I worry about you.
I worry about not being the best mother for you.
About not giving you what you need.
I don’t have a manual.
All I have are my instincts, my feelings and my love for you.
No one tells me that I am doing a good job.
But there are plenty of hints and questionable looks suggesting that I am not.
So I worry.
My mind floods with fear that you might need more.
Something, someone to help you flourish.
And I worry that my love for you is not enough.
I carry this load and observe you daily, in silence.
I sigh of relief when I see you smiling and enjoying yourself.
My heart cringes when I see you struggling.
I’m afraid to share my thoughts, my worries.
To speak out about my growing sense of trouble.
About the signs that I see.
Am I seeing signs?
Or am I overthinking?
I struggle with acceptance.
Not because I can’t accept you for who you are.
Their silent question marks,
weigh on me like judgement.
And I have a hard time shaking that off.
I battle with misconceptions and harsh opinions of strangers.
But when I look at you,
I can tell every little aspect of you that makes you so precious.
I see your infinite worth.
You are like that one flower in the flower bed.
The flower that keeps drawing my eye
Uniquely shaped yet oddly colored.
The flower that I admire the most.
This piece is a combination of my own struggles and the struggles of the mothers that I face around me.
Mothers who have a child that is struggling or going through a rough time;
Mothers who have a child that is developing differently;
Mothers who have a child that has special needs.
I would like to ask you to withhold your judgment or quick advice.
Just see her, and respect her process.
After all she is just like you.
She loves and wants the best for her child.
Do you ever worry about your child’s development?
How do you cope? What are strategies that help you?
This is an original post written by Mirjam for World Moms Network
ALL mothers worry that they’re not good enough. We’re WAY harder on ourselves and each other than we should be. My youngest child is turning 21 in May, so I feel “qualified” to tell you this: Every. Single. Child. and Mother is different. What works with one often doesn’t work with the next one. All that kids remember when they grow up are the times you played with them, and whether you let them know that you loved them and were proud of them. The things we stress about they don’t even remember by the time they’re 20! YOUR instincts regarding your children are always, 100% correct. Don’t let *anyone* make you feel like a bad mother!
As a new mom (my baby is 8 days old), that’s all I needed to read today…
Mirjam, this is such a beautifully written piece! I think that this will surely resonate with many mums. We do the best we can, but inevitably become overwhelmed by insecurities. But we’re not alone! And it really helps when you receive some empathy, a kind word, or even when you read something like this 🙂
Thank you so much Mirjam for these beautiful words that talk to all of us, mothers. We do come into motherhood with our own worries, pains, doubts and dreams for our kids. We always feel that we should / must do more, that we should / must be better. We always worry that our kids won’t fit in or be like this or that child.
That’s why we should always support each other. We are on the same road and we live through the same struggles.
And remember, you are just THE BEST mum for YOUR kid(s)!
Such beautiful words from a gorgeous mother! Mirjam, this brought tears to my eyes because I could see myself writing those lines. Raising two bilingual boys has not been easy even though they are still very young. I sometimes worry too much(as my husband will put it) and its all because of the unknown. Our children see our efforts we put in raising them up and also feel the very emotions we often try to hide.
As Simona rightly puts it ‘we are way harder on ourselves’! I want to relax and enjoy the journey of motherhood and not fret too much. I will try my very best to do that and I hope you can too Mirjam :-)!
Love and Peace