In about three months our lives will drastically change. My husband and I, with our two little girls, will leave the place we’ve called home for the last six years. We will probably never return.
When we first came to Congo, we didn’t know much about the place, we didn’t know a soul here and we definitely didn’t have plans to start a family in this country. My, how everything’s changed.
Just as we had a “feeling” we should move to Congo. Now we have that same “feeling” that it’s time for us to leave. It just feels right and we have wonderful plans on the horizon, but boy is this hard. In fact, we’re feeling a bit lost in our last months here. This is the only home our children have ever known. Our girls have been loved by the nanny or “Mama” who’s helped us raise them for as long as they’ve been loved by us. This will be hard, but it is time.
And so I have lots of questions about how to do this, but more importantly how to do this right. Will there be something meaningful I forget to say or do? Do we make a big deal out of our last goodbyes? Or are our children really too young to understand? There will be tears. There might even be sobs. I hope we don’t needlessly upset them.
I can’t help but think about how much easier our departure would be if we didn’t have children. Their two little lives became a game changer for us living in Congo. Once we had children and the people around us began to care for them and love them, I could feel the roots sprout from my feet and bind us here. They helped us burp our girls when they were babies, nurse them back to health when they were sick, they’ve memorized their every tick and tock. This will be hard, but it is time.
Will our children have any authentic memories from these first years of their lives? Or will their only understanding of Congo come through the stories we tell them over and over? Will the photos they see when they’re older be the only images that remain in their heads? This will be hard, but it is time.
My husband and I always say the hardest part about living abroad is the leaving part. Goodbyes in your host country are usually forever. Sure, it’s hard leaving the United States and saying goodbye to parents and grandparents, but you know they’ll always be a part of your life. You’ll see them again. They’re your home base. They have the internet and email and Facebook and all those other lovely things that keep up connected to those we care about in the States.
When we leave Congo, there will be no email updates. We will not see pictures of the loved ones we leave here. We will miss births and weddings and all the minutiae in between that founded our friendships. This will be hard, but it is still the right time.
Has anyone left the country in which you’ve raised your children, never to return? Was there anything you did to make your last days meaningful or your departure easier?
This is an original post written for World Moms Blog by Sarah. You can find Sarah blogging with Jill Humphrey at Mama Congo.
Photo credit to Jill humphrey.
Sarah,
Just reading this, I got nostalgic about your leaving, too! But always remember, every time one door shuts, there is the opportunity for another to open. I have so really grown and learned from your experiences in Congo. You have taken us to a special place on the globe, where many of us many never visit on our own, and you’ve given it life, for all of us reading.
I look forward to hearing about how your children remember their time there, and what your life ahead has in store!
Jen 🙂
Beautiful piece Sarah. It must be so hard to say good-bye. I can’t even imagine. Sending good thoughts your way as you make this transition in life.
When we left Thailand, where they kids had spent only 1 year, but where we had hoped to stay much longer it was really hard. We loved the nanny we had, the school they attended, and the lifestyle. But we had to go. I wondered if they would remember and the reality is that my then- 4 year old (now 8) does and my 1 year old (now 5) does not but pretends to. They know the stories, they are part of them. They love the pictures and videos of them interacting with the people. So, Congo will always be a part of who your kids are, who you are as a family. And never say never. 2 years after we left, I started a non-profit in Laos and now I travel to Thailand twice a year. I’m sure Congo is a different story but life is long, with many twists and turns. All the best to you! P.S. Kids are way more resilient than we are…there may be tears but most of them will be yours.
I understand where you are coming from, this has been your home- your children’s home. Change is scary, but I think that the kids will help you transition more than you can imagine.
Our family is full of displaced peoples, so it’s probably a bit different. But I think home is really where the heart is…this doesn’t change.
Take it all in strides…
xo
My son was only about 9 months old when we moved away from Kyrgyzstan, but there was already such a loving community there that was sad to see him go. Obviously he won’t remember anybody, but I made sure to get photos of him with my friends there, his nanny, and even the girls that worked at the ice cream truck I took him to nearly every day that last summer. I can’t wait until I get to show and tell him about all of the people there that care about him. Now we’re in Belgium and I’m pretty sure we’ll stay here long enough for him to remember this place. It’s one of the toughest parts about being an expat, knowing when it’s right to leave even though you’ll leave behind so much.
I haven’t experienced what you are going through on the scale you are describing (so beautifully, by the way!), but I did move our children to a new home when they were young. It was hard to say goodbye to neighbors and walk away from those memories. But I believe people come into your life at the right time, and when you move on, they are still part of the fabric of your life and your history even though they can’t be in your life in the same way as before. I keep those memories alive for my kids through stories and pictures as best I can. I wish you all the best of your transition as you welcome a new season of your life.
I am going through something similar, albeit much smaller scale, right now. I know my children will probably not remember much of this place that we currently call home in 10 year’s time. We have been discussing the opportunity that a new home will bring for us, and once we move, I am sure that we will discuss the changes and the old friends for a while, until they are replaced by new friends. The ones that are meant to stay in your life will (via letters, emails, pictures) and the rest will probably fade. I suspect that I will cry more than my children, and that I am more nervous than they are (and I suspect it is the same for you). Best of luck with your move!
Thanks so much everyone for the kind comments. It’s quite helpful to hear from you, especially from those who have been in this boat before. At the end of the day we’re grateful to have lived in a place that makes us so sad to leave!
New adventures to build on a solid foundation of happy memories.
Look forward to following your journey, wherever it leads you – love to you, and wishing you an easy move … enjoy every moment you have !!!