Childcare. No word conjures such stress and anxiety in the mind of a working mom as “childcare.” There are countless little things that can cause enormous problems. Your child is too sick to attend. Your child care provider is too sick to care for your child. Your child care provider is late. You are running late to pick up your child. Never mind possible personality or caregiving style conflicts.
Stress. Anxiety. Too many problems to solve while juggling too many plates. Eventually one of those plates will drop, and who picks up the pieces?
For me, just the experience of searching for a childcare provider for my oldest child was the single most stressful experience of my life. I spent hours on the phone, calling centres, trying to be put onto their waitlists in hopes of getting a childcare spot. I visited centres and caregivers, asking about programs, schedules, and meals. It was harder to plan than my wedding, and as it turned out, more expensive.
In the Greater Toronto Area parents who hope to have licensed childcare for their child are told to put their child on waitlists – when they are about 3 months PREGNANT with that child. You might have a chance at a spot by the time your twelve month maternity leave is over – that means your wait is at least 18 months.
I’ve had my son on a list for over four YEARS at one centre.
Why the long wait? Countless parents are in the same boat as you are – seeking reliable, quality childcare. There are simply not enough spots.
What does this process look like? Generals planning an invasion into a country cannot strategize more than a parent seeking childcare. I pull out road maps, calculate distances, travel times, factor in traffic and hope I can drop my child off at a centre and still make it to work on time.
At one point I had my daughter at one centre and my son at another centre about 15 minutes away. By the time I arrived for work I had been on the road for about ninety minutes, just doing childcare drops. The whole process was reversed in the evening.
Two of my children have serious special needs – finding an appropriate place for them was incredibly challenging. In the Ontario public school system, schools cannot refuse to admit any child based on special needs. If the school board feels they cannot provide appropriate services for the child, they must purchase them from another board.
This is not the same for childcare – whether private or licensed. I’ve had several prospective caregivers refuse to provide care for my daughter, Little Miss Adorable. She has Prader-Willi Syndrome. Now three years old, Little Miss Adorable is an easy-going, very sweet-natured child who cannot walk yet due to poor muscle tone. People were afraid of her. You can check out my blog for the real truth on Little Miss Adorable.
The last time I tried to put Little Miss Adorable into a childcare centre, the director told me that she had serious safety concerns about my daughter because she was not walking. The director thought the placement was not appropriate and suggested some alternates. I felt the centre was perfect for Little Miss Adorable. The director reluctantly allowed a trial visit. By the end of the visit Little Miss Adorable had made friends with most of the staff at the centre and the director was cuddling Little Miss Adorable.
In the Greater Toronto Area (and Ontario as a whole) childcare is very hard to find. It is also very expensive.
The cost of childcare for an infant at a licensed centre is more than I pay for housing and utilities for my whole family. A private caregiver charges a couple hundred dollars less. As your child gets older the cost of care is reduced because the staff-to-child ratios change. A caregiver can only look after three infants but can look after five toddlers.
Personally, I cannot imagine looking after three infants or five toddlers at any time. I do know that in Ontario childcare providers are notoriously underpaid for the work they do and the level of education they hold. This is a profession with high turnover as experienced caregivers seek other employment opportunities.
Right now my family has solved our childcare dilemma by having my husband stay at home with our three children. Previously we tried to have both of us working outside the home full time and the stress and the expense became too much. We found that by cutting back on some things we are happier and can focus on what’s really important: our family.
What is childcare like in your area? What are your childcare solutions?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog. Angela is a Special Education Teacher and parent of two children with Special Needs. She writes about her super-powered, special needs life at http://halfpastnormal.wordpress.com/
Photo credit to the author.
Angela, just reading this made me stressed for you.
Childcare in Malaysia is notoriously easy to obtain. If you have the cash, you have the spot. Unfortunately, the enforcement of best practices here is not perfect, far from it. One story of a child dying at a daycare, is one story too many.
There are many good daycare centres, don’t get me wrong, but there are also many really bad ones. The challenge is in finding not just a good one, but a safe one.
I chose to stay home with my kids, it’s far less stressful and cheaper. 🙂
In S.A. it’s very similar to what Alison said about Malaysia. We have the same availability and challenges.
I became a so-called “Day Mother” because I needed to earn some money but was unwilling to be parted from my precious first-born! I only looked after a max. of 3 children at one time (one of whom was my own son!). Obviously, I didn’t earn very much and (when my son was 20 months old) I, very reluctantly, put him in a licenced Day Care facility.
It actually turned out to be the best thing for him because I was a bit TOO overprotective and he thrived in Day Care! With baby 2 I was fortunate enough to be able to stay with her until she was 11 months old. Again, financial need forced me to go back to work, but this time it was easier to send her to the same Day Care her brother had attended (because he’d been so happy there).
I think it’s best if a parent is able to stay home with their child for (at least) the first year or 2 of their life. Unfortuantely for many parents that isn’t an option. All you can do is research your options, speak to other parents and make the best decision you can!
Angela,
I agree with Alison — what stress!!
I stay home with my daughters in the US, so I haven’t experienced first-hand the search for great day care. It is interesting how it changes from country to country — in some places not enough care and in some an overabundance.
Many friends have gone through similar stresses to find the right daycare or choose the right nanny. Our kids are our most prized possessions, so this is something we desperately want to get right in our lives! I’m so glad that you found an option that works for your family.
When I was in Uganda last month, it wasn’t strange to see an older sibling watching a smaller sibling at school while their parents worked. That breaks my heart!
Very thoughtful post!
Jen 🙂
I’m still stuck on “12 month maternity leave.” !?!?! That sounds heavenly. But I know the childcare hunt has gotta be one of the most difficult things about being a mother. We had one center that was decent quality and partially subsidized by work and people would get their names on the wait list as soon as they started dating someone promising. It’s horrible. Definitely something America, and I’m surprised to learn, even Canada need to sort out if they want to benefit from all these highly educated productive women!
Just thinking about seeking childcare gives me anxiety. I know it all too well. Some days I wish I could have just stayed home with my son when he was younger. But, being a single mom, that was a little trickier. Now that he’s in school, it’s a little easier. But still, trying to find someone to watch him when he’s sick or the school is closed just brings up new headaches. I usually have to use up my sick and vacation time to stay with him (which I don’t always mind – but it does take away from the possibility to ever take a vacation).
It’s interesting that the common thread in everyone’s comments is the worry and stress child are brings. Around the world working mom means some form of child care and a huge amount of stress heaped on top of a busy workday.
I wish everyone good luck in solving this problem!
I think we can all relate around the world that parenting looks a lot easier until we’re actually doing it! So many decisions!! Thanks for writing this, Angela!
I’m a recent graduate for Early Childhood Education. This blog I thought was amazing as now being a childcare provider these comments and seeing the anxiety that is being created i’m receive another perspective. This has made me think of what I can do to help with this anxiety that is being produced from your childcare. Also I’m seeing how I might not live near these mothers but it makes me see what I can do for the mothers i do see, the mothers who leave there children in my care.
-Kaitlin
Such a great and informative post about childcare. This will really help parents. Keep posting!
I agree with the comments above. This is really informative about child care issues. Thanks for sharing and keep posting.