My eldest sister got married very young (18) and started having her children very young, as well. As a result, she has children ranging in age from 24 to 10.
I loved watching her children interact. My sister and her husband worked hard to raise these children to be educated, respectful, hardworking and just all around decent human beings. Their family vacations are truly family vacations where they go to some remote place to explore it together.
They spend weekends at their farm, just themselves, doing things like repainting the farm-house or helping build or design the stables. They depend on each other and are what a proper family should be.
This is not saying that they don’t fight. A proper family wouldn’t be one without conflict. But I always admired their family life. What I loved most about watching them interact is that when the eldest 3 children started growing up (2 girls and a boy), they naturally started parenting the younger children.
They starting implementing the house rules on their siblings, making sure that they were home on time, helping with homework, organizing play dates and birthday parties. No one was forced into this, it came about from my sister and her husband handing the elder ones some responsibility when it came to the younger ones. Essentially, my sister and her husband only had to work really hard on the first three, then the first three started helping in a big way with the younger ones.
I have always loved this system, and I think this is one of the benefits of having a big family. I come from a big family that love each other to bits and would not hesitate killing for each other but we never had that dynamic. So I know this is not something that just happens.
But today, when my youngest was screaming his head off because he wanted to draw on one of my books, I realized that my 5-year-old daughter was saying to him “No! That is mama’s book and we don’t draw on books! You want a paper? You want a paper? I’ll get you a paper.”
I did have to intervene because he wasn’t having any of it really, but she was trying to help, and she was essentially saying exactly what I would have said. My son does the same with both his siblings except he seems to relish it more when he is telling his sister off, and this is why I don’t encourage it. But with the right kind of guidance, and not letting the power get to them, I can make them depend on each other and take care of each other.
My nieces are both married and pregnant now and looking forward to having their own children. With years of nappy changing, baby feeding and caring for their siblings when they were sick, they have really done it all. The eldest girls were around 14 when their youngest was born, so old enough to take responsibility. The only thing they don’t know how to do at this point is give birth (it pretty much does it itself so don’t worry habeebti).
I don’t plan on having any more kids after my fourth is born in April inshallah (God willing). I like to think that they will take responsibility for each others well-being and safety and depend on each other like my nieces and nephews do.
“If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.” – Abigail Van Buren
How much responsibility did you take on towards your siblings when you were growing up? Did you like it? Would you make your children take on responsibilities towards their siblings?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Mama B from Saudi Arabia. She can be found writing at her blog, Ya Maamaa.
Photo credit to Bike Queen. This photo has a creative commons no derivatives license.
I am an only child so can’t answer your question I’m afraid 🙂
I do like the idea though of the older children helping to guide the younger ones.
Only child is a whole other story… I would be really interested to hear how you feel about being an only child and if you think it is better or worse than having many siblings.
What a great post. I too come from a big family but I am the penultimate so I was the one all the older siblings looked after. My oldest sister really did a lot to help with all those that came after; probably a bit too much. By the time my little sister came along most of the kids were already out of the house so it was just me and her for many years and I did not have a lot of responsibility for her. If we are blessed with more children I certainly hope that they will all take care of each other. After all, the sibling relationship is the longest we’ll have in our lifetime. I think it’s important to know that you can both rely on your siblings and be relied upon – builds strength and fosters comfort – two very good things.
“the sibling relationship is the longest we’ll have in our lifetime” nicely put. So we better like each other and make sure our kids like each other! lol
In my family we were the same as ur sister. Mind u I only have 2 1/2 and 3 1/2 years between me and my younger siblings. I used to take care of them. Wash them when done on the toilet. At 15 I took care of them on my own for a couple of months when my mom had to leave for a family emergency. So close on age.. Yet I acted as their mother when it was needed.
Once again.. A great post hon!
Thank you 🙂 Did you like taking care of them? Or resent it?
My kids are the same as what you are describing. The oldest is 16 years older than the youngest. I always laugh and say that you need the raise the older kids first and your job is much easier.
The balance is not laying on too much responsibility and that it comes from them and is not forced on them.
well said! Now to try and do that lol.
I think you’re describing my family as well.
I am the oldest…I rasied my sisters, literally. Truth is, I wasn’t that much older than the middle sister who is 3 years younger, BUT, I was nine years older than the baby.
My girls are “play” mommies to Rainbow who is much younger. I don’t give them too much responsibility, and I do pay them each a dollar per hour when we go out…even if it’s grocery shopping. I think it makes it easier for them to know that I appreciate their help.
Congrats on your pregnancy, inshaAllah, you will have a healthy baby.
I would have loved a big family, even though my husband and I decided to stop after 2, and always admired those with many siblings, and how the oldests do raise the youngest. My sob has started to take on some responsibility for my daughter, completely on his own, even though he is only 5 and she is 18 months. For instance he will run in to be the first to say goodmorning to her and get her out of bed when he hears her stir. I am 4 1/2 years older than my sister, and was a second mother to her (my mother still says that about me). Sometimes it was forced on me (like when I had to take her with me and my friends to the movies), and sometimes it was just organic, like when she wasn’t well and just needed someone to entertain her, or bring her a glass of water. Today, we are very close and feel like we can confide in each other, lean on each other, and would do absolutely anything for each other, even though we live 3000 miles apart.