One day, I’ll be able to say: “I left because he was killing me softly”. And I would be able to tell people, without feeling my heart racing, without thinking I should not say things like this, that he was a mistake. But a mistake that gave me the chance to see the Light again.
One day, I’ll be able to say without worry: “he was a manipulator” without thinking “that’s not fair for him” or “I should keep this private”.
One day, I’ll be able to tell people that for a while I was a shadow, a pale reproduction of myself, that for a while I was scared to death.
One day, to the question “why you married him?”, I’ll be able to say “because I felt like a prisoner, I could not say “no” to him, he would not take “no” for an answer. He played with my emotions, he was a control freak and I was under his spell.”
One day, to people telling me “don’t say that, every couple has good memories together”, I’ll allow myself to say “my first memory of him is one of fear”
One day, I’ll be able to say out loud “I stayed because I did not know how to leave – I stayed because I did not have any energy to leave – I stayed because I thought he’d change – He told me as soon as he’ll get this or that he would – I believed him”
One day, to curious people, I’ll be able to say “he harassed me, he threatened me, he played with my emotions, he told me I was an easy girl, he said he would kill me if I was to leave him, he said all my writing was bullshit, he used my body for his own pleasure and accused me of torturing him when I would not agree with him”.
Today I can say:
You have no right to judge me. This is my choice. I am proud of my choice
How do you feel about domestic violence? Is it easy for you to talk about the “downs” of your life?
This is an original post written by Marie V. for World Moms Network
Congratulations for having the courage to write this post. I know *exactly* how that felt … I stayed for far too long with a man who raped me when I was 16 (and thereby stole my virginity and then systematically destroyed my sense of self altogether). I stayed because I felt that I *deserved* the abuse. I thank God every day that I crossed paths with the man I’m now married to. He gave me the strength to get away from my abuser simply by showing me that I *was* worthy of love. It has taken me a *very* long time to be able to tell people what happened to me without re-living the shame of it all. I’m now grateful for that experience, because it allows me to help others who are still suffering in silence. I can honestly tell them that they *are* strong enough, because if I can do it, anyone can! Sending you lots of strength and love. Well done! 🙂
Thank you Simona!
You are so right our experiences can help others and maybe it’s the best that we can get of our pain.
It’s tough to think that we deserve this type of abuse. But it’s true we do think this at some stage. And then we realise we are strong enough to say stop.
Thanks a lot and lots of love to you.