I don’t make resolutions for the new year. December is so full of celebrations and commitments, and I find the idea of sitting down to think through the ways I need to improve myself and make the world a better place overwhelming. I’m a change-as-it-strikes-me-anytime-during-the-year kind of gal. When I can help someone or donate my time and resources somewhere, I do it. As for my personal development, I take stock often. So as I am writing this, with 2013 coming to a close, I’m not focusing on who I will be in 2014. Instead, I’m celebrating on a few key changes I made this past year.
I’m 38 years old, and my relationship with personal vanity has shifted. Too far away from my 25 year old self, I have been working on figuring out how much I’m willing to fight the person I am aging into. I’ve decided to let go. This is not to say I am letting myself go. I still care quite a bit about being healthy, fit, and attractive. However, I decided to go with the flow on a few things.
First, I stopped coloring my hair. I have long, dark brown hair that requires an increasingly demanding salon schedule to keep it that way. Getting my hair dyed is expensive and time consuming, and it stresses me out.
I told my husband I was thinking of letting my hair gray naturally. He was supportive. Then I pointed out that he has some grays peeking through, and he responded, “Yeah! I’m going to look like Sean Connery.” So my husband grays and feels like James Bond. Why can’t women feel that awesome about gray hair?
I haven’t colored it since. And you know what? It’s been a relief. I love not worrying about it. I realized how much mental space managing my hair was taking up.
Second, I stopped taking acne medication. Over the years, I have had increasingly problematic skin. I have tried many strategies, but the only thing that really helped was taking a pill that wasn’t even for acne. The “safe” side effect is that it clears up skin. I took it for a little while, but it freaked me out. I don’t like taking cold medicine, let alone some prescription for an ailment that I don’t have. When my doctor told me I just had to make sure not to eat too many bananas because of potassium complications, I quit. I don’t have the mental reserves to manage banana fears on top of everything else in my life. I did use some high-end, topical cream for a while, but my insurance changed, and I got to see the true price tag of that tiny tube. It was shocking. Could I afford it? Maybe. But I asked myself if I would be willing to pay that kind of money for the rest of my life. The answer is no. I’ll live with my bad skin and put that cash to much better use.
Lastly, I started a no-pants initiative with my wardrobe. It’s not kinky. It’s just that I have put on some weight over the past year and am never comfortable in pants. I don’t like how they feel or look, and I found myself thinking about my pants way too much.
On the other hand, I love wearing skirts, tunics and tights. So I thought – why am I not just wearing what I love every day? Seriously? Why would I keep putting on clothes that I don’t particularly like?
While I do still wear pants, you’ll more often see me in skirts. The bonus is people think I’m dressier now, even though a tunic is kind of just a socially acceptable mumu. I get lots of compliments on my clothes, which has pretty much NEVER happened before in my life. But I think what it really comes down to is that I am walking around with a lot more confidence. I like what I am wearing and feel comfortable, and it probably comes across.
I don’t know what 2014 will hold for me. Since I have these emotional points of personal appearance and aging under control (for the time being), I can use all that extra energy for the truly meaningful stuff….family, love, health, charity, education. But for now, I’m taken a big mental break to let my salt and pepper hair down and enjoy the holidays in my favorite new knit tunic.
End Note: Author is fully supportive of others’ decisions to make resolutions, dye their hair, take medication for cosmetic purposes, and wear pants. Do what makes you feel good. Cheers!
Do you make resolutions for the new year? How do you decide what changes are right for you?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Tara B. of Washington (State), USA.
Photo credit to the author.
LOL At your final comment, Tara!
I’m a bit like you and make my decisions to change throughout the year as things become apparent or necessary. Good luck to you for 2014!
Thanks, Karyn! And best to you. 🙂
I stopped coloring my hair after Julia was born- although I have been debating going back to my blond hair from high school and college- With each pregnancy it’s gotten darken-now it’s brown and what I thought were actually a few blonds left were white! I stopped- like you said because who has 3 hours to spend at the salon. Love reading your blog!
I can’t picture your hair getting darker and darker! I wonder if I had light hair to begin with whether I’d quit coloring it. It’s just I’m a dark haired gal, and I can’t imagine being anything but…unless it’s natural gray. My mom had dark hair but slowly lightened it over the years to work with the gray factor, but I can’t picture myself a blond. Thank you so much for reading and commenting!
As always, I find your honesty refreshing and your perspective inspiring. I think you’re 100% correct that people are noticing your confidence and there is nothing more beautiful than a woman who’s comfortable in her own skin.
“there is nothing more beautiful than a woman who’s comfortable in her own skin”…yes! And from the woman I most admire for this very thing. You inspire me by being who you are for all to see, and you are just beautiful. Love it!
I read this and miss you even more than usual my friend! I hit 38 next week. 🙂
Miss you too! It’s been way, way too long, and we have been through so much. Enjoy every second of being 38 with your awesome family. I actually really do enjoy being my age. I reference being far away from 25, but I am totally ok with it. I’ve never felt better about myself 🙂 Thank you for stopping by the blog. XO!
The quote from your better half & subsequent comment is right on point… It is rare to see the silver & salt n pepper look in women. The overall theme is right on point – any woman will appear more attractive when her inner self radiates a confidence in what she’s got going on naturally. Nice post!
Thank you, Liz! I love that you saw the heart of the matter. I’m ok with whatever decision anyone makes on these topics. It’s about being willing to go with what feels good to you and embrace where you are at in the aging process. If you do that, you’ll strut. 😉 Can’t wait to see you, and I really appreciate your comments.
You know, taking charge of what makes you happy or adds angst, or takes effort and funding that are beyond what you feel like doing … is a fab stride in the right direction for a new goal and a new year. You sound as tho you are off to a great start!
Thank you! I really like the way you put that….taking charge of what adds angst. Happy new year to you.
Tara,
Right on!!!!!! That’s all I have to say.
Jen 🙂
Thanks, Jen! 🙂
Absolutely love the no-pants!! Since having my son I hate wearing pants.. Even though the jeans fit its just not comfortable ..
You hit the nail on the head with lthinking too much about it!!
Love reading this article!!
Thank you for chiming in! For me, it was the obsessing that I decided I could do without. I enjoy hearing everyone’s perspectives too.
I chuckled a lot at your end note. 🙂
Good for you and for feeling good about yourself.
Thanks, Susie! It was a good year all things considered. I hope yours was too!
It was. 🙂
I really enjoyed reading this….especially the No Pants… After I had my son I hated anything tight .. Even though I could fit in them it I just wasn’t comfortable..
Sad to say but I like my smile lines.. Not my crease in my eyebrow but my”laugh lines” I know why I have them.. If that makes sense..
You make total sense! Laugh lines are worth celebrating. 😀
This made me smile….at the same age as you (and our kids being the same ages as well) I too do not usually make resolutions, although I prefer to wear pants since having kids, so I have weaned out the skirts from my wardrobe and I could never stop coloring my hair for a few reasons: 1 – my hair is completely gray….it started grayling when I was in high school and hasn’t stopped since, so it is as gray as a 50-60 year old right now. 2 – my hair actually gives me the confidence that you speak of, I always feel better when it is colored and blowed out (even though I never blow it out myself). 3 – I actually look forward to my 2-3 hours all to myself every 2 months….it is truly my alone time, without the kids or hubby asking me for something, which is something I don’t even get when I am going to the bathroom or taking a shower, so I consider it a mental health break. 4 – it gives me time to catch up with World Moms Blog. As irony would have it, I am sitting in the salon right now getting my hair colored :-). Happy New Year and all the best for 2014 for you and your family Tara!
What an awesome response, Maman Aya! I think it’s great that the salon is your retreat. Enjoy ever second of your personal time
Everything that needed to be said has been said. 🙂
I’ll be 45 this year … strangely enough I find it harder to accept that my “baby” daughter is turning 18 this year! 🙂
I’ve always opted for “comfortable” rather than “fashionable” and have found that the older I get, the less I care about other people’s opinions (except my daughter’s – she’s my fashion consultant / shopping buddy)! 🙂
May 2014 be our best year yet, World Moms!
I love that your daughter is your shopping buddy. I would imagine it allows you to be you and stay current with her advice 😉 Thank you for your comments!
Loved this post Tara! It’s the real you, and there’s nothing better than that 🙂
Thanks, Eva!
Great post! I think you are absolutely right that we need to find what gives us confidence and go with it! I am turning 38 this summer and I find as I approach 40 that I am really only starting to care about what makes my family and me happy.. Not what others say should make you happy:)
You offer wise words….caring about you and your family first. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Great post, Tara! Made me smile. I admire very much the process of asking oneself: “is this something I am willing to spend energy on?” and then making decisions accordingly. It’s something I try to do as well.