The first week of school, after a two and a half month summer, is nearly over and we are slowly getting into the swing of things.
I love the schedules, the school calendar, the time tables. The order of it all is just so… ahh… comforting! It only takes a short while before I start dreaming of our next break, but being back home is such a blessing.
There is a feeling I get when landing back in Riyadh, which is like sitting back in your favorite chair that has moulded its self to your body perfectly. Everything fits into the right place. It is an enormous relief, no matter how much fun we were having, to be back home where I know where everything is if I need it.
When I am traveling I feel totally disconnected. My life here revolves around my family – ‘my tribe’ as I call them. This is not only my ‘mini tribe’, consisting of my husband and children, but of my whole tribe of mother, father. sisters, sisters in law, brothers in law, cousins, aunts and uncles. It is a foreign feeling to be somewhere without the them for a long while.
Although we live our lives separately we also live them in union. Yes, we all live in our own independent houses and have our own routines. Yet during the week we have lunches and dinners together, cousins come back from school to one of their aunts houses, and little ones have sleep overs and weekends away together. And if there is ever anyone who is ill, God forbid, or needs support, then we all come together without a second thought.
The whole always comes before the individual.
I remember when I was 15 and at a sleep away summer school I would speak to my mother every day. My room mate looked at me one night and said “You know, you really have to cut the apron strings. It’s not healthy to speak to your mother every day!” What would she say if she knew that so many years later (well not so many but a significant number of years), after marriage and 4 children, I see my mother at least 5 times a week!
As I am growing older things are changing, as they always do. Some of my sisters have moved away. Some may as well have because they are always traveling. My grandmother, whom I saw every day if I could help it, passed away 8 months ago, and as a result my aunts no longer stay on one place. So coming back home is bitter sweet.
I am hoping the invisible rubber bands that keep us all together will start pulling everyone back home soon. Or pulling us to them. I don’t mind either way! But I am a bit lost without my tribe.
How do you live your life in relation to your ‘tribe’? Are they part of the daily picture? A once a month visit or only on holidays and special occasions? Do you live in close proximity or are you all scattered around the map? What is the norm in your culture?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Mama B from Saudi Arabia. She can be found writing at her blog, Ya Maamaa.
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Mama B’s a young mother of four beautiful children who leave her speechless in both, good ways and bad. She has been married for 9 years and has lived in London twice in her life. The first time was before marriage (for 4 years) and then again after marriage and kid number 2 (for almost 2 years). She is settled now in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia (or as settled as one can be while renovating a house).
Mama B loves writing and has been doing it since she could pick up a crayon. Then, for reasons beyond her comprehension, she did not study to become a writer, but instead took graphic design courses. Mama B writes about the challenges of raising children in this world, as it is, who are happy, confident, self reliant and productive without driving them (or herself) insane in the process.
Mama B also sheds some light on the life of Saudi, Muslim children but does not claim to be the voice of all mothers or children in Saudi. Just her little "tribe." She has a huge, beautiful, loving family of brothers and sisters that make her feel like she wants to give her kids a huge, loving family of brothers and sisters, but then is snapped out of it by one of her three monkeys screaming “Ya Maamaa” (Ya being the arabic word for ‘hey’). You can find Mama B writing at her blog, Ya Maamaa . She's also on Twitter @YaMaamaa.
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How wonderful to be part of a close-knit family!
I had a small taste of it when I was a very young child and we all lived in Italy. Unfortunately, by the time I turned 8 my parents had emigrated to South Africa (where we didn’t know anyone). A few years later (and again for only a couple of years) my mom’s brother and his family joined us in Cape Town, but then emigrated to Australia and now live in America! My parents and all their brothers and sisters divorced by the time I was 17 and the family really broke apart after that. Most of them (including my sister who moved back when she turned 18) now live in Italy and I also have a cousin in Spain. We mostly keep in contact via Facebook!!
It has been particularly difficult for my kids to practically grow up without grandparents. I pray that when I’m the grandma, I’ll be able to live close to my kids and grandkids! There’s nothing in the world that I desire more than creating a close multi-generational family of my own.
it is an amazing thing to have. I am praying my children will continue to have it as we grow and traditions change. It does take effort. We don’t celebrate the holidays like we used to when the older generation was alive because no one has the energy to make a huge meal and invite a ridiculous amount of people around unfortunately! I’m certainly not volunteering lol. It does take effort! Thank you for the comment,
I am an only child and not really that close to the extended family. I am envious of your close-knitted ‘tribe’! Perhaps one thing I can do for my child now is to hopefully be able to give him at least another one or two more siblings so he won’t end up an only child like me and have more social support than what I have now.
Ruth, you and your child have all of us — your global tribe! 🙂
I feel like your tribe doesn’t only need to be your family tho. You can form close bonds with the people around you as long as you treat them like family (and love them enough to do so!)
While I have just re-discovered my family, I am used to a small one of my parents and my brother. Now, it’s my husband and our three children. I think it’s a blessing that we get to live abroad because I know additional family members would overwhelm me (each time I meet with one of our families, I get overwhelmed and am happy to be home alone). IN fact, I actually like being alone. I like things quiet. But I hear good things people say about their big families, and while I don’t envy them, I am happy that they’re getting the support they need. Beautiful post!
It can be overwhelming for sure but I like the chaos lol. and you give up some things like privacy sometimes but I’m used to it and wouldn’t choose another way! Having said that I remember when I was at college in London I would wait for everyone to go out then I would come home. And nowadays I would come home a little earlier than I said I would because I know the house is quiet and yes when it’s vacation time I can’t wait to travel somewhere without obligations! Then time passes and I’m itching to come home lol. Thank you for the comment!
Oh my goodness, I can totally relate! When I was small, I lived for the times that my aunt came home from college. Eventually she graduated, got married, and moved to California. We used to visit her every summer. Since my grandma passed, no one even speaks anymore. So I focus on my little family.
Grandma’s are the glue that keep families together!! It’s amazing. Regardless of culture or geprgraphical location or even how big the family is it’s always the grandma who keeps us together. I hope I can be that kind of grandma! Thank you for the comment
I love this. Part of me so longs for a close extended family – which is ironic because I HAVE a close extended family, emotionally, but we are geographically dispersed. And it’s my choice to leave so far away. Still, I feel like they are my tribe and live in my heart.
No matter what you always feel a pull towards them. And a tribe is a tribe no matter how far apart.
I used to talk to my parents about once a week in college, but now I talk to my mom on the phone almost every day! I also have aunts that are older than my parents that I keep in touch with often. Everyone is not too far away, so we do get to see each other for all the birthdays and holidays. My in-laws are across the sea in England, but I get to see them on average 4 times a year, which is nice, too.
I can imagine, if my family and I all lived super close to each other where we saw each other every day, we’d all drive each other crazy! But, there have been many times I could have used help with the kids or a dinner made. I think parenting without a tribe so super close puts a lot of pressure on the parents to wear all of the hats.
Jen 🙂
Thats true. The freedom you give up is being selfish with your time and saying “I’m just gonna stay home and do nothing today”. Once or twice you can get away with it but then everyone is calling and asking why you didn’t come and so and so isn’t feeling well and so and so had a baby and when are you going to go visit your aunts etc. And then everyone travels and theres non of that and it’s heaven… for a while and then I’m lost!!! I start trying to find people to visit! lol
I love my extended family too – but we are geographically split and that means we don’t have that same daily knowing of one another that you get from living close by.
Really enjoyed this post!
I laugh at your experience at sleep away school, because I had e same one! If ever my sister or I were away from our mother for an extended period of time, we would call her every day (and still do). And I too see my mother almost every day now. She looks after my children when I am at work, and spends time with me when I am not at work. My sister also, just moved back to NY after living across the country for so long, so I am able to see her more frequently too (at least once a week). My tribe is very small. Not too much extended family, and none that live near by, but the little bit that do are all very close….. And I wouldn’t have it any other way 🙂
I loved reading this post Mama B! My tribe is scattered across the U.S. – from one coast to another. As you mention, it’s hard to be apart, but It’s great to have Facebook and Skype to keep in better touch 🙂