Betty and I are walking to school in the rain. It is a miserable morning – grey, cold and squally. We are tilting our umbrellas sideways to shield ourselves from the gusts of needles thrown at us as we progress along the avenue. I am forcing bright chatter and thinking of the warm cup of tea I will have when I get home.
Betty’s umbrella is white and pink and round like a daisy. It has pretty little petals and yellow stripes, and a bumble-bee attached to the top. The bumble-bee is looking very sorry for himself this morning, buffeted hither and to. I can’t see Betty’s face but I can tell by the drag of her toes that she is feeling sorry for herself too.
I lean down and enquire: “How are you doing, darling?”
A woebegone voice answers. “Ok.”
Then she asks: “Mummy, did this umbrella used to belong to my big sister?”
I tell her yes, it did.
“And Mummy, did she used to walk to school with it too?”
Again, I aver, she did.
A pause. Then, cautiously: “Mummy, did my sister ever used to not want to go to school?”
I can see where this is going now and I give her hand a sympathetic little squeeze. I say yes, there were days when her big sister didn’t really feel like it either.
At this Betty stops and tips back the rim of her umbrella to look up at me. Her eyes are welling with tears. She asks: “And did she used to worry about making mistakes too?”
Betty started school last September at the age of four. She is now four and a half and a month into her second term. She flew through the first twelve weeks with ease – enthusiastic, inquisitive, and keen to try new things. This term, she has cried often on leaving me in the mornings. Afternoons start with jubilation at being home, then slide slowly from relaxation to upset as night approaches.
As soon as I call her for her bath it is her cue to start an hour-long conversation about whether or not she will have to go to school again in the morning.
Now I look at her, looking up at me, her face a mixture of rain and tears, and I think: She’s far too little for all this. I bend down to her and put my umbrella down and hug her. I tell her: “Everyone makes mistakes. It doesn’t matter about making mistakes. The thing is just to try your best. Have a little go.”
But as I’m saying it, I’m thinking that really, I just want to put her in my pocket and take her home. She is not yet five. She shouldn’t be afraid of new things in case she finds herself unable to do them to a standard that will make her happy.
Last term, she learned phonics – how to make the sounds of the alphabet. This term, she has realised that those phonics are letters and that by putting them together and sounding them out she can both read and write. And it terrifies her.
It is Learning with a capital ‘L’. Every day now she wonders what Learning she will have to conquer next.
The British education system is under huge scrutiny at the moment. The coalition government’s Conservative education minister Michael Gove has decided that it needs an overhaul. There is too much emphasis on coursework, so he has decreed the system should revert to a grand slam of end-of-year exams. There is not enough emphasis on rote learning, so reciting dates and times-tables are back in.
So far I have reacted to Gove’s decisions with horror mainly because of the impact they will likely have on my elder daughter, who has Asperger’s Syndrome, and will struggle even more under a system that removes the chance for her to shine via project work. Gove’s reforms are a disaster for Grace.
Now, looking at Betty, who I had expected to skip through the system, I find myself wondering how she will cope. Recently Gove said he was thinking of introducing formal assessments for four and five-year-olds when they enter school in England, in order to be able to monitor their progress.
I care that my children should progress well through the education system, and flourish in their chosen careers. But as I kissed Betty goodbye in her classroom that morning, and watched her teacher take her gently by the hand to distract her from her upset, I thought: there must be a better way to do this.
So – how do you do it, where you live? And do you think it works?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog from our writer in England, Sophie Walker.
The picture used in this post is credited to Roger McCallum. It holds a Flickr Creative Commons attribution license.
When our son started preschool at 2.5 yo, he started in a high-standard school in our neighbourhood. The first week, he came home crying because he didn’t get a sticker on his art work. When I asked the teacher, she said she rewards the little ones with stickers when their art work is ‘really nice’, but my son’s wasn’t: he had painted a tree blue in stead of brown and green… I was abashed! He was only 2.5! And why do they all have to think and paint the same?
After a month, we found him another school. One that is quite the opposite. In Belgium, we can choose different ‘method’-schools and we chose a Freinet-school. They don’t get grades ever. Their reports just mention the things they can ‘exercise more’. There is a lot of emphasis on personal development for each individual child. They learn how to find discipline themselves (for example, now in second grade, he gets all of his homework on Monday and needs to hand it in the next Monday). They work on projects that integrate grammar, maths, history etc in a common theme. They learn how to be leaders, but also how to follow when you are not the leader. Parents are always welcome in the classroom, there are always parents to be seen, which creates a homey feeling for the kids. And there is room for arts, handicrafts and philisophy, which I really like.
We are lucky to have found this kind of school, although it is a 20 minutes drive. However, I don’t think it works for every child. The stress of having to organize yourself, can be to big for some, as well as the lack of imposed structure. But it works really well for both our children.
I hope you will also find a way to guide your daughters through their school years! I must be so tough to have your Betty cry each morning. She seems very sensitive and bright. A little philosopher. I can understand how you want to keep her at home…
Dear Sophie, I KNOW how hard it is and I’m sending you lots of love and a big, supportive hug!!
I’m SO glad that my “baby” is in her last year of High School and I’m about to put the whole sorry experience behind me!
We live in South Africa and just about every year the Education Department seems to come up with with a new way to drive us crazy! My poor 17 year old child has developed a stomach ulcer due to the insane pressure the school is putting on her at the moment. 🙁
As far as I’m concerned, the only way we can help our children is to ensure that we tell them and show them that our love is unconditional! We need to help them learn that, although often life / teacher/ school is difficult and / or unfair, they are going to be fine because we “have their backs” always. Good luck!
This is a beautiful post, Sophie! The decision what school to send your child to is always a difficult one, and not one we took lightly. Children in the Netherlands also go to school when they’re 4, they learn letters and numbers and the course is also adapted to the child’s needs- at least in our child’s school. We’ve been very happy so far, but I know how weird it is when they change the education system and every system will fit certain students while make others struggle. Hard decision.
Thank you all for your responses – I have found it very interesting to read your thoughts on this, and particularly to see that other countries seem to struggle to get the balance right too. Simona – I’m sorry your daughter is having such a tough time too. I hope she finds the next few months go well!
This post had my stomach in knots! In the US our kids start public (state run) school at 5 years old. Before then, I’ve put my kids into preschool starting at 2. They both wanted to spend more time with kids, but my little one who is now 3, is preferring to stay home with me. She attends school and lunch bunch twice a week and begged to go to school on days there was no school, so I even signed her up for a few hrs of extended care there on an extra day. But, she started very recently not wanting to go.
Her school day is very short. At this age I didn’t use lunch bunch with my older daughter, but my younger one seemed more ready and insisted. But, maybe I’ve been treating her like too big of a girl, and we’ve done too much too soon! So, we’re scaling back a little. But the difference is that at this age, I can choose whether to send her to preschool or not. But once she get’s to 5, she’ll have to go.
My heart feels for your little girl, Sophie!!
Jen 🙂
I totally understand what it feels like Sophie. Here in Singapore, the education system is due for a reform as it’s overly academically focused. Not only do the kids attend kindergarten at 4, they even attend all kinds of enrichment from Chinese to music and art, etc. It’s not uncommon to hear kids whose weekends are just packed back to back with classes.
While I remind myself that my four year old need not be the smartest kid, academic success is still very highly regarded and if we don’t prepare their foundational years before formal school at 7, they are the ones who will struggle and it will be a huge hit to their self esteem.