Living in a developing country and being blessed enough to be able to work, provide for your family and get by, is considered lucky.
In Tanzania people are considered poor when their consumption is below than the national poverty line. Consumption includes all goods that are bought, as well as those produced and consumed at home. This includes food, household equipment, clothing, personal effects, personal care, recreation, cleaning, domestic services, contributions, fuel, petrol and soap.
Over the years, I have always had a sense of responsibility and felt the urgency to work towards bridging gaps in poverty, through advocating for education and engaging in activities, big and small, in sectors like health and social change in an attempt to bridge this gap.
After having my daughter, I understand the notion that every parent wants the very best for their child. It does not escape me how truly blessed we have been to be able to provide for her. What I’m struggling with now is excess, conservation as well as teaching her to understand that she really is no different than another young girl from the other side of town who does not have the luxury of being able to enjoy three healthy meals a day and who cannot afford to go to school. I hope to be able to awaken this sense of responsibility towards poverty and the gaps in society in my daughter.
One evening, I came home after a visit to a school in Dodoma, the country’s capital, where I had been working to raise funds for building a girls’ hostel. These students were going through horrors every day; from 16 kilometer walks to and from school, to living in deplorable conditions, to being subject to burglary and rape. It was really weighing in on me.
I walked in to find my younger brother and my daughter watching TV with the sound on really loud. She was playing a game on the iPad and lights were on all around the house. Excess. They had just had dinner and both seemed to be almost just laying there. or me that was a turning point. Things had to change. Scaling down was imminent.
High on our agenda these days is use of only what we need. Above all is practicing gratitude. When she is old enough to understand, I will introduce her to the reality of the way things are in the world.
It really strikes me though, time and time again, just how different lives are. Not to bite the hand that feeds me, but it seems almost unfair that some have so much while others have so little. What makes us special to be the “Haves” and them the “Have Nots”?
My struggle these days is just to try and get it.
What are your thoughts? How do you teach your kids about giving back?
This is an original post by Nancy Sumari from Tanzania. You can find more of her writing at Mama Zuri.
Photo credit to Wheeler Cowperthwaite
I’m having this kind of ‘we don’t really NEED this’ conversation with my two kids A LOT lately. Especially when their peers do have ‘this’. My husband and I have always been quite impulsive in what we buy, but since having children we feel we have to give them the message that you don’t need to buy something just because you càn when it catches your eye.
Now, when they ‘really really’ want something, we put it on a list. And we make them decide where it is ranked on this list. When their birthday or another gift-event comes close, we go through the list and they decide whether the wannahave on top is still what they want most. It helps them realize that what they want to have on a certain moment, might fade. Really fast!
I also allowed my son to make a ‘mistake’ with his saving money. A dino-robot he really wanted to have. He bought it, it has cost all his saving, but he barely plays with it, just like we predicted. We encouraged him to sell it, but he doesn’t want to, because he doesn’t want to cause another child to feel duped like he did… Lesson learned!
With our adopted daughter, it has been more difficult, for us. We really struggled not to spoil her, but we learned fast that giving her everything what she wanted, wouldn’t make up for what she missed in the orphanage. A tough lesson it was, on ourselves.
It is not easy. I think that apart from our own example, kids are very much influenced by their peers and television.
My 7 year old just yesterday wanted 2 shekels (less than a dollar) for something she didn’t need. I said no, she doesn’t need it and she said, but it’s only 2 shekels. To which I replied 2 shekels and 2 shekels and 2 shekels and 2 shekels…all add up.
I think the big thing to remember is that just because there are others who don’t have does not mean that we should not have. That said, having, comes with responsibility, to give of your time and money or even expertise to someone else for whom it can make a difference.
I live in South Africa in a “middle-class” suburb. “Haves and Have Nots” are very prevalent here – but then it’s actually the same all over the world! In Italy there are many families who live in their cars and are GRATEFUL they HAVE a car (even if it doesn’t run because they can’t afford petrol – it’s better than no shelter at all!).
We must stop thinking that only people in Africa or people of different ethnic origins are the ones who belong to the “Have Not” group! “There but for the Grace of God go I” – I say this not because I’m religious, but because it is WAY too easy to think that “it can’t happen to me or MY family” … but it CAN and sometimes DOES!
My family is blessed because we have never gone hungry and have never lacked a roof over our heads (even though, at times, said roof was shared with my grandparents who helped us financially). From a very young age (admittedly also from necessity) my children learnt the difference between NEEDS and WANTS. They soon learnt that their needs would always be taken care of somehow, but wants required extra work and (sometimes) were simply not possible. Whenever they asked for something, I’d ask them “Is it a need or is it a want?” Most of the time they knew the right answer straight away. Eventually they would preface the request with “I know I don’t really need it, but would it be possible?” Then we’d try to find a way to make it possible. 🙂
My son is 21 and takes care of all his wants with money he earns himself. My daughter will be 18 in May and she (together with most of the other students in her High School Art Class) managed to raise the funds needed for a 10 day trip to Europe. It took them 2 years of planning (and fundraising in as many imaginative ways as possible) but they did it!! This amazing, once-in-a-lifetime experience is all the more special because THEY did it! They worked hard and made it happen. I’m convinced that it would not have been as meaningful if us parents had simply paid for it.
Check out the Facebook page Mhs Art Euro Tour 2014 (that my daughter started in 2012 for fundraising purposes). It is now being updated with pictures of the group in Amsterdam, Paris and Euro Disney with Provence and Rome to follow! Guess who’s a really proud mom! 🙂
This is such an important conversation to have, and at a young age as well! Very well done, Nancy! Zuri may be old enough to see some of these realities and remember them as she grows up. Maybe a lightly presented situation when walking from a store or house to a car and you happen to see a small girl who is sitting on the road and begging. If Zuri was to look at her, I would use the opportunity to stop walking and talk with Zuri about this reality.
As far as I go I’ve been against TV in the child’s room, I’ve tried to implent a max of two things at a time, making sure we stop to read a book or do some art or play outside, and if we want to just be on our phones and tablets, to do some research or do something that helps other people (long or short run).
All in all I think it can be hard to know a true balance and practice it well enough to teach it.