My husband has a brother and a sister. I have two sisters. So we both grew up in a family with three kids. To us it was just a normal situation, not too big, not too small. I don’t think I ever gave it much thought, except when I watched the Cosby show. I thought our family wasn’t big enough. I desperately wanted an older brother and I thought it would be great if I had that many kids later in life.
Now that I am a mother, I am positive that 5 children would be the death of me. I have absolute respect for those that are able to pull it off. I am a mother of three, and I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into when I started this adventure.
Sure, I realized that we were going to need a bigger car, a bigger house and that it was going to be busy but the reality of mothering three kids is not at all what I expected.
Being a Mom of three is sometimes like an episode of ER. The camera zooms into a touching scene. Soft music is playing, the surroundings are faded, then suddenly you’re being swept away into utter chaos with the passing of a stretcher.
A lot of my days are like that. One moment I sit and cuddle at night with my youngest, the next I am a referee in a heated discussion between siblings. I get yelled at by my oldest and at the same time my youngest passes me dancing and twirling in a princess dress.
I congratulate my daughter for passing her swimming exams and take my other daughter for her first swimming lessons. I gradually loosen the reins around my son as he gets older, while I pull my daughter extra close as we cross the street. I dance to a song on Sesame street with one kid and listen to the other kid calling it childish.
My days are full, my days are never the same. Some days are harmonious, filled with routine, smiles, kisses and singing in my head. Some days are heavy, burdened and feel like a group of giant rocks rolling over me the moment I get out of bed. Some days are loud. I yell, my kids yell, they stomp the stairs like a herd of elephants, something falls, something breaks, doors get slammed and voices are raised.
Most days are hectic, dropping off kids, picking up kids, cooking cleaning, planning, running around.
None of my days are dull.
I do have a chance to read a magazine or to simply sit down with a cup of tea, but that mostly happens when the kids are away or asleep. My husband and I run a tight organization. We plan and schedule, there are doctor’s visits, sports, school meetings, swimming lessons, all times three. When one of the kids gets sick, our entire schedule is disrupted and the whole house quickly turns to chaos.
Date night is a rare thing for us. We mostly watch a DVD together and try not to fall asleep before the movie ends. You are probably shaking your head right about now. And I haven’t even told you about the finances yet.
But there is another side.
There are moments my husband and I pause to look at each other, silently agreeing that we have the best kids in the whole wide world.
When I wake up Saturday morning and all three of them are snuggled in one bed reading stories to one another. When I put on music and they do silly dances together. When we sing songs in the car on our way home. When they play self invented games together. When one of my kids jumps in, to help another kid before I get a chance to. When I watch them watching TV, hanging upside down on the couch. When one of the kids says or does something silly and we laugh until our bellies hurt. That is the other side. A moment that takes my breath away, times three.
How many kids do you have? What are your challenges, and what are your blessings?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog from our writer in the Netherlands and mother of three, Mirjam.
The photograph used in this post is attributed to the author.
Mirjam
Mirjam was born in warm, sunny Surinam, but raised in the cold, rainy Netherlands. She´s the mom of three rambunctious beauties and has been married for over two decades to the love of her life. Every day she´s challenged by combining the best and worst of two cultures at home. She used to be an elementary school teacher but is now a stay at home Mom. In her free time she loves to pick up her photo camera. Mirjam has had a life long battle with depression and is not afraid to talk about it. She enjoys being a blogger, an amateur photographer, and loves being creative in many ways. But most of all she loves live and laughter, even though sometimes she is the joke herself. You can find Mirjam (sporadically) at her blog Apples and Roses where she blogs about her battle with depression and finding beauty in the simplest of things. You can also find Mirjam on Twitter and Instagram.
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Hi-5 from another mom of three! My kids are 7, 4 and 8 months. I could relate so much to this post! Thanks for writing it! 🙂
Hi Tina,
Thank you for reading it!
7, 4 and 8 months, say no more..
Those ages are wonderful by the way. You are so blessed, even if the blessing is being thrown upon you from three buckets at the same time, haha!
Yes! This is exactly what having three children looks and feels like! Wonderful, beautiful post!
Thank you!
Fellow Mom of three (I presume..)
I’ve got 3 as well – two boys and a girl. They are 14, 11 and 8. Good times!
So you have two teens! It must be wonderfully chaotic at your house.
I can relate, although I ‘only’ have two, 4 and 7 years old. With their special needs, I believe they feel like three, at least…
I would love to have a third one, but our commons sense says no. It took us too long to find our balance. We can’t risk another earthquake, shifting relations in our family to the worse before it eventually becomes better. I can imagine having e third child to love dearly, but I just can’t imagine how I would cope with having a third one to drive to hospitals and professors and psychologists. I can’t have a third one to worry about…
I really liked your ER-episode analogy. Yes! That IS what it is like!
Thank you!
I absolutely understand this.
We had balance after two, we were happy and doing well. We did not think long enough before having a third child. In hindsight, I would definitely hesitate. I had a horrible pregnancy followed by postpartum depression. My sister often says that having a third kid nearly destroyed me. It is a good thing that I didn’t know what was in front of me. My third kid is so special to me, she has brought so much joy into our lives from day one. She’s so cheerful and joyous and funny and smart.
Would I jump again, if I had to do it all over? Would I risk the earthquake again? If I look towards the earthquake, I would not. If I look at my daughter, I think I would jump again.
Not to make things hard on you! I’m just sharing.
If you are at peace with your decision, you are doing the right thing.
I hear you! I wrote almost exactly the same thing on my blog, about the question ‘was it all worth it?’
http://pepafeti.wordpress.com/2013/07/03/worth/
I’m grateful we don’t get the chance to trace back our steps and make the decision again…
I hear you!
I wrote about the exact same feeling on my blog, some time ago, considering ‘was it all worth it?’
http://pepafeti.wordpress.com/2013/07/03/worth/
That’s why we don’t get to trace back our steps and make the decision again!
Mirjam, I also have 3 kids (aged 9, almost 3 and almost 1!) and your post describes it perfectly! 🙂
My kids are 4, 8 and 11. I actually love the fact that you have to be a little ‘schizofrenic’ to adapt to the different ages.
And, Oh my Gosh, enjoy that little one, they grow up even faster when they have siblings!
This post is a perfect depiction of life as a mother to multiple children in general – especially the ER analogy! Lately I have been feeling as if I might want a baby again, esp now that mine are 3 and 7, and they have been asking for a baby. My husband and I agreed when our second was born that we were done. One of each sex, each one so special and wonderful that there couldn’t be anything lacking….. but yet, I can’t help but long for another. Your post might have been what I needed to slap some sense into my brain – I can’t barely handle the two that I have, plus all of the other commitments that I have (work, managing the home, fundraising/volunteering, doctors visits, after school activities, and everything else that goes along with it)…. Yes, I think I am fine with the family that I have 🙂
Thanks for helping me realize this Mirjam!
I did not mean to slap anyone, lol!
I was at that place once, one of each sex, the perfect little balanced family, and yet that longing for another baby wouldn’t leave me alone.
Well, it’s a life of chaos now, at least the chaos has an adorable face and prances around in a pink tutu most days 😉
I grew up the oldest of three and I can totally relate to your post. My mom says it was different for her because she was a stay-at-home mom. As a mom working full-time out of the home, after I had #2, I knew that if I had a #3, it would throw me over the edge. We have that “balance” K10K mentions, I coudn’t stand to lose it — and you’ve just confirmed that for me Mirjam 🙂
I seam to have scared a few people with my post, lol!
Balance is wonderful and if your heart is content, then your family is perfect the way it is, right?
I use to live in The Netherlands too with three kids. Now four kids later I’m in Sweden and loving life even more. I remember those non-stop days you described so well, but having a four year old and an eleven and fourteen and seventeen year old is fantastic. I no longer have the hectic life with little ones underfoot all day, yet I can still have those cuddle moments and joys with my youngest daughter.