As I type these words, my almost four-year-old is entertaining himself playing with one of his many toy airplanes. In his mind, our bedroom is an airport and the sky is the limit. In the room next door my baby sleeps. I call him my baby but in fact he just turned two years old last week and baby is the last word I should use to describe him. My second child is now a full-fletched toddler and his chubby cheeks and legs keep slimming and he keeps transforming into a little boy. I don’t have a baby anymore.
We always said we wanted three kids, even when we were dating and testing the waters talking about our potential future families. When Evan, our oldest, turned one, we knew right away we wanted another baby soon so we got pregnant soon after. When Josh turned one, we knew we weren’t ready and now that he has just turned two we know it’s time to think about this again, but we just don’t feel ready.
We still want three kids, but it never seems to be the right time. If I could just fast-forward the 9 months of pregnancy and have a little one right here right now, I would do it. But just the thought of going through a pregnancy with two little guys to chase makes me hesitant.
In addition to that, we know we are moving out of Jakarta in a few months and I refuse to move pregnant, again. The last two big moves we made were considerably harder for me as I was pregnant both times. We might go back to the US, and I know I probably will start looking for a job soon after we move there. Routines, kid’s activities and just life will probably take over soon after we move there.
We love to travel and adding to the family would mean the need to book an extra room in many hotels. Most cars are designed to fit four people comfortably. The thought of hauling hundreds of diapers and baby items in my suitcase isn’t exactly appealing.
The boys are just perfect. They have fun together and complement each other. They are growing and the sleepless nights and crying spells are gone. They have a great dynamic going and I wonder if adding an extra sibling would alter this dynamic and change their relationship.
Rationally speaking, it doesn’t make any sense to do this again, but in my heart I still feel like we are missing a new member in our family. My husband and I go back and forth, and mostly try to ignore the subject as we know decision-making time is approaching, but we are hesitant to go for it as much as we are hesitant to make the decision to close the subject and stay as a family of four.
As I look at babies and yearn for the snuggles of the first months, I also look at my two amazing little boys. I think I should focus on their toddler and preschool years and enjoy them to the fullest without having to worry about a bad pregnancy or caring for a newborn. Evidently the case for number three is not closed but it might have to wait a few more months. In the meantime, I will just focus on my two active boys and enjoy holding my friends’ newborn babes as often as I can.
How many kids did you plan to have? Is that as many as you have now? Was it a difficult decision to go for #1, #2, #3 or #4?
This is an original post by World Moms Blog contributor, Ana Gaby in Jakarta, Indonesia.
I have three and it feels perfect! But the choice is yours- each family is different.
Yeah. My two feel perfect sometimes but once in a while I wish I had one more. 🙂
Dear Ana, I know exactly how you feel! 🙂
In our case, though, my husband was quite happy with 2 and I was the one who “felt” that we should have another daughter (mind you, I didn’t even want to consider the idea of another son!) His main concern was financial, and I gave us until I turned 40 to “get rich enough”. It didn’t happen. My 2 children are now 20 and 17 years old respectively. Now I’m actually glad that we stopped at 2 – and not just for financial reasons … there’s something to be said for not being outnumbered by your offspring! 😛
Dear Simona, thanks for sharing. I secretly wish for a daughter, too and am so scared to have a third boy right now. I love my two guys but a third boy will just add to the fun chaos our home is. Our biggest concern is the fact that we are moving soon and that I will probably start looking for a job soon after. But anyway, we still have time to think about it….
I’m going through the same thing at this very moment. We have 2 kids of which one is adopted. And I would love to have a third. My husband too. Sometimes the longing for another child to love aches like crazy.
But we have to be realistic. The kids, 4 and 7, went through a rough period and as is now, I don’t think we’re there yet. I don’t know whether they would be able to cope with a new sibling. Also, they now have the prospect of having a separate bedroom, but if a third child would come, one of them will have to share.
And then there is the question of adoption or not. I don’t think I would be able to go thorugh another adoption proces, not the uncertainty of the waiting, not the first traumatic months. And getting pregnant, although I would really LOVE to feel life growing inside, would be detrimental for my back (one of the reasons we chose to adopt after the first one).
So, we’ll stick at two. I guess I’ll always be missing the third one. But it’s better this way…
Thanks for sharing your experience! I also think about them sharing a room. Right now they each have their own room and wonder what it would be like if they shared. Party every night! My older one seems ready to have another sibling, he keeps saying he wants a baby girl sister or a baby boy brother but mommy and daddy are just avoiding the subject until we feel more settled. The two year old would probably hate not being the baby anymore!
I know exactly how you feel! Mine are 3 and 7 now, and my son came up with the brilliant idea that I should have twin (a girl and a boy, so that each of them would have a mate :)). My husband is against the idea of trying for another, since there are various genetic issues, financial, and my health issues to worry about. Not to mention that we live in a 1100 sq foot, 2 bedroom apt – wherever would we put another child? So, I have to acquiesce, while I secretly yearn for another little one to hold and love. Besides, I’m not getting any younger! 🙂
Twin girl and boy sounds perfect! 😉 You might as well go for it and get bunk beds, it will be like a cruise ship! =P But really, rationally speaking I think it will never make sense. At this point we need to decide with our heart and think long term. To be honest the first few months after having a baby are very rough for me but when you fast-forward a few weeks I love having a little one at home.
I have two, and it feels just right! I knew I was done when I started giving away all of the baby stuff and didn’t think twice about it. You’ve got to do what’s in your heart!
Jen 🙂
That’s exactly right, Jen, do what’s in your heart… At this point I think the only thing stopping us are circumstances but maybe once we are settled down in our new place we will be able to start fresh and think clearly whether we want to go for it or not.
Thanks for your honest sharing! I constantly go back and forth with this, rather obsessively, as we need to decide…we shall see. In the meanwhile, sounds like you are enjoying your little guys. Hooray for enjoying where we are, right this very moment.
Hi Melissa! I’m so glad I’m not alone!!! Thanks for sharing your experience as well. Hope the decision process goes smoothly! Take care!