Dear Girls,
I’m writing to you as a 36-year old woman who has battled with demons of insecurity for most of my young life.
As a young girl, I have told myself, I’m not smart enough. I’m not beautiful enough. I’m not tall enough. I’m not sweet and gentle, and soft-spoken enough.
You would have told yourself some similar things too.
You would have compared yourself to the images you see on television, in magazines, on the Internet.
The images of ‘beauty’ as projected by the media.
The tall, leggy, flawless-complexioned goddesses with perfect hair, teeth, breasts and lives.
And you would have gone to the mirror and not seen the perfect skin, hair, teeth, breasts and body.
And you would pluck, powder, bleach, dye, starve yourself to look like those impossibly perfect women.
And you would still be unhappy with how you look.
It could be because some boy laughed at your slightly buck teeth.
It could be because a friend commented on that one pimple on your nose.
It could be because someone said your hair color is ‘kinda mousy’.
And you would sink into that hole of “I am not beautiful.”
Girls, you need to know something.
Beauty cannot be crafted from makeup, hair gel, waxing, tanning and dieting.
Beauty is crafted from kindness, empathy, love and light.
Be kind to yourself and others.
Be gentle.
Be thoughtful.
Be loving.
Be open.
Be accepting.
And you will be beautiful.
Love,
From someone who knows now that she is beautiful.
How do you define beauty?
This post was originally published on Writing, Wishing by Alison Lee.Â
Alison
Alison is a former PR professional turned stay-at-home mother to two boys. Growing up in a small city of Ipoh, Malaysia, Alison left home at 17 to pursue her studies in the big city of Kuala Lumpur. At 19, she headed to University of Leeds in England and graduated with a degree in Communications. Returning home to Malaysia in 1999, she began a 10-year career in public relations, event planning, and marketing, working for various PR agencies and one of the world's biggest sports brands. After a decade of launch parties and product launches, concerts and award shows, international press junkets and world travel, Alison traded all that in for a life as a first time mother in 2009, and has not looked back since. Aside from writing for her blog, Writing, Wishing, Alison is the Founder and chief social media strategist for Little Love Media.
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I love this, Alison! I’ve been working with this brand that has a campaign now about confidence and empowering women. If you were Filipino, I’d totally nominate you as a woman of confidence. Teaching kids the true meaning of beauty is really quite tricky. And it really does get easier to see yourself as beautiful as you get older. I deal with a lot of insecurities myself, and this post just makes me feel stronger and more secure. Now I wanna hug you! 🙂
I’m glad this post has made you feel good about yourself – because you are good enough and beautiful! Thank you for your kind words.
Riight? I look back at pictures of when I was a teenager. How did I not know I was beautiful? I thought I was too dark, too skinny, to knobby kneed.
I was gorgeous, and I didn’t see it.
Very nice, A.
You’re STILL gorgeous, my friend. Thank you for coming over to read. xo
As a mom of two girls, I so appreciate this. I try to remind my girls what real beauty is almost every day by acknowledging the kindness they show, the true smile that lights up their faces (missing and shifting teeth included), their brain power and so much more. Beauty truly is what you are…not what you look like. It is a shame it takes so many of us so long to figure that out.
Your girls are amazing and lucky to have you as their Mom, Kristen!
Alison, terrific letter. I wanted it to go on and on. The same little girls you wrote this letter to, often grow up to be insecure big girls, with many of the same feelings. It’s hard to avoid the bombardment. It’s good to have some idea of an ideal but important to know that ideal (or idol) could come in many shapes, sizes and colors. I wish humanity (or at least humanity via the media) would gravitate more toward people of substance and away from many of the substandard celebrities and picture-perfect idols in the mainstream.
Thanks for starting my day off with something positive and encouraging to focus on.
Kyla,
Massachusetts, USA
Thank you so much, Kyla. There isn’t much we can do with the bombardment, but we can change our mindset and hopefully, the mindsets of those around us, especially our children. This letter is also for the boys to understand that they need to look beyond a pretty face to find beauty.
This truly beautiful post from a truly beautiful Alison, gave me goosebumps! I get goosebumps whenever I read Truth with a capital “T”.
Why is it so difficult for us to see the beauty in ourselves that is so obvious to others?
In my opinion, the greatest accomplishment of my life is my beautiful 16 year old daughter who has none of the hang-ups I still have! Both my children (fortunately) KNOW the truth of the quote from Kahlil Gibran “….Beauty is a light in the heart” and they have surrounded themselves with friends who are ALL truly beautiful in that way! This gives me great joy and hope for the next generation! 🙂
Thank you so much, Simona! Your daughter sounds amazing and a role model for all girls. More power to her, and you!
A beautiful post Alison, and so true.
Thank you, Jacki.
I appreciate this and tell my daughter the same. When I was growing up, I never saw faces of Indian beauty on my television in the United States – it was like, we either didn’t exist or it just confirmed what I already felt. I am different. I don’t belong. Different is not pretty.
I know that she will grow up with a different set of eyes than mine. I hope more secure than me. Even now, while I want to teach her the lessons about what beauty really is, I feel myself looking down at my own body and it’s imperfections and wishing that the words rang truer for me.
Kiran
Kiran – know this. You are beautiful. Inside and out. Say that to yourself every day. xo
I love this, and I so needed to read this. It’s ironic, but I don’t remember you posting it before. Is it possible that it was before I read you? B.A. (Before Alison)?
Hee, B.A.!! It’s possible, I posted it in November last year. Thank you for reading, my friend.
I showed this post to my daughter(she is 13), she smiled. I told her, “You look perfect just the way you are”. She has low self-esteem due to lots of criticism in school. But I make sure I’m always there for her to encourage her to lift up her head & believe in herself. I told her I thanked God everyday that she was given eyes to see, ears to listen, limbs to move about, taste buds to enjoy food, nose to smell those durians and good health to keep on living.
A very meaningful post. Love it.
Thank you – your daughter is very lucky to have a wise Mama!
Alison,
This made me cry! Yes, you ARE truly beautiful person! I am so thankful that you are in my life. 🙂
As a mom of two girls, I try to teach my girls to be proud of who they are and find the beauty in it. It’s also finding the gems out there for your children to look up to. My girls love Bindi Irwin, the late Crocodile Hunter’s daughter. In her shows Bindi is a great role model as a fun, fearless courageous girl and she also sends great message about conservation and love of animals. Her show went off the air here in the US, so I sent away for the DVDs.
Alison, thank you for this important life message to girls! And, you are a pleasure to work with. 🙂
Jen 🙂
And YOU are beautiful, Jen! Your heart is the biggest and most generous I know of. Your girls will be amazing women.
Thank you for writing this! It’s essential we support our girls as they navigate life today filled with unhealthy media messages and unrealistic standards of beauty. This a topic I’m very passionate about – not only am I the mom of a 10-yr-old girl,I’ve made it my life’s work to teach our girls that “It’s what’s inside that counts!” I spent many years working as a professional model/actress struggling with my own self-eswteem issues and it was the Kahlil Gibran quote (Beauty is not in the face; Beauty is a light in the heart) that inspired me to write my book “Beauty’s Secret, A Girl’s Discovery of Inner Beauty” that went on to win 5 national awards, including the Mom’s Choice Gold Award! I am so glad our society is recognizing the urgency to help our girls. I also now publish a self-esteem magazine for girls called “BYOU – Be Your Own You!” and it’s been picked up by stores around the country because there is very little out there to empower our girls. Technology is great for many things, but when a girl is bombarded 24/7 with disempowering messages, it can be very confusing for her, especially in her tween years. Thank you again for bringing some much-needed attention to this subject!
http://www.BYOUmagazine.com
http://www.HeartlightGirls.com
Debra, kudos to you for taking something you’re passionate about and turning it into something that will help so many young women. Thank YOU for doing your part for the girls.
Oh yes to all of this. Why is it so easy for us to pick out all those little tiny “flaws” and miss the bigger picture? It took me a long time to learn the true meaning of beauty. I wish that I had heard (and listened) to these wise words when I when I was growing up.
It’s never too late!
Amen! I might also add be confident. I think confidence is beautiful.
Yes, absolutely. To be confident with what you have, that is beautiful.
as a mother of two girls, it is exactly how I used to feel and how I plan to talk to my daughters. I know what’s in front of them and it will not be easy. I want to give them as much acceptance and security as I can!
Your girls are in good hands 🙂
A poignant and important reminder. Young ladies face a constant bombardment of messages, some supportive, some not, and some conflicting from those who love them. It has taken me decades to be ok with myself, mostly because I really, really, dislike how I look in photographs. I am much happier behind the camera than in front of it. 🙂
However, it occurred to me one day that all too often moms give a detrimental message about beauty to their girls whenever a camera is pointed their way. I was guilty of this behavior, and am working not to be anymore. Rather than write it all out here, I’ll share the link to the post I wrote. Sorry to be a “link dropper”- I find this message goes hand in hand with yours, and it is such an important one, so I ask your forgiveness. 🙂 http://www.toodarnhappy.com/2011/08/12/five-minute-friday-beauty/
Thank you for sharing your post Kim (totally okay with that!). Your experience is very similar to Allison Slater Tate’s, where she wrote about moms needing to get into the picture, on Huffington Post (it went viral!). We forget sometimes that our children, our husband, look at us differently. They see what we don’t. Getting into the picture is a good reminder of that.
LOVED your letter Alison. As a mom of two girls, this definitely hits home. Everyday my husband and I try to find ways to emphasize to our daughters (especially the oldest how is starting to be more aware of her surroundings) the beauty that comes from within…through kindness, empathy and love.
Thank you for sharing your letter.
Glad you liked it Eva. I think you and your husband are guiding your girls well!