My Little One started school during the New Year, and it was with great trepidation that we approached his impending education. And this was for many reasons…
For one thing, he knew no other language but our native tongue. And we were very concerned about how he’d interact in school. In fact, we were more concerned about how the teacher could understand him as there was no one who spoke or wrote the language at his school.
Second, this was truly his first foray into the outside world. He has lived a very sheltered 4 years, and was always at home with nearly no interaction with peers of his own age. This wasn’t intentional, rather, it just happened that everywhere we lived, the kids were always much bigger than him; and, he was also very shy.
Third, was for ourselves. We really had no clue on how to go about educating a little child. Both of us remember our mothers teaching us, but that was when we were much older. How does one go about getting a 4 year old to hold his pencil and learn the alphabet? What does one do when he says he wants to play now and study later? Do we force him to learn, or just let it go?
Despite our misgivings, our son started school on Jan 2nd, and the first day went okay. The school permitted parents to sit with kids on the first day, and we had a nice time watching the proceedings. The second day was when the waterworks started, and that lasted till last week.
Every morning, he’d wake up even before the alarm, and ask me if it was time for school. It is heart-wrenching to hear that plaintive tone in his voice…but as advised by many, we were not taking no for an answer. Come rain or shine, he had to go to school.
Then came the homework – for the first time, he had to write “A,B,C”, and we weren’t really sure how to tackle it either. Since neither my husband, nor I, were too endowed in the patience department, we didn’t have such a great time these past 2 months. Most days were filled with screams and cries as we forced the little thing to hold his pencil and write. And you know the funny thing – after we had screamed at him for inverting his Bs or not getting the right slant for his As, he would come up to us after an hour or so, and write a perfect A and B.
I know, we were horrible to him – and our only excuse is that we didn’t want to appear to be too lenient and that he get the impression that it was okay not to want to learn. And I don’t know if it was the terror of the home classes that made it doubly difficult for him to adjust to school, where everything was foreign to him.
You see, we feel like we are living a race now – once we get back home after work, we just have time for a bath and to eat, as Little One must be in bed atleast by 10, so that he wakes up fresh at 7 the next day for school.
But two weeks ago, we made the decision not to pressure him so much – because we were also distressed on seeing his pitiful face every time he had to learn something. We decided that any homework would be finished off speedily by holding his hand and helping him write it, while learning it would be done during the weekends, when there was no pressure on any one.
And I don’t know if it was this decision, or as Little One has made friends and adjusted to school – but since last week, he hasn’t cried at all when going to school. He seems more happy about school, and he keeps singing songs they sing in school. He tells me about the kids in his class (he is already interested in girls) and what he ate and the general happenings in school.
And the atmosphere at home is also different now, with him being happy about school and life in general feels so much more lighter and happier. The lesson I’ve learned from the school fiasco is not to pressurise kids so much that they lose all zest for life. His sad face, and moping around all evening was so depressing, and frankly, I was dreading the years up ahead.
After all, he is just 4 years old, and he is a bright little spark. Let him have his fun and the learning will come slowly.
Have you ever faced a situation like this? What do you do to get your kids to study?
Don’t be so hard on yourself! Starting school is a HUGE milestone for parents as much as children. 🙂
I don’t know if I was lucky to have a son who was labelled “gifted”, what I can tell you is that he managed to pass all his classes without EVER studying! It used to drive my husband and I crazy in the beginning, but we soon realized there was no point in fighting with him about it. My son is now 21 – he is a computer programmer and is about to leave for Germany to go to University there! In the grand scheme of things, school marks are not that important. What is more important is supporting your child in his passions. My son loved computers from when he was 3 years old, and that is where his future and success lies.
My daughter is completely different. She is a VERY hard worker and always puts so much pressure on herself that my husband and I have to remind her to rest! She is talented in Art and Design but also does extremely well in most of her other school subjects. She will graduate High School this year and is already talking about going straight to Design School and worrying that her portfolio isn’t good enough!
As long as your son KNOWS that you love him UNCONDITIONALLY, he’ll be able to overcome any challenge. Enjoy learning with him … before you know it he’ll be “all growed up” 😛
I had several times in my children’s schoolings which were quite similar. When my son was 2, he went to school for 3 hours every other day. At first he was fine, and then he started crying every day. We finally found out that an incident had happened right around the time that he had started crying not to go. Last year, when my son was 5 and started Kindergarten, he used to cry every morning when i dropped him off. It was heart breaking, but the cause was because none of his friends were in his class anymore. After about a month he made new friends and was so happy to go to school everyday. This year, he started to have homework and we went through the same frustrations as you. He would tell us it was “stupid” and that he didn’t like doing homework. We started to give him a little space, and I started rewarding him, with a little piece of chocolate or some extra TV time, if he finished his homework without any incidents before dinner. That reward worked like a charm! Now, his homework is done on most nights, and he never forgets to remind us to give him his reward :).
Don’t worry, you will fall into a rhythm that will work for you. But keep in mind, that if he is crying about going to school, there is a reason…. talk to him (over and over and over again if you have to) to get to the bottom of it. Sometimes, all they want is to be heard and validated.
Good luck!
The minute a parent starts yelling at a child to do his homework and starts ‘forcing’ him, is when the child loses all interest in learning. Unfortunately, this seems to be a common malaise in many educational systems, where the objective of going to school is not to learn and to educate oneself, but really to just pick up certain skills and score marks!
I know this is easier said that done, but I, personally, make an effort to get my child excited about the process of learning, about explaining to her how the world can open up to her, but for that she needs certain basic skills like writing, reading, maths, etc. It is tough but the more patient you are with the child, the better they respond. After all, you don’t want them to dislike school and learning right at the tender age of four!
Yes, this demands time, so the weekend, when you have time, energy and patience, is perhaps the best time to sit down with him and re-learn along with him. Make it enjoyable – if he is learning to write letters, it does not have to be about putting pencil to paper, he can trace the letters in sand as well. Make learning a fun activity and he will look forward to it. And this routine and habit of studying will become precisely that – a habit.
Kritika Srinivasan
http://www.parentedge.in
This is such a great post! I can definitely relate as a first generation Asian-American. As a young child, I was really influenced by my mother and grandmother, who primarily spoke Mandarin. My father was the one who, I guess you could say, eased me into the English language. Even then, my dad always mixed up his “he/she and her/him” phrases because in Mandarin, there is no distinction between the two. As I started to attend primary school, I had this fear that other people wouldn’t understand me, or even worse, I wouldn’t be able to understand other people. Soon enough though, there were great sociable kids who reached out to me. I honestly have them to thank for adjusting me to the English language and culture. In turn, as I developed my grammar and speech skills, I helped my mom cultivate her knowledge of the English language as well!
I think sometimes I sit back and think about how realistic I am being. Maybe my expectations are too high for a 7 yr old and 3 yr old. For one, I make sure I limit my older daughter’s after school activities. Kids need down time. And I make sure they are getting enough sleep. But, if they’re in a situation where learning is forced on them, I can’t see how it will be interesting for them. Make it fun, give them time! It sounds like just starting school is a big thing that your son has to adjust to. Lots of cuddles and reassurance to him. The learning will come!
Jen 🙂