by Elizabeth Atalay | Sep 30, 2014 | 2014, Awareness, Childhood, Education, Humanitarian, Interviews, Preschool, Save The Children, School, Social Good, USA, World Interviews
Actor Jennifer Garner visits with school children who are participants of a Save the Children reading program at LBJ Elementary School in, Ky. Photo by David Stephenson
“OPTIMISM”, Jennifer Garner chose the word optimism when we interviewed her about her work with Save The Children and the #FindTheWords campaign. My word had been “LEAD”, Jen Burden’s was “CREATE”, and Stacey Hoffer Weckstein of Evolving Stacey, who did the interview with me, had “COURAGE”. These were our words in the 30 words, 30 days blogger challenge for #FindTheWords to represent the 30 million fewer words kids would learn in homes without early education. In turn, when we had the exciting opportunity to interview her, we asked Jennifer Garner what her word would be.
“If you are working with a baby, with a mom, with a toddler, there is just so much optimism, she explained. I just feel like it’s just the most optimistic thing in the world to work on early childhood stuff”.
The investment in early education is optimism at it’s best. Studies have shown that the impact of early education can have long reaching effects as a child grows up. Kids are better academically prepared, socially adjusted, and tend to stay in school longer when they receive early education. In our conversation Jennifer Garner pointed out that some states have figured out that the money they spend from birth to five years old goes so much further than the recidivism that they would otherwise spend when a child is older and having trouble.
The hard facts cited by Save The Children are that in the United States 1 in 4 children lives in poverty and many do not have a single book in their home. These kids are not read to, and will not have access to a pre-school education. By age three they will have heard an average of 30 million less words than their peers which puts them at a great disadvantage before they even reach school. Ultimately these kids are 70% more likely to be arrested for violent crimes, 40% more likely to become a teen parent and 25% more likely to drop out of school.
“The injustice of it hits me at my very core.” said the mother of three.”So I just feel this drive to help be a part of making it be better.”
Jennifer Garner feels lucky to have come from a home with educated parents, but growing up in rural America, in West Virginia, she was aware that it was education that had made an enormous difference in both of her parents’ lives. In each case they were the first in their families to go to college, and it made her wonder who was around to help other kids like them to succeed without role models? Once she knew that this was the area in which she wanted to use her voice to make a difference, it was Mark Shriver, and Save The Children that she found was making the type of impact she was looking for in rural America.
Taking time out of her busy day with one of her little ones not feeling well, less than two weeks before her latest film, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day hits theaters, to tell us why the issue of early education resonates with her was gracious beyond belief. She explained that her experience in the field with Save The Children, visiting mothers and children, had only made her want to do more. “The more you are let into people’s homes, and into people’s lives, and into people’s struggles, the more driven you become to do what you can to help them.”
Of the mothers she has had the chance to visit Jennifer says often “These moms are isolated, they’re tired, they don’t have mom friends or computers to read what you guys are writing about or to be encouraged.” ….” so when Save The Children rolls up and goes once a week to see them, they bring them books , they bring light, they bring life. And the main thing that I love to see is they bring encouragement for these moms.”
I asked Jennifer Garner her wish for all moms, to which she replied….
“Motherhood is the great equalizer, right? We’re all, as soon as you have a baby, we all have the same love and hopes, and dreams, and fears, and vulnerabilities, and I would just hope that nobody feels like they are going through it alone……it’s really hard to do on your own”
That’s exactly how we feel in our global community of World Moms, we are here to remind each other that we are not alone, in this crazy adventure of motherhood.
This is an original post written for World Moms Blog by Elizabeth Atalay. Elizabeth had the opportunity to interview Jennifer Garner as part of the #FindTheWords campaign with Save The Children. She also writes at documama.org.
Elizabeth Atalay is a Digital Media Producer, Managing Editor at World Moms Network, and a Social Media Manager. She was a 2015 United Nations Foundation Social Good Fellow, and traveled to Ethiopia as an International Reporting Project New Media Fellow to report on newborn health in 2014. On her personal blog, Documama.org, she uses digital media as a new medium for her background as a documentarian. After having worked on Feature Films and Television series for FOX, NBC, MGM, Columbia Pictures, Warner Brothers, 20th Century Fox, and Castle Rock Pictures, she studied documentary filmmaking and anthropology earning a Masters degree in Media Studies from The New School in New York. Since becoming a Digital Media Producer she has worked on social media campaigns for non-profits such as Save The Children, WaterAid, ONE.org, UNICEF, United Nations Foundation, Edesia, World Pulse, American Heart Association, and The Gates Foundation. Her writing has also been featured on ONE.org, Johnson & Johnson’s BabyCenter.com, EnoughProject.org, GaviAlliance.org, and Worldmomsnetwork.com. Elizabeth has traveled to 70 countries around the world, most recently to Haiti with Artisan Business Network to visit artisans in partnership with Macy’s Heart of Haiti line, which provides sustainable income to Haitian artisans. Elizabeth lives in New England with her husband and four children.
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by Ann Marie Wraight | Sep 1, 2014 | Greece, Interviews, Motherhood, Parenting, Travel, World Interviews
Where in the world do you live? And, are you from there?
Well, this may be the most difficult question to answer!
I’ve lived for the last twenty years in the northwestern mainland area of beautiful Greece. By birth I’m British as were my parents and grandparents, although I’ve had dual nationality – British/Greek – for about a decade. I was born in England but my family relocated to Australia when I was about 3 years old and so I started my primary education in Sydney. Due to family problems, we left Sydney when I was about 8 and returned to the UK where I was based until I finished my A levels. I decided to go to Berlin, Germany to do my gap year before starting my degree course. I was so intrigued by the culture, language and endless opportunities in Berlin that I extended my “gap year” to THREE gap years before finally starting my degree course in the UK! Once I’d gained my BA (Hons) qualification I immediately came to Greece on a teaching contract and have lived here ever since!
So, to cut a long story short, let’s say I’m a Brit by birth, Aussie by nature with a sprinkling of Greek/German regarding my greedy appetite for tasty food and chilled beer!!!
What language(s) do you speak?
My native language is of course English and I have a high level of modern Greek and German. Until I was in my 20’s my French was passable but I honestly think that Brits shouldn’t try to speak this flowing and poetic tongue unless they REALLY make an effort to get the accent RIGHT! I haven’t been to France since my 20’s so, alas, I’ve probably forgotten most of what I knew.
When did you first become a mother?
I first became a mother in my early 30’s which is relatively late for Greek standards although fairly normal for British women.
Are you a stay-at-home mom or do you work?
The idea of not working on a permanent basis absolutely TERRIFIES me! I’ve worked on both a volunteer and professional basis since I was 15 and if I have periods of a month or more when I stay at home it ends up in a bout of depression. Always. Short holidays are pleasant but not for extended periods of time. That’s why I continued teaching right up to the birth of both my boys and continued to work from home (doing private tuition) while I breastfed them. I love teaching and being with teens gives me both pleasure and lots of positive energy. I’m addicted to it and believe that staying home and being a full time mother is MUCH harder and challenging than working outside the home!
Why do you write?
I learnt to read and write before I went to school as I was one of those tiring kids who could never sit still. Books and words fascinated me and when I was 5 I made a small folder with VERY short stories and plays! No piece was more than 50 or 60 words but I thought I was a Genius! I used to force my brother and friends to act out the scenes and dialogues I wrote, fantasising about how much smarter than them I was!!! What an obnoxious and bossy child I was!
The death of my mother from cancer when I was six and a half certainly knocked me down to earth and cured me of my bossiness, though. I hardly spoke at school and almost never at home for about 2 years after that so writing became my main form of communication with the outside world. Books and words got me through those terrible years. Writing was my escape from cruel reality.
In my adult life, writing is my main means of socialising as I live in a fairly isolated region of mainland Greece. I have 3 herniated spinal discs which means I have to limit the amount of driving I do. I don’t have the luxury of just popping over to a friend’s house for a coffee as it entails at least an hours’ drive.Too painful for me! So, writing saves me as I can express myself on a practical, emotional and creative level! I’m working on a children’s book at the moment, too, so my creative side is being constantly fed! Basically, writing keeps me sane!
What makes you unique as a mother?
Every mother has her own stamp or parenting style. When I was pregnant I used to really worry about how I would interact with my child. Every mother wonders about that of course but remember, my own mother had passed away when I was six. I didn’t have a role model or a standard to follow. My father didn’t remarry and he worked full time so it was up to me to look after my brother, cook, clean and of course get good grades at school! So, in a way I was a mother to my younger brother from a VERY early age. I went from being a brat and know-it-all to a mini-momma by the age of 8. I didn’t really have a typical childhood at all!
This is what makes me unique as a mother. I am very wary of over pushing my 13 and 14 year old sons in a very competitive culture. I’m hyper-aware of their emotional state and they can REALLY talk to me about most of the things that bother them. I believe the way I had to grow up has made me more empathetic and sensitive than most European mothers are.
What do you view as the challenges of raising a child in today’s world?
Wow- the list is endless!!!
In my house a major challenge is to encourage our boys to be open-minded and embrace people of other cultures, religions and world views. Most Greeks tend to be pretty narrow minded towards anything or anybody non-Greek! From primary school level especially, there is a very negative attitude towards children from certain countries such as Albania and Bulgaria. My blood really boils when my boys come home and repeat racist comments they have heard at school!
Despite such easy internet access nowadays to a plethora of global information, many parents and teachers in Greece are ignorant of other cultures, education systems and religious views. In an attempt to combat this, we hope that by using reason and examples of our personal friends from these cultures, we can get our boys to see that these stereotypical accusations are ridiculous. One of the most trustworthy employees we’ve ever had was from Albania and one of my closest female friends looks like a model, has the heart of Mother Theresa and is a Mathematics Professor at University level. She’s also Albanian!
So by our own personal interaction and logical arguments, our children see for themselves the opposite of what they sometimes hear and experience at school.
We have also told our boys about experiences I had when I first came to Greece and they feel shocked when they see how it is when someone they love is at the receiving end of an unjust system.
I’ve encountered many problems over the years both social and legal. We talk to our children about all these past experiences and encourage them to put themselves in other peoples shoes before acting. Also, the family saying is ALWAYS be fair and just. We try to teach our boys that if we treat others as we would like to be treated, then the world would improve dramatically!
How did you find World Moms Blog?
I was introduced to the blog by a very dear friend and writer/blogger, Heather Kelly. She has known me for some years and suggested that I might enjoy reading about motherhood all over the globe! Cheers Heather!
Thanks for inviting me to this super blog! My childhood trait of talking about myself has obviously never been subdued!
Take care wherever you may be!
World Moms Blog welcomes Ann Marie. Photo credit: Ann Marie Wraight.
Having lived in 4 different countries, Ann Marie finds it difficult to give a short answer about where she's from. She regards herself: Brit by birth, Aussie by nature, with a sprinkling of Greek and German based on her insatiable appetite for tasty food and chilled beer!
This World Mom has been married to her Greek soulmate for 16 years and they are the proud but constantly challenged parents of two overactive teenage boys. (She secretly wonders sometimes if she was given the wrong babies when she left the maternity clinic.) She can't explain the fascination and ability that her 13 and 14 year-olds show in math and physics or that both boys are ranked 1st and 2nd nationally in judo. Ann Marie can only conclude that those years of breastfeeding, eating home cooked meals and home tutoring really DO make a difference in academic and physical performance! The family is keeping its fingers crossed that---with the awful economic crash in Greece---continued excellence in math and/or judo will lead to university scholarships...
In addition to writing, enjoying a good glass of wine and movies, Ann Marie also works as a teacher and tends their small, free-range farm in the Greek countryside.
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by Kristine Brite McCormick | Mar 25, 2014 | 2014, Interviews, World Moms Blog Writer Interview, World Motherhood
Meet World Moms Blog Contributor Kristine Brite McCormick, and learn how Cora’s Story is helping to help save lives.
Where in the world do you live? And, are you from there? I was born and raised in Indiana, USA. I am originally from a small rural Indiana town, went to college at Indiana University- Bloomington and settled in Indianapolis, Indiana.
What language(s) do you speak? I speak English as a native speaker. I took German in high school and college, and could probably get by if dropped into the middle of Germany, but would have a hard time. I also took French in high school, but am not anywhere near fluent.
When did you first become a mother?
Kristine And Cora McCormick
I became a mother on Easter Sunday, 2009 when I saw the positive pregnancy test. That test and little baby growing in my belly ended up being my first and only child, Cora. She was born November 2009, and died five days later of an undetected congenital heart defect.
Are you a stay-at-home mom or do you work? I work at home. I work for an outside company doing things like data entry and customer support. I also write for several blogs and occasionally people even pay me to do that.
Why do you blog/write? I’m one of those people born with a writer’s genes. I remember when I was around 8 or 9 years old staying up with a goal of writing a certain amount of stories before the ball dropped on New Year’s Eve, while most children my age were running around throwing confetti, I was writing away. I write now because it is part of whom I am. My writing on advocacy issues and making the world a better place, all strive from my desire to remember and honor my daughter. I’m deeply interested in writing about child health, especially newborn health around the world.
How would you say that you are different from other mothers? I’m a childless mother, because my child is not here. I feel like a mother, but I have no child here with me. I mother her quite differently. I help pass laws in her name to save other babies. I share her story. I spill tears over missing her, and not tears over her being frustrating.
What do you view as the challenges of raising a child in today’s world? With my experience, I dove into reading about children around the world. For me, the biggest challenge is keeping a child alive and healthy. While here in the United States, many of my fellow mothers don’t have to really worry about that, I can relate to moms in other countries, where getting enough food to keep their child alive is a daily struggle. Of course, I don’t write that to take away from their struggle or pretend to know what it feels like. However, I know what it feels like when your child dies something that might have been prevented.
How did you find World Moms Blog? I’ve known about World Moms Blog since I’ve entered the advocacy world because of all of the amazing work the writers here do in sharing their stories and the stories of moms and children around the globe. I don’t remember the day I found you, but am sure glad I did.
We sure are glad you did too!
This interview of Kristine Brite McCormick of www.Corasstory.com is an original post written for World Moms Blog.
Kristine Brite McCormick is a fierce advocate for newborn health and safety. She entered this world of fighting for the lives of babies unwillingly when her daughter Cora died of an undetected congenital heart defect. She lives in Indiana, USA, with her husband and three dogs.
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by Kyla P'an (Portugal) | Mar 4, 2014 | 2014, Awareness, Being Thankful, Education, Human Rights, Humanity, Inspirational, Interviews, Kids, Life Lesson, Motherhood, Older Children, Social Good, Social Media, Technology, USA, Womanhood, World Voice, Younger Children
SPARK = Successful, Positive, Authentic, Resilient, Kids
The moment you sit down with Christine Guthery, a funny transformation takes place, you find yourself swelling with optimism, self-confidence and personal-potential. It’s a gift Christine has, she simultaneously exudes these attributes and brings them out in others. She’s passionate about what she does and her enthusiasm has a way of igniting passion in others.
Christine is a lawyer by training but as the mother of three children (now ages 16, 9 and 7), she has discovered that her real calling is as a community activist and SPARK Kindness is community activism at its finest.
SPARK is the offshoot of a coalition called Parents against Bullying and Cyber-Bullying, which Christine founded in 2010, and its sister organization, the Metro-west [Boston] Anti-Bullying Coalition (ABC). The need for an anti-bullying coalition arose from a wide-spread, cyber-bullying incident at a local middle school, which impacted more than 90 students and their families in 2010.
Ironically, though neither Christine nor anyone in her family has ever been a victim of bullying, Christine is on a mission to prevent it. “Bullying is a social justice issue,” Christine says. “in order to rise above it, you have to be resilient, empowered, self-confident. I’m a lawyer by training and this idea of building resiliency inspires me. Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. That’s my cause.”
“The definition of ‘bully’ used to be pretty straightforward. It was a label once reserved for kids, who were considered outliers or playground thugs, the type of kids who committed physical acts on their victims. But times have changed. Now it’s not just the kids who are insecure or outcast that are doing the bullying, rather it’s also the popular kids, both boys and girls, who are trying to reach the top of their social/athletic/academic pyramid that can be the perpetrators,” Christine says.
“Not too long ago,” Christine continues, “a slanderous note passed around at school could impact a whole class of students or even a school community but when the kids went home at the end of the day, they left the incident at school. Now, with the Internet and smart phones, [and thanks to social media sites like Facebook, MySpace and Instagram,] bullying incidents can enter the cyber-sphere and quickly go viral. Kids have no way of leaving an incident behind them,” explains Christine. “In fact, these days, a great deal of bullying occurs during out-of-school-time.”
Christine believes that genocide and ethnic-cleansing—such as the ones that have occurred in Darfur, South Sudan and Nazi Germany—is “bullying taken to extreme measures.” And it’s really this mindset, this deep desire to eradicate the cause at it’s root, that has given rise to SPARK Kindness. The evolution came in 2012, when Christine realized that just talking about bullying wasn’t making progress.
“For two years [2010 & 2011] I had been focusing on bullying and trying to understand it better,” she says, “but then I realized, what if we shifted the conversation away from the outcome (bullying) and toward the prevention (nurturing kindness and resiliency)? What if our efforts were proactive rather than reactive?”
She compares this shift in mindset with the approach of Western medicine, where the focus is on addressing the illness, not on maintaining and promoting wellness. “I was finding that just talking about bullying was disempowering,” Christine reflects. “When I focused on the positives of resilience, kindness and courage, I felt empowered. It was exactly like the emotion of ‘elevation’ or self-transcendence that psychologist, Jonathan Haidt, described in his 2012 TED talk,” she says. “In other words, when you witness someone doing something positive or altruistic, it inspires you to do something positive or altruistic. This is where SPARK Kindness came from, how can we build the community we want rather than just address the ills we want to avoid?”
The answer:
teach children not just about kindness and emotional self-awareness early on but how to be resilient and seek support when they are feeling insecure or are suffering. SPARK Kindness, ignite positive change in your community.
To find out ways to SPARK Kindness in your own community, click the logo above or visit http://www.sparkkindness.org/.
This post summarizes an interview between SPARK Kindness founder, Christine Guthery and World Moms Blog Managing Editor, Kyla P’an. This is a World Moms Blog exclusive interview.
Kyla was born in suburban Philadelphia but spent most of her time growing up in New England. She took her first big, solo-trip at age 14, when she traveled to visit a friend on a small Greek island. Since then, travels have included: three months on the European rails, three years studying and working in Japan, and nine months taking the slow route back from Japan to the US when she was done. In addition to her work as Managing Editor of World Moms Network, Kyla is a freelance writer, copy editor, recovering triathlete and occasional blogger. Until recently, she and her husband resided outside of Boston, Massachusetts, where they were raising two spunky kids, two frisky cats, a snail, a fish and a snake. They now live outside of Lisbon, Portugal with two spunky teens and three frisky cats. You can read more about Kyla’s outlook on the world and parenting on her personal blogs, Growing Muses And Muses Where We Go
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by Susie Newday (Israel) | Dec 4, 2013 | 2013, Body Image, Cancer, Death and Dying, Family, Inspirational, Interviews, Israel, Life Lesson, Parenting, Relationships, Susie Newday, World Interviews, World Motherhood
Neta sat down with World Mom contributor, Susie Newday in Israel to talk about living her life with metastasis breast cancer.
This is part two of our contributor and oncology nurse, Susie Newday’s, moving and in depth interview on breast cancer with her good friend. Grab a cup of something warm, and come be a fly on the wall with us, as two friends discuss living with metastatic breast cancer. There is something for us all to learn.
(To catch up, click here to read Part I, click here to read Part II, click here to read Part III.)
Susie: What has changed now after your husband has also been diagnosed with metastatic colon cancer?
Neta: When two parents are sick it’s something completely different. In the past when I used to feel unwell or weak, I could allow myself to go to bed because I knew he was around. In the evenings he would be with the kids and I didn’t have to be there. They saw me at lunchtime when I gave them lunch, they saw me in the afternoon and it was no big deal for my husband to make the kids dinner and be there with them. Now there isn’t that option. He goes to work. He’s also exhausted in the evenings and he climbs into bed. In the beginning he had more energy but for the past few months he’s been exhausted when he gets home from work. I don’t have back-up anymore. It’s very hard without backup because you can’t allow yourself to be tired for even one day. I have to function at a different level than what I had been functioning at before.
S: Did you tell your children when you were diagnosed?
N: Yes. All three times; when I was first diagnosed, when I had the recurrence and when my husband was diagnosed. We consulted with a psychologist about how to tell the kids. We told them the truth. We told the boys and girls separately because there is an age difference between them. I don’t remember the first conversation being very traumatic. The kids were also younger. They didn’t really understand. They were surprised and it was the first time they had heard the word cancer. We told them that mommy has breast cancer and it’s not so bad, a lot of people get better. I told them that I’m going to get treatment and I have the best doctors who are going to help me recover. There is going to be a period of time that I am going to get strong treatment so the cancer will die. I don’t remember any tough reactions or trauma.
When the cancer came back it was a little tougher because the kids were already older. My two older children cried. I didn’t tell them it was terminal. I was told not to say that because no one knows how much time I have so not to limit it by time. I told them that the cancer was back and that this time it was in my bones as well and that the doctors had found the reason for my back pain. I told them I was going to go for treatments now so that I can cope with the cancer. Again I told them that I had good doctors and that I was in good hands.
When my husband got sick less than a year ago, telling the kids was traumatic. When we told our older daughters the younger one sat there and cried. My older daughter was angry and yelled What??? It’s not fair!! You’re sick already. Now daddy? She cried and yelled at the same time. It was a very tough conversation. She already understood as this was the third conversation she had gone through. I started to cry when she started screaming “it’s not fair”. My husband spoke, my younger daughter and I cried silently and my older daughter cried and screamed. The conversation with the younger boys was easier, they didn’t really understand as much. They know that daddy has cancer in his belly and mommy has cancer in her bones
I worry a lot about the kids because obviously it’s very hard on them. My oldest is very angry with God. She’s not willing to pray anymore. I understand her anger. I’m angry too. How can this happen to both parents? With my second daughter I see more sadness.
We haven’t really had any more outright conversations about our illnesses with our kids. There is the day to day coping like if I’m not feeling well then my husband will put the kids to sleep. Or visa versa. So the kids know when we’re not feeling okay. The other day my youngest who is 6 1/2 asked me how much longer are you guys going to be sick? When are you going to be healthy again? I explained to him that it is a very tough disease and it takes a very very very long time to get better. I can’t explain to him that you don’t get well.
S: Physically, how do you manage? With yourself, with the house, the kids.
N: It’s not easy. In areas that I feel are less meaningful and more technical, we have help. We have someone who cooks and someone who cleans. We had someone to fold laundry and we will probably use her again. We used to have a babysitter in the afternoons. Now we have the kids in afternoon programs. In the areas I can release and get help, I have done so. There are certain things I’m trying to keep as is, like having everyone sit down for dinner together. I try to make sure that there is always food in the house. It comforts me to know that there is food in the house and there is what to eat.
It’s a pity to waste energy on things that are not meaningful. I save the energy for things that make me feel good, like if the kids want to go shopping, even though it’s already tough for me to walk a lot.
S: What has been the one most difficult or scary thing that you have gone through since you were first diagnosed with cancer?
N: When I lost my eyesight. Not being able to see was really scary. You lose your connection to the world. I was also very confused. It was a real trauma. After my eyesight came back I was afraid to fall asleep at night because I was afraid that maybe when I woke up in the morning I wouldn’t be able to see again. In general, the scariest thing is losing your abilities. Suddenly, I won’t be able to see. Suddenly, I won’t be able to walk. Basically, it’s about losing your independence. It’s very important to me to be independent. I’m very afraid of becoming dependent. Losing my eyesight meant losing my independence. I needed people to be with me, to go everywhere with me. It was a complete lack of control. Seeing is such an important sense and suddenly you lose it. You only hear and you lose your ability to do things. For me the fear of losing my independence was the worst. If you ask my husband, for him the fear of me being confused was worse. He was able to imagine being with someone who couldn’t see. He didn’t know how he could manage with someone who was confused. I remember the blindness as traumatic, my husband remembers my confusion as the traumatic part.
S: A lot of people want to support friends or family who have cancer but we often say or do the wrong things. Do you have any advice about what we should or shouldn’t do?
N: There is a lot of good will and a lot of people want to help but you have to remember to respect the person and the household. Like in the beginning, friends wanted to come and fold laundry for me but I didn’t want anyone to. That was something I could handle on my own. Also when people were cooking for me in the beginning, there was a constant stream of people coming in and out of the house bringing food. You feel like you have no control over what is going on in your house.
It was very important for us to return the sense of control over our household to ourselves, to conserve the sense of independence of our family. Our good friends who were a constant presence in our house beforehand did stay a constant and that was fine. Those friends also knew to ask beforehand. I told friends and family when it was okay to visit.
S: Sometimes, we say no because we don’t want to trouble other people and when someone insists on doing something anyway, sometimes in the end it is a big help and appreciated.
N: It is possible. Like the few times we’ve had company over in the past year and they wanted to wash dishes and out of manners I told them no but they did it anyways, it was appreciated.
S: Is there anything someone said to you that really bothered you?
N: It really annoyed be when people told me “Be Strong”. What? Like I wasn’t working on that enough? Another sentence was ” I’m sure it will pass.” What exactly will pass? Where is it going to pass to? I am sure there were other things but I don’t remember anymore.
S: Were there people who found it hard to talk to you afterwards?
N: I don’t think so. People tell me that because I’m so open and speak so freely that it wasn’t so hard to talk to me. There were some people who told me they were afraid to talk to me at first but when they did speak to me the conversation flowed. I talk to people about what is going on. I don’t hide it.
S: It must be quite a financial burden to have all the help with the cooking and cleaning and other things.
N: It is. I’m not working anymore and I get a small government stipend. My husband is still working which is lucky. If he has to stop working, the financial side would be very tough.
S: So what things would you suggest that people do if they want to help?
N: Always ask. What is right for me might not be right for someone else. First ask if they want the help. Like with food, say “I really want to make something for you guys, can I?” If you got a yes, then offer a choice of what to bring so the person can pick something that is right for their family. Make sure to ask first because maybe they really don’t want anything. To bring forcefully is also not good because it infringes on their domain. It also obviously depends on how close you are to the person. To bring without asking doesn’t seem to be respectful of the home.
S: Any tips about cancer in general?
N: Go get checked! Every woman needs to be checked even if there’s no family history that you know about. Just go get checked. I really don’t know why they don’t start the screening from a younger age. I was diagnosed at age 38. If they would have done routine scanning from an earlier age they would have caught my cancer sooner and I would be in a very different position right now. I found it on my own and I found it too late. The difference between early diagnosis and later diagnosis is huge. After I was diagnosed, all my friends went to get checked.
You have to gather strength. We don’t know what life holds for us. Who ever imagined that I would have breast cancer and bone metastases? If you would have asked me six years ago, that wasn’t even an option. I didn’t even think of it. When we get sick, it will always catch us by surprise. We’re never ready to be sick. Even if we know there is a possibility, we are never truly ready. When it happens you have to rally a lot of strength and understand that we can’t control our lives and we just have to do our best. That’s what I try to do. I’m fighting the best I can. I can’t do more than that. Ever new day I try to find the energy to fight and I say to myself I’m fighting this. When you succeed in having a good day, it gives you a lot of strength to continue on. If you don’t do that you can sink emotionally and that can’t possibly be healthy. I think that the reason I am not sinking into depression is because I’m invested in doing.
Sometimes it’s better not to think too much and to just be busy. When I had time to think it was really not good for me.
S: What is your wish for world moms?
N: I wish for either a way to catch cancer early or for better drugs to fight it and cure it or at the minimum turn it into a chronic disease that you don’t die from. Breast cancer rates are way too high.
I wish for mothers around the world to enjoy every minute of their parenting because we never know when it will end. I was sure that I would raise my children and live to see my grandkids grow as well. Today, I am not sure I will even see my kids grow up.
We never know when we will leave this world. Don’t push things off. Don’t say when I retire I will do this or that. Parenting is a very precious gift that has no replacement and we don’t know how long we will be parents or grandparents for. Take advantage of now and don’t push things off. We went on a family trip overseas a while back and I am so happy we did. It was a great experience. It was better than having a new kitchen done, buying a new car or having the garden done.
The experience of motherhood, parenthood, of family is the most precious experience in the world, so invest in that and less in material things.
It took a lot of openness and strength on Neta’s part to do this interview series. I want to thank her from the bottom of my heart for having the courage to share her story so that other people might benefit from it.
As far as helping people who are going through any difficult time, be it medical or emotional, I think this article about the “comfort in, dump out” theory is a must read.
Cancer can happen to everyone. Listen to your body, treat it well and educate yourself about cancer symptoms. Learn not just about breast cancer symptoms (which are varied) but also the symptoms of ovarian cancer, GI cancer, lung cancer, pancreatic cancer and all the other cancers out there. Ask your parents about your family medical history. Do the recommended screening tests that are available to you because early detection of any cancer makes a hell of a difference.
Most of all enjoy every minute of your life because there are people out there who are dying for more time.
Who hasn’t yet gotten screened and is now going to get themselves checked?
Susie Newday is a happily-married American-born Israeli mother of five. She is an oncology nurse, blogger and avid amateur photographer.
Most importantly, Susie is a happily married mother of five amazing kids from age 8-24 and soon to be a mother in law. (Which also makes her a chef, maid, tutor, chauffeur, launderer...) Susie's blog, New Day, New Lesson, is her attempt to help others and herself view the lessons life hands all of us in a positive light. She will also be the first to admit that blogging is great free therapy as well. Susie's hope for the world? Increasing kindness, tolerance and love.
You can also follow her Facebook page New Day, New Lesson where she posts her unique photos with quotes as well as gift ideas.
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by Susie Newday (Israel) | Oct 31, 2013 | Body Image, Cancer, Death and Dying, Family, Interviews, Israel, Susie Newday, World Motherhood
Neta sat down with World Mom contributor, Susie Newday in Israel to talk about living her life with metastatic breast cancer.
As a nurse working in outpatient oncology, cancer is something I’m surrounded by. As time goes by, I’ve unwillingly learned to live with the fact that it seems like cancer is taking over the world and affecting more and more young people. (I stink at statistics so I don’t have any hard facts to back that feeling but I seem to be seeing way too many young people undergoing chemo.) Yet even with the walls we build to protect ourselves from the hurt at the loss of each patient we have come to know, every nurse has a soft spot for certain patients. For me, it’s young mothers with cancer. I don’t know why. It just is. When the young mother being treated for breast cancer also happens to be your friend it’s even more heartbreaking.
Today is the last day of Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I thought that a personal story of someone living with Stage 4 Breast Cancer would do more to help raise awareness than just stating the facts and figures. By putting a name and a face to a disease we make it more personal. My friend graciously agreed to be interviewed in the hope that her story would help someone else.
Neta Eshel, is a 42-year-old mother of 4 children ages 6 1/2, 9, 13 1/2 and 17. She was diagnosed in July 2009 with Stage 3 Infiltrating (Invasive) Lobular Carcinoma. As far as she knew, there was no family history of breast cancer. She was treated with aggressive chemo, had a double mastectomy, radiation and more chemo. In September of 2011 her cancer came back. She has Stage 4 Breast Cancer with metastases to her bones.
Towards the end of 2012, Neta was hospitalized for a prolonged period of time due to a low platelet count. During that hospitalization, she woke up one morning and couldn’t see. After running a battery of tests she was told she had bleeding in her brain. She was confused and disoriented and her family braced themselves for the worse. Then, as if by a miracle, her sight returned, and she improved.
A few months later, before she even had time to catch her breath Neta’s husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon Cancer. As you can imagine it, that was devastating news. Their individual and combined strength in coping has been and continues to be an inspiration for their family, their community and their many friends.
Susie: Did you have any symptoms?
Neta: I felt a lump in the shower, and I went to get checked.
S: Do you have a family history of cancer?
N: Not in my or my parents’ generation. I didn’t know about it until after I was diagnosed but there was a history of cancer in my grandparents’ generation. That’s why there was no awareness. My father’s father had pancreatic cancer, one of his sisters had breast cancer and the other sister had ovarian cancer. There was also another brother who died of cancer. I’m not sure what type. Both of my grandfather’s sisters passed away when I was young, so I didn’t really know them. On my mother’s side there is no history of cancer.
S: After you felt the lump what did you do?
N: I went to my family physician who sent me right away to the breast surgeon*. The surgeon told me to go immediately to the hospital. (*note: Here in Israel it is the breast surgeon who does breast screening.)
S: How long did it take from the time you felt the lump until you were diagnosed.
N: No time at all. Maybe four days.
S: What did they do when you got to the hospital?
N: First they did a mammogram. They then sent me immediately for an ultrasound. After the ultrasound I had gotten dressed, and I stood up, and the doctor who performed the ultrasound told me straight out “you have breast cancer”. I was at a loss for words. I stammered… How? Why? What connection does cancer have to me? I was in shock. I asked her “How do you know?” She said she knows according to the way it looks on the ultrasound. She said it’s not 100% certain, we still have to do a biopsy but she was pretty sure that’s what it was.
S: You were alone?
N: I was with my husband. I understood it was something serious the way everyone kept sending me quickly from one test to the other, but I didn’t really understand.
S: Aside from the shock, how did you feel about the way she gave you the news?
N: I don’t think it would have been any better to wait anxiously for two weeks until the biopsy results came back. I would have been very stressed out from the wait. I wanted to know the truth, I was just in shock because the whole process was very quick. I suddenly went from being the healthiest person to be the sickest person. I didn’t need someone to beautify the reality for me, the reality was the reality. The bottom line was, I didn’t need the stress.
S: What thoughts and feelings were going through your head at that moment when you got the news?
N: I remember the shock. I remember thinking I am the healthiest person, how am I going to be sick now? I also thought about the kids and what’s going to be with them. I had no idea what to expect, no awareness about what treatment meant. I didn’t really understand the implications at that moment. Afterwords when I started to process it there was a lot of crying and anger and sadness.
S: How long did the processing process take?
N: I don’t remember how long each stage took. I do remember there being a lot of anger. Anger at God. Why me? What have I done? Why do I deserve this?
After you start to process you realize that the anger doesn’t give you anything so you move to acceptance. You summon energy for a war. From the beginning I said I’m going to fight this, I’m going to win. I don’t remember being depressed. I was very into “doing”. I’m going to fight. I’m going to understand this and what it means. I don’t remember any great depression. It was obvious to me that I would fight and it will be ok.
A few months after I finished treatment, in the summer, we went on an overseas family trip, and my energy returned. I then said that I need a little luck that the cancer won’t return.
S: When did the cancer return and how?
N: It started with back pain. Two years ago, in September of 2011, my back went out on the day of the first day of school. I worked as a high school guidance counselor. The back pain went on for a few months. I right away thought about cancer but I was afraid to get it checked out by my oncologist. I first went to get checked by an orthopedist. I did a bone scan and then was treated by a chiropractor for two months. It took about two or three months before it was diagnosed as a recurrence of the cancer. It was unbelievable pain. The pain came and went until it stayed.
S: What was different when you were diagnosed the second time? Was it the same shock?
N: The second time it was much harder because I understood that if it has returned, the situation is much worse. I always had the fear that the cancer would return. I hadn’t deluded myself that it couldn’t. I knew there was a possibility of it returning. It was much harder because I understood that if it has returned there is metastasis and I’m most probably not going to get rid of it. I understood what it meant and that’s why I was also afraid to get diagnosed and didn’t run immediately to my oncologist. I thought maybe my back just went out. People said to me, at one point or another back pain happens to everyone around the age 40. The shock was greater when the cancer returned because I understood that it’s not going anywhere and I can’t “get over it”.
***This post was truncated because it originally also included Part II.**
Tune in soon for the next part of a World Mom to World Mom 4 part series on living with metastasis breast cancer. The informative, yet moving, interview with Neta continues…
Cancer can happen to everyone. Listen to your body, treat it well and educate yourself about cancer symptoms. Learn not just about breast cancer symptoms (which are varied) but also the symptoms of ovarian cancer, GI cancer, lung cancer, pancreatic cancer and all the other cancers out there. Ask your parents about your family medical history. Do the recommended screening tests that are available to you because early detection of any cancer makes a hell of a difference.
Most of all enjoy every minute of your life because there are people out there who are dying for more time.
Do you have an experience of someone living with metastasis breast cancer in your corner of the world?
(For the full series: click here to read Part I, click here to read Part II, click here to read Part III and click here to read Part IV.)
Click here to read Part IV of the interview.
Photo credit to Susie Newday.
Susie Newday is a happily-married American-born Israeli mother of five. She is an oncology nurse, blogger and avid amateur photographer.
Most importantly, Susie is a happily married mother of five amazing kids from age 8-24 and soon to be a mother in law. (Which also makes her a chef, maid, tutor, chauffeur, launderer...) Susie's blog, New Day, New Lesson, is her attempt to help others and herself view the lessons life hands all of us in a positive light. She will also be the first to admit that blogging is great free therapy as well. Susie's hope for the world? Increasing kindness, tolerance and love.
You can also follow her Facebook page New Day, New Lesson where she posts her unique photos with quotes as well as gift ideas.
More Posts - Website
Follow Me:
