I was blindsided.
It was Family Day, or Yom Hamishpacha, as it’s called in Hebrew. The day that somehow ended up replacing Mother’s Day here in Israel. My youngest was so proud of the card she had made for my husband and me. She had colored pictures of balloons, and had written all the words on her own.
I smiled as I read lines of “To my dear family, all the things I want you fulfill,” and, “I love my siblings and I’m happy to be with you.”
The sucker punch came at the end.
“I want to wish for health for all the sick people in the world so that my mom can stay home with me.”
Ouch. A heartfelt painful dagger to the heart. I was caught off guard. She had never said anything to me about not wanting me to work.
I work part-time, only three days a week. I’m a nurse in outpatient oncology. I do important work, fulfilling work. I work because my salary makes a difference in our finances. I work because if I don’t work, it’s that much harder to get back into it when you do want to work.
And yes, there are days when I wish I didn’t have to work. There are also many days when I’m glad I do work. Yet like every working mother, I’m constantly tormented by the demands of both worlds and with the impossibility of finding balance. I think the emotional and mental balance is even harder to find than the physical, task-related balance.
And then, when I think I’ve found that precarious balance, I get hit by innocent words, words pleading for more love and attention than I’ve been giving.
All I can do is accept what is, and try harder. Try harder to be true to my needs and to give those I love what they need.
The question is how.
Any tips?
This is a post original to World Moms Blog. Photo credit to the author.
Susie Newday (Israel)
Susie Newday is a happily-married American-born Israeli mother of five. She is an oncology nurse, blogger and avid amateur photographer. Most importantly, Susie is a happily married mother of five amazing kids from age 8-24 and soon to be a mother in law. (Which also makes her a chef, maid, tutor, chauffeur, launderer...) Susie's blog, New Day, New Lesson, is her attempt to help others and herself view the lessons life hands all of us in a positive light. She will also be the first to admit that blogging is great free therapy as well. Susie's hope for the world? Increasing kindness, tolerance and love. You can also follow her Facebook page New Day, New Lesson where she posts her unique photos with quotes as well as gift ideas.
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Sending big hugs your way – I know EXACTLY how you feel Susie! I thought I had found the balance, I work from home 1day a week, and dintbwork on Fridays, which means that I am only out if the house 3days a week. I thought it was a good balance until…. my 8 year old told my mom that he loves the days when I am home when he comes home from school and wishes it could be like that everyday. The one thing that I can think of that helps me get through it (besides the financial benefit) is that I know if I didn’t work at all I would go mad and probably not be a good mother to my children. I take comfort in the fact that I am setting a good example to my children (that a woman is just as important as a man in the workplace and can bring home a salary just as well). The fact that I an with my children 4 days a week is a gift that many other working moms don’t have.
Hi Susie!
I think you have great balance — 3 days a week. Does any of the time overlap while she’s at school? Right now I am trying to get everything done — the work on World Moms Blog — done while my youngest is in school. It is never enough — she makes it very clear that she’d rather stay home than go to school, although once at school, she is happy. I feel like I can’t win, either!! lol And once at home, she begs to watch tv!
I think having her at preschool while I get errands and work done makes me a better mother during the time she does have me. We all need an outlet and then we can meet back up energized.
I say just talk to her about it. Maybe take a day off, if possible, to let her know that you are taking her request seriously, even though it is important for you to work.
Jen 🙂
Is there any of us that can answer this question?
Balancing work and family is hard.
I have done it all, I have worked full time, part time and I have stayed at home. And I have always been conflicted in some way.
I think that balance is personal. It is all about what makes and your child happy. As long as you find enough time to spend with your child in between it all, you are doing a good job.