SAUDI ARABIA: No Girls Allowed

by Mama B (Saudi Arabia) | Nov 26, 2014 | Adolescence, Awareness, Boys, Brothers, Culture, Education, Eye on Culture, Family, Gender, Girls, Husband, International, Life Lesson, Motherhood, Older Children, Parenting, Puberty, Relationships, Saudi Arabia, School, Teenagers, Womanhood, World Motherhood

I grew up in a house full of girls with one baby brother, who was so much younger than me that our friends and social lives didn’t overlap.

Now that I am the mother of three boys and one girl, I am learning many things I never knew about boys: they are more straightforward, easier to read, and, honestly, easier to persuade than girls. Boys wrestle–a lot. Even when they haven’t got the hang of walking yet, they wrestle. (I still don’t know why.) Boys are more emotional than I expected, and more sensitive.

I know there’s a lot more to learn about raising boys, and I’m excited to do it–especially because I can call in their father whenever something freaks me out.

Despite my growing expertise in raising boys, something recently caught me off guard. Something obvious in our society, but not so prevalent in my ‘tribe’ (which is what I call my close family–mother, father, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.).

My eldest turned 11 this year, and is in the phase between boy and teenager. And I find myself surprised to discover that our society’s segregation of men and women is changing my relationship with my own son.

I was totally unprepared for the separation that occurred when he moved from the little school to the big school. I went from being able to walk into his class, to speak to his teacher, and to meet his friends and their moms, to having to drop him off and pick him up outside the school gate (but not right in front of it, where the other boys could see us).

No more going into the school, unless I make an appointment with the headmaster and go to his office to speak with the teachers. (And even that is not permissible in most boys’ schools, the majority of which would not even allow a woman on the premises. The same is true for girls’ schools, which don’t permit men on the premises.)

My son can no longer go into the all-women area of the malls. In a few years, he won’t be allowed in any area of the mall without a ‘family’ for fear he will terrorize the girls. (Ironically, some young teenagers wait outside the malls and approach older women, or women with children, and ask them to pretend they are one family to gain entrance into the mall.)

Soon, my son won’t invite his friends over when his sister is home, although he could still invite cousins and close family friends.

There are so many unwritten rules concerning the separation of girls and boys, and a million variations. For some families, it’s pretty black and white: unless he is your brother or father, or unless she is your sister or mother, you don’t spend time with them. It also depends upon the region. In the eastern or western provinces, strict segregation is not as prevalent as it is here in the central region. In seacoast areas, people have the benefit of interacting with many cultures, and are therefore more forgiving.

I am baffled by how our society has become so segregated. Throughout the early history of Islam, segregation wasn’t practiced. Modesty and chastity, yes. Total segregation, no. I do not even think it was part of our culture as Saudis. At least, not to the extent it is today.

Until recently, Bedouin women were expected to welcome travelers into their tents, and to make them coffee, and even dinner, regardless of whether her husband was there. Yes, most would have had their faces covered (again, a cultural custom, not religious one), but they interacted with men all the time. It’s only in recent years that things have changed. Some put it down to the influences that came into Saudi when it was united. Others say it is a reaction to how fast we were exposed to the outside world, and how quickly we went from tribal life to modern-day life.

Theories aside, I’m facing the reality of being shut out of a part of my son’s life and of him being shut out of mine.

When I explained my concern to one of his teachers (over the phone) he said, “You can’t follow him around all of his life!” As if I were a stalker! Am I being a stalker? Hmmm, I wonder how involved I would be in his day-to-day school life if I were?

My biggest fear is that if he gets caught up in the wrong crowd, segregation makes it easier in certain houses with absent fathers to make mistakes and do stupid stuff. I thank God his father keeps an eye on him, and that he still fills me in about his day and talks to me when he is upset. If we can continue to talk, I think I may be okay.

Perhaps I just don’t like not being in control of the situation, or perhaps it’s that I don’t have the choice.

Would you naturally step back from your son’s day-to-day life when he turns 11 or 12? Would you withdraw from knowing his friends and supervising his outings?

It’s all foreign territory for me now, and I am learning to deal with it as best I can.

This is an original post to World Moms Blog from our contributor in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia and mother of four, Mama B.

Photo credit: Dr. Coop under Flickr Creative Commons License

Mama B (Saudi Arabia)

Mama B’s a young mother of four beautiful children who leave her speechless in both, good ways and bad. She has been married for 9 years and has lived in London twice in her life. The first time was before marriage (for 4 years) and then again after marriage and kid number 2 (for almost 2 years). She is settled now in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia (or as settled as one can be while renovating a house). Mama B loves writing and has been doing it since she could pick up a crayon. Then, for reasons beyond her comprehension, she did not study to become a writer, but instead took graphic design courses. Mama B writes about the challenges of raising children in this world, as it is, who are happy, confident, self reliant and productive without driving them (or herself) insane in the process. Mama B also sheds some light on the life of Saudi, Muslim children but does not claim to be the voice of all mothers or children in Saudi. Just her little "tribe." She has a huge, beautiful, loving family of brothers and sisters that make her feel like she wants to give her kids a huge, loving family of brothers and sisters, but then is snapped out of it by one of her three monkeys screaming “Ya Maamaa” (Ya being the arabic word for ‘hey’). You can find Mama B writing at her blog, Ya Maamaa . She's also on Twitter @YaMaamaa.

MASSACHUSETTS, USA: The in-beTWEEN Years

by Kyla P'an (Portugal) | Nov 21, 2014 | 2014, Adolescence, Awareness, Childhood, Girl Child, Girls, Kids, Life, Life Lesson, Media, Milestones, Motherhood, Older Children, Parenting, Puberty, Teenagers, World Motherhood, Youth

The Wicked Witch of the West

Eight years ago I had my first child, a daughter. Like most new parents, I got all sorts of advice and did a great deal of information gathering; particularly on those uncharted, early stages of infancy and babyhood.

I knew it was possible my child would have colic, GERD, and rashes. I had heard about the “terrible twos” and the “trying threes.” I was fortified for long days and short nights, especially during the early years. And I knew having a child home to entertain and educate for five years would be a whole different challenge from my professional life.

But, I thought I was ready because I knew—at the end of a long, sometimes dark, tunnel—there would be kindergarten, followed by the blissful and innocent days of elementary school to put me back on track. I anticipated that from age 5-11, life would be pretty seamless. Five years of struggle followed by at least six of predictability before the challenges of the teenage years moved in.

So when our daughter entered kindergarten three years ago, my husband and I settled in for the “predictable” parenting years we were expecting.

Sadly—and far too soon—those years are coming to a close…

This past summer, we got glimpses of something we had heard about but weren’t prepared for just yet: moodiness, sassy attitude, changes in speaking style, exploration of identity, greater awareness of appearance and increased self-consciousness.

Now that 3rd-grade is in full-swing, those glimpses are becoming the norm. It’s fairly clear that we are entering a new stage of parenting: we’re entering the TWEENS.

“Tween” is a term we use here in the US to describe the pre-teen stage of life. It’s in-between being a sweet, young kid, who’s dependent on parents and family for every aspect of life, and puberty, when a child morphs into a sassy, experimenting, independent teenager, stomping off toward adulthood.

The Tweens is a stage of life—I think populated almost exclusively by girls—when kids try to propel themselves prematurely into their next growth phase. They test out language they pick up from older kids, through pop-music and from movies and television. They mimic styles they see in the media. They use vernacular such as “like” and “whatever” and “no way!” They gravitate almost exclusively to their own gender groups.

And despite even the best attempts to shield children from pop culture and the negative influences present on TV, they still somehow find their fix at school.

The tweens are a funny, little limbo-land.

Take our daughter for example: She’s still afraid of the dark (in fact, she’s fairly convinced the Wicked Witch from the Wizard of Oz is living in her closet); her favorite Disney character is Sofia the First; she loves kittens and rainbows, unicorns and stuffed animals. But recently, she also has discovered Disney’s High School Musical, and when we go to our pediatrician’s office, she pours over the book, It’s Perfectly Normal, (she has a lot of questions about both).

These days, she prone to emotional outbursts, demanding “alone” time and spontaneous moments of being shy. Aren’t these teenager behaviors?

Tonight, while my five-year-old was in a martial arts class, my daughter and I sat in the car having a chat. She said she was sad because she felt frustrated and sort of out of control. I found myself explaining puberty to her and talking about hormones and endorphins and lots of other changes in our bodies that made us feel confused and out of sorts…Uh, did I mention she’s only 8?

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, the onset of puberty in girls now happens as young as 7! OK, so none of my early parenthood prep or information gathering or family planning ever involved needing to have these conversations so soon. Afterall, my youngest just started kindergarten. By my accounts, I had just come out of the trenches. I’m not battle ready. I don’t have my armor on. This is going to be a massacre!

But this is where we are these days…the in-beTWEENS. Wish us luck.

Have you experienced these sorts of changes in your own child(ren)? If so, at what age? Any advice for getting through to the other side?

This is an original post to World Moms Blog from our managing editor and mother of two (one of whom is entering her tweens), Kyla P’an.

The image used in this post is credited to Karen. It holds a Flickr Creative Commons attribution license.

Kyla P'an (Portugal)

Kyla was born in suburban Philadelphia but spent most of her time growing up in New England. She took her first big, solo-trip at age 14, when she traveled to visit a friend on a small Greek island. Since then, travels have included: three months on the European rails, three years studying and working in Japan, and nine months taking the slow route back from Japan to the US when she was done. In addition to her work as Managing Editor of World Moms Network, Kyla is a freelance writer, copy editor, recovering triathlete and occasional blogger. Until recently, she and her husband resided outside of Boston, Massachusetts, where they were raising two spunky kids, two frisky cats, a snail, a fish and a snake. They now live outside of Lisbon, Portugal with two spunky teens and three frisky cats. You can read more about Kyla’s outlook on the world and parenting on her personal blogs, Growing Muses And Muses Where We Go

NIGERIA: Taking Responsibility

by Aisha Yesufu | Nov 19, 2014 | 2014, Africa, Awareness, Being Thankful, Education, Family, Life Lesson, Motherhood, Nigeria, Parenting, Priorities, Responsibility, World Motherhood

Taking responsibility for our actions is not always easy to do. It is funny how you see someone go on about the enemies in her life, who have denied her the success she so deserves.

People spend more of their time and prayers focused on their enemies than on themselves. They cast and bind those enemies. They go to all lengths to unravel their enemies when all they need do is stand in front of the mirror and recognize the enemy before them. When we blame others, we become our own enemies.

We should learn always to take responsibility for our actions. When we take responsibility for our actions, it means the solution lies within us, but when we blame somebody else, it means that only the other person can find a solution to the issues.

If you fail at anything, accept it; learn from it. If you do not get a promotion, or even lose a job, find out what you did wrong. Learn from it to help you get the next promotion or to keep the next job. Do not blame your boss, your stepmother, half-brother or sister, the old woman in your village, your neighbor, your in-laws or the most-blamed devil. Just accept responsibility.

If we are not taught to take responsibility as children, we grow into adults who won’t take responsibility. Most of us struggled to get where we are today, and we want to protect our kids from the struggles of life–forgetting it was those struggles that helped make us who we are.

As parents, we have to allow our kids to be responsible for their actions. We have to allow them learn from their mistakes. There is no ideal world. They have to learn from the UNIVERSITY OF HARD KNOCKS i.e., LIFE. We cannot protect them from life; we have to allow them to live life.

A friend, whose 2-year-old son had broken his favourite cup, went to great lengths to find him a replacement, even to the extent of meeting the person who had given him the cup as a party favour.

I pointed out to her the need for allowing her child to be responsible for his actions. He breaks his cup, he loses it, and he learns that to keep a cup, he has to be careful with it.

I pointed out that unless there is a place where one can total one’s car and walk in and get a replacement free of charge, then she should let him learn by not providing a replacement.

Failure, they say, is not falling down. It is staying down.

People who take responsibility for their actions learn from their failures, and you rarely see them complaining. They are the ones who look as if everything goes smoothly for them. They never seem to have any problems.

So, the next time you feel the urge of blaming anyone else or making excuses why something is not going the way you want, just remember when you blame another you take away the power of solution from your hands.

This is an original post to World Moms Blog from our new writer in Nigeria, Aisha Yesufu.

Aisha Yesufu

PHILIPPINES: A Thrill of Hope

by Martine de Luna (Philippines) | Nov 13, 2014 | 2014, Life Lesson, Motherhood, Parenting, Philippines, World Moms Blog, World Motherhood

Source

Here in Manila, the Philippines, Christmas season is in full swing. Everywhere you go, there are signs of it: carols playing in the shopping centers; buildings decked out in holiday decorations; malls holding 3-day pre-Christmas sales; churches displaying the Christmas belen (Nativity) scene; people holding pre-Christmas parties and charity drives. Christmas here is a season of looking ahead to better days, and yes, also to December the 25th!

Speaking of carols, the line, “a thrill of hope” has been on my mind lately. I’ve not gotten around to bring out Christmas decorations (I’m one of those who waits til the end of November), but I have gotten around to thinking about that word “hope.” The line, of course, is from on of my favorite Christmas carols, O, Holy Night. As Christian, it means for me that I await Jesus Christ’s birth, because it holds for me “hope”, hope that He came to save the world in His coming.

Beside the belief that surrounds my religion’s commemoration of Christmas, I find the hope is something we all crave today in the world, isn’t it? With all the tragedy around us, the terror, the fear of disease… hope can often seem far away from our present reality.

And yet, it is always there. Thanks to efforts from the global community of “hope bearers” (like those mentioned this post on #BringBackOurGirls, or this post on the #AYA Summit), there is dialog going on; there is ACTION being taken. And by who? Well, at least for those in our community of global moms, women, mothers. As natural givers of life, I believe we as women are truly blessed with the capacity to HOPE. We know it all too well, during those nine or so months, for instance, when we bear that precious cargo in us!

I know it all too well, right now, in fact. As a second-time mother this coming 2015, I wait in hope for my baby daughter to arrive. I know I have hopes for her, too. For myself, I hope that I will be a good mother to two kids! (Help!) In fact, as I write this, she is kicking me vigorously and giving me quite a tiring episode, haha! I’m both tired and delighted to feel her kicks. Each one is a reassurance that all is well, and that I will see her really soon.

These “thrills of hope” — these summits we attend, the causes we support, the people we advocate through compassion and efforts to give — these all enthral us to ACT on hope. It amazes me that we have the energy to live outside of ourselves, of our own families, our children. And yet, it is right that we do, isn’t it? Because if there is anyone who can better relate to “thrills of hope” — and give fire to that hope — then it is us, world moms, from wherever we are around the globe.

What are your current hopes — for family, for yourself, or for the world around you? They can be big or small, or whatever. What’s important is to never lose faith in what’s possible!

This is an original post by Martine de Luna for the World Moms Blog.

Martine de Luna (Philippines)

Martine is a work-at-home Mom and passionate blogger. A former expat kid, she has a soft spot for international efforts, like WMB. While she's not blogging, she's busy making words awesome for her clients, who avail of her marketing writing, website writing, and blog consulting services. Martine now resides in busy, sunny Manila, the Philippines, with her husband, Ton, and toddler son, Vito Sebastian. You can find her blogging at DaintyMom.com.

SOUTH AFRICA: Interview with Karien Potgieter of Running the Race

by Karien Potgieter | Nov 5, 2014 | 2014, Africa, Being Thankful, Exercise, Family, Health, Kids, Life Balance, Motherhood, Nutrition, Parenting, Priorities, Running, Siblings, South Africa, Working Mother, World Moms Blog Writer Interview, World Motherhood, Writing

Where in the world do you live? And, are you from there?

I live in Kimberley, the diamond capital of South Africa. Kimberley is a smallish, dusty town that gets extremely hot in summer – living here sometimes requires a good sense of humour, ha! I was born and raised just a short distance from here – in Bloemfontein in Central South Africa.

What language(s) do you speak?

Our home language is Afrikaans, but I’m fluent in English as well. South Africa has 11 official languages, plus a number of unofficial ones, so I’m really far behind as far as that goes!

When did you first become a mother?

I was blessed with a beautiful, peaceful little girl at the beginning of 2012 at the age of 34. My son, a busy, happy little guy, was born 22 months later at the end of 2013. It’s been an overwhelming, busy and blessed two-and-a-half years – what an amazing adventure!

Is your work: stay-at-home mom, other work at home or do you work outside the home?

I’m in the very privileged position to work from home as an ecologist. I feel extremely blessed to be able to be here for my kids all day (we have a nanny who looks after them while I work) and be able to do a job that I love.

Why do you blog/write?

Writing is my passion – I love, love, love it! Combining writing with my other passions, namely my kids, running and healthy living, is pure bliss.

How would you say that you are different from other mothers?

I’m quite a health nut! At the age of two-and-a-half my daughter has never seen or tasted something like a soda and very rarely eats junk food – we just don’t keep it in our house. She and her brother both love fruits and veggies – perhaps because it’s all they know? I also love running with both kids in our double jogging stroller – it’s one of our favourite things to do!

What do you view as the challenges of raising a child in today’s world?

There are so many! Keeping them safe in a country known for its high crime rate; teaching them to value and accept themselves in a society where pressure is immense to be and look a certain way; teaching them to respect others in a world where respect for others is on the decline; teaching them to be active and take care of their bodies in a world where technology makes everything so easy… The list goes on and on. Only by grace!

How did you find World Moms Blog?

I love reading about other mothers’ experiences on this crazy adventure called motherhood. An online search led me to World Moms Blogs, where I’ve found so many inspirational stories about moms from all over the globe – I love it!

This is an original, interview post for World Moms Blog from our new writer in South Africa and mum of 2, Karien Potgieter. You can read more about Karien’s running adventures through life at her personal blog: Running the Race

Karien Potgieter

Karien Potgieter is a full-time working mom of two toddlers. She has a master’s degree in ecology and works in the conservation sector in beautiful South Africa. Her other big passion, apart from her family and caring for the environment, is running. To date she’s participated in races on three continents and in six countries and she dreams of travelling to and running in many, many more. You can follow her and her family’s running adventures on her blog, Running the Race (http://www.runningtherace.co.za).

FOURTH BLOGIVERSARY SPECIAL: What Attracts You to the #WorldMoms Community?

by World Moms Blog | Nov 1, 2014 | 2014, Blogiversary, Motherhood, World Interviews, World Moms Blog, World Motherhood

WMB Fourth Blogiversary

It’s our 4th Blogiversary!!!! For the past 4 years we’ve been writing our hearts out, watching some of our mothers meet across continents, attending conferences, receiving fellowships to report on the world’s most vulnerable and accepting awards and mentions of our site around the globe. We have learned so much from these global connections!

Today, we asked some of the WorldMomsBlog.com contributors about what attracts them to our community. We are thrilled with what they had to say and are so grateful for their volunteerism to our mission of holding hands in global motherhood, easy at times and challenging at times. Here’s what they’re saying around the globe about World Moms Blog…

What attracts you to the World Moms Blog Community?

“What attracts me to the WMB community? The community! The group of moms that I have met, both in real life and online, have been incredible! The women are supportive of each other both, on the blog and off, and I have been amazed at the friendships that have been created by this group of moms, most of whom have never even met face to face. I have also been inspired by the caring and affection that the group has shown each other in happy and sad times. I am lucky and proud to say that I am part of the team!” — Maman Aya of the USA

“I remember when I first visited WMB via Facebook. I was amazed at the diversity and how well written the posts were. I kinda fantasized that I would one day be a part of it. There wasn’t a Mom from the Netherlands back then. (Little did I know.) Now that I am a part of it, I have discovered that it is more than just a great blog, it is also a wonderful community. With an amazing and inspiring leader.” — Mirjam Rose of the Netherlands and of “Apples and Roses”

“This amazing world of mothers coming together to share, learn, teach and truly make the world a better place. Nothing beats our united nations of Moms!!” — Nancy Sumari of Tanzania and of “Mama Zuri Chronicles”

“They say it takes a village to raise a child, and World Moms Blog has become part of my village. We band together to help and support one another, to learn from each other, to celebrate the good things that happen in our lives, and to be a source of strength for each other during the bad times.” — Kirsten Doyle in Canada of “Running For Autism”

“I love being part of a global community of mothers, hearing from all different cultures and point of views on the common threads all women face. And our globally focused social good reports — in my mind, sharing best practices and ideas in global development is key to solving the most pressing issues, especially for women and girls. My absolute favorite moments are when we are connecting in real time from all over the world!” –– Elizabeth Atalay in the USA of “Documama”

“Despite being scattered across the globe, with many of us World Moms Blog contributors never having met in person, I feel so incredibly supported by this amazing group of women with similar interests, goals and values in life. It is such a wonderful group of women, and I am so happy to be part of this global community.” — Alison Fraser of Canada and of “Mom2Mom Africa”

“More than anything, the mutual love, respect and support shown to everyone (irrespective of race, nationality and beliefs) and the feeling that I’m contributing to something positive to help counteract all the negatives in the world. I also love that we don’t take ourselves too seriously, and can share amusing things as well as our take on important world events. I feel we’re making a difference by writing about things that aren’t common knowledge. I learn something new from my fellow moms every day, and that is priceless!” — Mama Simona in South Africa

“The daily reminders that I have more in common with people the other side of the world than I have different and that there is no one right way to mother. It is reassuring and empowering.” — Natalia Rankine-Galloway of the USA and of “Culture Baby“

“I am attracted to WMB because it is making a difference in the lives of mothers in a special way. WMB tells the untold stories of parents, gives a voice through the “World Voice” column to silent sufferings and helps us bond closer and create a sense of sisterhood and comradeship. I have made a lot of amazing friends, as well as, travelled internationally as a WMB reporter… and I am so loved by them and blessed for this opportunity.” — Purnima Ramakrishnan in India of “The Alchemist’s Blog”

“I love being a part of the World Moms Blog community because I love being surrounded — even if only virtually — by strong women making a positive impact on the world. I am inspired and learn something everyday when I read the posts from every corner of the globe. I cannot say enough about the generous support this community has shown for the mothers in Laos that my organization, CleanBirth.org, works to empower. Congrats on 4 years and here’s to many, many more!” — Kristyn Zalota of the USA and “Cleanbirth.org”

“I love being part of the World Mom’s Blog community because it offers a unique insight in motherhood all over the world and because of the feeling of companionship and togetherness. Together we can make a difference.” — Tinne of Belgium and of “Tantrums and Tomatoes“

“I love WMB for the amazing community of fabulous women from all over the world. It has been an absolute pleasure to be a part of WMB and a life-changing experience.” — Nicole Melancon of the USA and of “Thirdeyemom“

“What attracts me to the World Moms Blog community is the diversity of its members. There is such a big variety of backgrounds, nationalities, experiences, and yet, it feels such a close net community.” — Nadege Nicoll of the USA and of “Nadege Nicoll”

“I am attracted to WMB as a blogger/writer, with a family of six living as expats in Mexico. We love world culture and architecture, and every year we intend on seeing more of our beautiful world. I hope to share some of our adventures with WMB.” — Tina Marie Ernspiker of Mexico of “Los Gringos Locos“

“I loving being a part of a community of mothers that come together with so many different perspectives, yet, one main goal of making the world a better place for our children!” — Sarah Hughes of the USA and of “Finnegan and the Hughes“

“I love World Moms for our global community of togetherness, that no matter where in the world we are – we are interested in how others are parenting, support each other, bring important issues to light, advocate as best we can and often times just bring a much-needed side of humor to get us through the day.” — Nicole Morgan of the USA and “Sisters from Another Mister“

“I love WMB because it’s a constant reminder that moms all over the world are actually the same. All throughout our differences, we all have moments of worry and struggle, and we all know without doubt that our little rascals are worth it.” — K10K of Belgium and of “The Penguin and the Panther“

“The World Moms Blog community has made me brave. They’ve taught me so much about parenting, the world, my kids, my relationships and myself. They have made it possible for us to use social media to help mothers and babies who need it most and have been a source of inspiration. We have supported and challenged each other in both, bad and good times. I have gotten to meet so many of them in person and virtually. I am so grateful for this community of women beyond words!!!” — Jennifer Burden of the USA, Founder, World Moms Blog

Happy Anniversary to all of our contributors, editors and to you, our readers, who keep us going! Without your readership, our words would go silent. We are truly grateful for the entire World Moms Blog community!

How can you help support us? Think of a friend who likes all things international and motherhood and share our site with her! Sign up for our Newsletter!