybe I’ve just been out of the loop for too long and not reading all of the parenting books that I used to. My education has obviously been lacking though because I’ve only recently heard about helicopter parents and lawnmower parents. What the…….?
So maybe I’m showing my age now, because when I became a mother at the tender age of 17 we were warned about not wrapping our children in cotton wool.
It seems that the more common term now is ‘helicopter parenting’, whereby there are parents who hover overhead, rarely out of sight of their children whether needed or not. Or if you’re a lawnmower parent then you smooth out and mow down your children’s obstacles.
In essence, it’s about over-parenting; parents solving their children’s problems and keeping them from harm. It’s about not letting children learn for themselves by letting them experience the full range of emotions and lessons in life. I’m no psychologist but even I know that to raise healthy, happy and well-balanced children that we need to let them live-and-learn for themselves.
We can’t protect our children from everything and everyone, nor are we doing them any favours by trying.
Children need to learn that their actions have consequences right from babyhood because this is how children learn. If they run on slippery floors then they need to learn that they may slip over. If they jump from a height then they need to learn that they may hurt themselves. This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t stop them from really harming themselves, but it does need to
be balanced and we need to let them learn for themselves as well.
The one thing that really got me was when my youngest sons’ school started banning ‘winners’ for any of the school sports games if the children were under 8 years old. How does a child learn about determination and improvement and even defeat if, up until the age of 8, they can’t ‘win’?
Are we raising a bunch of ‘marshmallow’ children who don’t know how to stand up for themselves, look after themselves or speak up for their rights.
I’ll be honest, my husband was always tougher on our boys than I was. I still wanted to protect them (what mother doesn’t?) but I was also realistic and I didn’t ‘hover’ or wrap them in cotton wool. Well I don’t think that I did, they may have different views.
Hubby probably contributed to them being tough little nuts with plenty of self-confidence but I also balanced it out with the hugs and cuddles and teaching them that it was okay to be a male and still talk about feelings.
I do admit to a tendency towards lawnmower parenting as they’ve gotten older but I also know that we’ve provided them with the tools to fight their own battles and to survive in the real world. I know that my boys are going to be perfectly okay.
To ease the motherly tendencies, I’ll just hover and mow a little bit more around my grandson, because I can do that with him without causing him any long-lasting damage. His parents can do the hard yards with him and teach him about balance.
So the question is: do you hover or mow, or do you just let them go and then you’re there to pick up the pieces?
This is an original World Moms Blog post by Inspiration to Dream of Adelaide, South Australia. Fiona is the writer of Inspiration to Dream and can be found writing or reading in every spare moment that isn’t filled up with work, her three boys, her new grandson and of course with a bit of spare time thrown in for hubby as well.
Image credit to Microsoft Office online helicopter and baby. This image has been used within the terms of use from Microsoft Office – two images have been combined to create this picture.
I had never heard of this term either – and I am not sure what type of mother I am. I feel almost sick when I think that I can’t protect my wee lad against the world (at the moment that means nasty kids at nursery – he is not even two years old, but he can already say the word “stupid”… I just think that is so sad…) , but at the same time I know that I shouldn’t protect him too much. We have never covered up corners of tables or totally child proofed our home (I mean it is fairly safe, he can get into drawers, but we make sure that the things in the drawers aren’t too dangerous), and yes, he has banged his head, and he has fallen over… It is very difficult to find the right balance I find…
I just read an article yesterday on the Guardian called “Bred in Captivity” about this very issue. In it they say that “in a single generation, the “home habitat” of a typical eight-year-old – the area in which children are able to travel on their own – has shrunk to one-ninth of its former size.”
Parents are so determined to keep their children safe and close that they are seriously dampening one of their children’s most important development stages. In my line of work, I come across parents on a regular basis that are literally traveling the world with their children full time. Their kids are as happy and health as any but instead of being locked up in a home, car, or school classroom, they are free to roam and learn first hand about the world around them.
I wonder what kind of adults these “captive” children will grow into…
The lawnmower parents is a new term but I did heard of the helicopter parents before. This is an interesting piece. I have to admit that when I first had my son as a first time mom – far from both sides of the families – I was the helicopter mom for sure. I constantly worried about him, etc. But as he grew older and started school (now in kindergarten) I had learned to be more relaxed and let him figure things out by himself, albeit there are moments when he get so frustrated he will throw a tantrums. It’s a delicate issue I think because we do want to protect our children but giving them enough space to learn from their mistakes. I’m still trying to balance it all 🙂 Great topic!
As a mother with an anxiety disorder, I have vowed not to be a helicopter parent. As a result, some friends of mine who ARE overprotective (and over-permissive, too…) think I am extremely laid back, to the point of being a neglectful mother.
Because I let my kid eat finger food when he was 8 months old.
Because he falls and bumps his head and instead of rushing over I just say “whee! You’re fine!”
Because he eats dirt and I say “it’s good for his immune system”.
I think it’s better than the alternative.
I mostly just let them go, so much so that my husband gets upset with me. My mother was certainly a helicopter parent, to a fault, and I don’t want to make the same mistake. Hopefully I’m not making the opposite one 🙂
I was much more of a helicopter parent with my 1st son than I am with my second son. Part of that is that I think I learned so much the first time around about how it all works so I was much less high strung with #2 (for instance, we don’t have any baby locks anywhere in our house now, but when we had our first son we were baby-gated to the extreme).
But I also think each of my boys needs different types of parenting based on their personalities. Just with how son #1 is wired up, he needs alot more emotional support in general. As he matures, how and when that support is given has changed and evolved. But I think he is much more confident and capable kid now because he had alot of hands on coaching & guidance in the beginning (which is how I hovered…not clearing obstacles, but talking him through obstacles). Son #2 is such a different personality, that he will need different types of support. So perhaps that ties in too. Hmm….