by Martine de Luna (Philippines) | Apr 9, 2014 | 2014, Family, Motherhood, Parenting, Philippines, World Motherhood
I haven’t written for World Moms Blog in a while, I’ve had the privilege to work with two wonderful organizations in our country in the past few months, which is why I’ve been lying low around here. Most of my work has been online: blog coaching, doing digital strategy, etc. To run down what’s happened since the beginning of 2014:
- I rebranded my website. It’s now called “Make it Blissful,” and is dedicated to the quest for meaningful living.
- I started doing more workshops, as part of my shift to entrepreneurship. I’ve been doing monthly workshops since December 2013, which I would do quarterly in 2013.
- I worked on several websites, two of which are advocacy-related and geared at fund-raising efforts for our countrymen who were affected by the deadly Typhoon Haiyan last year. The websites I created for them were ProjectHopePH and ApldeApFoundation.org. (Do check them out when you have time!)
- I’ve coached more than ten ladies since the beginning of this year, on how to launch their own online platforms and communities.
- I started teaching some blogging classes (non-credited, short course only) at a local college.
- And, to date, I’m a contributing writer for several mom-centric and women-centric blogs, such as The Work at Home Woman, The Mom Writes, Glam-O-Mamas, and of course, The World Moms Blog.
Whew.
Yes, you could say I’m busy. I’ve had to do all this while homeschooling my son as well, which is no easy feat. We have a very flexible, crafts and arts-based homeschool setup, though, because I’d rather he play more than study. Some days I feel like I should slow down — and I do — so that I can play with him some more.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m too busy. I stay at home most days of the week, save for on-location meetings for clients who aren’t as Web-savvy (read: they don’t or can’t meet over Skype!). Still, even at home, I have to deliberately say “no” at times to things that compete for Vito’s attention. While my son understands that Mom has to work, even though she’s at home, I know myself and when I am getting too wrapped up in work instead of working with my son.
There will always be a juggle for me. I’ve decided to be a work-at-home mom, after all. These days though, as my son gets older and more curious about the world he lives in, I have to be mindful of our sacred times together. As a woman whose “office” is limited to a small deskspace and a laptop, I also have to be careful that I don’t get sucked into my microworld of obligations.
Yes, of course, I have to deliver the best work to my clients — and I’m very grateful for the clients I have. But, I cannot and will not lose out on the daily challenges and memory-crafting moments that the universe has blessed me with as a mother.
And so, this is why I’m glad I can still write openly and freely about motherhood here on WMB. My fellow mom-bloggers here have been so supportive of my work, and were so sweet to let me have a “blog-iatus” (i.e. “hiatus”) from writing here so that I could catch my breath. I’m very glad to be back , albeit I’ll no longer have my editor role. That’s what’s great about this community: Moms support one another, no questions asked.
So, thank you for reading this, whoever you are. It means so much to me that I can keep on blogging here, from my small workspace here in the urban jungle of Manila. Isn’t blogging awesome?
This is an original post by Martine de Luna for World Moms Blog. You can find her on her blog, Make it Blissful, and work with her at Martine de Luna – Digital Creatives. Photo credit to the author.
Martine is a work-at-home Mom and passionate blogger. A former expat kid, she has a soft spot for international efforts, like WMB. While she's not blogging, she's busy making words awesome for her clients, who avail of her marketing writing, website writing, and blog consulting services. Martine now resides in busy, sunny Manila, the Philippines, with her husband, Ton, and toddler son, Vito Sebastian. You can find her blogging at DaintyMom.com.
More Posts
by Mama B (Saudi Arabia) | Apr 9, 2014 | 2014, Family, Husband, Kids, Life Balance, Marriage, Parenting, Saudi Arabia, Working Mother, World Moms Blog
I never really had a paying job. In fact, I still don’t.
I started a new business and as anyone who has taken the leap and started a business knows, that doesn’t mean you’re getting paid or will get paid any time soon. For the first time in my life I have “job job”. And to tell you the truth, this is not how I imagined it would be.
This was my plan: Have a dream (check), work really hard to achieve it (check), be happy…
Now, I’m proud. I’m excited. I’m feeling engaged and doing something I love. The problem is that I’m having trouble finding the happy. I find myself with a full time job that seeps into my thoughts at nights, on weekends, on family vacations and during school plays.
To put things in perspective here is what my life was before this: I had a husband who I saw often. I had time to sit with him, talk to him and watch TV together. I used to be available for him. I also have 4 children for whom I was always available for as well. I played with them, picked them up from school and did homework with them. In fact, if I wasn’t home in the morning I was most probably at their school on the PTA or volunteering in the library (yes) and enjoying it. I volunteered at Saut Down Syndrome School. I was very good at staying in touch with my extended family. I was so good that I was at every family thing we had. Always!
When I started properly working on making my vision a reality, I worked all the time with the “excuse” of it being the beginning. I kept telling myself that it takes this much effort to make it happen. Then it didn’t let up. In fact it got worse.
I have always formed my opinions of working mothers from the cushiness of my ‘stay at home but work when I want to’ life. My opinion was that it was totally valid for a woman to stay home with her children and that it was, if not impossible, then unbelievably difficult to be fully available to your children and husband while working. Why men don’t have to think of being fully available to their wives and children is beyond me but we are being honest and this is what goes through my mind. It may be because while I don’t have to work for us to live he does, so the least I can do is be available when he does come home from work.
I never actually thought about this issue from the point of view of the working mother. Does every working mother constantly feel like she is failing her family because of her work? I do. Always. Every day. It’s gotten to a point that it puts a damper on any success I have in my work life because I know it came at the cost of time spent with my family.
It hasn’t gone unnoticed by my family either. They are missing me and feeling the difference in their day to day life. The upside is that I guess I know I’m wanted and needed. It does however makes the vision I had for my professional life blurry and a little less important every day.
What kills me more is that I don’t have to do this. I just want to. I am very proud of what I have accomplished and grateful for all the help that seems to have walked into my life to aid me in making this all work. At times I take it as a sign that I have to do this because of all the doors that opened up to me when I seriously started working on it.
It’s a strange feeling to be so proud of something I have accomplished but at the same time feel ashamed of the sacrifices I have made to get there.
It has been 6 months since this change in my life began and now I’m finding it harder and harder to come to terms with how much of my life it has taken up. I have a business I have committed time and money to, AND a family I feel I ‘m letting down daily.
So here’s my plan: Hire people who can take a load off of, so I can pick my kids up from school and see my husband while I still have enough energy to engage with them! It may be easier said than done but I will try and find a balance.
Is there such a thing as a balance between working and being a mother?
Does one have to suffer in order for the other to prosper?
Mostly, is it fair for me to do this at the expense of time spent with my children and husband, especially since I don’t have to, I just want to?
This is an original post for World Moms Blog by Mama B from Saudi Arabia. She can be found writing at her blog, Ya Maamaa.
Photo Credit to Lauren Sachs.
Mama B’s a young mother of four beautiful children who leave her speechless in both, good ways and bad. She has been married for 9 years and has lived in London twice in her life. The first time was before marriage (for 4 years) and then again after marriage and kid number 2 (for almost 2 years). She is settled now in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia (or as settled as one can be while renovating a house).
Mama B loves writing and has been doing it since she could pick up a crayon. Then, for reasons beyond her comprehension, she did not study to become a writer, but instead took graphic design courses. Mama B writes about the challenges of raising children in this world, as it is, who are happy, confident, self reliant and productive without driving them (or herself) insane in the process.
Mama B also sheds some light on the life of Saudi, Muslim children but does not claim to be the voice of all mothers or children in Saudi. Just her little "tribe." She has a huge, beautiful, loving family of brothers and sisters that make her feel like she wants to give her kids a huge, loving family of brothers and sisters, but then is snapped out of it by one of her three monkeys screaming “Ya Maamaa” (Ya being the arabic word for ‘hey’). You can find Mama B writing at her blog, Ya Maamaa . She's also on Twitter @YaMaamaa.
More Posts
by Nadege Nicoll | Apr 4, 2014 | 2014, Babies, Family, Humor, Kids, Milestones, Motherhood, Nadege Nicoll, Older Children, Parenting, Stress, World Motherhood, Younger Children
Well, let’s see… so far, I have counted four.
First, there is robot mom. She is on auto pilot because she is up twenty two hours a day, doing pre-programmed tasks such as: feed baby, burp him, change his diaper, rock him to sleep for an hour. She repeats these tasks in a different order all day long.
Robot mom yawns all the time, does not shower every day, only wears PJs and looks like a zombie. Her conversations are very predictable, usually about substances coming out of the baby’s body.
Robot mom runs on batteries. They are rechargeable with anxiety. That’s why she does not fall asleep standing up; she is too busy worrying about the color of baby’s poop, or projectile vomiting. Yet again, it always comes down to something smelly firing out of that tiny little bundle.
After about six months, anxiety does not recharge the batteries anymore. Plus, the baby is exhausted as well from all the throwing up, pooping and screaming, so he starts to sleep a little. It’s time for mom number two to kick in: insecure mom.
Insecure mom deals with babies that sleep-ish up to eight year olds. She has no clue what she is doing, and is constantly reminded by her friends and family members. “You shouldn’t give him carrots at his age”, “Does she still wear diapers?”, “He is a bit small”, “How many? Only two teeth are out? That’s strange”, “Your daughter looks funny with so little hair”, “What do you mean he does not know how to read?!!” And so on. Insecure mom is at her best with her first child. By the time her second child comes along, she has learned to tell everybody to bugger off. She has realized that past the age of five, kids do go to the toilet, so who cares whether it happens at two, three or four? She has accepted that she cannot stretch her child to grow bigger, that there are no medicines to grow teeth, and that nobody wants to do hair implants on toddlers so yeah, whatever…
Insecure mom feels guilty about everything.
Guilty for the things she does wrong, like losing the plot occasionally, using TV to get a few minutes of peace, being caught saying “What the f@*&!” by her four year old, who then seems to only remember THAT word (never happened to me!!!)
Guilty for the things she does right, like punishing the kids for being rude, using a firm tone when they spit their food back in their plate, and generally for being firm but fair.
And guilty for anything in between.
After a few years of not trusting herself, insecure mom realizes that her kids are growing up to be fine, well adjusted and happy children. So she turns into cool mom!
Cool mom is going to enjoy a few years of honeymoon. The kids are big enough to understand rules and respect. They can express themselves clearly, so unless they run to you screaming, there is really no need to panic. If you don’t hear them, they are likely being mischievous, but they have learned the difference between stuff that they cannot do that are a big NO-NO (like drawing on the walls with markers) and the stuff they cannot do but, “Meh!” (like playing video games with the volume off so you won’t know). They give you priceless, magical moments where they tell you about their friends, their views on life. Nothing is more enjoyable than this complicity between you and them. They think you totally rock, although please don’t try to hug them in front of others!
Enjoy! Because this mom does not stay for long. After that, the kids become teenagers. Everything you thought you knew about them is just gone. Woosh!!! You have to start from scratch. The only part you don’t have to repeat is potty training. Other than that, you will have to deal with tantrums and other toddler-like behaviors: not sharing their phone with their siblings, refusing to eat, slamming doors, boyfriend / girlfriend issues (I am not sure about teenagers, but toddlers have a lot of boyfriend / girlfriend drama going on!). Except, you can’t put them in time out or tower over them with your grumpy voice and your look-like-you-mean-it. I mean, let’s face it, they are a foot taller than you are…
So you have to be cop-mom: lay down the laws, stick to the rules. And call for back up! Or maybe remote mom: move to a deserted island with your alien children until they become humans again. I have no clue, I am only entering phase three of my motherhood journey. That’s why phase four looks a little scary. But like with robot, anxious and cool moms, we’ll all manage when we get there. Because at the end of the day, we will try our best. And that’s the best we can do!
Do you feel like you have evolved, or reached milestones, in your parenting journey? How has it been similar or different to mine?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Nadege Nicoll. She was born in France but now lives permanently in New Jersey with her family. Nadege also writes a daily blog for moms who need to smile at everyday life. She can be found on Twitter, Facebook and her website www.nadegenicoll.com
Drawing credits to Jake Nicoll, the author’s son.
Nadege Nicoll was born in France but now lives permanently in New Jersey with her family. She stopped working in the corporate world to raise her three children and multiple pets, thus secretly gathering material for her books. She writes humorous fictions for kids aged 8 to 12. She published her first chapter book, “Living with Grown-Ups: Raising Parents” in March 2013. Her second volume in the series just came out in October 2013. “Living with Grown-Ups: Duties and Responsibilities” Both books take an amusing look at parents’ inconsistent behaviors, seen from the perspective of kids. Nadege hopes that with her work, children will embrace reading and adults will re-discover the children side of parenthood. Nadege has a few more volumes ready to print, so watch this space…
More Posts - Website
Follow Me:
by Michelle Lewsen | Mar 31, 2014 | 2014, Being Thankful, Expat Life, Family, Oceania, South Africa, World Moms Blog Writer Interview, Writing
Where in the world do you live? And, are you from there?
Asking me where I am from is never going to get you a short answer. I was born and raised in Johannesburg, South Africa where I had the most idyllic of childhoods. South Africa is a magical place with a breathtaking natural landscape to rival anywhere in the world. It’s also a place full of the most vibrant, colourful people who will welcome visitors with a wide grin and open arms.
It was there that I learnt about tolerance, diversity and how to love fellow members of the human race. Nelson Mandela called South Africans the Rainbow Nation and the world thinks this is because of the country’s diversity of race. For me, it goes deeper – this Rainbow Nation refers to a culture of people with vibrantly coloured hearts.
As you can imagine, it was with great sadness that I left South Africa in my twenties and migrated to Western Australia. In the fifteen years that I’ve lived here, I have learned that Australia is not terribly different from South Africa. Here, too, you will be welcomed with a grin, a cold beer and the notion that “it’ll be right, mate!”
I count myself as one who is truly blessed to have lived two lives in such beautiful places. So here I am, Michelle Lewsen, a South African Australian. Pleased to meet you!
What language(s) do you speak?
Amazingly, even though I was raised and schooled in a country that has eleven official languages, I speak only English with any fluency. I can speak a little Zulu, a little Sotho and a little Afrikaans but not enough – it’s one of my regrets.
When did you first become a mother?
I became a mother eleven years ago and have three children who fascinate me daily with their individual idiosyncrasies, their wit and the fact that these beautiful little human beings somehow are mine.
Are you a stay-at-home mom or do you work?
I am beyond fortunate to be able to be a stay at home Mum, which works perfectly with my writing.
Why do you blog/write?
Conversely, my writing is what keeps me from going stir-crazy at home! Nobody tells you just how lonely a house full of children can feel and I am so grateful for the amazing people I’ve met through blogging and writing – people who began as Twitter handles and Facebook statuses and have become some of my dearest friends.
My writing is not only for my own sanity, but because I believe I have something to offer the world. I find it incredibly rewarding to wake up in the morning and read comments on my blog that say I’ve helped someone else through their tough day. I write because I can’t not write. Simple as that.
How would you say that you are different from other mothers?
I am a Mum, just like every other Mum out there. We all love our children, we all scream and lose the plot sometimes, we all struggle through the laughter and tears and tantrums and achievements and disappointments and fears and joys. I am no different.
What do you view as the challenges of raising a child in today’s world?
This world we are raising our kids in is a scarier place, for sure. The internet brings new friends but it also carries the risk of inviting some not-so-nice people into our children’s lives. The internet is the single greatest gift our generation has given our children’s generation and it is also the greatest curse. My biggest fear as a mother, absolutely, is the idea of my children being hurt. But then, I’m no different from you, am I?
How did you find World Moms Blog?
How did I find World Moms Blog? In July 2013, I was honoured as a Voice of the Year at BlogHer ’13 and I traveled to Chicago for the conference. In a pre-conference session, Jennifer Burden stood up and introduced herself and World Moms Blog and asked a question. She was so eloquent
and so interesting, I had to hunt her down and introduce myself. World Moms Blog fascinated me because of this belief I have that no matter where we are from, a Mum is a Mom is a Mama is an Imma is a Mother. We are all the same.
Thank you for inviting me to be a part of this incredibly talented community of writers. I am honoured and look forward to getting to know you all.
by Kyla P'an (Portugal) | Mar 24, 2014 | 2014, Awareness, Being Thankful, Childhood, Education, Eye on Culture, Family, Feminism, Inspirational, Language, Life Lesson, Parenting, Preschool, Relationships, USA, Womanhood, Women's Rights, World Mom Feature, World Moms Blog, World Motherhood, Younger Children
From almost the moment our daughter came onto the scene eight years ago, we knew she had a strong personality. She was one of those incredibly alert and determined babies; the type you could tell was processing her surroundings and trying to figure out what to do about them.
While many babies and toddlers her age were delighted to be pushed in a swing, my daughter would have nothing to do with swings until she was old enough to figure out what made them go. She had no desire to be the passive recipient of being pushed, instead she wanted to be in control; she wanted to conquer it. She took the same approach with toys, puzzles and games. She was an early walker, a determined eater, and an all-around intense little thing.
My husband and I frequently got comments like: “boy, you’ve got your hands full with that one,” or “she’s going to keep you on your toes.”
As our daughter grew, by far her favorite activities involved sorting, organizing and problem solving. I have one vivid memory of her toddler music class, when she was just two years old. About three-quarters of the way through the class, the teacher put out a basket of instruments for the children to choose from and play along with. Our daughter, who was particularly fond of the little plastic eggs filled with beans—which she called shake-a’s—was determined to collect as many of them as possible. Driven by this singular motive, she went around the room delivering alternate instruments to fellow toddlers and parents alike. Anytime she encountered an individual who already had a shake-a, she’d attempt to persuade them with an alternate instrument in exchange until she had gathered a significant cache.
During these displays of self-assured behavior and go-get-‘em spirit, I often found myself shrinking into the background, hoping other parents wouldn’t fault me for having such a pushy, precocious child. At this particular music class, however, a parent approached me afterwards and commended me for having such a “strong child with clear leadership potential.” With her few words of encouragement, this parent liberated me from my deep mommy guilt about having a child with drive.
I was in constant conflict because, even though I am a child of the 70’s—a time when many of our mothers here in the US were breaking down stereotypes and entering the workforce en masse—I was raised by my father, who came from an old-world upbringing and had old-fashioned views of how boys and girls should behave.
I am reluctant to admit that, rather than celebrating my daughter’s inherent leadership qualities, I labeled her as “bossy” and occasionally even criticized her for being too demonstrative.
Bossy, a word inferring that someone is behaving “boss-like,” should be a compliment heralding someone’s leadership skills but ironically, instead it criticizes her for it. It’s a label reserved primarily for girls. You rarely hear it applied to boys. A little girl on the playground, organizing kids into teams and assigning them roles will quickly be knocked down a few rungs by calling her “bossy,” whereas a little boy taking the same actions might be respected and followed.
I’m ashamed to admit, even I supported this stereotype. I was concerned my daughter was too confident interacting with adults, leading activities and organizing groups. I was concerned she wasn’t “girly” enough, lacked empathy and a gentle, nurturing-side. As a modern, liberated and independent woman myself, I still didn’t want her peers to ostracize her or put her down.
Why was I struggling between nurturing and diminishing my daughter’s inner boss? Why was I uncomfortable with her being a leader, or overly-confident or intensely goal oriented? What could I do to help raise this new generation of girl-leaders?
Two weeks ago I got some reassuring answers. They were in the Wall Street Journal, on a full-page, front-of-section article titled, “Don’t Call Us Bossy.” And the women giving the encouragement were the Chief Operating Officer of Facebook, Sheryl Sandberg, and the Chief Executive Officer of Girl Scouts, USA, Anna Maria Chavez.
Sandberg and Chavez’s goal is to redirect our thinking about the way girls lead. To relabel our vocabulary about girls’ take-charge behavior. Instead of bossy behavior, recognize it as executive leadership potential, like CBS television anchor, Norah O’Donnell does. Instead of discouraging ambitious goals, support girls to recognize their inherent ability to achieve whatever goal they set out for.
I think the world would be a very different—and frankly far more pleasant—place to live in if there were more “bossy” women in charge.
Let’s take a stand to have more female bosses in the workplace; Here’s to raising our girls to be the leaders they are capable of being, not the followers our lexicon makes them feel they are supposed to be!
Did anyone ever call you “bossy” growing up? Do you see these qualities in your own child? How do you feel about assertive and confident girls?
For ways to encourage leadership in girls, visit LeanIn.org and BanBossy two of the movements supported by Sheryl Sandberg, Ana Maria Chavez and Girl Scouts, USA.
This is an original post to World Moms Blog from our managing editor and mother of two, Kyla P’an.
The image used in this post is credited to Pat Moore. It holds a Flickr Creative Commons attribution license.
Kyla was born in suburban Philadelphia but spent most of her time growing up in New England. She took her first big, solo-trip at age 14, when she traveled to visit a friend on a small Greek island. Since then, travels have included: three months on the European rails, three years studying and working in Japan, and nine months taking the slow route back from Japan to the US when she was done. In addition to her work as Managing Editor of World Moms Network, Kyla is a freelance writer, copy editor, recovering triathlete and occasional blogger. Until recently, she and her husband resided outside of Boston, Massachusetts, where they were raising two spunky kids, two frisky cats, a snail, a fish and a snake. They now live outside of Lisbon, Portugal with two spunky teens and three frisky cats. You can read more about Kyla’s outlook on the world and parenting on her personal blogs, Growing Muses And Muses Where We Go
More Posts - Website
Follow Me:
by Ewa Samples | Mar 21, 2014 | 2014, Being Thankful, Child Care, Childhood, Family, Girls, Home, Inspirational, Kids, Life Balance, Life Lesson, Me-Time, Motherhood, Music, Parenting, Polish Mom Photographer, Teenagers, USA, Working Mother, World Motherhood, Younger Children
All parents agree, once their first child came into their lives, everything changed. Our life routine changed, some of our friends changed, our clean house no longer stayed clean, the term “empty laundry basket” became an abstract thing, our plans for the future changed…even some of our dreams. We no longer sleep, we no longer eat, we no longer have the time to take care of ourselves as much as we wish. Eating at a dining table is a privilege, at least in my house, because most of my meals are consumed on the run, and my kids are not even in school yet!
I go to mom’s groups, family gatherings, coffee with friends, and I hear the same thing over, and over again: “It will all pass faster than you expect, and you’ll become free again.” No more dirty diapers, no more wiping floors and ceilings after each meal, no more sleepless nights, no more this, and no more that…
And I’m thinking, is it really all that bad…having young children around? Is it really that hard? Yes, it is hard, but it will become harder. Sleepless nights, because the baby is hungry, or because she needs a new diaper will change to sleepless nights because my daughters are out on a date, or on a road trip across the country, and I’m left with all the visions in my head about what may go wrong out there. (more…)
Ewa was born, and raised in Poland. She graduated University with a master's degree in Mass-Media Education. This daring mom hitchhiked from Berlin, Germany through Switzerland and France to Barcelona, Spain and back again!
She left Poland to become an Au Pair in California and looked after twins of gay parents for almost 2 years. There, she met her future husband through Couch Surfing, an international non-profit network that connects travelers with locals.
Today she enjoys her life one picture at a time. She runs a photography business in sunny California and document her daughters life one picture at a time.
You can find this artistic mom on her blog, Ewa Samples Photography, on Twitter @EwaSamples or on Facebook!
More Posts - Website
Follow Me:
