Just because I am a list maker doesn’t mean I always have it all together. And just because I check things off the list, on-time, and double-check each list, doesn’t mean I’m able to feel calm and confident. Not when it comes to moving my whole life and family half way around the world it doesn’t. No. Last week, I satisfactorily ticked off items on my list for moving to Vientiane, Laos from Washington DC, USA. This week, I feel nervous and uncertain about every single aspect of our lives that will change.
It’s the things that you can’t tick off of lists, uncontrollable unpredictable things, that throw you out of your comfort zone and force you to surrender to new and different ways of going about the business of everyday life. It all works out in the end, sometimes even for the better. Yet you end up feeling off kilter having to tilt your head sideways to feel balanced while it’s happening. Eventually, life is normalized again and your posture corrects itself. But this takes time.
So what do I do to stay grounded during this period of high anxiety? I try to accomplish the things I CAN do, focus on the things that I have control over. Like my lists. Read on if you’d like to get a sense of my world at the moment, in all it’s wanderlust and jet-setting glamor.
Here’s an update on the status of the most important things to get done within the next four weeks:
- Lao visa applications submitted – in progress (held up by Lao government bureaucracy)
- DC-Vientiane tickets purchased – check!
- Upgrade tickets to business class – praying to our mileage account gods as I type
- Extra carry-on wheelie bag purchased – check! (also doubles as stroller w/ car seat)
- Transit hotel in Bangkok booked – check!
- Movers scheduled for pack out – check!
- Divide up belongings for: sea, air, and consumables shipments, check-in luggage,
carry-on luggage – this never gets completely done before movers arrive - Purchase consumable goods for shipment – on going
- Insurance for shipping belongings – big ? (did we do this already in Mexico?)
- Schedule pick up date for car shipment – check!
- Insurance for car shipment – check!
- Last visit to dentist for everyone – check! (no cavities, yay!)
- Vaccination shots for everyone – two more to go
- Change healthcare coverage – pending
- Housing assignment in Vientiane confirmed – check!
You realize that embedded within this list are sub-lists for each item, right? Yup. Sometimes I think my lists are three-dimensional, not on paper but in my mind. Like a list-sphere that spins around in my head keeping me up at night or causing me to forget to validate my parking ticket at the grocery store or render me incomprehensible in my Lao language class despite ten months of study.
The other thing I try to do to not get lost in the clouds of anxious anticipation is LETTING GO. Most things about moving are really not essential but rather an attempt to preserve our home life and life-style, which I agree is a very important need when living in a foreign country. But when I look really hard at all the little things that need to get done, they all have a lot to do with our material belongings and creature comforts, which, if something goes wrong or doesn’t get done, it will not be the end of the world.
Do I need to pre-purchase everything my children will need for the next two years? No. There are children all over the world surviving on whatever is at hand – but I’ll pack the lead-free crayons and paints if I can for peace of mind.
Do I need to buy all the food stuffs and ingredients that won’t be available in Vientiane to send in our consumables shipment? No. Lao food is absolutely delicious and plentiful – but I’ll buy Chipotle chilies in Adobo sauce and other Mexican flavors that we are sure to miss, as well as holiday and birthday stuff so we can maintain family traditions.
I also need to let go of needing to know or predict everything from how the new preschool will discipline the kids, how I’ll be able to navigate the driving norms of an Asian city, how working with household help always stresses me out at first, how we can stay healthy from tropical diseases and how… and how… and how… ? Stop. Inhale… exhale… and let it go…
Lastly, I take care of the family’s immediate needs and come back down to earth. Yes, those mundane practical things like picking up the house, returning library books, making tonight’s dinner, hanging up the kid’s latest art work. It all grounds me in our life here and now. And it’s all good.
See you all on the other side in July!
How about you? How do you stay grounded during times of major life upheavals?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by our mother of twins writer, Dee Harlow in Virginia, USA. Later this year, Dee will be writing from Laos. But now and then, can always find her writing on her blog, Wanderlustress.
The photograph used in this post is attributed to the author.
Great post — oh how I can relate! I am a list maker too and will admit that I used a 5-column table to keep track of my pre-Timor to-dos. A little overboard, but it worked for me. Moving a family halfway around the world is a mammoth task. For me, it was easy to get caught up in the checklists, but it was also important to acknowledge – and make space for – the process of saying goodbye to everything. Some parts were hard (finding a new home for our dog) and other parts were liberating (giving away tons of stuff). The best part is when you finally step on that airplane and all of the pre-departure stress is behind you. Whoosh – gone! Yes, you still have to get there (no small task with two little people) but from that point on you’ll be living your adventure instead of just planning for it. Hang in there, you’re nearly there! (And you’re doing an awesome job)
Thank you Shaula! It is wonderful to know that I am in good company. You help make it easier for me to follow in your footsteps, and to know that I have someone who can empathize. Can’t wait for the “Whoosh – gone!”
Ohh my, I can totally relate to this! I just went thru a big move about a year ago. At the time, I was pregnant and had an 18 month-old. I realized my list was going down the drain when I got to Jakarta and realized that things I thought I needed, I didn’t and vice-versa… I really enjoyed reading this! Thanks!
Yes, I try to remember that not everything we need or enjoy doing in one place directly transfers to the next place, not even things we like to eat. It’s all different and kind of fun to re-invent the wheel of your day to day life in a foreign country (sometimes). Helps to think of this now to not stress out over having everything exactly in place prior to the move. Did you know that a couple of our writers are in Jakarta now as well? They are Shaula (previously East Timor) and Maureen.
To be frank, I have not had any major life upheavels as of now, and I dont intend to.. (Touch Wood). But we never know what life has in store for us. I hope fpr you guys to settle down soon. Good luck with everything. And I am just a holler away here in India if you need me 🙂
Oh how I envy your stability but I know my wanderlust feet won’t allow for it in this lifetime. Thank you for your well wishes. We are very excited to “settle down”.
Dee, I like this post because it really takes me inside of what the planning is like to move your family across the world.
How do I stay grounded during times of major life upheavals? I just keep going and not looking back until it’s done. Whether that is good advice, I don’t know. That is my coping mechanism!
In life in general I find things to do to take me away for a little bit from hectic life — yoga, gardening, reading.
I’m so excited for you and your family and living vicariously through your journey!
Jen 🙂
Thanks Jen, At first I thought it was boring but I really needed to write it to clear my head anyway and thought it was a good way to dispel the romantic notion of a globetrotting life-style and have people understand how much work and mental adjustment is involved. The foreign service life is not all ball-gowns and cocktails. Those who serve have a lot of commitment to making it work for both our country and our families.
OMG, Dee, you’re way more courageous than I am! I got stressed just reading your post!!
In answer to your question… I find repeating the Serenity Prayer (God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference) normally restores my heartbeat to “normal” from “palpitations”! I also find comfort in lists which I can tick off. Writing things down is the only way I can stop myself from “rehashing” things over and over again in my mind.
That said, my life experience is that things really DO turn out to be better than expected … most of the time!
Bon Voyage! 🙂
You are so right. I love your optimism! The serenity prayers is so lovely and wise. Thank you for that.
I am right there with you!!! Our packout here in Switzerland took 4 days last week. We are in the same list writing, stressing, seeking calm in the chaos, adjusting the constant transition, life! I hope the move goes well and that you can find moments of peace in the midst of the chaos.
Thank you for your well wishes Kristen! Good luck with your own transition.
I typed a response but it disappeared! Anyhow, we are right there with you! We finished out packout from Switzerland last week and are in the middle of our transition time! And I too keep the many lists going both mental and on paper. I feel like the logistics get easier with each big move but the transitioning of kids and their security doesn’t not get simplified! Best of luck!
Thanks Kristen! Where are you off to? Wishing you and your family a smooth transition.
Just found your blog, and i´m so happy i did it! Our traveling family is now getting ready to leave our current posting (Recife, Brazil), and embark on an new adventure/challenge, towards the soon-to-be discovered, La Paz, Bolivia. With a 6 yr old, a 4 yr old, and a not-anymore little baby (she´s a 1 1/2 yr!), I believe we´re getting there!
Greetings from our multicultural household, http://3rdculturechildren.com
Hi! Great to find you here on WMB! You are a pro at moving your family around the world. La Paz is supposed to be a terrific family post. Good luck!
Thank you! Good luck and good wishes are always welcome! 😮
I’m exhausted just reading your list, my gosh!
I’m confident it’d all pull together though, so good luck with the move and WELCOME TO ASIA!
Thank you Alison! I am SO excited to be back in SEAsia after being away for five years now. I miss so many things, mostly food, which reminds me of my favorite from Malaysia…beef rendang, mmmmm.
I really enjoyed living vicariously through your post. I know it’s a lot of work, but how exciting! Kudos to you for following your wanderlust. My biggest upheaval came when I moved across the USA 14 years ago. No kids then, so a lot less planning. I just packed up my stuff in as few boxes as possible and moved, site unseen, to WA (I was going with my fella). It was a huge leap, but I figured if it wasn’t working, I’d eventually leave. So in answer to your question, I guess I keep stress down by thinking about the fact if it doesn’t work out, I’ll change it! Good luck with the move.
It is certainly a luxury that most of us have to be able to change our situation when things don’t turn out like we want them to. I consider my struggles to be what I call “first world” problems and feel very fortunate. Keeps things in perspective. Thank you, Tara, for your comment!
Best of luck! It sounds like you are ready and did a great job preparing . Now time to enjoy the ride!
Thanks Nicole!
Yes! Lists are great aren’t they? I can understand all of your stress and worries, but I’m sure you’ll get through…this too shall pass… 🙂
That has been my motto ever since I had the kids! All things pass, for better or worse. We have to find the positive in each moment because those, too, pass with the bad. Thanks Karyn!
I totally relate to this! I always choose something to obsess over when traveling that becomes bigger in my mind than it really is. When I traveled to Ghana for a stint at a refugee camp I obsessed about having the right regimen or well time cold medicine for the plane rides – both to maximize sleep and minimize my sinus infection symptoms. I was so focused on it that it didn’t give me a chance to contemplate the bigger stuff about leaving my comfort zone and embarking on the new. Seems like maybe something similar going on with you?
Anyway, good luck with the move!! I’ve heard only wonderful things about Laos. Hope you enjoy it there and I can’t wait to hear more from you!
It’s definitely hard not to let the little things get to you. I think it is because of leaving your comfort zone AND leaving our kids’ comfort zone that you want be prepared for every little thing, when in the end, very few of those little things really matter. But health issues are certainly important and it sounds like your obsession for preventing a bad sinus infection is warranted, especially when it can be exacerbated during plane travel.
We just got our Lao visas approved so we are very excited! It was the last absolutely essential item to get done. Feels very real now!
I feel a little solidarity with you since I am halfway down my checklist for our move to Tunis in August with our 15 month old. Last I did the international move thing, my hubby and I were childless, footloose and fancy free! Movers come in two weeks and my storage vs. shipment piles seem to be swapping goods among themselves when my back is turned. Thanks also for the dentist reminder….hadn’t thoughts of that! Fly safe!
Things were definitely easier without kids for sure. Good luck with your move and here’s to no cavities at the dentist. At least if there are some you can deal with it in English rather than try to communicate with a dentist in a foreign language, yikes!
This was great to read! I feel a little solidarity with you since I am halfway down my checklist for our move to Tunis in August with our 15 month old. Last I did the international move thing, my hubby and I were childless, footloose and fancy free! Movers come in two weeks and my storage vs. shipment piles seem to be swapping goods among themselves when my back is turned. Thanks also for the dentist reminder….hadn’t thoughts of that! Fly safe!
Moving your family to another part of the world is very stressful especially with little ones. Our family moved from the U.S. to Lagos, Nigeria three years ago and I remember thinking what I needed to buy in our yearly shipment at the time and how we were going to survive in that place. And, what I learned is pretty much what you have written in your post, you can find new things and try out local things also. It was amazing to me that we could actually survive with less material possessions and still be happy.:) I am a list maker,too and that definitely helps with the transition.:) But, ultimately, you have to make a leap of faith and trust that even without the material things as long as your family is safe and healthy and all immediate and medical needs are taken care of, you will be just fine.:) It sounds like you know exactly what to do to make an across the world move successful! 🙂
Thank you! It’s wonderful to be in good company with others who have made around the world moves, too. We all get it done somehow and move on to normal everyday living. Will you be in Nigeria for much longer?