by Patricia Cuyugan (Philippines) | Mar 20, 2014 | 2014, Motherhood, Philippines, Stress, World Motherhood
Today, for the first time in a long time, I said no to a work project. See, last year was difficult for our family, with my husband being out of work for some months. I had to assume the role of breadwinner while still functioning as mommy, wife, and woman. I know a lot of you know how that feels. I knew that I wasn’t completely alone, though, and that my husband was always around, ready to help. But that didn’t stop me from feeling the pressure that came with bills, tuition and car payments and other expenses that came knocking on my door each month.
I accepted every work opportunity that came my way, and turned over a lot of my home responsibilities to my husband. For a while, the pressure caused me to forget how it was to live. It made me lose sight of what I had set as my purpose a couple of years ago when I chose to work from home – to focus on my family. The stress that I was putting on myself made me cranky and moody. It also caused me to doubt my abilities and question if what I was doing was right. Worst of all, it nearly made me lose faith that things would work out.
Life was, basically, not nice, and it took a lot for optimistic me to see the sweet side of every day. But, as life teaches us, there is always a rainbow after the rain, and the sun always rises after a long dark night. And today, as I said no to that project, I felt the sun shine down on me, and saw that beautiful colorful rainbow. I’m glad that I am now out of that funk.
This post may just be simple, short and sweet, but it goes out to each one of you. I want to remind you today to love yourself, and that means making time for yourself amidst all the chaos that you might be facing. I want for each of you to stop and cherish the moment you are in right now, to hug your husband and inhale his scent, to play with your child and take in all the giggles.
We all have our long days, long weeks, in my case, one long year, and all it takes is a few seconds in the middle of all that to stop and remember what you really are living for. Remember your purpose, and live it out. And before you know it, you’ll begin to feel the warm sun shine down on you, too.
How easy or difficult is it for you to say ‘No’ to something?
This is an original post by our contributor Mrs. P. Cuyugan from Philippines. Photo credit to the author.
Patricia Cuyugan is a wife, mom, cat momma, and a hands-on homemaker from Manila, whose greatest achievement is her pork adobo. She has been writing about parenting for about as long as she’s been a parent, which is just a little over a decade. When she’s not writing, you can usually find her reading a book, binge-watching a K-drama series, or folding laundry. She really should be writing, though! Follow her homemaking adventures on Instagram at @patriciacuyugs.
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by Sophie Walker (UK) | Mar 17, 2014 | 2014, Being Thankful, Childhood, Education, Girls, Kids, Life Lesson, Motherhood, Parenting, Preschool, Sophie Walker, Special Needs, UK, Uncategorized, World Motherhood, Younger Children
Betty and I are walking to school in the rain. It is a miserable morning – grey, cold and squally. We are tilting our umbrellas sideways to shield ourselves from the gusts of needles thrown at us as we progress along the avenue. I am forcing bright chatter and thinking of the warm cup of tea I will have when I get home.
Betty’s umbrella is white and pink and round like a daisy. It has pretty little petals and yellow stripes, and a bumble-bee attached to the top. The bumble-bee is looking very sorry for himself this morning, buffeted hither and to. I can’t see Betty’s face but I can tell by the drag of her toes that she is feeling sorry for herself too.
I lean down and enquire: “How are you doing, darling?”
A woebegone voice answers. “Ok.”
Then she asks: “Mummy, did this umbrella used to belong to my big sister?”
I tell her yes, it did.
“And Mummy, did she used to walk to school with it too?”
Again, I aver, she did.
A pause. Then, cautiously: “Mummy, did my sister ever used to not want to go to school?”
I can see where this is going now and I give her hand a sympathetic little squeeze. I say yes, there were days when her big sister didn’t really feel like it either.
At this Betty stops and tips back the rim of her umbrella to look up at me. Her eyes are welling with tears. She asks: “And did she used to worry about making mistakes too?”
Betty started school last September at the age of four. She is now four and a half and a month into her second term. She flew through the first twelve weeks with ease – enthusiastic, inquisitive, and keen to try new things. This term, she has cried often on leaving me in the mornings. Afternoons start with jubilation at being home, then slide slowly from relaxation to upset as night approaches.
As soon as I call her for her bath it is her cue to start an hour-long conversation about whether or not she will have to go to school again in the morning.
Now I look at her, looking up at me, her face a mixture of rain and tears, and I think: She’s far too little for all this. I bend down to her and put my umbrella down and hug her. I tell her: “Everyone makes mistakes. It doesn’t matter about making mistakes. The thing is just to try your best. Have a little go.”
But as I’m saying it, I’m thinking that really, I just want to put her in my pocket and take her home. She is not yet five. She shouldn’t be afraid of new things in case she finds herself unable to do them to a standard that will make her happy.
Last term, she learned phonics – how to make the sounds of the alphabet. This term, she has realised that those phonics are letters and that by putting them together and sounding them out she can both read and write. And it terrifies her.
It is Learning with a capital ‘L’. Every day now she wonders what Learning she will have to conquer next.
The British education system is under huge scrutiny at the moment. The coalition government’s Conservative education minister Michael Gove has decided that it needs an overhaul. There is too much emphasis on coursework, so he has decreed the system should revert to a grand slam of end-of-year exams. There is not enough emphasis on rote learning, so reciting dates and times-tables are back in.
So far I have reacted to Gove’s decisions with horror mainly because of the impact they will likely have on my elder daughter, who has Asperger’s Syndrome, and will struggle even more under a system that removes the chance for her to shine via project work. Gove’s reforms are a disaster for Grace.
Now, looking at Betty, who I had expected to skip through the system, I find myself wondering how she will cope. Recently Gove said he was thinking of introducing formal assessments for four and five-year-olds when they enter school in England, in order to be able to monitor their progress.
I care that my children should progress well through the education system, and flourish in their chosen careers. But as I kissed Betty goodbye in her classroom that morning, and watched her teacher take her gently by the hand to distract her from her upset, I thought: there must be a better way to do this.
So – how do you do it, where you live? And do you think it works?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog from our writer in England, Sophie Walker.
The picture used in this post is credited to Roger McCallum. It holds a Flickr Creative Commons attribution license.
Writer, mother, runner: Sophie works for an international news agency and has written about economics, politics, trade, war, diplomacy and finance from datelines as diverse as Paris, Washington, Hong Kong, Kabul, Baghdad and Islamabad. She now lives in London with her husband, two daughters and two step-sons.
Sophie's elder daughter Grace was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome several years ago. Grace is a bright, artistic girl who nonetheless struggles to fit into a world she often finds hard to understand. Sophie and Grace have come across great kindness but more often been shocked by how little people know and understand about autism and by how difficult it is to get Grace the help she needs.
Sophie writes about Grace’s daily challenges, and those of the grueling training regimes she sets herself to run long-distance events in order to raise awareness and funds for Britain’s National Autistic Society so that Grace and children like her can blossom. Her book "Grace Under Pressure: Going The Distance as an Asperger's Mum" was published by Little, Brown (Piatkus) in 2012. Her blog is called Grace Under Pressure.
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by Maman Aya (USA) | Mar 14, 2014 | 2014, Awareness, Communication, Education, Kids, Milestones, Motherhood, Parenting, Preschool, Special Needs, USA, World Motherhood, Younger Children
My son is eight months old and clearly utters his first word, and quickly starts to add more words into his daily speech and quickly starts to put them together to form ‘sentences’…in multiple languages! At 9 months old I start to potty train him, and he understands what I am trying to teach him.
‘This child is brilliant’, all the adults in his life agree.
My son is about a year and a half. He goes to play at a nearby kids gym which has an area to climb and slide, a Lego area, an area to jump, balls, puzzles, magnets and blocks, etc. So many fun things for a toddler to do. Most kids are so excited. They run in and start playing with all of the toys. But not my son. He walks in and stands off to the side to observe the other children and watch what they do. To understand what is expected, I suppose. Once he understands what the other kids are all doing and how he is expected to behave and play with them, he joins the fun – and he has a blast – never wanting to leave.
When he is 18 months – 3 years old he takes ‘mommy and me’ classes on subjects he enjoys, like construction, art, French, music and cooking. He is tentative and does not participate straight away. It takes some time for him to warm up and I (or my mother, who is his daytime caretaker while I am at work) have to do most of the activity for him until about 10 minutes before the end of the 40 minute classes, week after week.
He is almost 3 and has started ‘school’, a few times a week, 3 hours at a time. The teachers comment that he would rather talk with them (and his vocabulary is amazing for a 3 year old – he started talking at 8 months after all), than play with his friends. He watches his friends and directs them (tells them if they are breaking a rule, or shows them how to do something), but does not easily go and play with them. He is more like one of the teachers than one of the 2 or 3 year-olds. I also notice that he doesn’t recognize, or confuses his letters (like mixing M and W), like other 3 year-olds.
This trend continues, although he does get better at socializing. He does get better at playing with other children, but only because he mimics their actions (good or bad). He doesn’t realize when an action is” not good”, because someone else did it before him, so it must be okay.
At 4 years old he starts having tics. His pediatrician tells me it’s normal for boys, there is nothing wrong with him. I take him to an eye doctor (one of his tics involves rolling his eyes), and he does need glasses, but the opthalmologist tells me that the tics are normal. I take him to a neurologist, who tells me nothing is wrong with him. Over the years I continue to express my concerns to the pediatrician. We realize that the tics are caused when he is stressed or excited.
“Nothing wrong,” says the doctor. This is not very reassuring.
I speak to his teachers over the years who assure me he is incredibly bright. He is mature. His vocabulary and speech are well ahead of his age, yes he is still mixing up letters, but the teachers assure me that it is within a normal range. He is indeed a very special child, teacher after teacher says.
But all of the reassurances in the world do not stop me from thinking that my son is different.
I watch to see if the other kids shun him…. they don’t seem to, but he is not choosing the friends that I would like him to have. That is to say, the nicer, gentler boys. I am afraid that he may be choosing the rowdier friends because he is over compensating. He is trying to fit in.
Fast forward to this past September. He started first grade as a normal 6 year-old. He was given a reading assessment (as were all of his classmates) and no red flags. About two months into the school year his teacher noticed that he was not doing as well as she would like, so she had him assessed even further. This time there were warnings. He is having problems reading (which I had asked his teachers about previously). He starts to spend one-on-one time with the reading specialist in his school and he has been making some progress, but there is some concern. I mention to the reading specialist that personally, I believe he may be dyslexic. She agrees that he does in fact have a “reading disability” (apparently dyslexia falls under that category these days), but that she is not qualified to be able to properly diagnose him.
That conversation was a few weeks ago. I feel relieved and worried. We have to keep working the system visiting specialist after specialist until I get an actual diagnosis. I don’t want to frighten him by taking him to see these specialists, but I do want to get an understanding of what I should do. And once I get a diagnosis, what should I do with it? How can this affect the rest of his learning, his education, and ultimately his life? What if the other kids make fun of him or shun him? How is this the same child who scored in the 90th + percentile on his kindergarten entrance exam on vocabulary, conversation and comprehension? (Yes they actually administer this test in NYC.) What if we decide to move, and have to change his school…will he have the help he needs to succeed? I have so many unanswered questions, and feel overwhelmed and not sure where to start…
Does you child have a learning disability? How did you find out? How have you helped your child learn to cope?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Maman Aya and was inspired by fellow WMB contributor Sophie Walker’s post, The Book I Never Thought I would Write.
Photo credit to Lesley Show. This photo has a creative commons attribute license.
Maman Aya is a full-time working mother of 2 beautiful children, a son who is 6 and a daughter who is two. She is raising her children in the high-pressure city of New York within a bilingual and multi-religious home.
Aya was born in Canada to a French mother who then swiftly whisked her away to NYC, where she grew up and spent most of her life. She was raised following Jewish traditions and married an Irish Catholic American who doesn’t speak any other language (which did not go over too well with her mother), but who is learning French through his children. Aya enjoys her job but feels “mommy guilt” while at work. She is lucky to have the flexibility to work from home on Thursdays and recently decided to change her schedule to have “mommy Fridays”, but still feels torn about her time away from her babies. Maman Aya is not a writer by any stretch of the imagination, but has been drawn in by the mothers who write for World Moms Blog. She looks forward to joining the team and trying her hand at writing!
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by ThinkSayBe | Mar 7, 2014 | 2014, Kids, Motherhood, ThinkSayBe, USA, World Interviews, World Moms Blog Writer Interview, World Motherhood
Hello everyone! My name is Sophia. I hope to be reading many blogs from people around the world. We have so much to share: factual, fiction, personal realities, etc…. and the internet has definitely eased our ability to share our differences and similarities.
Where in the world do you live? And, are you from there?
I live in Florida, USA. I am not originally from here. In fact I am not from the US of A. at all! I come from Tanzania and have lived in the US for a little over 14 years. Time has definitely flown by fast, but you know what they say about time flying…it only does when you’re having fun!
What language(s) do you speak?
When people ask me what languages I speak and I say I speak English, Kiswahili, and Italian, they often look at me quizically, so I will share the story behind it!
I was born in Tanzania but relocated to Italy as an infant. Well, you know, my mom and ’em packed me up and took me with them; thankfully! Thus it is that I speak Italian. This romantic language was my one and only lingua until we moved back to Tanzania. As we arrived in Tanzania I only knew a few words in English and fewer in Kiswahili. I realized that I had to learn quickly if I wanted to make friends and do well in school. Luckily my mother already spoke both languages and I met a girl who spoke English and Spanish. Although Spanish and Italian aren’t the same, they are similar enough for us to exchange short sentences. I would memorize what she said (if I didn’t understand it), run to my mom to ask her what it meant, get a translation of my response (in English), run back to my friend and continue the conversation in this manner. Fun times!
I learned more English and Kiswahili in primary school, and by talking with people all around me.
When did you first become a mother?
I first gave birth in December 2001, but I would say I first became a mother when carrying my baby as of March 2001. I know some cultures count the age of the child from when it is in-utero, and I think being a mother starts then as well. Beginning the first few months of pregnancy, we have to be conscious of our actions, food and drink intake, thoughts, emotions, speech…. and we are protective of our ‘belly’ as if the baby was bundled on the outside of our belly!
My second baby was born in December 2012! Yes, 12 years (and two days) apart! I think the oldest had a conversation with the baby and said ‘Hey, I will love you and all, but I tell you, it will be much better if we are born on different days! Trust me on this!’
Are you a stay-at-home mom or do you do other work inside or outside the home?
I just recently went from working part-time from home, being a stay-at-home mom, and running my photography business whenever possible, to working full-time outside of the home, being a liaison for Tanzania-US relations, and working my photography business whenever possible (Smile).
I have been a photographer for almost nine years, having started in Los Angeles, CA. I LOVE photography and if I could earn my living from it alone, I most certainly would. However, I haven’t taken this business ‘on’ as consistently as I know I should & could…so for now I also work for another really awesome company. I work at night so that my husband and I can keep our baby out of child-care. I feel blessed to have this arrangement! There are way too many child-care related horror stories out there these days.
Why do you blog/write?
I blog because I enjoy writing. I blog because I am one voice, and one plus one makes seven billion. I may not have the most important thing to say, but what if another person needs to read something specific, and she/he comes across my blog and finds exactly what she/he needed at that moment? What if she needed to feel empowered; to feel like she isn’t alone in her thinking, or fears, or want for change, or her strangeness/quirkiness; what if she needed to feel encouraged to speak up, or be herself; to feel impassioned to make a difference; or simply to cook a new and exciting dish? I blog because I like exchanging ideas and I don’t always have time or chance for a long face-to-face conversation.
How would you say that you are different from other mothers?
How am I different from other moms? I am aware to not take myself too seriously as a parent. I know I make mistakes and that it’s healthy to let my kids know so, and to apologize to them. I also value my kids’ point of view and suggestions they have. I implement their suggestions as courses of action whenever I can. I mostly do this with my 12 year old, but plan to do so with the baby when she can give me some suggestions (smile).
What do you view as the challenges of raising a child in today’s world?
I think the number one challenge is the absence of the parents from the home, as they seek to better provide for their families. The parents work long hours and often drive long distances to and from work. The children are around babysitters (including the television), and there typically aren’t family members around to help raise the children. This question requires its own series of blogs as an answer.
How did you find World Moms Blog?
I found World Moms Blog through a person who is close to me, Nancy Sumari. She has shown to be a person of action, working toward the education of girls, and the betterment of the community as a whole. I figured if she is a part of such a group of women, it must be a pretty terrific group and I would love to be a part of it as well! Thank you for reading, and I look forward to some amazing conversations!
Sophia is our newest contributor in North America. You can find her blogging at Think Say Be and on twitter @ThinkSayBeSNJ.
Photo credit to Susan Jeffers Photography.
I am a mom amongst some other titles life has fortunately given me. I love photography & the reward of someone being really happy about a photo I took of her/him. I work, I study, I try to pay attention to life. I like writing. I don't understand many things...especially why humans treat each other & other living & inanimate things so vilely sometimes. I like to be an idealist, but when most fails, I do my best to not be a pessimist: Life itself is entirely too beautiful, amazing & inspiring to forget that it is!
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by Ana Gaby | Mar 6, 2014 | 2014, Communication, Family Travel, Home, Indonesia, International, Kids, Living Abroad, Motherhood, Parenting, Travel, World Motherhood, Younger Children
Not too long ago, my four-year-old started understanding the concept of fairness vs. unfairness. To him, life is unfair, oh so many times ,during the day. To me, the fact that he can express his frustration over a denied chocolate treat before dinner or being sent back to sleep in his room when he tries to sneak into mom and dad’s bed, is just another sign of my toddler becoming a big boy.
Evan has not only learned to voice his frustration but has become a strong little boy with convictions. He will call my husband and I out on our mistakes and let us know how he believes what we are doing is not fair and shouldn’t be done. Sometimes I just chuckle, but sometimes my heart just skips a beat. For Evan, unfairness is represented by tangible things he cannot have or those few extra minutes in front of the TV that he wasn’t allowed. I feel so blessed that, so far, this is all the unfairness he has had to face. (more…)
Ana Gaby is a Mexican by birth and soul, American by heart and passport and Indonesian by Residence Permit. After living, studying and working overseas, she met the love of her life and endeavored in the adventure of a lifetime: country-hopping every three years for her husband’s job. When she's not chasing her two little boys around she volunteers at several associations doing charity work in Indonesia and documents their adventures and misadventures in South East Asia at Stumble Abroad.
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by Kyla P'an (Portugal) | Mar 4, 2014 | 2014, Awareness, Being Thankful, Education, Human Rights, Humanity, Inspirational, Interviews, Kids, Life Lesson, Motherhood, Older Children, Social Good, Social Media, Technology, USA, Womanhood, World Voice, Younger Children
SPARK = Successful, Positive, Authentic, Resilient, Kids
The moment you sit down with Christine Guthery, a funny transformation takes place, you find yourself swelling with optimism, self-confidence and personal-potential. It’s a gift Christine has, she simultaneously exudes these attributes and brings them out in others. She’s passionate about what she does and her enthusiasm has a way of igniting passion in others.
Christine is a lawyer by training but as the mother of three children (now ages 16, 9 and 7), she has discovered that her real calling is as a community activist and SPARK Kindness is community activism at its finest.
SPARK is the offshoot of a coalition called Parents against Bullying and Cyber-Bullying, which Christine founded in 2010, and its sister organization, the Metro-west [Boston] Anti-Bullying Coalition (ABC). The need for an anti-bullying coalition arose from a wide-spread, cyber-bullying incident at a local middle school, which impacted more than 90 students and their families in 2010.
Ironically, though neither Christine nor anyone in her family has ever been a victim of bullying, Christine is on a mission to prevent it. “Bullying is a social justice issue,” Christine says. “in order to rise above it, you have to be resilient, empowered, self-confident. I’m a lawyer by training and this idea of building resiliency inspires me. Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. That’s my cause.”
“The definition of ‘bully’ used to be pretty straightforward. It was a label once reserved for kids, who were considered outliers or playground thugs, the type of kids who committed physical acts on their victims. But times have changed. Now it’s not just the kids who are insecure or outcast that are doing the bullying, rather it’s also the popular kids, both boys and girls, who are trying to reach the top of their social/athletic/academic pyramid that can be the perpetrators,” Christine says.
“Not too long ago,” Christine continues, “a slanderous note passed around at school could impact a whole class of students or even a school community but when the kids went home at the end of the day, they left the incident at school. Now, with the Internet and smart phones, [and thanks to social media sites like Facebook, MySpace and Instagram,] bullying incidents can enter the cyber-sphere and quickly go viral. Kids have no way of leaving an incident behind them,” explains Christine. “In fact, these days, a great deal of bullying occurs during out-of-school-time.”
Christine believes that genocide and ethnic-cleansing—such as the ones that have occurred in Darfur, South Sudan and Nazi Germany—is “bullying taken to extreme measures.” And it’s really this mindset, this deep desire to eradicate the cause at it’s root, that has given rise to SPARK Kindness. The evolution came in 2012, when Christine realized that just talking about bullying wasn’t making progress.
“For two years [2010 & 2011] I had been focusing on bullying and trying to understand it better,” she says, “but then I realized, what if we shifted the conversation away from the outcome (bullying) and toward the prevention (nurturing kindness and resiliency)? What if our efforts were proactive rather than reactive?”
She compares this shift in mindset with the approach of Western medicine, where the focus is on addressing the illness, not on maintaining and promoting wellness. “I was finding that just talking about bullying was disempowering,” Christine reflects. “When I focused on the positives of resilience, kindness and courage, I felt empowered. It was exactly like the emotion of ‘elevation’ or self-transcendence that psychologist, Jonathan Haidt, described in his 2012 TED talk,” she says. “In other words, when you witness someone doing something positive or altruistic, it inspires you to do something positive or altruistic. This is where SPARK Kindness came from, how can we build the community we want rather than just address the ills we want to avoid?”
The answer:
teach children not just about kindness and emotional self-awareness early on but how to be resilient and seek support when they are feeling insecure or are suffering. SPARK Kindness, ignite positive change in your community.
To find out ways to SPARK Kindness in your own community, click the logo above or visit http://www.sparkkindness.org/.
This post summarizes an interview between SPARK Kindness founder, Christine Guthery and World Moms Blog Managing Editor, Kyla P’an. This is a World Moms Blog exclusive interview.
Kyla was born in suburban Philadelphia but spent most of her time growing up in New England. She took her first big, solo-trip at age 14, when she traveled to visit a friend on a small Greek island. Since then, travels have included: three months on the European rails, three years studying and working in Japan, and nine months taking the slow route back from Japan to the US when she was done. In addition to her work as Managing Editor of World Moms Network, Kyla is a freelance writer, copy editor, recovering triathlete and occasional blogger. Until recently, she and her husband resided outside of Boston, Massachusetts, where they were raising two spunky kids, two frisky cats, a snail, a fish and a snake. They now live outside of Lisbon, Portugal with two spunky teens and three frisky cats. You can read more about Kyla’s outlook on the world and parenting on her personal blogs, Growing Muses And Muses Where We Go
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