I will be the first to admit it – having children is a lot of work. Nobody ever said it wasn’t, but before I had children myself I didn’t necessarily believe it. I couldn’t love my two children more, and after having a few problems along the way, I feel so lucky and blessed to have two children.
But again, it is a lot of work. It is a lot of work when there are two parents present, and now my husband has gone away for a two week training course, and my respect for single mums is growing by the minute!
If you have read any of my previous posts you will by now know that I worry quite a bit, and now that there are two children and only one grown up (I really don’t like using the term “grown up” about myself, but I guess I have to face the facts and realize that I am indeed a grown up… how scary is that!?), I find it difficult to give both children the attention I feel they both need. Luckily, the 3 month old has turned out to be a very patient little soul, and she is happy to lay on the baby gym or sit in the bouncy chair whilst her older brother gets more attention.
I’m usually busy sorting out all of the logistics with getting the older one to nursery in the morning whilst the younger one is sleeping in the babybjorn and then having the evening meal with the older one, hopefully when the younger one is sleeping. And then I find myself making the older one wait whilst the younger one is being fed, and so on. It is difficult. I have two children with different needs and at different times. In terms of nappy changes… they seem to be pooping at the same time! Typical.
And when am I supposed to get time to do the housework? The best time is after they are asleep or before they wake up in the morning. One morning I got up at six. I woke up by chance, and when I realized this was my chance for some alone time, I just couldn’t let the opportunity pass. So, instead of cleaning the kitchen floor, I sat down with a book and a cup of coffee before the kids were awake!
What I am realizing is that I don’t always appreciate my husband as much as I probably should (but please do not tell him that!). Having that helping hand in the mornings and evenings, somebody to carry the screaming baby when I make dinner, or somebody to play legos with the older one when I am changing a nappy, and so on, is invaluable.
It is just so much easier when there are two of us and two of them!
Any advice for how to make my 2 weeks as a single mum as easy as possible?
This is an original World Moms Blog post by Astrid Warren in Oslo, Norway. Astrid can be found on Twitter @MrsSWarren. You can also find her blogging at QuintessentiallyBurrows. (She previously used then pen-name Asta Burrows).
Photo credit to www.narcisisstblog.com.
I totally feel you. I have to admit I have help at home to take care of cleaning and laundry. However, sometimes I get overwhelmed when the two boys gang up on me and decide their diapers must be full at the same time. As my young one grows he is demanding more and more attention and I’m just thankful for my hubby and all the time he spends with them so I can just sit down for a minute, read a book or bake.
Apologies for the late response, but as Christmas (and the pre-Christmas rush) is now over, and the little one is getting older, I am finally getting back into things again… slowly at least 🙂
I am glad to hear that I am not the only one finding it a bit tough at times, and without my husband taking care of the kids (at this very moment) I would not have been able to write this reply 🙂
I’m married for 15yrs, my kids are now in their early teens. Your post brought me back to 12yrs ago when both my kids are just toddlers. I was like a single mom with a fulltime job then. My hubby was busy building up his career and besides he is not good in handling babies. So I single-handedly did all, was overly exhausted & tired, but I did it. I wanted to ask for help, but there was none. I pat myself on the back, encouraged myself and moved on, trying my best to be a good mommy.
You did well Astrid. Single-mom or non-single mom, mommies are good at adapting to daily changes.
That must have been hard – I only had it for a couple of weeks, I cant imagine doing it for a longer period, but when there is no choice we mummies just have to get on with it I guess. I am very glad to have my husband back!
I get it – the juggling of two very young children with little or no help. You will get into a good rhythm by 4 months. I’m lucky my husband has flexible work hours and can help with the toddler, and my in laws are close by as well.
I will say this though – the baby won’t remember this time in her life, so if she’s happy to sit/ lie somewhere while you tend to her brother, let her be. Your toddler will remember this time, and you wouldn’t want him to think he’s less important.
The little one is just 4 months now – and she is luckily very patient. I am glad to hear that I am not permanently damaging her by leaving her in her bouncy chair or on her play mat 🙂
The 3 year old is starting to pay a bit more attention to her, and he is always encouring her “tummy”-time (but after a couple of minutes he is bored).
Astrid, I understand this is a juggling act. I have one child, so I dont have much to offer you in terms of suggestion. But I am sure this will pass through and you will breathe a sigh before you know it.
I remember when I was a working mom and came home late to a baby and then to a toddler, I wondered when will he grow up to a become a boy? Now, that seems like just yesterday.
Time flies doesn’t it! And now it feels like a very long time since I was alone with the two of them, and I know (well, I hope), that next time will be easier 🙂
Astrid,
Years ago when my first was quite small my husband was working during the week in Washington, D.C. for about 6 months, and I had no help until he came home on the weekend. I very early on realized how important just that cup of tea made at 9pm was if he had just been working late in town, or having the garbage and recyclables taken out to the curb was!!
You will get through this! Break up your day, get out, visit friends. These are the things that helped me!
So great to see you back to writing, Astrid!
Jen 🙂
Well I survived, and allthough I know that some mums are alone with their kids all the time, I feel slightly proud that I did it… And luckily the Christmas holiday is over as well, as much as I love my husband and children, it is a little bit nice now when the wee lad (3 years now!) is back in nursery and my husband back at work, and it is only me and the little one in the daytime 🙂
I too, tip my hat to single moms …. I remember it being hard enough to cope on my own for a couple of weeks when my oldest was a toddler and my other one was a baby!
The good news is that time really DOES fly by very fast! My oldest will be 20 years old in January!!
I totally let the housework “slip” when I was alone and concentrated on taking care of my kids (and myself by napping when they did!). I used paper plates & paper napkins to cut down on cleaning up and took “shortcuts” with everything other than baby & child care!
Before you know it, hubby will be back and things will be easier again. Until then, try not to stress … cos that just winds up the kids! Good luck!!
It is strange isn’t it – that when I am stressed, the kids sense it, and they decide to act up… Or if I am in a rush to get out of the house in the morning the 3 year old will suddenly decide that he doesn’t want to go, or finds something to do that will slow me down, but when I am not in a rush he is so easy! I need to learn to breathe, and count to ten 🙂
Yep, I get it too. During our twins’ first year, I spent a total of 4 months as a single mom while my husband traveled for work (in delightful locations such as N. Korea). It is hard work, so taking time for yourself is key – even if it’s early morning while the cleaning waits 😉 I relied a lot on friends too, mostly to keep me sane! Luckily it does get easier as the kids get older. Good luck!
Wow – 4 months alone with twins! I guess I shouldn’t be complaining 😉
I ask myself the same question every time my husband is away. I have always had a lot of respect for single moms but never more than now that I have my own children and know first hand how much work is involved. The first time my husband was away someone told me the first few days would be the roughest and then I would find my stride – they were right. I hope you find the same.
I just had to take one day at the time, and luckily my mum came over to help a bit. I found it a lot easier when I didn’t worry about cleaning and tidying, that was when I got stressed. I am glad it is over for this time though 🙂