BELGIUM: A Child’s View Of Grief

by Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes | Nov 3, 2014 | Belgium, Cancer, Death and Dying, Grief, Tantrum and Tomatoes, Tinne, Younger Children

“Are you sad, mommy ? ”

It was my eldest asking. She has a way of noticing these things.

Although the question took me by surprise, I had no alternative but to answer it. Truthfully.

Yes dear, yes. Mommy is sad.

“Why are you sad, Mommy?”

Mommy is sad because bad things are happening to good people. Mommy is sad because she will have to say goodbye to somebody very dear to her much too soon. She is sad because she kept hoping for a miracle of sorts, but it never came.

I know it is OK to feel sad, but I try not to show it in front of my children, for fear that the sadness in my heart will to spill over into theirs. And I don’t want that. My first instinct is – and has always been – to protect my children. Protect them from harm, from illness, from heartbreak. To prolong their innocent happiness.

So instead of crying I try to be cheerful, hiding my worries behind a smile. I try not to upset their secure world more than necessary. But they noticed anyway. Apparently my eyes weren’t smiling anymore.

Serious illness and death which sometimes follows in its wake are new to them. When my father was diagnosed with colon cancer two years ago they were too young to really grasp what was happening. Granddad was sick and in the hospital, the doctor could make him better. He was in the hospital for a long time and visiting was no fun, because the hospital smelled weird.

But now, at 4 and 5 years old, my children are at that age when curiosity for EVERYTHING is at its peak. Although they may not fully grasp the situation or understand the permanence of death or the seriousness of illness, they do notice something is off. And they want answers and when they want answers they turn to ‘Mommypedia’.

There is no need to sit them down at the kitchen table and discuss for half an hour. I let them come to me of their own accord. This usually happens when they are colouring or when I’m driving them somewhere. It is impossible for them to NOT be active in any way, so when the body is forced to remain stationary the mind starts to work.

I try to keep things as simple as possible, try using the same words over and over so they won’t be confused. I compare the body to a clock which is broken and no watchmaker can fix. I explain why I’m sad, what will happen. If necessary I explain four or five times in a row.

But I don’t always have the answers. Even though the questions are so simple.

How do you talk to your children about death and grieving?

This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Tinne of Tantrums & Tomatoes from Belgium. Photo credit to the author.

Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes

Born in Belgium on the fourth of July in a time before the invention of the smart phone Tinne is a working mother of two adorably mischievous little girls, the wife of her high school sweetheart and the owner of a black cat called Atilla. Since she likes to cook her blog is mainly devoted to food and because she is Belgian she has an absurd sense of humour and is frequently snarky. When she is not devoting all her attention to the internet, she likes to read, write and eat chocolate. Her greatest nemesis is laundry.

FOURTH BLOGIVERSARY SPECIAL: What Attracts You to the #WorldMoms Community?

by World Moms Blog | Nov 1, 2014 | 2014, Blogiversary, Motherhood, World Interviews, World Moms Blog, World Motherhood

WMB Fourth Blogiversary

It’s our 4th Blogiversary!!!! For the past 4 years we’ve been writing our hearts out, watching some of our mothers meet across continents, attending conferences, receiving fellowships to report on the world’s most vulnerable and accepting awards and mentions of our site around the globe. We have learned so much from these global connections!

Today, we asked some of the WorldMomsBlog.com contributors about what attracts them to our community. We are thrilled with what they had to say and are so grateful for their volunteerism to our mission of holding hands in global motherhood, easy at times and challenging at times. Here’s what they’re saying around the globe about World Moms Blog…

What attracts you to the World Moms Blog Community?

“What attracts me to the WMB community? The community! The group of moms that I have met, both in real life and online, have been incredible! The women are supportive of each other both, on the blog and off, and I have been amazed at the friendships that have been created by this group of moms, most of whom have never even met face to face. I have also been inspired by the caring and affection that the group has shown each other in happy and sad times. I am lucky and proud to say that I am part of the team!” — Maman Aya of the USA

“I remember when I first visited WMB via Facebook. I was amazed at the diversity and how well written the posts were. I kinda fantasized that I would one day be a part of it. There wasn’t a Mom from the Netherlands back then. (Little did I know.) Now that I am a part of it, I have discovered that it is more than just a great blog, it is also a wonderful community. With an amazing and inspiring leader.” — Mirjam Rose of the Netherlands and of “Apples and Roses”

“This amazing world of mothers coming together to share, learn, teach and truly make the world a better place. Nothing beats our united nations of Moms!!” — Nancy Sumari of Tanzania and of “Mama Zuri Chronicles”

“They say it takes a village to raise a child, and World Moms Blog has become part of my village. We band together to help and support one another, to learn from each other, to celebrate the good things that happen in our lives, and to be a source of strength for each other during the bad times.” — Kirsten Doyle in Canada of “Running For Autism”

“I love being part of a global community of mothers, hearing from all different cultures and point of views on the common threads all women face. And our globally focused social good reports — in my mind, sharing best practices and ideas in global development is key to solving the most pressing issues, especially for women and girls. My absolute favorite moments are when we are connecting in real time from all over the world!” –– Elizabeth Atalay in the USA of “Documama”

“Despite being scattered across the globe, with many of us World Moms Blog contributors never having met in person, I feel so incredibly supported by this amazing group of women with similar interests, goals and values in life. It is such a wonderful group of women, and I am so happy to be part of this global community.” — Alison Fraser of Canada and of “Mom2Mom Africa”

“More than anything, the mutual love, respect and support shown to everyone (irrespective of race, nationality and beliefs) and the feeling that I’m contributing to something positive to help counteract all the negatives in the world. I also love that we don’t take ourselves too seriously, and can share amusing things as well as our take on important world events. I feel we’re making a difference by writing about things that aren’t common knowledge. I learn something new from my fellow moms every day, and that is priceless!” — Mama Simona in South Africa

“The daily reminders that I have more in common with people the other side of the world than I have different and that there is no one right way to mother. It is reassuring and empowering.” — Natalia Rankine-Galloway of the USA and of “Culture Baby“

“I am attracted to WMB because it is making a difference in the lives of mothers in a special way. WMB tells the untold stories of parents, gives a voice through the “World Voice” column to silent sufferings and helps us bond closer and create a sense of sisterhood and comradeship. I have made a lot of amazing friends, as well as, travelled internationally as a WMB reporter… and I am so loved by them and blessed for this opportunity.” — Purnima Ramakrishnan in India of “The Alchemist’s Blog”

“I love being a part of the World Moms Blog community because I love being surrounded — even if only virtually — by strong women making a positive impact on the world. I am inspired and learn something everyday when I read the posts from every corner of the globe. I cannot say enough about the generous support this community has shown for the mothers in Laos that my organization, CleanBirth.org, works to empower. Congrats on 4 years and here’s to many, many more!” — Kristyn Zalota of the USA and “Cleanbirth.org”

“I love being part of the World Mom’s Blog community because it offers a unique insight in motherhood all over the world and because of the feeling of companionship and togetherness. Together we can make a difference.” — Tinne of Belgium and of “Tantrums and Tomatoes“

“I love WMB for the amazing community of fabulous women from all over the world. It has been an absolute pleasure to be a part of WMB and a life-changing experience.” — Nicole Melancon of the USA and of “Thirdeyemom“

“What attracts me to the World Moms Blog community is the diversity of its members. There is such a big variety of backgrounds, nationalities, experiences, and yet, it feels such a close net community.” — Nadege Nicoll of the USA and of “Nadege Nicoll”

“I am attracted to WMB as a blogger/writer, with a family of six living as expats in Mexico. We love world culture and architecture, and every year we intend on seeing more of our beautiful world. I hope to share some of our adventures with WMB.” — Tina Marie Ernspiker of Mexico of “Los Gringos Locos“

“I loving being a part of a community of mothers that come together with so many different perspectives, yet, one main goal of making the world a better place for our children!” — Sarah Hughes of the USA and of “Finnegan and the Hughes“

“I love World Moms for our global community of togetherness, that no matter where in the world we are – we are interested in how others are parenting, support each other, bring important issues to light, advocate as best we can and often times just bring a much-needed side of humor to get us through the day.” — Nicole Morgan of the USA and “Sisters from Another Mister“

“I love WMB because it’s a constant reminder that moms all over the world are actually the same. All throughout our differences, we all have moments of worry and struggle, and we all know without doubt that our little rascals are worth it.” — K10K of Belgium and of “The Penguin and the Panther“

“The World Moms Blog community has made me brave. They’ve taught me so much about parenting, the world, my kids, my relationships and myself. They have made it possible for us to use social media to help mothers and babies who need it most and have been a source of inspiration. We have supported and challenged each other in both, bad and good times. I have gotten to meet so many of them in person and virtually. I am so grateful for this community of women beyond words!!!” — Jennifer Burden of the USA, Founder, World Moms Blog

Happy Anniversary to all of our contributors, editors and to you, our readers, who keep us going! Without your readership, our words would go silent. We are truly grateful for the entire World Moms Blog community!

How can you help support us? Think of a friend who likes all things international and motherhood and share our site with her! Sign up for our Newsletter!