Long term goals versus short term goals.
(You have probably scrolled up and down to see if you’re at the right place. Yes you are. Continue to read.)
Short term goals are goals that you want to achieve instantaneously. There is immediate result and you benefit directly.
Long term goals are goals that you want to achieve in the future.
It will take you a while to achieve these goals and you have to be patient and persistent to achieve your goal.
Bear with me now…This is going to make sense, I promise.
Example. You are hungry.
Short term goal: I want to eat something.
Long term goal: I want to maintain my gorgeous figure. (ahem…Just go with me on this one…)
If you focus on your short term goal, anything will do: a snickers bar, ice cream, donuts, anything.
But if you bring in the long term goal, you will need to think about how you are going to achieve your long term goal, while keeping in mind your short term goal.
In other words:
how am I going to still my hunger without ruining my fantastic figure.
Got it? Simple, right?
So, why am I talking about goals?
Because they relate to parenting.
Parenting is a job where you constantly have to remember that it is about the long term goals.
But the present is so in our face, that sometimes we forget and go with the short term goals and eventually pay the price.
Example: You’re in the supermarket with your child.
Your child is tired cranky, difficult.
But you have to do this.
We all know that this is a scenario for a possible disaster.
And we all know how easy it is, to give the child some candy or a cookie and get the job done.
(I’ve done it, you’ve done it, I’m guessing we all have.)
But what is the long term goal here?
You want to be able to do your groceries in peace and quiet.
And possibly have a great time doing it, maybe even some skipping and singing.
Too far fetched? Okay, let’s back up..
How do you achieve that long term goal?
By NOT giving the candy.
By planning and repeating rules, by making sure your child is fed and well rested,
whenever you enter the supermarket.
By praising your child for good behavior,
by making sure you build up the amount of time you spend at the supermarket.
How do you achieve that long term goal?
By investing.
This is what I do all day, it is hard.
It requires an enormous amount of energy.
Sometimes I have to be patient, because I am somewhere in between the process of achieving my long term goal
and I just cannot see the end of it. Sometimes I’m tempted to go for the short term goal.
You want me to give your ten teddy bears, little blankets and little beds for the night?
And you want me to make sure they are all in the right bed with the right blanket,
and you change your mind about it every second? Sure kid. If I get to crash on the couch and you finally go to sleep after that.
Sure, I’ll do it.
But then I ask myself this question:
Do I really want to spend my evenings running around, taking care of dolls and teddy bears
and every other stuff that you seem to come up with just around bedtime?
Or do I want bedtime to be quiet and peaceful and efficient.
And I realize, that I want the latter.
So I take a deep breath, and choose the battle.
On my last nerves, desperate to choose the couch instead.
I explain to my hysterical screaming child that it is bedtime, not playing time.
She will lie down now and Mommy will go downstairs.
She screams, she cries, she stomps her feet. I go up and down the stairs four or five times.
She won’t calm down. I cuddle, but I don’t give in.
Finally she goes to sleep.
I throw myself on the couch, tired, discouraged.
Next night:
“Mommy I want the big bear and the little bear and my giraffe, and…”
“You can pick two stuffed animals and then you will go to sleep. It’s sleepy time, not playtime.”
She screams. I kiss and cuddle her and walk away.
Before I reach the couch it is quiet. Really quiet.
I sneak upstairs to see what she’s doing.
She’s fast asleep with three stuffed animals..
I am well on my way to reaching my long term goal.
Does any of this sound familiar? What are your long term (parenting) goals?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog from our writer in The Netherlands, Mirjam.
The picture used in this post is credited to the author.
Well done, Mirjam! 🙂
Part of “toddlerhood” is pushing boundaries. Our little ones are always testing to see how much they can get away with. I found that it was important to have very clear in my own mind which rules were “cast in stone” and which ones were a little flexible. The “cast in stone rules” were discussed with my husband when our first child was still a baby, because I wanted to ensure that he would never be able to “play us” against each other. For about 12 months (from age 2) our son PUSHED at the boundaries, but they held firm. It was a lot easier the 2nd time round. 🙂
The good news is that (if you’re consistent with your rules when they’re little) you won’t have as much (if any) rebellion when they’re teens. I speak from experience as my son is 21 and my daughter is 18 years old. I often get told how lucky I am to have such a great relationship with my “young adult” children, how “lucky” I am that they’re so well-mannered and responsible. I nod and agree that I’m truly blessed (but a little part of me reckons that the way my husband and I raised them helped to make us so “lucky”)! 🙂
You are blessed indeed! My kids are very strong willed, especially my girls.
Sometimes I just look at them and inwardly shake my head, because they are fighting a lost battle.
When I say something I mean it.
But with these persistent kids, I am often tempted to give in just from exhaustion.
Could you believe that the kid I wrote about turned 5 just a few days ago?
I think I was way too soon to threw a party celebrating the end of boundary struggles the moment she turned three!
Wow, Mirjam! Beautiful! Andrew Solomon said that:All parenting involves choosing between the day (why have another argument at dinner?) and the years (the child must learn to eat vegetables). – it’s the same thing! Day is short term goals. Years are the long- term goals! I thought this fits your quotes perfectly!
I love this Olga, Choosing between the day and the years. And you are right, this fits perfectly!
You made your point very well and I had absolutely no problem in keeping on reading! You had me at ‘long term’ 🙂
Does it sound familiar? Oh yes it does! I use to look at our ‘battles’ from seemingly another point of view: ‘Is it worth the conflict?’, but looking at it, it is maybe the same as looking on short versus long term.
If it’s something small that is not relevant for my ‘authority’ on the long term (like jumping the trampoline naked in the rain), I tend to relent.
If it’s rather something important that I want them to learn, for the long term (like eating healthy), I hold on and we look for compromises together.
From now on, I will extend my daily mantra of ‘is it worth the conflict?’ to ‘is it worth it on the long term?’ 🙂
My kids have really forced me to look at it from this point of view. Many times it will take a very (very) long time before I see results with them,
and this has helped me to stand my ground. I have no idea where they get this rebellious attitude from..
Okay, I’m lying, I do know…It’s me. 😉
This sounds increadibly familiar! My daughter didn’t want to bathe tonight, after a rather messy day. Normally, I wouldn’t mind missing a bath here and there, but she had a horrible accident, so I told her she had no choice tonight. She had such a fit, crying and trying to push me away, but once she was wet it all subsided. It really is about choosing your battles, and making sure you stand your ground when you need to (have I mentioned that she has started to scream at the top if her lungs and throw herself to the ground recently…. I now have to remember…. Long term goals!)?
Oh yes, the throwing yourself on the floor! None of my kids had tantrums, but my third kid..Oh my gosh!
I have learned that you can do all the right things and some kids will still have tantrums. She just gets really frustrated with me and my rules sometimes.
Yes, you have to remember long term goals!
I sometimes just look at my kid and try to distance myself emotionally. I say to myself, that she’s learning that she doesn’t call the shots and that she will get it eventually.
Mirjam!
I am going through this now with my toddler! We have come a long way, but yes, thanks for this — I have to focus on the long-term! I needed this!!
Jen 🙂
I will never forget how tough the toddler years were with my second kid. Nothing we did worked. She was so incredibly rebellious and difficult (Do I have stories to tell you!)
And then one day she said: “Yes Mom, okay Mom!” , and I realized that all those struggles and all those battles and my standing ground had led to that moment. ( And then the battled continued…)
I think we all have to be reminded from time to time that it is about the long term, right? Good luck!
Mirjam, a great post! Keeping the long term goals is something I have been trying to do in my parenting though sometimes it can so hard. Thank you for this reminder. Love this post!