We have all heard the slogan “breast is best” but it is not always the easiest. As mothers, we all know that breastfeeding is most natural, and, in theory should be the simplest, most efficient way to feed our babies. However, this is not always the case for every mother and baby pair. As a mom of two boys, Chase who is almost five, and Samuel who was born 5 months ago, I have had both a wonderful experience and a tremendously challenging one nursing my children.
My older son nursed beautifully from the outset. After a scheduled induction and a fairly easy labor I started to breastfeed him within the hour. He latched perfectly right away and there was never any breastfeeding trouble. I was able to feed him this way for his first year of his life and I loved knowing that I was providing him with the most natural source of nutrition that I could and I also loved the bond that we shared while I was nursing.
Fast forward four and a half years and, after years of trying to get pregnant again and multiple losses, I was blessed to have a second son, Samuel. I didn’t even think about whether I would breast feed him I just assumed that I would have the same, easy experience I had the first time around. Well, there was no such luck!
From almost the very beginning we have been plagued by one breastfeeding problem after the next. Just as one issue resolves, another more troublesome one takes its place.
We’ve had to contend with a short frenulum, (also known as a tongue-tie) which we corrected, several rounds of treatment for thrush, and most recently, sudden onset of low milk supply caused by thyroid problems. I have sought the help of a lactation consultant and a medical doctor specializing in breastfeeding medicine, not to mention my good friends and family members who have breastfed their children and, of course, all-knowing Dr. Google!
Currently, I’m working with my endocrinologist to get the thyroid function under control, taking several herbs and a prescription medication obtained outside of the US to increase my milk supply but until the supply increases adequately, we are supplementing with formula. I’m hoping that this plan of action is the one that works for me and that in few weeks I will be on track to exclusively breastfeed Samuel. If it doesn’t work out as I hope I will have to come to terms with the very upsetting reality that breastfeeding this time around is going to be a very different experience. I must decide if I’m going to breastfeed him with supplementation or just wean him to formula.
Over the past several months I have been feeling tremendous guilt surrounding breastfeeding. I want it to work so desperately and am blaming myself for the failure. I know that is not rational, and that I have tried (and am still trying) everything to make it work. I know that if I have to bottle feed Samuel he will be the same happy, smiley, content baby that he is right now. I know that babies thrive on love and laughter; giggles and grins, affection and attention; and that no matter where his food comes from, bottle or breast, he will have those things from me.
I know all of this but just cannot internalize those facts into a good feeling. After all, this is how mothers have fed their children for millennia so why can’t I get it right?
A good friend reminded me that in the days before infant formula lactating women would help each other nurse their children because not all women make enough milk naturally. If you were having trouble, another woman would take over for you to ensure your baby had what he or she needed. I am thankful that I have the option to supplement with formula and the luxury to try to breastfeed him as well. Time will tell whether I will be successful in returning to exclusively breast feeding or whether I will continue to supplement or turn to all formula for him. Whatever the outcome, I know he will be fine . . .and so will I.
Did you breast feed your children? Did you face any challenges? Did you supplement with formula?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Alison Charleston, an attorney gone stay-at-home mom in New York City.
Photo credit to Orin Zebest who holds a Creative Commons attribution license.
My children are now 20 and 17 years old respectively, but I totally know how you feel! 🙂
I’d planned a natural birth and was determined to breastfeed both my kids exclusively. Life, unfortunately, has the tendency to throw you curveballs. Both my children were delivered by emergency c-sections and I wasn’t successful in breastfeeding either one without supplementing with formula. Added to that, I developed Post Natal Depression, which I made worse by being so hard on myself for things which were totally out of my control!
Fast forward 17 years. I’m blessed with 2 healthy, intelligent children. We have a close and loving relationship. The “rough start” (at least in my book) that they had in life has not adversely affected them at all!
My advice to you is to cherish what you DO have, instead of what “might have been”. Just enjoy your time with your kids, without worrying about not fulfilling some “ideal” of motherhood (which doesn’t really exist)! Some of those moms who breastfeed effortlessly have other issues to contend with.
Hi there from Australia! I had more or less the same problem- diagnosed with low milk supply. my baby is now nearly 3mths old and after trying as best i can with various approaches- i feel that i probably had blocked milk ducts. i remember lumps and soreness on the breasts days after the birth of my boy- and i asked the nurse but she didnt think much of it. from then on i pumped/expressed at the suggestion of a lactation consultant- but still didnt get alot of milk- initially only 30-40ml… eventually i got the hospital grade pump at home- along with another lactation consultant visit… and while i got double or more milk each time i expressed (when i could find the time after trying to breastfeed, then topping up wiht formula, and being so tired) i couldnt keep up expressing the required 6-8 times a day needed to increase the milk supply to an amount sufficient for the baby to suck on. At some point i saw a utube video on hand expressing. i tried it- and was surprised how efficient it was. i also really worked on a few sore lumps i had on my aerola region- and after 5 days or so- they were much better. So i wondered to myself after so much effort and various purchases of aids for breastfeeding…. whether it wasnt due to an undiagnosed case of blocked ducts- which led to low milk supply. i dont like to think of all the times i pumped and expressed, so tired and down trodden- all the while having quite large bumps of blocked milk on my nipples. after hand expressing- i could see double or triple the streams of milk coming from my breast. i’ve considered going to a live in clinic at this stage for a week or so to see if i cant get my baby to breastfeed again- and increase the supply ( i stopped renting the pump) and really work at it- but each time i put him to the breast, he gets upset… and at this stage i dont want him to suffer anymore… i know i’d find it a stressful experience also- and i’ve decided the hospital / health system let me down in a way i found too severe to give it a second chance now. i continue to hand express and pump with a basic home pump each day- about 140ml- and feed it to my baby… but i’m choosing to try to enjoy feeding him the formula as best i can, the experience of feeding and loving my baby- rather than go through more tense times related to breast feeding. maybe on the second child i’ll be okay to do it. But- gee- what an experience the first months are, so much happening, so much confusion, so many questions and so much work. I’m starting now to just enjoy – to simply love him, feed him, care for him, put him to sleep… and let go of all the books and things people tell me… feed, sleep and care for him- just a few words describe these vital actions- not hundreds and thousands and complexities… i’m going for the simple and enjoyable approach now.
Best wishes everyone!!!
Michelle
Hi!
I had a bunch of obstacles, too, when trying to breastfeed. I got through them, but if it gets to the point where you realize that the stress to make it work is overbearing and you’d be a better mom by using formula, then so be it! You are still a great mom whatever route you choose here!
Thanks for sharing this, Alison!
Jen 🙂
I have to agree with Jen. I had insufficient milk supply the first time around. While I would feel guilty about not producing enough milk, I eventually realized that the health and good nutrition of my baby was most important – even if that meant supplementing with formula. Hang in there Allison!
While not having any troubles with my first born, when the second came around we had some problems I was not ready for.
I knew that whatever happens we both are going to be fine. It is wonderful that you try to do your best while some women don’t try at all.
Now my second one is 10 months old and I still breasfeed her. She is crazy about her moms breasts 🙂
So sorry to hear about all of your obstacles! We’re made to think it’s all natural and easy and then often unprepared when there are complications. But you are right – we are LUCKY to have the option of supplementing and using formula. I just wrote a post about how formula may very well have saved these two baby orphan twins I know here in Kenya. It’s so easy to forget how lucky we are to have options. We should just stop battling one another over using them.