A while ago, during a nice lunch in a restaurant, I had to feed my two-month-old daughter. The moment I put her to my breast (completely covered, by the way), a constant whispering and eyeballing from a table across us made me feel like I was doing something wrong. These were young people, among them a mother herself.
A few days ago, I read an article in which the childless author said that breastfeeding a three-year-old kid is longer then the public expects to see, that itโs โgrossโ, and those moms are โwhackyโ.
Sometimes I have the feeling the public expects not to see any women breastfeeding, no matter how old the child is.
While in the restaurant, I felt like those people pointing and looking at me had the same opinion as theย narrow-mindedย author of this very low-valued article.
I grew up in a playground packed with breastfeeding mammas who were not ashamed to show a little bit of a boob-skin while doing so. Nobody would laugh or be grossed by it. We all knew: ITโS NORMAL.
I donโt know when and how breastfeeding, one of the most natural things we women were created to do, has became such a taboo in U.S. I am not sure how breastfeeding in public looks in Poland this days. For the purpose of this post I asked about breastfeeding in public on a few Polish forums for moms and they all gave me the same answer: there is no problem with it whatsoever.
I want to mention that even with all the critics the TIME cover has received, I personally really like it. ย However, I do not appreciate the caption that came with it. Maybe they meant no harm but they shouldnโt be using breastfeeding as a focal point to compare mothers and parenting styles. There is much more to motherhood (parenthood) than breastfeeding.
Being a mother of two who has never experienced a natural childbirth, I am outraged when I hear that the experience makes you more of a woman and a mother.ย Being a breastfeeding mamma, I feel the same when someone uses the same words describingย breastfeeding. I was raised by a mother who couldnโt breastfeed any of her three children. She tried her best, but it didnโt work. Her body didnโt produce milk fat enough for her babies to grow. She has never felt she is less of a mother because of that.
Who are those strangers to tell me what makes me a better mother and woman?
Because all of that fuss about breastfeeding there is a horrible burden put on mothersโ shoulders: YOU MUST BREASTFEED! (at the same time it would be better if you do it in private).
Recently, a new picture of breastfeeding mammas that appeared in media seems to shock the public. There are many comments following it, from โhow dare theyโ to โgrossโ to โitโs like defecating in uniformโ.
I think breastfeeding is a fundamental right and it shouldnโt be such a taboo.
I want to ask: โWhatโs wrong with you people? Where is your common sense?!โ โจIn my opinion, you can see more boobs (not mention others parts of the body) poking out while walking around the shopping malls these days. Is anybody shocked?! Are those girls are asked to cover themselves in order to eat at a restaurant?
Itโs sad, thatโs what I think.
What do you think about breastfeeding being taboo?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Polish Mom Photographer.ย Her personal blog: Mom Photographer
Photo credited to the husband, Alcatraz, San Francisco.
Both my children were delivered by Emergency C-Sections and I was one of those moms who would have LOVED to be able to breastfeed for an extended period but was physically unable to.
My sister managed to have “picture perfect” home deliveries … complete with candlelight and soft music … for both her kids, and also breastfed them on demand for approx. 3 years each.
I live in South Africa and my sister lives in Italy so we don’t get to be together very often, but (just a few months ago) she and her kids spent 3 weeks in S.A. with us (her children are now 11 and 7 years old and mine are 19 and 16 years old).
Guess what we found? Both her kids and mine are very similar in temperament and intelligence. They’re awesome kids! The manner of their birth and breastfeeding or lack thereof did not seem to make long term difference to how they turned out!
My sister would breastfeed her toddler in public without covering herself and the child. She was totally comfortable … a lot of others in the vicinity were not. I teach my children that your rights end when someone else’s rights begin. For example, out of respect, in Muslim countries I would wear a scarf to cover my hair even if (personally) I don’t see why covering my hair should be such a big deal! By the same token, I’m all for moms to freely breastfeed wherever, whenever, and for as long as they want to … as long as they do it discreetly.
Both my children were delivered by Emergency C-Sections and I was one of those moms who would have LOVED to be able to breastfeed for an extended period but was physically unable to.
My sister managed to have “picture perfect” home deliveries … complete with candlelight and soft music … for both her kids, and also breastfed them on demand for approx. 3 years each.
I live in South Africa and my sister lives in Italy so we don’t get to be together very often, but (just a few months ago) she and her kids spent 3 weeks in S.A. with us (her children are now 11 and 7 years old and mine are 19 and 16 years old).
Guess what we found? Both her kids and mine are very similar in temperament and intelligence. They’re awesome kids! The manner of their birth and breastfeeding or lack thereof did not seem to make long term difference to how they turned out!
My sister would breastfeed her toddler in public without covering herself and the child. She was totally comfortable … a lot of others in the vicinity were not. I teach my children that your rights end when someone else’s rights begin. For example, out of respect, in Muslim countries I would wear a scarf to cover my hair even if (personally) I don’t see why covering my hair should be such a big deal! By the same token, I’m all for moms to freely breastfeed wherever, whenever, and for as long as they want to … as long as they do it discreetly.
My three kids were all delivered by c-section. I breastfed my eldest two till 8 months and 3rd one he is now 15months I’m still breastfeeding. I feed in public and don’t care what ppl say my son has a need and why must he suffer because other ppl don’t feel comfortable. I done feel any less a mother by not having a vaginal birth nor that I’m breastfeeding. Each to his own do what’s best for you and your child
My three kids were all delivered by c-section. I breastfed my eldest two till 8 months and 3rd one he is now 15months I’m still breastfeeding. I feed in public and don’t care what ppl say my son has a need and why must he suffer because other ppl don’t feel comfortable. I done feel any less a mother by not having a vaginal birth nor that I’m breastfeeding. Each to his own do what’s best for you and your child
I breastfed my first child until he was 25 months old and my 15 month old girl is still breastfeeding. I think overall it is okay to breastfeed in public here in Brazil, although eyes do start to stare as the kid becomes older (as with my daughter now). I also had a strange situation once when we were dining out with some relatives and one of the guys kept nervously signaling for me to stop breastfeeding my girl because I was sitting in front of three men (and she was covered)! It was actually sort of funny.
I was thinking about public breastfeeding these days because I will be going on a work trip next month and taking my daughter. I will be going to Chile and Australia and i was wondering if people are ok with breastfeeding in public in those countries (does anyone know?)
I breastfed my first child until he was 25 months old and my 15 month old girl is still breastfeeding. I think overall it is okay to breastfeed in public here in Brazil, although eyes do start to stare as the kid becomes older (as with my daughter now). I also had a strange situation once when we were dining out with some relatives and one of the guys kept nervously signaling for me to stop breastfeeding my girl because I was sitting in front of three men (and she was covered)! It was actually sort of funny.
I was thinking about public breastfeeding these days because I will be going on a work trip next month and taking my daughter. I will be going to Chile and Australia and i was wondering if people are ok with breastfeeding in public in those countries (does anyone know?)
We, humans on the planet, are only here because for many, many, many thousands of years humans have breastfed their children to survive.
I think if you choose and can breastfeed, then that should be championed and supported without ignorance. If you choose to feed your baby formula, that decision should also be respected. But, to frown, belittle or demean either method of feeding a baby who needs nourishment to survive boggles my mind. Surely, the nutrition of a baby trumps whether the person sitting next to you is comfortable with the method you choose. Sorry, adults who may feel a tad uncomfortable because they can only associate breasts with sex, but I think you’ve got it severely wrong here. It is the baby and it’s nutrition that is important.
And, in cases of extended breastfeeding, the child is still getting great nutrition, and I think extended breastfeeding is a personal choice. I can’t imagine looking down upon a mother who is still breastfeeding their walking child when it is very normal in many societies around the globe to continue breastfeeding past one, two years, and so on.
I was raised in a time in my society that told me that my baby dolls always got a bottle. I raise my children that yes, a baby can get a bottle, but a baby can also be fed from breasts.
A mother has enough pressures on her mind and body, and the health and safety of their child is top priority. I often breastfed anywhere and everywhere. I’ve heard, “Why do you have to be doing that there?” “When are you going to stop?” I continued until I felt it was the right time for me and my child. I encourage all mothers out there to do the same!
Great post, Mom Photographer!
Jen ๐
We, humans on the planet, are only here because for many, many, many thousands of years humans have breastfed their children to survive.
I think if you choose and can breastfeed, then that should be championed and supported without ignorance. If you choose to feed your baby formula, that decision should also be respected. But, to frown, belittle or demean either method of feeding a baby who needs nourishment to survive boggles my mind. Surely, the nutrition of a baby trumps whether the person sitting next to you is comfortable with the method you choose. Sorry, adults who may feel a tad uncomfortable because they can only associate breasts with sex, but I think you’ve got it severely wrong here. It is the baby and it’s nutrition that is important.
And, in cases of extended breastfeeding, the child is still getting great nutrition, and I think extended breastfeeding is a personal choice. I can’t imagine looking down upon a mother who is still breastfeeding their walking child when it is very normal in many societies around the globe to continue breastfeeding past one, two years, and so on.
I was raised in a time in my society that told me that my baby dolls always got a bottle. I raise my children that yes, a baby can get a bottle, but a baby can also be fed from breasts.
A mother has enough pressures on her mind and body, and the health and safety of their child is top priority. I often breastfed anywhere and everywhere. I’ve heard, “Why do you have to be doing that there?” “When are you going to stop?” I continued until I felt it was the right time for me and my child. I encourage all mothers out there to do the same!
Great post, Mom Photographer!
Jen ๐
It’s realitively common to see babies up to around a year of age being breastfed in public here, but when I was feeding our middle son at the age of three+ I certainly received my share of frosty-nostrils! On the other hand, I also had many people approach me and be very supportive. In the end, I decided the comments said more about the people making them than anything else. I agree it does seem odd that some people can be happy with sexual images of breasts, but not cope with seeing them being used for what they were intended.
It’s realitively common to see babies up to around a year of age being breastfed in public here, but when I was feeding our middle son at the age of three+ I certainly received my share of frosty-nostrils! On the other hand, I also had many people approach me and be very supportive. In the end, I decided the comments said more about the people making them than anything else. I agree it does seem odd that some people can be happy with sexual images of breasts, but not cope with seeing them being used for what they were intended.
I love how balanced this post is. Of course we should feel unashamed to give our children breast milk (basically sustenance) in public, but we should also not feel like less of moms if we can’t do it. Frankly i think this whole “mommy wars” thing is a media-created fiction. Most people I know are just as balanced as you are and not at all judgey. I have never in the US felt self conscious about breast feeding my babies in public and never that people were staring. But maybe this varies area to area. However, when I was nursing my 2 year old in public I did get some odd looks. I was too tired to care and told myself they’d rather have to look at that than to hear the tantrum my nipple was averting. ; )
I love how balanced this post is. Of course we should feel unashamed to give our children breast milk (basically sustenance) in public, but we should also not feel like less of moms if we can’t do it. Frankly i think this whole “mommy wars” thing is a media-created fiction. Most people I know are just as balanced as you are and not at all judgey. I have never in the US felt self conscious about breast feeding my babies in public and never that people were staring. But maybe this varies area to area. However, when I was nursing my 2 year old in public I did get some odd looks. I was too tired to care and told myself they’d rather have to look at that than to hear the tantrum my nipple was averting. ; )
Very well said – across the board. I too had c-sections and nursed both of my children well past the age of 1 (my daughter just turned 2 and she still nurses occasionally). I agree with Mama Simona, that if you know that the sight of breast feeding in public will disturb the company you are with you should do it discreetly, however nothing should stop you from giving your child it’s basic needs. Once when we were visit with my grown-up niece, she told me that she did not even realize that the baby was nursing, and I was not covered up….by then I had mastered wearing 2 layers and pulling one up and the other down to cover all of my parts, and still give the baby what she needed.
I agree that our country is too sensitive about this…and I sometimes wonder if it’s because the media had prejudiced us to be that way? At the same time – I would never think that a woman is less of a mother because she does not breast feed. Each woman has a right to choose how, when and where to nourish their child and no one has a right to criticize her!
Very well said – across the board. I too had c-sections and nursed both of my children well past the age of 1 (my daughter just turned 2 and she still nurses occasionally). I agree with Mama Simona, that if you know that the sight of breast feeding in public will disturb the company you are with you should do it discreetly, however nothing should stop you from giving your child it’s basic needs. Once when we were visit with my grown-up niece, she told me that she did not even realize that the baby was nursing, and I was not covered up….by then I had mastered wearing 2 layers and pulling one up and the other down to cover all of my parts, and still give the baby what she needed.
I agree that our country is too sensitive about this…and I sometimes wonder if it’s because the media had prejudiced us to be that way? At the same time – I would never think that a woman is less of a mother because she does not breast feed. Each woman has a right to choose how, when and where to nourish their child and no one has a right to criticize her!
I didn’t get to breastfeed the way I wanted to due to being sick right after my son’s birth. I lived in Ghana at the time, where women whip out a boob and feed whenever and wherever, and I loved it! I DID NOT love the amount of criticism I received when I supplemented breast milk with bottle- I felt there was a sense that I was a lesser mom for not making enough milk. I understand the idea- it takes a village and these other women were simply looking after what was best for my son, but I did get tired of explaining WHY i had to use formula. Then I went to the states when my son was about 3 months. The closer we got to the states, the more “taboo” my breast feeding became. I went from being chastised for supplementing with formula to being asked to feed my baby in the toilet. So I have been on both ends. I wish I better understood the American attitude, but more than that, I wish there was greater support and understanding that we are all doing the best that we can. It is a complex topic, and filled with many layers. I love that we are all having the conversation so that we can start to unravel the complexities and reach a greater understanding.
Erin,
What an interesting experience you had from both sides, Ghana and the US! Thanks for sharing it with us!
Jen ๐
I didn’t get to breastfeed the way I wanted to due to being sick right after my son’s birth. I lived in Ghana at the time, where women whip out a boob and feed whenever and wherever, and I loved it! I DID NOT love the amount of criticism I received when I supplemented breast milk with bottle- I felt there was a sense that I was a lesser mom for not making enough milk. I understand the idea- it takes a village and these other women were simply looking after what was best for my son, but I did get tired of explaining WHY i had to use formula. Then I went to the states when my son was about 3 months. The closer we got to the states, the more “taboo” my breast feeding became. I went from being chastised for supplementing with formula to being asked to feed my baby in the toilet. So I have been on both ends. I wish I better understood the American attitude, but more than that, I wish there was greater support and understanding that we are all doing the best that we can. It is a complex topic, and filled with many layers. I love that we are all having the conversation so that we can start to unravel the complexities and reach a greater understanding.
Erin,
What an interesting experience you had from both sides, Ghana and the US! Thanks for sharing it with us!
Jen ๐
I have thankfully never encountered negativity for breastfeeding… but when I clicked on this post, my effing PORN BLOCKER popped up blocking this post!! I have allowed it. PERMANENTLY.
I have thankfully never encountered negativity for breastfeeding… but when I clicked on this post, my effing PORN BLOCKER popped up blocking this post!! I have allowed it. PERMANENTLY.
Thank you for sharing and for dealing with the issue. Is it becoming a cultural issue or a societal issue? Sometimes society feeds culture a great deals, and of course, the reverse is true as well. You make a strong point when you state: “Sometimes I have the feeling the public expects not to see any women breastfeeding, no matter how old the child is.” I think you are right. In France, hospital staff does not encourage breastfeeding. Neither does French lifestyle. As a result, most women do no longer breastfeed, and, as a result, when a woman does so in a public place, she becomes an “oddity”. Less than a century ago, thinking that one would not breastfeed because of one’s lifestyle actually was the oddity.
Thank you for sharing and for dealing with the issue. Is it becoming a cultural issue or a societal issue? Sometimes society feeds culture a great deals, and of course, the reverse is true as well. You make a strong point when you state: “Sometimes I have the feeling the public expects not to see any women breastfeeding, no matter how old the child is.” I think you are right. In France, hospital staff does not encourage breastfeeding. Neither does French lifestyle. As a result, most women do no longer breastfeed, and, as a result, when a woman does so in a public place, she becomes an “oddity”. Less than a century ago, thinking that one would not breastfeed because of one’s lifestyle actually was the oddity.
I admit that i actually write about books i read, but i am a mother of a 2 year old son too.
When my son was born i tried to give him the breast but it wasn’t possible ’cause his endurance wasn’t as big as i thougt. So he grew up as bottle-feeded baby.
In my opinion it’s not wrong to feed the own baby by breastfeeding.
Even in Germany, where i come from, breastfeeding on critic on a high level. Most People can’t except this natural given thing.
I look up to every woman who can give the breast to her baby ’cause i couldn’t do it.
I admit that i actually write about books i read, but i am a mother of a 2 year old son too.
When my son was born i tried to give him the breast but it wasn’t possible ’cause his endurance wasn’t as big as i thougt. So he grew up as bottle-feeded baby.
In my opinion it’s not wrong to feed the own baby by breastfeeding.
Even in Germany, where i come from, breastfeeding on critic on a high level. Most People can’t except this natural given thing.
I look up to every woman who can give the breast to her baby ’cause i couldn’t do it.
For all of you who joined the discussion I want to say; “thank you” for taking your time to read and to comment. I really appreciate your words!
I think that breastfeeding in public is an issue that needs to be talked about. I think, that in today’s culture (I say it not meaning only America) people when they think about women breasts they think about something sexual ONLY, not nurturing. Nature didn’t give us breasts to be ashamed of them and I am not talking about not being ashamed of flashing your boobs whenever and wherever, like being pregnant doesn’t mean that all the sudden you can get nacked, jump in front of the camera and go public with those pictures (B.Spears, Demi Moore, Mariah Carey, Christina Aguilera, Claudia Shiffer, Brooke Shields,Jessica Simson, etc). It all can be done in a manner that does not harm anybody. I do breastfeed covered and if I don’t have anything to cover myself with then I pull my top as close to my baby’s mouth as I can so there is only an inch of a skin visible or I place my baby in a way that she covers me almost completely. At the same time I think that there is really nothing wrong with not being covered in a cultural manner, of course, the “non-hey-everyone-look-at-my-breasts” manner (Jennifer’s words ๐ )
While I think this issue has become more of a societal issue than a cultural all over the world I can’t say anything about different countries as I don’t know that for sure.
thank you one more time for all your opinions!
For all of you who joined the discussion I want to say; “thank you” for taking your time to read and to comment. I really appreciate your words!
I think that breastfeeding in public is an issue that needs to be talked about. I think, that in today’s culture (I say it not meaning only America) people when they think about women breasts they think about something sexual ONLY, not nurturing. Nature didn’t give us breasts to be ashamed of them and I am not talking about not being ashamed of flashing your boobs whenever and wherever, like being pregnant doesn’t mean that all the sudden you can get nacked, jump in front of the camera and go public with those pictures (B.Spears, Demi Moore, Mariah Carey, Christina Aguilera, Claudia Shiffer, Brooke Shields,Jessica Simson, etc). It all can be done in a manner that does not harm anybody. I do breastfeed covered and if I don’t have anything to cover myself with then I pull my top as close to my baby’s mouth as I can so there is only an inch of a skin visible or I place my baby in a way that she covers me almost completely. At the same time I think that there is really nothing wrong with not being covered in a cultural manner, of course, the “non-hey-everyone-look-at-my-breasts” manner (Jennifer’s words ๐ )
While I think this issue has become more of a societal issue than a cultural all over the world I can’t say anything about different countries as I don’t know that for sure.
thank you one more time for all your opinions!
I have two sons and my breastfeeding experience was different with each of them. My oldest has issues latching on, but after some assistance from our pediatrician, we were good to go. I breastfed him until he was ten months (I could no longer stand being bitten!) and he is a healthy, happy ten year old today. My youngest son was breastfed and formula fed; my body did not produce enough milk. I was angry with my body for months. After all, this was my SECOND child… shouldn’t my body KNOW what to do?!?! But I reconciled with myself knowing that he was getting at least SOME breast milk. I breastfed him for 9 months, when my milk production started decreasing even more. He too is a very healthy happy boy, now age 8.
Moms need to decide what is best for them and their baby/babies and not concern themselves with the less than supportive opinions and comments of others. Being told to leave a restaurant or use the restroom to feehr.northernva@patientfirst.comd your child is ridiculous. I have never seen anyone in public being indiscreet about their breastfeeding and YOU wouldn’t want to eat in a loud, less than comfy restroom, would you?
Moms around the world do the best they can with all they have, let’s be supportive of one another and our decisions. Moms rule! ๐
I breastfeed both my kids, at home, in public and anywhere else they needed to eat. I even fed my son once in the foodcourt at the Mall of America! I made myself a large cover from fabric I loved, so no one saw anything and my child was fed. I never paid attention to stares or anything else, because I figured my baby needed to eat, so he/she was going to eat!
Breastfeeding moms just need to help make this “normal” by doing what is normal and not worrying about what others think. By the time our kids are grown and having their own, this wont be an issue anymore.
(Each of my children decided to stop between 12 and 15 months old, so I can’t comment on the length of breastfeeding. Personally, I was a bit releaved that they wanted to stop as it had adverse physical issues for me, but I was going to live with it as long as they needed.)
I just read an article which partially answered my question:
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2012/06/14/woman-behind-military-breastfeeding-photo-fired-from-job/?intcmp=obinsite
“The Washington state woman who orchestrated controversial photos of military moms breast-feeding their kids in uniform was fired from her civilian job as an X-ray technician and the women in the picture have been reprimanded, she said.”
ugh… ๐
Wow! I can’t believe she was fired! I am so upset for her!
it is ridiculous and really upseting!!!
That’s childish. The only word i can say about.
I have any other words for.
I was not able to nurse I had ummm a bit of work done on my boobs (okay maybe someone had like 3 boob jobs) but either way it didn’t work. However I fully support breastfeeding moms I wish I could have but I can’t so I did what I could and I think that any mom who can should be supported by society for doing the best thing they can for their babies. At the same time it bugs me because those same moms who I have fought for more then once judge me for not nursing. @wolf_mommy on twitter is a really great breastfeeding in public advocate and I adore her. People need to realize that babies eat often not 3 times a day like adults, one of my favorite comments was “who came up with breastfeeding anyhow” umm really people. The lack of education is astounding. If you can nurse your little one I support you 100% whenever and wherever, don’t worry about other people just do whats right for you and your baby.
I am breastfeeding my 8 month old twins and the best adisve I can give you is feed them one at a time it is to stressful to get them both latched on at the same time. Also buy a boppy pillow they are great! Stick with it the first few weeks can be hard but don’t give them any bottles it will soon get easier. I made the mistake of trying to pump and my supply got low it is hard to keep a supply big enough for 2 babies up with a pump. It is better to just keep a baby on the breast almost all the time during the first 6 weeks, that sounds like allot but once you get a hang of nursing while lying in bed it is not so bad you actually get a lot of rest. Congratulations and good luck! You can email me anytime if you need advice!
I canโt believe she was fired at Turnkey Home!
So glad to have been in Japan when my babies were nursing. It is just not an issue here. You can nurse in public here, no problem. If someone notices what you are doing, they just look away. Most department stores and public places have nursing rooms, so you can nurse in comfort. The same rooms also have hot water dispensers so you can fix a bottle.
The only time I ever felt uncomfortable nursing was at the US embassy! That was the only time I nursed in a restroom in Japan.