As mums, we are always seen as the one who should be self-sacrificing and present for our families. After all, we are the ones that our children turn to when they can’t go to bed, when they need a kiss on their boo boo or when they are back from school with a growling tummy that needs to be fed.
I’m not complaining about motherhood and there is nothing in the world I would trade it for. But some days, I feel so tired of playing mummy that I wish I could escape from all my mummy duties; and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only mum who feels this way.
And as you have it, I did get a little escapade when my group of girlfriends decided to head for a short weekend getaway to Thailand, sans husband and kids. Thankfully, my hubby was more than happy to step up and take care of my little one, giving them extra bonding time.
It turned out to be a weekend of shopping, eating and shopping some more; something that I hardly do with a little one who’s too inpatient to get out of the malls. And I could eat all the spicy food I wanted, which I usually avoid since I end up sharing most of my meals with my daughter. Nights were spent staying up late, chatting with friends and watching movies back in the hotel.
Did I miss my child? Of course, I did but you know what, it was refreshing to place myself first and not worry about my family during this break.
Sadly for mums, being selfish or putting ourselves first is regarded as a sin. And that’s why there are so many tired and depressed moms, who feel that they have no choice but to be dutiful and ignore their own needs.
Happy Mother = Happy Family
Never for a second did I think that I was a bad mom for going on that trip. I think that as moms, sometimes we need to choose ourselves over our families to ensure that we are recharged in order to go the distance and be a better spouse and better mother.
I love being a mom and while I’m far from being a perfect or super mom, I can say that I’m doing my best every single day.
My mantra has always been Happy Mother = Happy Family. And might I add for my hubby, Happy Wife= Happy Life.
So go ahead, take care of yourself. Pursue your personal happiness and take time to nourish yourself, body, mind and soul. Trust me, you’ll benefit from it and your children will too!
This is an original post to World Moms Blog from our “super mom” of one in Singapore, Susan Koh.
The image used in this post is credited to the author.
You’re absolutely right, Susan! After all, you can’t take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself first – like you get told every time you are on a plane “put on your own oxygen mask first, then assist others”. That is not being selfish, because you can’t help anyone, not even yourself, if you pass out! As moms we need to find at least one thing that “recharges” us – whether it is going for a run, or reading a book or connecting with others online or whatever – and we need to schedule time for it in our busy routines. It is better to make time for that, than end up “burnt out” and no good to anyone!
Simona, the oxygen analogy hits the nail on the head. I have to remember that and remind other mums when they neglect themselves. And yes, you reminded me that I should go for a run sometime soon too 🙂
Well said, Susan! I find that by taking a break or having built in along time, I get to reconnect with all the parts of myself. I love being a mom, but that’s just part of who I am, and the other pieces get lost sometimes.
Let’s pick up those pieces of ourselves so that we can be fuller persons for our families. I did felt so recharged after the trip that I’m going for the next one in two months time. Can’t wait.
I recently went away with a girlfriend for a mummy’s getaway weekend, without husbands or kids. We had such a lovely time, and I feel like a better, more rested, more patient mom as a result!
You’ve got it right, Susan! Sometimes we get so caught up in getting the big and small things done for our kids and spouses, that we neglect ourselves. We all need some time, be it a short afternoon or a few days, and that little time can be so energizing and uplifting, not just physically but emotionally. Unfortunately, some may not have the support of family/friends to recharge, and can end up overburdened and resentful.
Yep, I wrote my own “oxygen mask” analogy blog once. If you don’t take care of yourself, you’re not going to be able to take care of anybody. You won’t be a good parent, advocate, employee, spouse, etc. When I put myself dead last, I get snappish with my kids and the volunteers I organize. From a mommy perspective, doing a few things I want to do will make me a more compassionate and generous role model for my kids.
http://endpoverty-ccyl.blogspot.com/2013/12/stuff-your-own-stocking-advice-for.html