From the pages of a Mother’s Diary
“There are times when it’s easy to lose sight of the fact that my husband and I are blessed to have Abhishek as our child!” I recently said , to a close friend.
You might initially assume that these are the words of a proud parent and that the child is an achiever in the worldly sense of the term. Yes, every child is an achiever in their own way; but the special gifts that every child brings into the lives of their parents are much more meaningful than mere achievements.
The early years:
When Abhi was a toddler and composed tiny poems about Nature, we nick-named him “sunflower” to reflect the innocence and sheer joie de vivre that he expressed at every waking moment. We felt humbled and awed by the fact that this trusting little soul had chosen us to participate in his quest for meaning, to share his curiosity and to gaze at the world with eyes filled with wonder. When we were with him, we found it easy to brush away the dust of old “has-been’s” and “should be’s”. We shrugged off pre-judged notions of what things ought to be, what fun is supposed to look like, what work truly means. We learned to become child-like again. His easy take on life restored our hope in fellow human beings. His intense love for “all creatures big and small” reminded us about how truly interconnected we all are in the fabric of life. Most of all, his trust made us want to be the kind of people he would look up to.
“Practice, don’t preach” became a necessary rule to live by.
Over the years:
As the years rolled by, and the toddler grew into a tween and then a teen, we realized just how much we had learned, thanks to him. One kind of learning was the ability to see the world through his eyes – uncompromising, clear and yet optimistic about the future. The other, more subtle kind of learning was related to our role as parents; were we living the truth of everything that we asked him to be and do? We were not just messengers of a message, we WERE the message.
From the pages of the family album – Unbridled joy in the tiniest of things – who better than a child to teach an adult about this?
A debt to our children:
Could it be that as parents we owe a debt to our children, far greater than what is ever imagined or acknowledged? Our children teach us all about trust, faith, patience and pure, unsullied joy. If we are willing to learn, they teach us what unconditional love is all about. And through our interaction with them, we explore the boundaries of our physical, mental and emotional reserves; learning to stretch ourselves to meet the ever-changing challenges that they bring to our lives. From being self-contained adults, we move to a higher, more intense realm of thinking, feeling and being.
Parents – not just givers, but receivers too:
Perhaps parenting is looked upon as an almost overwhelming responsibility because the focus is frequently on the need to give, give…sigh… and give some more. Granted that the axis of one’s life changes forever when children arrive. One learns, perhaps for the first time, to put someone else first. When we pause to take stock of all that we receive; the joys, the learnings, the richness that imbues everyday moments and makes them into cherished memories, parenting seems like a special gift. A privilege granted by the universe. Hence it would not be incorrect to say: Our children make us into better people!
You’ve left me with some things to think about, and which may change the way I behave towards my child. Perhaps as parents, we always think of ourselves as the giver, as the ones with responsibilities, and this creates a power structure? But like you said, we are receivers too. Besides the many lessons that our children teach us, they give us a second chance at childhood and also at life when we try to be better versions of ourselves for them!
Indeed, yes! We usually think of parenting in terms of responsibility to do, to give, but often lose sight of what it means to receive so much from them. 🙂
I totally agree. I feel very blessed that my son and daughter chose me to be their mother. My son is 23 years old now. Two years ago he emigrated to Germany (we live in South Africa). He’s already married and has a step-daughter. My daughter is 20 years old and (thank God) still lives at home with us whilst she’s studying for a BA in Visual Communications. My children (who are no longer children) are as different from each other as night and day. They have each taught me very different things, in fact they still do. I totally believe that they have made me a better person. There’s a saying that “when you know better you do better”. As parents , we strive to keep learning and to keep making a positive difference in the world…starting with our own family. 🙂
Hi Simona,
What a lovely, rich journey of learning it would have been for you, and it must continue to be for you! 🙂 And the fact that your son and daughter are very different would again be bringing fresh perspectives! Though of course, there are times when we greet a mom-situation with exasperation, only to realize much later, the hidden gems those moments carried…:)
I love the way you look at things Piya. We tend to think that parenting is all about giving. But when we step back and take time to look at our kids and the way they do interact with us and the world, we see that they are giving us so much too. We both grow on the path.
Hello Marie,
Thank you for your thoughtful comments! Yes, it is really about growing and walking together on the path…And maybe when we learn to see (it took me a long while! :)) how we are enriched by the learning, it brings so much gratitude into our lives…
Hi Simona,
What a lovely, rich journey of learning it would have been for you, and it must continue to be for you! 🙂 And the fact that your son and daughter are very different would again be bringing fresh perspectives! Though of course, there are times when we greet a mom-situation with exasperation, only to realize much later, the hidden gems those moments carried…:)
I feel wiser because I also get to see the world sometimes through my children’s eyes. It’s true though. I often always feel like the giver, but when you step back and look at the bigger picture, it is so much more than that!
So true, Jennifer! There are moments one wonders, “Who is teaching whom, here?!” 🙂 And at a deeper level, we grow so much in this journey, that we are actually indebted to the little souls who arrive in our lives! 🙂